Chapter Twenty
Jackson
T his is a terrible idea. Bloody awful.
Why did I even suggest coming here? It had seemed like a smart idea at the time, a distracting idea. An idea that would stop her from asking questions and digging into a life I couldn’t share with her. And now it will have everyone else in my life asking questions instead. I'm panicking, my heart beating just that little too fast, and I'm tugging on the collar of a shirt that's a little too tight. My hand seems surgically attached to her back. And I haven't had a clean thought since she opened the door wearing that dress …
We walk up the main staircase of the club, heading upwards towards the VIP section. The music is a pulse under our feet, the heat from the dancefloor rising upwards to meet us, carrying the sickly scent of cheap aftershave and fruity cocktails. Millie is looking around wide-eyed, her body slightly stiff, her skin even paler in the flash of the strobe lights. When she catches me watching, she turns my way and smiles. My heart shoots into my throat at the look of pure trust and warmth in her eyes. I want to be worthy of that look.
And I'm not. She just doesn't know it yet.
Once we're on the floor, I guide her to my normal booth. Between Lucius, Thomas, and me, it's rarely free, so security knows to keep it reserved. She beams as she slides across the soft leather of the circular booth, taking in the perfect view of the dancefloor it provides, with the convenience of the bar only a few steps away.
The VIP section takes up the whole second to the top floor, which is basically a large circular balcony overlooking the rest of the club. There's opulence here, but in truth, all it gives these people is the chance to look down, knowing that those below are looking up at you, thinking they're missing out on something. But the difference between this floor and the bottom is nothing more than a little extra gilding and a slightly shorter bar queue.
I feel eyes on me, and looking up, I see Lucius and Thomas staring down at me from the office window on the top floor. Thomas looks amused, and I can almost hear his chuckle burning the flesh of my ears. Lucius looks angry, raging, his hands clenched by his sides like he already imagines them bloody as they pound into my flesh.
Sitting next to Millie, I try to keep the smile on my face, taking in her wonder as she looks around, the terrible experience of last time melting away as I'd hoped.
“This is so amazing. You can see everything from here …” Mille's voice drifts away as she looks at me. “Jackson? What's wrong?”
I fix the smile wider on my face.
“I'm perfect, better than …”
She raises an eyebrow and puts a hand on my arm.
“You know by now I can see through your bullshit, right?”
Her face is set and almost challenging me to try lying again, her bottom lip protruding and temptingly full. I smile, but it's the smile of a defeated man.
“In a few minutes, a friend of mine is going to appear and drag me off to the office. Will you be OK by yourself for a little while?”
She frowns and then laughs.
“OK … I'll be fine, but is there any reason your friend is dragging you anywhere?”
“He has some strong opinions on my …” A hand squeezes my shoulder almost painfully, and Millie's eyes shoot upwards. I look up to see Lucius tightening his grip as Thomas slides into the booth and sits next to Millie. He flashes a toothy grin her way, and she raises an eyebrow, not entirely convinced by his predictable charm. His fingers rake his strawberry-blonde hair in a move I've seen work on more than a few girls in this very booth. It's a move too far for Millie, and she rolls her eyes suspiciously.
“Not going to introduce us then, Jax?”
I glare at Thomas, who just laughs in my direction.
“I'm Thomas, and the snarling one over there is Lucius.”
Lucius just grunts, his eyes on Millie as he sits next to me, releasing my shoulder, which I rub before I can stop myself.
“And you probably don't know anything about us, but you're Millie, right?”
Millie's mouth drops, and then she laughs coyly.
“I think I remember you from the last time I came, but no … Jackson kept quiet about you both. I'm guessing that was for a reason … Are they a pair of scoundrels?” She looks at me in amusement.
Thomas grins, leaning back into his seat. “Scoundrels? Us? No, that's normally how Jackson's described.” He chuckles.
“With good reason,” Lucius mumbles, and I shoot him a scowl. He merely glares back.
“In that case, I want you to tell me all you know about Jackson. I want to know everything.” Millie smirks at me mischievously and Thomas moves in closer.
“And I am more than willing to provide,” Thomas whispers dramatically in Millie's ear, and she laughs.
I can't help but smile as I watch Millie enjoy herself. Even at my expense, it's worth it.
“We need to talk,” Lucius snarls in my ear. He stands up and waits for me, his arms folded across his chest. I sigh and slowly follow. Millie and Thomas watch me go but don't stop talking. I give Thomas a look, and he nods.
Take care of her, but not too well.
Slowly, I walk behind Lucius toward the office—the carefree laughter of Millie and Thomas behind me.
