Chapter 26
Hayden
I hadn’t planned to show up at Levi’s door unannounced, but Dominic and Elijah made it sound like a rescue mission. And when men like them throw around words like boyfriend obligation and best-friend intuition, I’m learning it’s easier to just show up.
Levi blinks at us from the doorway, dark circles clinging beneath his eyes.
“Don’t tell me you forgot about the polar plunge?” Dominic questions, waving his phone. “Come on…we’re kidnapping you.”
Levi groans. “You’re joking.”
“Not this time,” Elijah says. Then, softer, with a glance toward me like he’s asking for backup, “We’re all in agreement you could use some fun.”
Levi shifts, uncertainty etched into the line of his shoulders.
Before he can retreat, I step closer and pull him into a hug.
“You don’t have to do this,” I murmur near his ear.
“We’ll leave right now if you want. But…
and I can’t believe I’m saying this…it might feel good to do something reckless.
” The word feels unbelievably foreign on my lips.
“If you choose to do it, I’ll be right there. The whole time.”
He searches my face, testing me. I let him see the answer: I mean it. He exhales, lips twitching into the first true smile I’ve seen in days. “Guess you’re jumping too, then?”
“It would appear that way,” I say dryly, which only makes Dominic cheer. Inside, all I feel is relief.
Before we can change our minds, we’re crammed into Dominic’s car, heater blasting against frosted windows.
Dominic and Elijah squabble in the front seat about who’s going to chicken out first. Levi leans into my side, his head resting on my shoulder, eyes closed as if he’s soaking up the last bits of warmth.
I rest my hand over his, anchoring us both against the rattle of laughter from the front.
Within minutes, the lake, frozen at the edges, stretches out before us, dark and foreboding under the moonlight. And to my utter horror, there are people here. Many, many people.
Apparently, this isn’t just some ridiculous thing Levi does with his friends.
It’s an event. A tourist attraction for thrill seekers and boozy daredevils alike.
There are tents set up for changing, bistro lights strung along the snow-dusted path, and a massive bonfire already roaring off to the side.
My shadows curl around me, twitching and restless, as if sensing the impending shock. I’m struck by the absurdity. This is what I get for falling for a man who historically thrives on spontaneity. But with Levi, joy isn’t frivolous…it’s essential.
“I refuse to believe people willingly do this,” I mutter.
Levi grins, hooking an arm through mine. “It’s exhilarating.”
“You mean insane.”
“Same difference,” he chirps, tugging me toward the dock anyway.
Stripped down and shivering, we line up at the edge, the dock creaking beneath our bare feet, lantern light flickering over the frozen lake. Dominic and Elijah are making veiled threats about pushing the other first, their laughter loud against the night.
Beside me, Levi is quiet. His hand finds mine, cold fingers lacing through, clinging tight. His breath puffs white in the air, sharp and uneven, gaze locked on the water.
I squeeze his hand, coaxing his eyes back to mine. Moonlight sharpens the curve of his jaw, determination and fear twined together in his expression. He looks both breakable and unstoppable.
“On three?” he asks.
“We’ll do it together,” I tell him, my thumb brushing across his knuckles.
Something in him steadies at that. He nods, lips twitching into a small, devastating smile.
“One…two…three.”
And then it’s Levi who pulls us forward, his grip unyielding as we all leap into the dark.
The lake swallows us whole. My heart lurches as gravity drags us down, and then the cold hits.
It feels like a thousand knives slicing through my skin, obliterating every thought except the desperate need to breathe.
My chest seizes, limbs rigid with shock.
The icy water grips me, unforgiving and absolute, as if determined to hold me captive.
My shadows scatter in frantic patterns, swirling beneath the frigid surface. Every nerve ending is aflame, screaming from the shock, and yet, beneath the pain is something else…exhilaration. Pure, raw, startlingly alive.
I break the surface with a gasp, lungs heaving, limbs heavy and trembling. Beside me, Levi bursts up, slick hair plastered to his forehead, his laugh wild and breathless. The sound cracks through the night like a flare.
“I’ve missed that,” I say, attempting to keep my head above water.
“What?”
“Your laugh.” I shake my head, water streaming down my face. “You go under with all that weight on your shoulders, and still, you come back up laughing.”
Levi blinks, then snorts. “You make it sound heroic. Pretty sure I just swallowed half the lake.”
I tread water until my hand finds his beneath the surface, drawing him closer, forcing my shaking breaths to steady. “How do you feel?”
His laugh shudders out between chattering teeth. “Like a Popsicle. And like a guy who is definitely not okay. But…I know I will be. Eventually. It’s just taking me longer than I’d like.” He nudges my shoulder, eyes finding mine. “You’re kind of my cheat code, Funeral Guy.”
The words land deeper than the cold. Here he is, breaking the surface, carrying his grief and his light together. I want to tell him he’s luminous, relentless, mine. But all that makes it out is a rough whisper against the cold. “I suppose I’ve found my use in this world, then.”
Levi huffs a laugh, the sound softer now, as if it’s only meant for me. Despite the numbing cold, I’d give anything to stay in this moment, just the two of us…
“Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!” Dominic shrieks from behind us, splashing frantically. “My goddamn soul just left my body.”
Elijah cackles, teeth chattering as he beelines back toward the dock. “Drama queen.”
We all swim back together, limbs sluggish but hearts racing with adrenaline. Volunteers help us out, wrapping us in thick, scratchy blankets and handing us steaming cups of cider. The bonfire crackles invitingly, its heat sinking into my bones, thawing the painful numbness.
Settled by the fire, Dominic shakes his head vigorously. “Never again.”
“Oh, please. You’ll be back next year,” Elijah counters, nudging him playfully.
