Words Like Blades
I stared down at the crowd, feeling all eyes on me. My panic built, threatening to overcome me. The faces of the fae looked back at me with hate and disgust clear in their expressions.
The blood pounding in my ears drowned out the king’s speech entirely. I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth to speak.
Movement in the sky caught my attention—a black bird landing on a high branch on the closest tree to the balcony.
Noxie.
“I’m here, Naci, just focus on me, not them. You’re gonna be okay. You can do this. They’re just words on a page. I know they aren’t your words. So does Nella.”
“But all of them will think they’re my words, my beliefs.”
“They don’t matter. What they think doesn’t matter.” Noxie was the only thing keeping me grounded in that moment.
The king’s red gaze turned to me, his slight nod telling me it was time for my act.
I looked down at the speech held in my shaking hand, took a deep breath, and let the rotten words coat my tongue and flow from my lips.
“Good evening, citizens of Dolvenar. I stand before you today, behind the royal family of Ashenholt, Their Majesties King Caedryn Veylor and Queen Malvina Thorne, to introduce myself. I am Naci Corren, daughter of Keryth Liora”—my heart felt like there was a knife through it—“the former leader of the failed rebel movement, and…traitor to this kingdom.”
I swallowed hard. The only traitor was me.
The voices below picked up, their chatter rising to meet me on the balcony.
Shouts of “mortal filth” and “scum” were distinguishable above the din.
“Keep going, just remember this is for Nella. None of this is true.”
I took another breath and continued, wanting desperately to be back in my cell, alone and away from the judging eyes of so many.
“The king discovered who I was after I snuck my way into Ashthorn Castle, but took mercy on me, a lost mortal who didn’t know who my mother had been, what she’d done.
He opened my eyes to her misdeeds and those of the rebellion, and so I have offered my humble loyalty to the crown and renounced all ties with the rebel movement and my… disgraced mother.”
My heart cracked, my weak knees threatening to give out on me.
“Let my words here tonight carry to the rest of Caelia. To the rebels, I say: Give up the fight. The crown does not wish for war but for peace. To the mortals of Ashenholt, I say: Do not fear the fae. They are kind and benevolent, as is the king. And to the fae gathered here this evening: I ask for your forgiveness on behalf of my mother and the rebellion’s transgressions.
The king and queen have graciously given me theirs, and I hope to earn yours as well, and to take my place in Ashenholt. ”
The crack in my heart cleaved clean in two, the angry beast in me screaming at what I was saying.
“You did great, Naci. It’s over. You’re done.”
Thank the gods that Noxie’s words drowned out the shouts from the crowd. I didn’t want to know what they were saying.
“It’s only over until the next performance. I fear that, by the time this is all over, I won’t even be myself anymore. I’m afraid I’ll begin to believe the lies.”
“I won’t let that happen.”
* * *
The guards escorted me back to the bathing chamber where the maidens waited to take my dress off and give me a plain green tunic and pants to wear back to my cell.
No shoes. Thin fabric. No protection from the cold of the dungeon. At least that purple gown was gone.
As the king had warned, the guards searched me to make sure I wasn’t sneaking anything back. I was so defeated that it hadn’t even occurred to me to look for anything useful.
Alone, finally in my cell, I closed my eyes and rested my head against the jagged wall, the beast inside me just as defeated. Sleep that night came and went, my unconscious mind not daring to dream for fear of nightmares.
Each time I woke, the memories of the speech came flooding back.
The king didn’t just want Dolvenar and the rest of Ashenholt to hear; he wanted the entire world to know that Naci Corren was on the fae king’s side. He wanted my humiliation to spread to every continent.
What would the other mortals in the castle think? Surely at least they would know this was all staged. I just hoped they wouldn’t turn on Nella if they believed I was betraying the mortals and cozying up with the royals.
My heart sank. The servants already knew I had been seeing the prince.
They would likely think I meant every word, that I was betraying my people by supporting the very fae that killed our kind.
I was protecting Nella from the king, the only way I could right now, but I couldn’t save her from the judgment of the servants.
And so I counted the days marked by scratches on the wall until they brought Nella back to me. Once a week, the king had agreed. Seven days.
It had been four days since my gut-wrenching speech, four scratches into the stone. Three more days until I would see her again.
