Chapter 14 #5
Squashing the instinct to snap back with sarcasm, I took one deep breath, then another.
“Even though I’m out, I haven’t made much progress in finding out who was responsible for making my brother…
” Nope couldn’t say it. “…and I’m frustrated that we are stuck in a system that’s so eager to blame a red herring, and that locking that woman away will be perceived as justice just because she offered to take the blame.
And it boils my blood,” and this was meant to be an apology.
I was getting off track, “and I should have handled it better. And I’m sorry. Like really truly sorry.”
The agents waited.
And waited.
In silence.
When I realized they must have been waiting for me to say something else, I added, “End of apology.”
The agents remained silent for another moment, then two, before Jack lowered himself to sit next to me. “We also owe you an apology.”
I opened my mouth to interject, but Jack placed his hand on my knee. A move which was noticed by Todd, though he didn’t say anything.
“Once you left, Todd and I had a chance to chat. We should have realized what this would churn up.”
“You don’t—”
“You told me once you’re not made of stone.
” I did. Right before we slept together, so his choice of words was accompanied by some pretty steamy imagery.
His thumb, drawing lazy circles on the swathe of skin next to my knee, didn’t escape my notice.
“And before you remind us of just how tough you are, we are very aware, Delilah. We see it every day. Which is why we need to be more mindful that you are human.”
“And come with a lot of baggage.”
“All of us have baggage.” Jack’s words were warm, laced with understanding I didn’t deserve.
“But Todd and I have had the luxury of time to figure out how to work with ours, and each other. We’ve been keeping you busy the moment you left prison.
We’ve kept you distracted. And as soon as you had some down time, we should have known that reality would come crashing back. ”
The bed dipped as Todd sat on my other side. With an unexpected touch, he trailed a warm knuckle down my spine. The contact made my head spin, and heat flush my cheeks. It’s not like it was meant to be intimate, and Jack was right there, but Todd’s touch commanded my full attention.
“What makes you feel like your life is out of control?”
Everything. My passenger. Mads. My obligation to the FBI.
“Everything around me is controlled. Surveilled.” I meant to stop there, but the lengthy explanation continued tumbling out of my mouth before I could get a hold on it.
“And then there’s the fact that I can’t go a couple days without checking my phone without the calvary being called in.
Or having to pee in cups to prove I’m not on drugs.
” Or other things. “Or not being able to call my old contacts because they don’t want to be on the FBI’s radar.
Even though I’m out of prison, my world is limited to what is permitted by the FBI. ”
There I said it.
And immediately regretted it.
I should have kept it to myself. I should have been grateful because I was out and not rotting away in a cell somewhere.
I should have been grateful to have been given a home, a real home to myself, but instead I had the audacity to complain because I had to answer a few text messages? I should have kept my mouth shut.
Just as I was considering what I could possibly say to move past my rant, a sound resonated deep within Todd, but it wasn’t a sound of agitation or disagreement.
No, it was a sound of understanding.
Jack, too, shifted closer. His knee touched mine.
I swallowed.
Oh Jesus. This set up was doing weird things to me.
The hormones. Yes, it had to be the hormones, because I sure as hell shouldn’t have been feeling this way during an apology.
“Anyone who doesn’t go out of their way to stay in touch with you, isn’t worth your time.”
Oh boy… now, they were being sweet. Which made me feel even worse. They were going to regret being so nice to me when I revealed the decision I had made in the heat of the moment.
“And, if it makes you feel better,” Jack gave me a playful nudge, “we also have to pee in cups.”
That was not at all what I was expecting.
It caught so me off guard, I laughed, “Yeah, it kind of does,” before clearing my throat. I wasn’t done yet. The full extent of my troublemaking was not yet revealed.
Needing some distance to bring the conversation back on track, I stood and turned to face the agents as my fists gripped the chipped laminate desk at my waist.
“Now, before you say anything else that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, you should know I may have done more troublemaking than you realize.”
Jack failed to conceal his amusement. “Not that it should be shared outside this room, but your troublemaking, has been… entertaining.”
“Not all of it,” I sighed, steeling myself for the words that would come next. “I need to do something you’re not going to like. I need to go to Eureka, Kansas.”
The town where I grew up.
And I needed to go now, whether the agents liked it or not.