Eight #4
Raithe gazed toward the horizon, where a thin crescent moon hovered over the valley like a razor-thin smile. “We owe the queen our lives,” he murmured. “Without her, the iylvahn would have been destroyed, and the shadows that haunt these lands would be the only hint that we existed at all.”
Regret churned softly within. The iylvahn had good reason to revere the queen; she had literally saved their entire race from
extinction. I wished I had known this before. I hadn’t really given Raithe the chance to explain anything before I’d accused
him of deceiving us. I’d reacted solely on fear, and things had sort of fallen apart from there.
Was it too late to fix things? Did I want to fix things, knowing what I did now?
“Raithe . . .” He immediately looked at me, and I swallowed hard. “I . . . I reacted badly . . . when we met the queen,” I
stammered. “I saw a Deathless, and . . . that was all I could think about. I didn’t give you a chance to explain anything.
Maybe if I had . . .”
He sighed. “You reacted badly because I didn’t tell you anything,” he said. “I could have. Between Kovass and Irrikah, there were plenty of chances to say something,
and not a day goes by that I don’t wonder why I didn’t. I guess . . .”
For the first time since I’d known him, Raithe faltered.
Bowing his head, he didn’t say anything for a long moment.
When he did speak, his voice was barely a breath between us.
“I was afraid that you would see me like you did Vahn. Your trust was such a fragile thing at first—it was like trying to coax a wounded bird into my hand. I thought that if you knew the truth, you would believe I was just another servant of a Deathless, willing to sacrifice you to their ruler.” He smiled, and the chuckle that escaped him was a bitter thing, low and self-mocking.
“Of course, that’s the height of irony, I realize now.
By not telling you anything, that’s exactly what I made happen”
“I know you’re not like Vahn.” The words were out of my mouth before I knew it, startling me. Because they were true. Both
served a Deathless. Both had kept things from me. But I had always chased Vahn’s affection; the scraps of approval that he’d
thrown my way had been rare but frequent enough to keep me going. To keep trying to please him. And even though I’d desperately
wanted him to acknowledge me as a daughter, all he’d ever seen me as was a tool. A thing that would bring the Deathless King
back into the world.
When Raithe looked at me, it was very different. His affection was never forced. Though the emotion in his eyes both thrilled
and terrified me, I knew it was true.
Even though the queen herself had warned me about trusting my heart to a kahjai.
“You’re not like him,” I said again, as Raithe continued to watch me. “I know that now.” His eyes glowed like the halo of
light around the crescent moon, and my heart beat faster in response. I swallowed hard and spoke the words I dreaded. “I just . . .
I don’t want the day to come when you have to choose between me and her.”
He didn’t ask what I meant. He didn’t immediately assure me that I had nothing to worry about. We both knew that wasn’t true.
If the queen gave Raithe a direct order, he would have to obey. Even if it meant hurting me.
Raithe was silent for a long moment, sitting against the rock with one knee bent, his arm resting atop it.
When he finally spoke, his tone was resigned, and the pain threaded through the words tugged at my heart.
“I wish I could give you some sort of promise, Sparrow,” he murmured, his gaze on the stones at his feet.
“I wish I could assure you that none of the things you fear would be realized. But when it comes to the Deathless and the Fateless, even prophecy can’t be trusted.
I can’t make you any vows or promises when nothing about our fates is certain. ”
Nothing is certain. Hope flickered. Maybe I would be able to save him, to change his fate, after all.
“I know,” I whispered back. “I understand, Raithe. I don’t want you to promise me anything.”
“I will say this, though.” He took a quiet breath, and the hand on his knee curled into a fist. “You . . . mean a great deal
to me, and not just because you’re the Fateless.” My heart turned over, my stomach doing crazy cartwheels, as the iylvahn
continued. “If there ever comes a time when you can see me as more than the Deathless queen’s assassin, I’ll be here. For
as long as I’m able. And I will protect you, with everything I have, until this journey is done.”
I blinked hard, driving back the tears stinging my eyes. Raithe hesitated a moment longer and then stood, outlined in hazy
moonlight.
“If you hear any more spirits, try to ignore them,” he said, gazing down with soft eyes. The fingers on the hand closest to
me twitched, reaching for my arm, then curled into a fist and dropped. “If you can’t ignore them, come find me. I’ll be close.”
He walked away, disappearing into the darkness, leaving me aching and fighting myself not to call out to him.
Perhaps in response to my misery, or maybe to prove that irony was cruel, there were no more spirits that night. The darkness
remained still, silent, leaving my churning thoughts to be my only company until dawn.