43. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
VERONICA
Being alone wasn’t something I have ever been afraid of.
From a young age, I knew the people I loved wouldn’t be there forever.
My father remains a stranger to me, I don’t even know if he’s still alive…
I couldn’t even tell you his name. My mother passed away when I was six, then my uncle when I was eleven.
No one I loved stayed alive, they always left me.
Selfishly, I thought coming back to the palace would help me break that cycle, even though I was completely fine in my little home with Gareth. Now I’m more alone than I could’ve imagined, and I can only blame myself.
“I have a request, Your Highness.” There is no amount of strength in me to keep the trembling out of my voice. “Two, if I may.”
Sophia is quiet for a moment, I don’t look at her. I can’t.
“What is it?” Her voice a whispered shake.
“There is a boy in the village. His name is Gareth Waterson. I would like him to be brought here, even if it is only a few hours.” I swallow, my fingers twitching by my sides.
“And your second request?”
I lift my eyes to meet hers. Any ounce of remorse I had left for the people in this palace vanishes. I can’t trust any of them, I’ve come to realize this.
“Never speak to me again.” My words are sharp, but even so, I don’t wait for her response.
Winter was brutal. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much snow, especially at once.
The weather prevented me from going outside , but I haven’t felt the need.
Not when Gareth has been here with me. I’ve never been more thankful to have him in my life.
Mary threw the world’s largest fit when Sophia said he was staying throughout the remainder of my pregnancy.
I know it was only an attempt to make amends, but I still haven’t spoken to her.
I want nothing to do with her, with anyone who resides inside the palace, really. Even Georgina I have kept at arm’s length. The only exception is Missy.
She thanks me every day.
Gareth sits by the window in one of the velvet chairs.
His ankle resting against his knee, elbow propped up on the arm rest where his fingers pick away at the wooden seam.
There are days where I hate how selfish it was to bring him here.
The last thing I want, is for him to be tangled up in this mess.
He tells me to stop apologizing or ignores me when I tell him he can leave, whenever he wants.
Secretly, I think he likes living in the palace for the time being.
Not to mention our little shack of a home would have been awful to stay in with all of the snow this year.
His hair is longer than before, it curls around his ears and flops over his forehead. The blue hues of his irises remain electric, warm. It’s strange seeing him in fitted trousers and button up shirts, so different from the dirtied pants and patchworked vests.
“Sun's out.” Gareth chimes, pulling me from my thoughts. His palms slap down on his thighs before he rises from the chair and steps toward me. “Let’s go outside, Vee. I can’t sit in here anymore; your pregnancy smell is getting to me.”
My eyes narrow and he grins with sheer delight.
“That isn’t even a thing, you ass.” I grunt, sliding myself until I’m sitting on the edge of the bed.
In front of me, Gareth takes my hands in his, to help me stand.
I swat away his help once I steady my feet, taking in a small breath to refill my lungs.
Any day now the twins should be here, that’s what Dr. Moore says anyway.
I’m hoping that’s true because I don’t think my stomach could get any bigger.
Everything is uncomfortable and I’m ready for them.
“It’s a thing, I can smell the baby pee now.” Gareth teases as he takes a step back to give me more room.
I pick up the soft white cardigan from the edge of the bed, pulling my arm through one of the sleeves before attempting the other.
My shoulders still when something warm runs down my thigh, I look down to see liquid pooling beneath my feet.
Panic flashes across my face, searing my veins as I snap my head up to look at Gareth.
He stares at the puddle, his blue eyes wide.
“I stand corrected, that’s your pee I smell.” Gareth manages, still unmoving.
“Gareth,” I gasp, my hands coming to rest on the underside of my swollen stomach. “Gareth, get Georgina. Get...” He’s out the door before I can finish.
Soft cries ring through the room, one girl and one boy.
An heir to the throne, a princess of the kingdom.
“You did so good,” Missy whispers to my right, her eyes bright and warm. I’m so thankful for her, especially as she presses the cool washcloth to my forehead, washing away the beads of sweat rolling down my face.
