Chapter 17 #2
Juliet and Mollie are watching something on Mollie’s phone. Juliet smiles and squeezes Mollie’s arm. From Mollie’s answering smile, I gather that Juliet is praising her. Mollie’s whole face glows.
At least somebody’s kicking ass and taking names when it comes to their job today.
I watch a few minutes more when Mollie appears at my elbow. "You feeling okay?"
"I’m fine," I answer gently. “Just had a tough first day back.”
I’m not fine, not remotely. But if I unleash even a little bit right here, I’ll scream. My dad, Naomi, Kuznetsov. There’s no winning.
She looks at me the way she does sometimes, the way that strips the golden boy right off me and leaves whatever is underneath. How does she do that?
"Really? It seemed like you were at the head of the pack in every drill." Mollie wrinkles her nose. “And you know I get paid to pay attention to these things.”
"Maybe it’s just first day jitters,” I say with a shrug.
She waits a moment before asking, "Is it the Naomi thing?"
I look at her sharply. "How do you know about that?"
"Indie sent me the link." She keeps her voice even. "I'm sorry. That's a lot to process on the first day of camp."
I don't say anything.
"And then Cross pairs you with the someone that’s been all but blacklisted. Someone who is capable of playing center," she continues. "So you've just been standing here turning into a human thundercloud while everyone else gets on with their day."
I try not to look as stormy as I feel inside. "Kuznetsov is bad news for my career. It’s obvious."
"Thorne." She tilts her head. “You don’t know what the plan is for Kuznetsov. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re losing your position.”
I pick up my water bottle. "I just don't like him."
"Because he's good?"
“Because he’s a violent psychopath.”
She nods. "Cross wouldn’t have brought him on if he didn’t trust him not to go around crushing people." She purses her lips.
“That’s true,” I admit. "He was flirting with you this morning, though."
"He was being friendly." She almost smiles. "There's a difference."
"Not always."
"In this case." She tucks her phone into her pocket. "He asked me about the content series. That's it. I'm going to be filming him the same way I film you. And if you're going to be weird about it every time I point a camera at him, this is going to be a very long season."
She's right. Damn it, I know she's right. I'm still standing here being weird about it.
"The Naomi thing," I say finally. "It just confirms something I've been trying not to think about."
"What's that?"
I look at her, standing there in her Converse and her Havoc pullover with her hair coming loose from its tie.
She’s completely unaware of what she does to me, what she's been doing to me all summer.
The way she makes my house feel like somewhere I want to be.
The coffee she leaves for me when she's up before me.
The way she argues with the television. The way she laughs when Gordie does something extra derpy.
I've been pretending all summer that this is manageable. That it's still just a crush, just proximity, just wanting someone I can't have. But it isn't that anymore.
The Naomi thing confirms it. My dad saw something in my ex and decided to take it, and I don’t even care. I'm standing here, looking at Mollie, thinking I would burn the whole world down before I let anyone take her from me.
God, I need to tell her how I feel. Or maybe ask her to be my girlfriend. At least that way I would know where I stand with her. My world will feel less like it shifting stand disappearing under my feet if I have Mollie in my corner.
Her eyes narrow. She knows I'm deflecting.
She's been living in my house for months; she knows every version of me by now, in a way that nobody else does.
"Okay. But when you want to talk about it, I'm there.
" She starts to walk away and then turns back.
"I've been thinking about looking for an apartment, by the way.
Camp starting means the season's starting, which means I'll have more income coming in.
I can probably find something decent if I start looking now. "
Something cold moves through me. "Don't."
She raises an eyebrow. "Don't look for an apartment?"
"Don't move out. I…" Desperate, I glance at her. What do I do to fix this?
Tell Beck that I’m love with his sister? I’ll do it.
She stares at me. "Thorne."
"What if you never had to move?"
She blinks. Then she hits my shoulder with the heel of her hand, not hard, just enough to ground us both. "You're being weird again."
"I know. Just say you won’t move out."
"We'll talk about it later." But she's not quite meeting my eyes, and her cheeks are pink, and she's already walking away, phone out, back to work. Back to being professional, back to filming Kuznetsov run edge drills on the far end of the ice.
I watch her go, my heart feeling like it’s two sizes too big for my chest. Today has been a shit show of epic proportions, but at least I’ve got one thing.
I’m going to make Mollie my girlfriend.