Chapter 32 #2
They play on an endless loop, a cruel echo in my chest, each repetition slicing deeper into the hollow place I’ve always stored my fear of letting someone get too close.
I lie tangled in my sheets, staring at the ceiling, Seby curled by my side.
Exhaustion’s become a heavy weight pressing down on my chest, yet never enough to pull me under.
Never enough to grant me even the briefest escape.
I should be used to it. The emptiness. The solitude.
But that was before Levi. Before I knew warmth and laughter woven together in early mornings. Before I knew the electrifying comfort of his hand in mine, his smile so bright it rivaled sunlight.
Now, the absence of him threatens to consume me whole.
A shift breaks the oppressive stillness of the room. Not a sound, not even movement, just a sudden awareness prickling at the edges of my consciousness. My shadows, lethargic and dull for days, suddenly ripple to life, coiling protectively around my body.
“It’s about fucking time,” I whisper hoarsely, dragging myself upright, every limb feeling like lead as I rise from my bed.
But I know exactly what waits for me.
Of course they’d choose this moment. When I’m stripped bare, empty, and my longing for Levi is so raw, it feels like an open wound and I’m bleeding out.
But part of me doesn’t care anymore.
When I step into the living room, the Fates are there, poised calmly as though my space is theirs.
As though this meeting was inevitable from the start.
Constance smooths an invisible wrinkle from her skirt.
Lorraine thoughtfully examines my scattered books, while Agnes twists a loose thread on a throw pillow with casual detachment.
And it’s in this moment, staring at their calm, expectant faces, that I shatter.
I fall to my knees, the impact nothing compared to the agony twisting in my chest. My shoulders sag inward, shadows writhing helplessly around me.
“Please.”
The word emerges broken and desperate. A sound so raw it barely resembles my voice. My palms press into my eyes, tears hot and unrelenting as they spill down my cheeks. My body trembles and a strangled sob escapes before I can choke it back.
“I don’t…” My voice fractures. “I don’t know what to do.”
Constance’s eyes soften, something almost maternal in their depths. “Hayden.”
Her voice threatens to unravel me further, and I choke out another plea. “Just tell me what to do. How to fix this.”
Lorraine sighs softly, a sadness etched on her face. “Oh, child. There’s nothing to fix.”
I flinch, the words cutting deeper than any blade ever could.
Agnes leans forward, and there’s a softness in her eyes I’ve never seen before. “We’re not your enemy, Hayden.”
My hands clench into fists. “But you…the lies. You made me believe—”
“That there was a loophole?” Constance interrupts, her tone measured but kind. “Did we ever say that? We let you keep a door you wanted.”
I open my mouth, my chest rising and falling sporadically, but no words come. Because…she’s right. After all this time, they never did. They never spoke the words. They let me chase shadows, believe in something that was never there, and watched patiently as I tried to reclaim something long gone.
My stomach twists painfully.
“We’ve been pulling your thread for a long time,” Lorraine explains. “Waiting for the moment you’d finally realize where it leads.”
I exhale, the weight of her words cutting into my ribs. “Where does it lead?”
Constance leans in, looking compassionate. “You were never meant to go back, Hayden.”
“Look around, Hayden.” Agnes gestures toward the windows, toward a quiet Stonevale. “The mortals moved on. They don’t need gods anymore. They haven’t for a very long time. But they do need you…as you are.”
Deep down, I think I’ve always known. But accepting it, allowing myself to truly feel it, that’s something else entirely.
“You believed this was about reclaiming your past,” Lorraine continues. “But it was never about going back. It was never about power, or even purpose.”
My vision blurs, heart racing. “Then…what was it about?”
Constance moves closer, her hand reaching out to cradle my face. “Learning how to let go.”
I shake my head helplessly, tears falling freely now. A raw sob shakes my entire body, pouring out every ounce of grief I’ve held deep inside. “I don’t…I don’t know how.”
But even as I say it, even as I drown beneath the weight of my fear, I think of Levi.
Of his smile, the gentle touch of his hands.
The way his eyes softened whenever he looked at me…
really seeing me like only he has. I think of the way my shadows chose him fully, wrapping around him in silent comfort, recognizing something I hadn’t yet.
I close my eyes, drawing in one long, ragged breath, my entire body trembling beneath the weight of my choice.
Maybe the scariest thing isn’t losing what I had.
Maybe it’s reaching for something real, knowing it could break me in ways I never imagined, but reaching anyway.