Once Gareth left, chaos broke out. I don’t remember all of it, everything is sort of a blur.
What I do remember is being brought into a different room, one that must have been set up just for the birth of the twins.
The windows in this room are open, allowing warm spring air to cycle throughout the space.
On the farthest wall from the door, I lie in an oversized bed. There are two bedside tables filled with pitchers of water and spare washcloths. I’d like to think there’s a bassinet or two on the other side of the room but I can’t see anything.
A curtain is draped over my middle, preventing sight from my breasts down. Dr. Moore is behind that curtain, but Georgina moves back and forth to make sure I’m alright. Whoever else is there, I don’t know.
I lift my eyes to the golden bar holding the curtain in place. I don’t need to look to know it extends the full length of the room. It’s purposeful, preventing me from seeing anything on the other side.
My chest aches, I want to see them.
Soft pressure continues to switch over different covered areas of my body.
I hear Dr. Moore’s voice but can’t make out what he’s saying.
I’m tired. I’m so tired. Georgina is shouting and there is something cold running into my veins.
Missy’s hand is no longer on my forehead and I want it back. Where did she go?
“You can’t do this!” Georgina’s panic thrums through the room. I can’t see her.
“I’m sorry.” Dr. Moore sounds sincere. I think so, at least.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” Gareth is shouting now. He wasn’t supposed to be in the room. He was outside of it before, wasn’t he. “Does she even know?!”
There are footsteps rushing in, I hear them, but I can’t move. My heart thrashes in my chest, but I can’t feel the panic or anxiety anymore. Items clatter to the floor behind the curtain. A silver tray, maybe.
My vision blurs, am I crying? I want to see the twins. I miss Sebastian.
I lift my eyes to see Missy staring down at me. She’s distorted, wispy around the edges but I can see her. She is staring down at me with those wide green eyes. The last thing I feel is the press of her lips to my forehead before my world goes black.
Ten Years Old
“Do you want a family?” Sebby asks out of nowhere.
We’ve been lying in the grass for hours, staring up at the clouds in the sky.
It’s so warm out but neither of us have any desire to move out of the sun.
My uncle has a bad cough, he’s had it a little while now.
Georgina told us to go play in the garden, but I think she is just trying to make sure we stay out of the kitchen.
Tomorrow is the queen’s birthday which means we get cake, but only if we’re good.
I tilt my head, the scratchy ends of the grass tickling against my cheek as I stare at Sebastian. We’re lying side by side, his hand holding mine. I think he knows I’m nervous about my uncle. He’s really good at picking up on how I’m feeling.
“Ronnie?” Sebby asks again, this time turning his face until our noses brush against each other. His honey eyes are soft, almost as warm as the sun.
“Huh?” I ask, feeling his warmth grow closer when he props himself up onto his elbow, rolling his body so he’s facing me.
“Do you want a family?” He repeats, watching me curiously. I frown at the question.
Did I want a family?
“I have a family.” I say, sitting up in a criss-cross fashion. “You, Georgina, Uncle Thomas.” My arm extends so I can point at the white kitten jumping in and out of the raspberry bushes. “Tomato.”
Sebastian laughs, rolling his eyes before he too is shifting to mimick my position and our knees touch.
His chestnut hair is a mess from lying in the grass for hours.
It sticks up in different directions, wavy and perfect.
The smile on his lips is crooked, my favorite of his smiles. This one is reserved for me.
“No, silly girl.” He laughs again, shaking his head as if it was obvious what he was asking. His eyes search my own, the slightest brush of pink on his sun-kissed cheeks. Is...he nervous? “Kids. Like us. Do you want them one day?”
The question has me staring at him in silence more than I realize. “I’m ten.” I finally say and he snorts with laughter before staring back up at the sky.
“I’m going to have a big family.” Sebby says with excitement, his smile growing on his lips. We settle back beside each other, fingers tangling together like usual. “Maybe we can still be a family when we get older too. I’d like that.” He continues.
I think I’d like that too.