But the day before our next visit, I snapped.
I screamed and raged at being caged like an animal…
until I felt like an animal. It felt like the fundamental pieces of me were slipping away, with only Noxie’s voice to hold me together and keep me from going insane.
I couldn’t take the damp, cold air, the scent of death and piss, and the darkness anymore. It was all too much.
I hadn’t been able to bring myself to ask Noxie what he was hearing around Dolvenar after that speech. I still didn’t want to know.
The emotional come-down after my break left me lying on the cold floor the entire next day, staring blankly at the ceiling. I didn’t eat either of my meals. Nobody was coming to save me. This would be my life until the king decided otherwise.
Finally, on the appointed day, the queen arrived in the dungeons, escorting Nella, after what felt like an eternity of lying on the floor.
“Nella!” I stood up so fast that my wasted legs wobbled and nearly didn’t support me. Almost two weeks down here had left my muscles under-used and atrophying.
“I’ll give you some time alone, after which I would like to speak to you, Naci.”
I only had eyes for Nella as Malvina walked away.
“The queen told me you aren’t eating and you’re growing weak. You have to stay strong, you have to fight. For me, for Noxie, and for us.”
“I’m just so angry, Nella.” Tears filled my eyes, the emotion overwhelming after feeling so numb. “I’ve been betrayed. I’ve been used. I’ve been lied to, I’ve been hurt, and I’ve been manipulated. I’m just so. Damn. Angry.” My tears started to fall.
And they fell from Nella’s eyes too. “I love you so much, Naci. You’re so strong.
You’ll survive this. I know you will. We’ll figure a way out.
I’ll find the rebels myself if I have to.
” She said the last part in a whisper, looking around to make sure the guards couldn’t hear from the front of the dungeon.
We grasped each other’s fingers through the metal bars and contact with her felt like a miraculous first breath after nearly drowning.
She was right. I was strong. And I would get through this for her.
I wiped my tears and smiled at her. “We will, little lamb, I just had to cry about it first.”
She laughed, wiping her own tears as the queen returned. The sound of my sister’s laugh brought the first ray of hope back into my fractured heart, lifting my spirits.
“I’m glad you’ve found your will to survive, but it’s time for Nella to go.”
So the guards, Dumb and Round, came to take her away once more, and I was alone with the queen. She made me uneasy despite her unassuming presence.
“When they return from bringing her back to her room, they will let you out, and you will walk with me. I have convinced the king to allow you to leave your cell on occasion to bathe and walk, under my supervision.”
“That’s…but why?”
“Call it a reward for good behavior.” She gave me a quick smile that didn’t give me any comfort.
The guards returned, the round one opening my cell door and reaching for the cuffs attached to his belt.
“Those will not be necessary when she is with me.”
He looked disappointed but backed out of the cell, and I followed. I wasn’t sure why the queen was being nice to me. But I assumed the king wouldn’t have agreed if it didn’t serve his political propaganda. I would need to remain vigilant around her, no matter what freedoms she was offering.
“You don’t trust me,” she said as we left the dungeon.
Her bluntness was startling. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came.
She chuckled at my hanging mouth, prompting me to close it. “It’s alright. I wouldn’t if I were you either. Dolvenar and the castle are hard places to survive for mortals.”
There was that same cryptic advice-threat Varyn had given me. It gave me chills to hear again.
“I must apologize for Caedryn’s treatment of you and your sister. While I cannot change his mind on his plans for you, I can try to protect you and make you a bit more…comfortable.”
“I still don’t understand why you would want to help me.”
“It’s mostly selfish, I’ll admit. You’re becoming weak and thin.
If we are to keep up appearances, not only do you need to look cared for, but you also need to be seen more than just once in a while for a speech.
I, of course, had to convince Caedryn that this was necessary, but he agreed in the end. ”
I was speechless…the queen was helping me. I wasn’t wholly convinced that she was honest about her reasons, but for now, I wouldn’t complain about a bath and fresh air.
We arrived at the bathing chamber I used before the speech, where the maidens were once again waiting for me. The queen said she would come back for me in thirty minutes, so between the maidens and I, we got me bathed, dried, and quickly dressed in the same plain green dress from the speech.
“Perfect,” the queen said upon her arrival. “Let us walk now.”