“Are you crazy? What the hell are you still doing with her?”
Lucius is standing behind his desk, leaning and yelling like I'm a naughty schoolboy and not his oldest friend and partner. I lean back in my chair, trying to look like I don’t give a shit and ignoring the building tension in my spine.
“It's not serious. You don't need to worry.”
Liar.
“You think I'm an idiot? Or maybe you think she's an idiot? I can see how you look at her, and she can see it, too. You're lying to yourself, and she's smart enough to know it. Nothing about this is going to end well. You realise that, don't you? What about when Death comes back? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do then, Jax?”
“He isn't coming back!” I yell, throwing my arms wide. The words are dragged out of my throat at such a volume that my throat burns.
Lucius's eyes go wide and then narrow; his lips tighten into an angry slash. “What do you know?”
I exhale, letting the thick, electric air of the office leave my lungs. I close my eyes, wanting to take back what I just said.
“I think … I think Death has been trying to reach me. To ask for my help.”
“How?”
Everything feels heavy despite the throbbing music coming from downstair, the occasional burst of laughter, and the clinking glasses. All I can hear are those oily-feathered birds crying my name.
“Ravens. These ravens have been following me for weeks, more and more. And sometimes … they speak. I know it sounds crazy. It is crazy.”
“This is Death we're talking about. He was hardly going to send a text. What do they say? Do you know where he is?”
I shake my head, leaning back into my desk chair and watching as the lights of the club disturb the shadows on the ceiling.
“They just say help. And my name. I kind of get the impression they don't know … It's like, I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't understand any of this.”
“And why you?”
“I don't know.” I avoid Lucius's eyes, which are fixed on me intently.
“Why you, Jackson?” He repeats through clenched teeth. “Are you the successor?”
He stares at me for a long time, but I stay silent. I jump out of the chair and walk to the window, scanning the crowd until I see her. Millie and Thomas are still together in the booth. Thomas always has a way of putting people at ease. He can make friends even quicker than I can. She's laughing deeply, her head back, hair wild, and those crimson lips wide. Seeing her tightens the vice in my chest.
“Last time we spoke, we argued. He told me some things …” I turn to look at Lucius.
His face isn't angry, just curious.
“Why am I only hearing about this now? Who else knows?”
I shift back to Millie. Watching her makes everything clear. My actions, however wrong they might be, however much they wake me in the night, gripped in a cold sweat, as I think about Death and what could be happening to him. The nightmares fade away into the darkness when I think about Millie. Then I sleep soundly, dreaming of her.
“No one. You're the only person I've told.”
“Shit, Jax. You could help Jeanette. Help everyone. Finding Death could solve all this … and if he's sending you a message, he hasn't just taken a long holiday. He's in trouble. Have you thought of that? What if he dies?”
Twisting back to him, my voice cuts through the tension as a snarl.
“Of course I have. Death can't be killed … no one has the power to kill Death.” Right?
“OK, what about tortured? Or beaten?”
“And who would do that?”
“Obviously, the same person who's holding him captive?”
“Assuming that's what happened. And only an Ethereal could have that kind of power and they're all his brothers and sisters. They would never …”
“You were definitely an only child, weren't you?” Lucius snorts, tugging on his hair in frustration. “He needs your help. For whatever reason, are you seriously just going to bury your head in the sand about this?”
“He doesn't deserve my help. He doesn't deserve any of our help!” I bark, surprising myself with the fire pouring from my lips. How tightly clenched my fists are at my sides. How my vision turns hazy.
Lucius freezes as he watches me, his lips parting. “I don't know what happened between you all those years ago, but you have to do something about this, if not for him but for Scythe, for the world … We have no idea what's going to happen to everyone if Death stays missing.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I just … need more time.”
“With her?” His voice is low, gentle now. “If you don't care about Scythe, at least care about her. You're going to break that girl's heart.”
His last words cut, and my temper flares. I'm standing before I realise, slamming my palms on the table so we're face to face.
“You seem to think you've got some say over my life? You don't. I know what I'm doing, so back off.”
Lucius laughs angrily and shakes his head.
“Arrogant doesn't even begin to cover you. He won't be cleaning up your mistakes this time. When this goes wrong, and it will, because it's against the rules for a reason, you'll be on your own, and I promise you, you won't be man enough to handle it.”
Snorting, and without a backward glance, I leave the office. Only the slamming of the door conveys how my blood is burning at his words.
Because everything he has said is true.
