30. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
VERONICA
There’s a saying my mother told me when things got hard.
“The sun always comes up after the moon goes down.”
She was in love with the symbolism of the very different times of day. Even in the darkest times, Lilith could see the brightest outcome. It’s a trait I wish I had right now; because, how can I see the sun come up when the moon keeps me in the shadows?
Sebastian was always the sun. Honey eyes and olive skin. I was the moon. Dark eyes and ivory skin.
In theory, we are perfect, complete opposites, that somehow fit together.
In reality, it is a disaster waiting to happen.
The past few weeks I’ve been avoiding the much-needed conversation with Sebastian…
truly, running from him in general. I’m a master at running away.
Georgina reminds me daily, that part of me never changed.
When things became too real, I fled. It was a natural instinct for me, one I was pretty sure I’d never grow out of.
Nasty habits once harmless, now grown into something much bigger.
I wish I figured that out a long time ago.
When it comes to fighting for what I believe is right, especially when it comes to someone I love, I’m fiercely ready to go to war. When it comes to fighting for myself...well, that is a different story.
No one fought for me, not really. I knew my mother always tried to, but she was also the one who taught me to run, to hide.
She did it to keep me safe. Uncle Thomas tried to do the same thing, but he was no better.
So now, instead of doing what I came here to do, I’m running.
Hiding instead of facing the greatest fear of my life.
Being considered the help in Sebastian’s eyes hurts.
Being rejected by him altogether broke something.
If anyone thinks I won’t stay locked away in my private room of simple luxury, they are sadly mistaken. I have everything I need within the four walls, and I’m brought my meals. Why would I possibly need to leave?
All of my previous duties and responsibilities vanished as soon as the doctor said I was pregnant. I’m no longer running insane errands for Sebastian – making his espresso, changing his sheets. My only orders are to keep myself healthy so the baby can thrive as it grows inside me.
It’s easy enough. I survived without food for days back in the village, so I’m more than capable of surviving with everything at my disposal. Especially when I’m checked on every hour by either Addie or Georgina. Sometimes Missy comes to visit when she isn’t running around for Sebastian.
Yes, Missy.
Innocent, naive, sweet Missy is Sebastian’s new handmaid.
Even though I don’t want to know how Sebastian is doing, I can’t stop myself from asking the red-haired girl a million and one questions.
She’s always hesitant when answering. I can tell she doesn’t want to cross any boundaries with her position, but also doesn’t want me to be more upset than I already am.
Thankfully, once I reassure her that knowing is the only way I'll keep my sanity, she reluctantly shares everything I want to know. It’s comforting to know he is just as off as I am.
She said he is quieter than usual, as if he is in a different world.
His eyes are duller and he’s always standing by a window.
Missy might not understand why he stares out the windows, but I do.
Deep inside, Sebastian is still the little boy I grew up with.
His comfort is the same as mine. The beauty of peonies and lilies, roses, and fresh, tart raspberries.
The harmony of crickets and chattering finches.
The smell of fresh clipped bushes and wild lavender mixed with soft breezes and warm sunlight.
That is where Sebastian’s mind is, where he hides himself.
I know this, because I sit by the window all day, imagining I’m lying in the grass below. The difference between me and Sebastian; I enjoy the garden most at night.
Only then, is the area completely transformed into something magical, unworldly. The sky is littered with stars, not to mention the soft flashes of fireflies that gravitate around the flowers. Everything outside of the palace is quiet, and in those moments the world is in complete and total bliss.
Nothing matters out there. There is no fear, no responsibilities.
Only us.
“How are you feeling?” Georgina asks, her voice rippling through my imaginary world beyond the room. She closes the door with a soft click.
I haven’t seen her all day. Usually she brings up dinner, but tonight it was Missy, which is strange, but I don’t ask why. Georgina is in charge of the rest of the staff, she can’t be everywhere at once, even if I, selfishly, want her company the most.
“Oh, you know, fantastic.” Her lips twitch and I can’t help the smile that creeps over my face. We meet in the middle of the room and the warmth of her palms against my cheeks immediately comforts my nerves. I can tell that she is searching for something; she won’t get it out of me.
Whatever it is. Georgina doesn’t push, she takes my hand and leads me from my room. I follow her blindly, trusting the woman unconditionally. For all I know, she could lead me into a deadly pit, but Georgina would never harm me.
It’s a comfortable silence, her hand cupping my own to ground me as always. The anxiety that normally brews in the pit of my stomach, doesn’t form, though I know where she is taking me. It was only a matter of time before she forced us to reconcile.
Honestly, I was surprised by how long it has been. Sebastian left with his father and returned a few days later only to be avoidant another week. I was, selfishly, thankful he wasn’t around, because it meant I didn’t need to have the dreaded conversation.
Sebastian’s door is open, waiting for me.
I take in a breath, before Georgina reassuringly nudges me inside, closing the door behind me.
Just as Missy said, Sebastian stands outside, staring into the garden from his spot on the balcony.
He doesn’t speak; neither do I. How can we?
The friction between us hangs heavily in the air but no words can take back what was said. Sebastian knows it.
So, I do what I do best.
I wing it.
Without thinking, I’m past him and maneuvering myself over the balcony.
The slippers abandoned on the floor, my bare feet allowing more traction as I make my way down the lattice.
It’s overgrown with vines, but I continue my descent until I feel soft blades of grass tickling the undersides of my feet.
At first Sebastian looks startled, his honey eyes wide with an overflow of emotions.
Those expressions quickly morph into one of amusement.
His jaw flexes and he shakes his head before he swings his legs over the railing, climbing down with caution.
Heights aren’t his strong suit and I’m honestly shocked he didn’t need any coaxing.
I wait silently and point to the leather shoes on his feet.
His eyebrow quirks with a snort. Removing the shoes, leaves him proudly before me in a pair of pristine white socks.
My head tilts and I nod to the socks; his shoulders sag slowly.
So thathasn’t changed. For whatever reason, Sebastian and dirt didn’t get along.
He hates his feet being dirty, even though he can easily wash them.
“Seriously?” Sebastian groans.
“Dead serious,” I reply, earning a shake of his head.
The socks drop to the ground, much to Sebastian’s displeasure, but I just know the grass beneath his bare feet is liberating. Something as simple as freeing toes onto the earth… it’s oddly satisfying. He won’t admit it, but his face tells me I’m right.
Sebastian reaches for my hand, but I’m already heading into the darkness. I can hear his sigh through the night air followed by soft wisps of him trailing behind me.
With each step into the garden, my heart picks up the pieces from its shattered state and Sebastian follows close behind, carefully threading the needle to sew it back together.