Stronger, Not Safer
I woke with a racing heart and a growling stomach, realizing I had never had dinner. I hadn’t even known that, at one point, there was a sixth continent. And that someone with my same powers had completely wiped it from the map.
When I rolled over, my heart dropped further. I never completed Garrick’s squats…
There would be hell to pay this morning.
It was still dark, and I assumed it was shortly before dawn, so I got dressed quietly and left the barracks.
“You’re up early,” Noxie said as he landed on my shoulder, right atop where his mark lived permanently on my shoulder.
“Did you choose the mark on my shoulder from our bond?”
“No, did you choose the gold?”
“No…” I’d been curious why our marks were specifically what they were. I assumed it must be part of the bond magic then.
I changed the subject, walking and telling him what I’d read yesterday about shadow magic and fire, and somehow his “holy shit” reaction actually lifted my spirits some.
He made me feel like there was someone on my side, not skirting around my feelings and telling me everything would be okay just to make me feel better.
That my fears were real and valid, and this situation sucked.
“I just keep feeling like there’s something really wrong in Ashenholt. Like we left something behind, or there’s something we’re not seeing,” Noxie said once we’d thoroughly exhausted the subject of my magic.
“You mean more wrong than Caedryn’s plans for allying with Vydran to purge both continents and Malvina sitting by his side with a vacant stare and a pretty smile?”
“Yes, actually. More than that. I don’t know what it is, but I feel it.”
I contemplated this for a moment before…
“Corren!”
Shit. It was Garrick. The sun was lightening the sky, and it was time to face the music.
“Good luck. Don’t puke this time.” He flew off with a squawk.
I turned to find a red-faced Garrick marching up to me, looking furious.
“Yes, sir, Garrick, sir,” I answered, doing my best not to make things worse.
“I didn’t see you after dinner to report for your failed training.”
“I didn’t…fail. I just—”
“You bet your ass you’re running until you fail today! Let’s go, starting now!”
He blew a high-pitched whistle that made me wince, and I picked up my feet and ran.
And so we ran. And ran. And didn’t stop. By the time the sun had fully risen, my legs were screaming, my lungs unable to draw a full breath. I’d never sweat so much in my life.
When he finally signaled to stop, I collapsed to the ground on my back, arms and legs splayed wide. He tossed a container of water down to me, which I drank dry.
“Are we done?” I panted.
I didn’t like the way Garrick smiled in response.
“We’ll skip the squats today to avoid over-training your legs, but we’re still doing push-ups and sit-ups. Come on, let’s move!” He blew the whistle again.
I rolled my eyes as I got slowly to my feet.
We passed a group of fae huddled together on our way to the training house. They stopped talking immediately when their eyes found me, and they backed several paces away to give us a wide berth.
I wished I were na?ve enough to believe they feared Garrick, because their faces definitely said they were scared, but I knew it was me they feared.
I had no idea how many people here at base knew about the night I arrived, but if this was any sign—plus the whispers every time I went to the mess hall—I assumed most knew.
After we passed the group, their whispers reached my newly enhanced fae ears. My neck heated when I heard, “She’s a danger to us all. I can’t believe the leaders brought her here.”
I had just saved a little girl from drowning and helped fix a weakness in the base glythyrs—what more would I have to do to earn the rebels’ trust? Or at least get them to stop hating me.
“Stand down,” I told the shadows through gritted teeth when I felt them stirring at my building anger. I didn’t know whether talking to them would even work, but it felt better than simply rolling over and letting them take the reins.
“Excuse me?” Garrick asked, getting defensive.
“Nothing, sir. Sorry, sir. Talking to myself.”
Yeah, I’m sure talking to myself made me seem really trustworthy…
We reached the training room, where we repeated the same routine as the previous day: push-ups until I collapsed and sit-ups until I couldn’t sit up, the count of each increasing from yesterday, which boosted my mood even if my body had given up.
I headed back to the barracks to bathe and met Aerie out front, same as yesterday. This routine wasn’t so bad, and if I were being really honest, I actually enjoyed the burn in my muscles from the exercise. More so, I relished the idea of being strong.
“Hey, Aerie, can we eat somewhere private? I want to…confide something in you,” I asked as we both got our trays of breakfast.
