Chapter 30 #2
And that’s when I see the exact moment realization hits him. He turns toward me sharply, brows raised in confusion and betrayal, pain etched so deeply into his beautiful face it steals the breath from my lungs.
“I lost everything I’ve been working for in that funding pull.” His voice cracks, but he pushes through. “And now I find out that I was just…just collateral damage in whatever game they’ve been playing with you? One you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me about.”
My heart hammers painfully in my chest, panic flooding me as I feel Levi slipping away, inch by agonizing inch.
It’s in his white-knuckled grip on the folder. In his squared shoulders, bracing like he might come undone. In his breath, uneven at the edges, barely holding on.
The worst part is his eyes. Not sharp with anger or frustration. But hollow. Drained of every ounce of fight.
That’s what breaks me.
“Baby, please,” I whisper, pleading as I move toward him. But before I can reach him, my shadows stir.
They slip from me without permission, moving in a way they never have before, leaving me completely. For the first time in my existence, immortal or otherwise, I’m left standing utterly alone, watching as they drift entirely away from me and toward Levi, wrapping around him instead.
Simply to hold him upright. To embrace him with a whispered promise: You’re not alone. A gentle caress at his wrist, a curve around his shoulders. An embrace they’ve wanted to give him all along.
Levi freezes, his breath catching sharply.
For a painful second, his whole body tenses, like he wants to resist them.
To push away their comfort out of anger or wounded pride.
But reluctantly, the fight goes out of him.
His shoulders lower just a fraction, his fingers tremble softly, and with a look that pierces me deeply, he allows them to hold him.
From the corner of my eye, I see Zane’s mouth part in stunned disbelief, and Porter stands frozen, his face openly astonished. If I had any doubts about the meaning of this moment…about the weight of my shadows choosing Levi…my brothers’ expressions erase them completely.
My shadows have always been mine alone. My darkness, my protection, my loneliness personified.
But in this moment, they choose Levi.
And I understand, with gut-wrenching clarity, that it’s because they love him, too.
Tears sting my eyes as I watch them shift tenderly around him. Loving him openly and honestly, in ways I’ve struggled to express myself. They cradle him, offering the comfort I want to give but somehow can’t.
This stunning revelation breaks me wide open.
They were never just shadows.
They were my heart. And in choosing Levi, they’ve given it to him.
Levi draws a shaky breath. “What do you want, Hayden?” Tears well in his eyes but don’t spill over.
But it’s Lorraine who responds, speaking on my behalf. “To reclaim what he lost, dear. What they all have.”
“Don’t answer for me,” I snap, but Levi is already looking straight through me. Raw hurt flashes behind his eyes, and it ignites something fierce and protective inside me.
Zane’s voice, matter-of-fact, cuts in before I can answer. “We’ve been led to believe that we could undo the Act. That we could go home.”
Levi’s head snaps toward me; the hurt flashing in his eyes causes my heart to sink. “To be a god again? That’s what this has all been about? A way to leave?”
“No…” I drag in a breath, shaking my head, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. “I don’t want to,” I whisper, desperate to convince him…and myself. “I swear to you, not anymore. Not since you.”
But I did. I did. Even though none of it matters now. Not the way it used to. Not when I’ve found something I don’t want to lose. Zane clears his throat and Porter crosses his arms. Levi stares at me for a long, excruciating moment.
Maybe that’s why he exhales softly, something almost like acceptance passing over his handsome face. “I can’t do this right now,” Levi whispers, each word landing like a fatal blow.
He’s already backing away, each step a painful, deliberate retreat. Putting distance, real, tangible distance, between us.
When Levi moves, my shadows hesitate. He notices, jaw clenching as he swallows hard, and then gently but firmly shakes his head, waving them away with heartbreaking finality.
My shadows drift back in reluctant devastation, mirroring the grief that runs through me.
At losing him. Letting him down.
Loving him and not knowing how to hold on.
Before he leaves, Levi’s grip tightens on the folder, his voice quieter, steadier. Resigned.
“You have a lot to figure out, Hayden.” His exhale sounds like breaking. “And none of it seems to include me.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
He shakes his head, his eyes dropping to the folder in his hands.
“I have to fix this. I’ve worked too hard, for far too long, on this to just…
give up. To allow this”—he looks around at the mess of my making—“to get in the way of everything I’ve been trying to build.
I’m sorry, Hayden…but I don’t have time to wait for you to decide which life you want to live. ”
Please don’t do this, I want to scream. But I stand before him, frozen.
“For you to figure out if you even want me.”
Then he turns and walks away.
The door swings shut behind him, the sound ringing through the silence, and the absence of him feels like a void. Like something vast and endless, stretching out before me.
My shadows curl inward, no longer sure about who they belong to.
As if they understand that in losing him, they’ve lost pieces of themselves, too.