I feel the echoing thud of my enraged heart as I walk back down to the balcony floor, only to be greeted by the sight of an empty booth. Exhaling, I feel relieved. I wasn't ready to speak to anyone and certainly not calm enough to hide my fight with Lucius from Millie. Walking to the railing, I lean over and take a moment to let my trembling heart settle down. To let the tension pour from my body and onto the floor.
I look around the space for Millie. I'm not worried about her. She'll be having a great time with Thomas wherever she is. He'll make sure of it. Looking down, I see the dancefloor is packed, as usual. Bodies jammed tightly together, grinding to the music of the expensive but worth-every-penny DJ I'd hired. Worship. My club. The music, the lights, the carefully chosen decor all picked out to reflect the parts of myself that I want shining and gleaming for the world to see. Except that today, everything looks gaudy and hollow. Like me.
Lucius was right. The world of Scythe was going to shit, and what was I doing? I was using it to spend time with a girl whose heart I was going to smash into a billion pieces.
“Jackson!” I turn around and Mille is standing there beaming. Her eyes are sparkling and wide, her lips splitting into a full scarlet smile. Thomas is standing a little way behind her, an amused smirk dancing on his face.
She moves towards me, her joyous energy washing away my dark thoughts and self-pity. She presses against me, and I smile down at her despite myself. I take in her scent, follow the soft flow of her hair, the way her dress clings to the curves of her hips. Her hands are on my chest, and I see the look in her eye, which says she's surprised herself. She waits for my response, and rather than pull away—I take a step forward, resting my hands on her waist. Pink rushes up to her cheeks, and I try to ignore Thomas's smug glance and his eyebrows, which are nearly on the roof.
“You promised me a dance.”
I chuckle, and she laughs back at me. I can't keep my eyes off her, and my mind seems to empty of all thoughts.
“Then we better hit that dancefloor, gorgeous.”
Her eyes flood with excitement as I guide her toward the staircase, never taking my hand off her body. As we pass Thomas, he gives her a friendly nod and then leans in to whisper into my ear.
“You're a goner, mate.”
I say nothing, but he pats my back roughly as I walk away, chuckling as if my demise is the most entertaining thing that's happened in a long time. On the staircase, I can feel eyes on me and Millie, and when we reach the floor, I spot Thomas looking down at me from the balcony, Lucius standing angrily by his side. I give him a sharp look and decide just to ignore him. He shakes his head, and both of them walk in the direction of the exit.
Once on the dancefloor, I shoot her a playful grin and don't wait for a response. I just pull her against my chest. Her lips part in surprise, but she doesn't move away. As we dance, the floor gets busier, and keeping her close is no longer even an option. She's pressed against me whether she wants to be or not.
The rhythm of the music wars with the beat of my heart, but Millie closes her eyes and moves to the music, arms in the air. Exactly what I wanted. She looks happy. And even if it's only for a few moments, even if her grief and anger will hit again soon enough, for a moment, she's free.
She opens her eyes and sees me staring. Her lips part, and I know she sees more than just me watching. She sees everything I've been trying to hide, and I'm terrified. I realise I've stopped moving, that I'm not dancing at all. Just frozen in place, surrounded by a sea of dancers.
It's her who moves forward—her who takes my hands and places them on her hips before wrapping her arms around my neck. We're barely moving, just swaying slightly as Worship; the sweaty clubbers around us and the heavy beat from the DJ all fade away until it's just me and her alone on this dancefloor.
I can feel the heat of her body; I feel it rise up my spine. Her darkly rich but sweet scent blocking out all others. Beads of sweat grip Millie's skin, and her dress clings to the outline of her body—a body I want to trace every part of with my fingertips. I imagine peeling that dress off her skin, and I feel myself growing hard. When Millie catches my eye, I know she's aware of every filthy thought floating around in my head. And from the twitch of her lips, she doesn't mind one bit.
I can see it in her face, the way her lips part just slightly, expectantly. She knows before I move, before I realise I'm even going to move. When I lower my head down, she stands on her tiptoes and when our lips press against each other, I can feel her smiling.
I don't know how long we kiss. I'm too lost in the softness of her lips, how they part for me. Let me explore her mouth. The feel of her fingers just under the collar of my shirt, searching my skin. They move lower, tracing my chest over my shirt. My hands find the soft skin of her lower back. She moans slightly as I run my fingers over the tender flesh.
When the world pulls us apart and back into the present, the sounds and smells of the club return as though they never left. I'm not ready to move away. I keep close, my forehead pressing against hers.
“Jackson.” She's breathless, and my name comes out more like a groan.
I open my eyes and take her in. Running my thumb along her swollen lower lip, I take in the hazy look in her jade eyes.
“Show me your office?”