She eyed me for a moment before agreeing. I felt like she was a friend, and I could tell her about what I’d learned from Nox Incineram. More importantly, I wanted someone here to know in case of…an emergency.
She led us to a small room down the hall with a table and a chalkboard. When we sat down, I gave her a high-level overview of everything I’d read.
“If I’m honest, I’m really terrified. I want to control this thing, and I definitely don’t want to level any continents like Thraxxus. I just…want to kill select people and keep it at bay otherwise.”
She chuckled before responding. “Maybe there’s a glythyr that can help with control. One that can tame or dampen the shadows.”
“Maybe…” My thoughts were running in all directions. I had an idea, but I’d need to understand glythyrs better before bringing it to Sevrin as a possibility. “Thanks, Aerie, that gave me an idea.”
“Any time. Don’t sweat. You’re smart, you’ll figure it out. The last fae with fire and shadow was a male; males are only good for brute strength. He was probably too dumb to solve it.”
We both laughed, making me think once again of all the games Nella and I played that always ended in stomach-aching laughter.
Gods, I missed her.
And Aerie? I was beginning to think she could turn out to be a good friend.
* * *
I met Bramick at the rings after parting ways with Aerie, excited to work more with my fire.
“We’ve got two things to focus on now that we know what elements you have.” He jumped right in. “We have basic magic all fae can do that has nothing to do with your elemental abilities, and we have your fire skills.”
I nodded as he handed me the flicker. “How long do I have to use this thing?” I asked, feeling mildly embarrassed.
“That’s entirely up to you.”
“Well, then, here.” I tried to hand it back to him.
He just smiled and pushed it back toward me. “Not your preference, but your control.”
“Right…my least favorite C word.”
He laughed so hard it took several minutes before he could speak to carry on our session.
“Okay, okay,” he said, wiping his eyes. “You were pretty damn good at lighting objects yesterday. Let’s see how you do producing a stand-alone fire.
It might not seem very different, but when there isn’t an object to catch on fire, like wood, for instance, the flame can be harder to control.
You’ve got to sustain it instead of lighting something and letting your magic fizzle. ”
Made sense. Controlling the uncontrollable, no big deal.
“You’re gonna picture the magic flowing from your heart to your open palm, just the way we’ve practiced, but you’ll need the magic to take shape, not just flow. Let’s first imagine a sphere.”
I nodded my head and set to work. Bramick hadn’t been joking; this was definitely more difficult. Several attempts in, I still had yet to manage maintaining a flame, let alone a sphere-shaped one. Each time it flared in my palm, it remained only for a few seconds and faded out.
About half an hour later, sweat was dripping down my face from the effort. I now had a newfound respect for the fae I’d seen fighting through Ashthorn Castle during my escape from Caedryn. They’d had so much control and power. I only had power like that when I exploded.
“There’s already a mild dampener in the flicker. Don’t fear your abilities,” Bramick said, feeling my frustration. “You’re tampering it down. Let it loose. Live up to Aerie’s name for you.”
Fireball.
I took a deep breath and wiped my brow, imagining my heart free-flowing with magic, the trickling stream becoming a flowing river down to my hand. I willed it, coaxed it to life. Godsdammit, I wanted this!
Fire burst free from my open palm in a burning pillar taller than me.
“Good, now shape it!”
I forced the pillar into a ball in my mind, and slowly it shrank until a sphere the size of my fist remained hovering over my palm.
If my smile was big, it was nothing to Bramick’s. Pride lit up his face just as brightly as the orange ball of sustained fire did.
I envisioned the sphere growing larger and watched with pure glee as the fire in my hand grew to the size of my head. I now knew how it felt, how to move it, and how to control it. With each thought, it became easier and easier to change the magic to fit my whim.
First, I changed it to a square, then a triangle, then a bird, complete with flapping wings. With a little more effort, I grew the bird and morphed it into a dragon.
“Is that a…dragon?” Bramick asked.
“Yeah, it just came to mind.”
He eyed me, then the fire dragon suspiciously. It was then that I felt eyes on me and turned to my right to find Drayce watching from afar. The golden glow at his chest seemed to pulsate, and I got the strangest feeling that he was influencing my magic somehow.
Bramick followed my line of sight, and when he saw Drayce, he gave him a nod.
I felt like I was missing something, but Bramick said we were done with fire for the day and would move to basic magic, and my excitement overshadowed my confusion.