Chapter 19 #3
"Fire him. As soon as I can afford to." I lean against the counter, suddenly exhausted. "But he's got his hooks into me deep. Deals in motion, endorsements that'll fall through if I walk away. He built a cage around me. I hate that I didn't even notice until I was already locked inside."
She moves close enough that I can smell her shampoo, that lavender and eucalyptus that's become familiar. "You'll figure it out. You're smarter than he is."
"Am I?" The question comes out sounding bitter and self-loathing. "Right now it feels like I'm drowning and he's the one holding my head under water."
Her hand finds mine on the counter. She twines her fingers with mine. Hers are small and warm and steady in a way that makes my chest ache.
The contact hits me like a physical blow. I haven't let anyone hold my hand since I was a kid. It's too intimate, too vulnerable. It feels like admitting I need something.
But Scout's fingers lace through mine like it's the most natural thing in the world and suddenly I can't remember why I've been avoiding this.
Her palm is warm against mine, her grip firm but gentle.
Every point where our skin connects sends heat radiating up my arm.
I want to pull her closer, wrap her entire body against mine, feel her everywhere.
Fuck, I want to hold her hand like this all the time. Walking down the street, sitting on the couch, falling asleep at night. The simple touch grounds me in a way I didn't know I needed. It makes me feel less alone for the first time in years.
Something in my chest eases. Not much, just enough to let me breathe a little deeper.
"My mom did the same thing," I hear myself say. The words just fall out, bypassing every filter I usually keep in place. "Built a cage. She stole from me and Hunter for years. We didn't even know until it was too late."
Scout's fingers tighten around mine. "Silas..."
"She was our agent. Our mother. The person who was supposed to protect us and look out for our interests.
" I stare at our joined hands because I can't look at her face while saying this.
"And she robbed us blind. Embezzled millions from our accounts over the years, forged signatures, created fake investment accounts. The whole nine yards."
"I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. She made her choices." I force myself to meet her eyes.
"She's in federal prison now. Fraud, embezzlement, tax evasion.
They threw the book at her. Hunter lost millions before we caught it.
I lost less, but only because I didn't trust her as much as he did.
Even then, she got away with plenty before we figured it out. "
Understanding flashes across Scout's face. "That's why you keep everyone at a distance. I wondered why you didn't let people in."
"It’s one of the reasons." My voice comes out raw. "She taught me something valuable. People you trust can hurt you worse than anyone else. Because you let them get close. You give them access to the vulnerable parts and they use it to take everything you have."
She steps even closer. I can feel her warmth radiating through the space between us. "I'm not your mother. And I'm sure as hell not Enzo. I'm not here to take anything from you."
"I know that."
Scout pulls a face. Is that why you put up with Enzo?"
The question catches me off guard. "What?"
"He knows. About your mom, I mean. Does he use it against you?”
Fuck. She's too smart. Of course she figured it out. I nod my head, expelling a breath.
"If it gets out, the endorsements start asking questions. They'll wonder about my judgment when my own mother stole from me." I shake my head. "Star player gets robbed by his own mother. Great headline."
"You're a victim. She's a criminal."
“Yeah, well. The media won't see it that way."
"I see it that way." Her voice turns fierce. "You can't let him hold that over you forever. You deserve better."
"I know. Shit.” I rub a hand over my face.
Scout's free hand comes up, cups my jaw with a gentleness that undoes me. "Let me in. Just a little bit? See what happens."
I should pull away. I've worked so hard to keep the walls up where they've always been and keep her at a safe distance where she can't reach the parts of me that are too damaged to fix.
But her eyes are so warm and steady. And I'm so goddamn tired of being alone with everything.
"I'm not good at this," I whisper.
"At what?"
"Letting people in. Trusting anyone with anything that matters."
"I know." She smiles but it's small and sad. "You've said as much. Listen, I'm not great at it either."
"Why not? You're good with everyone. You make it look easy."
She takes a breath that shakes on the exhale.
"Because Enzo spent five years systematically destroying my self-worth.
He made me feel like I was too much and not enough at the same time.
Clingy, but not interesting enough to keep his attention.
Helpful, but not accomplished enough to be proud of.
Present, but not pretty enough to stay faithful to.
" Her voice shakes. "I gave him everything I had.
And he still cheated. He still left me. He made me feel like I was fundamentally broken. "
Rage floods through me, hot and immediate and focused. "You're not broken. He's a fucking idiot who couldn't see what he had."
"Maybe." She shrugs one shoulder. "Or maybe I'm just not what men want."
I growl, "That's complete bullshit."
"Is it? Because I've been living here for weeks and you still won't even look at me half the time. You push me away every time we get close. I keep thinking that you feel the pull that I feel too, but I’m always wrong. So maybe Enzo was right about me all along."
The accusation lands like a fist to my chest. Because she's right. I have been avoiding her, keeping her at arm's length, pretending I don't want her when I think about her constantly. Scout's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep.
My voice is gone to gravel as I say, "I look at you."
"Not like you mean it."
"Scout..." I run out of words. So I kiss her instead, brushing her lips with mine, bringing her close. Under my hands, she's all woman. Flared hips, ripe tits, and the sweetest taste imaginable.
This kiss is slow, more deliberate than the one we shared on Vashon Island.
A promise, instead of just a claim. She melts into me immediately, hands fisting in my shirt, making a small sound against my mouth that goes straight to my chest and lodges there.
Her taste is so heady that my hands tremble with the urge to crush her against me and plunder her mouth.
When I pull back, she's breathless and flushed and absolutely perfect.
"I look at you," I say again. My words are quieter this time and a hell of a lot more honest. "All the fucking time. I look at you and I want things I have no right to want."
Scout's lips are glossy, pink, and parted. She looks up at me like I'm someone worth talking to. "What kind of things?"
"You. This. A future where I'm not so damaged that I destroy everything good that gets close to me."
Her eyes shine with tears she's trying not to let fall. "You're not damaged, Si."
"I am." I rest my forehead against hers, breathing her in. "But maybe you're a little broken too. Maybe two broken people can figure out how to be less broken together."
She chuckles. "Two broken people trying to figure their shit out. Sounds like a complete disaster."
"Probably."
"Definitely."
My heart pounds. "How about we don't think about any of that right now?"
She pulls back just enough to look at me properly. "Okay, big man. We can do that."
God, when she calls me big man, I can't refuse her anything. So I kiss her again. Softer this time, sweeter. It feels fucking great.
And for the first time in years, maybe ever, I let myself believe that maybe this could work. It's entirely possible that I can have her and hockey, too. Maybe I can let her in without destroying everything. I can be the man she deserves instead of the broken thing I've always been.
Maybe.