Levi leans into me, warmth radiating through our shared blanket. “Told you it was exhilarating.”
I press my forehead to his temple, the bonfire’s glow painting us gold. “You were right.”
The drive home is quiet. Dominic’s SUV slips through Stonevale’s empty streets, heater blasting against the windows again, and in the backseat, Levi has reclaimed his place in my arms, head tipping against my shoulder.
I watch his reflection in the window. The curve of his smile, the way his lashes rest heavy.
His pulse is still high from the plunge but his smile hasn’t left since we climbed out of the water.
I let my arm snake around him, thumb brushing the back of his hand. Dominic and Elijah argue up front about who looked more dramatic mid-jump, their bickering a harmless soundtrack. Levi squeezes my fingers once, a silent thank-you for dragging him into the cold and back out again.
The moment Dominic pulls up to my building, the air inside the car has thickened into something taut, waiting. Levi glances at me, eyes wide, as though asking what happens now.
What happens is this: Elijah calls a smug good night from the front, Dominic waves us off, and moments later, Levi and I are climbing the stairs to my place, his hand still locked in mine.
Inside, the latch snaps and my shadows spill upward. Levi presses me back against the wood, mouth crashing into mine, his fingers clutching hard at my hips.
The taste of him, the heat…it undoes me. My hands splay against his back, dragging him closer, shadows wrapping his wrists, cradling his neck, because they’re starving for him as much as I am.
“Hayden…” he pants, lips brushing my jaw.
“Hmm.”
“Take me to your bed,” he gasps. “I want you to fuck me until I forget my own name.” His voice breaks into a groan as I grip his hair, kissing him harder.
For days, I’ve watched grief hollow him out, but now, like this, the sorrow in his eyes is gone, replaced with something wild and wanting.
And I swear I’ll spend every touch reminding him he’s not alone in either.
· · ·
By the time the mattress hits our knees, we’re nothing but skin, sweat, and jagged breaths.
Levi’s mouth drags against mine as I lower him, my shadows climbing the walls because they already know what’s coming.
His sweater is gone. My shirt hangs open.
His jeans are loose around his hips. I can’t stop touching him.
If I stop, even for a second, I might come apart.
He kisses me like he’s starving for air, as if I’m the only thing left to breathe. My hands trace his spine, shadows following, winding over his body until he’s shaking beneath me.
I pull back just far enough to see him…flushed, pupils blown wide, lips kiss bruised. “Look at you,” I murmur, voice rough. “You should see what you do to me.”
He tries to speak, but it comes out as a groan, his fingers curling into my chest. “I need you,” he whispers.
“Mmm, and you’ll have me,” I breathe, brushing my mouth against his.
I reach for the nightstand, fingers closing around the small glass bottle. When I unscrew the cap and bring it to my nose, the scent hitting like lightning, Levi’s eyes follow the motion, heat and curiosity colliding.
“I loved how it felt that night,” I say, recalling the way we moved on the dance floor. How he kissed me like he knew every part of me. For a second, I hesitate, truth spilling out before I can stop it. “I felt alive. Not like a god or a shadow. Just…here. Wanting. Wanted. With you.”
Levi’s hand rises to my cheek, thumb sweeping over my jaw. “That night was all you,” he whispers.
I press the bottle into his hand. “Your turn.”
He inhales, and the air flexes, the whole room pulsing around us as every inch of him arches toward me.
The next kiss is molten, desperate, and when I roll him beneath me, the entire world disappears.
Skin to skin, slick with heat, his thigh presses between mine.
Our cocks slide together, wet and hungry.
His moans vibrate in my mouth, feeding the hunger crawling at my chest.
“Fuck,” he pants. “You feel so good.”
My hands skim down his thighs, my mouth following right behind them. I drag my tongue over his stomach, savoring sweat and skin until I’m between his legs. “Good boy,” I breathe. “Now let me taste what’s mine.”
The way his breath catches nearly undoes me.
He straddles my shoulders and I pull him forward, my tongue tracing slow, deliberate lines along his hole that make him shudder.
His fingers scramble for the headboard until my shadows guide him there, looping around his wrists, his chest, anchoring him while he shakes above me.
“Fuck, baby. Oh, fuck…” he moans, grinding against my mouth. “I love when you eat my ass like this.”
I grip his hips even harder, flattening my tongue along his delicious hole. “Like this?” I question, giving him a flick.
“Yes, just like…” His voice breaks off into a shudder that tells me everything I need to hear. He’s all sound and tremor, panting and eyes glazed when I finally pull back, shifting behind him. One hand steadies his hip, the other guides his wrists higher, my shadows cinching tight around them.
Levi exhales sharply, turning his head to find me. “Hayden…?”
I swallow his question with my mouth. “Hold still, beautiful.”
My shadows slither lower, teasing him open, making him gasp and moan until he’s trembling. I watch the muscles in his back tense, the way his breath catches when I lean close, lips at his ear.
“Don’t move,” I whisper, drawing back just enough to admire the sight of him, knees braced, arms stretched forward, chest heaving. The room feels alive with a low, restless energy, and the air is thick enough to bathe in.
He turns his head, just enough for me to see the wild in his eyes. “Where…are you going?”
I pause in the doorway, shadows curling up my arms like they’re calling me back.
I let the silence spool between us until his breathing frays, tiny, helpless sounds spilling out as he squirms against invisible bonds.
His eyes are wide now, dark and hungry, and I swear I’ll remember the way he looks right here, undone from nothing but anticipation, for the rest of my immortal life.
My smile sharpens.
“Good boys get the helm,” I say, voice low and rough, a promise I plan to deliver on.
His lips part, a soundless gasp shivering out of him, and gods help me, I’ve never wanted anyone more.