Chapter 27
Kate
Jordan pushed my body past its limits last night.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve slept so well.
I wake up on my side, mouth agape with drool collecting on the fur. Jordan rolled over onto her sleeping bag; she’s obviously not much of a cuddler. Still, she’s like a furnace, my skin warm where she’s nearly touching me, but I don’t mind. It actually feels good.
I don’t move; I’m not sure I’m ready to face what we did last night. It felt like we were two normal people instead of infected kidnapper and non-infected prisoner hellbent on getting back to the zone.
When she wakes up, part of me is scared to go back to that. But we have to. This was something born from raging hormones and loneliness, from a deep-rooted human desire to connect with someone.
The pain in her voice when she spoke of Sarah…I know that pain. I haven’t lost a lover, but I’ve lost everyone I loved from my previous life. I know this isn’t something a person can just get over.
Everyone around us has lost people, but I’ve struggled to connect with them the way I have with Jordan. No one in the zone—besides Dr. Parker—even knows about Harrison. Yet, I felt compelled to share it with Jordan.
My mind is getting too loud, too overwhelmed. We need some distance between us. Literally.
I go to push out of the sleeping bag, but arms wind around my waist as Jordan presses herself against my back. “Where do you think you’re going?” she grumbles in my ear, voice thick with sleep.
“Oh, um, just—”
Before I can sputter out an actual excuse, her fingers skate down my stomach, right between my legs. I still; the need to keep ourselves separated and the sudden ache that blooms inside of me fighting with one another. She dips her fingers into the wetness still coating the inside of my thighs.
“Still wet.” Her voice is sharper, more alert. Hungry.
“Jordan—”
Her finger plunges into me, taking me. I gasp and my hands move to grip her wrist. Whether to remove her from me or to keep her there, I can’t tell.
She doesn’t go slow, doesn’t provide any foreplay before she’s roughly thrusting into me.
Before I can stop myself, I’m writhing against her, wanting her deeper, rougher.
“Fuck,” I whimper, need spiraling out of control.
Jordan licks my earlobe, making me shiver against her. “There you go. You’re going to come already, aren’t you?” Her encouraging words are at odds with her roughness.
I can’t fight with myself anymore. I lean into her, letting myself ride the wave of pleasure that she’s forcing on me.
“So perfect,” she moans in my ear. “So tight and warm. You were made to have me inside you.”
When her palm caresses my clit, I dig my nails into her wrist, bucking my hips as release grips me and refuses to let me go. I tighten around her finger, wanting to keep her there, never wanting this to end.
“That’s it, I knew you could do it,” she offers, and my vision goes hazy with lust.
Sparks of arousal float across my skin as she slows her thrusts, eventually removing herself from me, leaving me empty and soaked.
Suddenly, I’m pushed onto my back with her straddling me, the red ring in her eyes bright in the morning sun. “Not how I expected the morning to go, but I’m not complaining.”
She lifts her finger to her mouth and sucks it, just like she did last night. I nearly melt into the floor.
Until I’m brought back to myself and what the fuck we’re supposed to be doing.
“We should get moving soon.” I try to sound stern, but my words come out breathy.
She smirks but climbs off me. “I agree. Let’s pack up and head out.”
I nod, trying to pull myself together after last night and this morning. “Um, will you need to…bathe me?” I cringe.
Jordan chuckles, making my toes curl. “My scent is all over you already, so I think we’ll be okay.”
I want to be swallowed up by the floor.
I can’t let her distract me from what we’re doing. This is for her benefit, even if it’s clear she doesn’t really believe a cure can exist. She saunters into the other room, leaving me to pick up what’s left of my dignity so that we can keep going.
Once we’re packed, and our bellies are full, we head toward the mountains. Even though Jordan tried to argue against it, I stashed the radio in my backpack. I don’t know much about how to use it, but maybe someone in the zone does.
The morning air is crisp, the grass still dewy as we walk along the abandoned roads. Neither of us says much, which works for me. I’m too lost in my thoughts anyway.
I've become fixated on the sex, and I can’t think of much else, even though I’m trying to think of anything but.
The time we’ve spent together has, for the most part, been incredibly stressful. Frightening. Downright fucked up. But, as more time passes, the more I see who Jordan would be if she wasn’t infected.
I can tell she loves fiercely—she may not show her emotions much, keeping them locked down. Much like mine are. Maybe that’s why, once she showed me the window into them, I felt the need to do the same. To show someone what a messed up, broken person I’ve become.
But what does this mean for us? I ask myself as we near the mountain range.
Is it inappropriate to do this?
I mentally scold myself as I realize how ridiculous that sounds. We’re both consenting adults—sure, she’s infected, but it’s her that’s in charge.
At least for now.
The thought makes nerves slither in my stomach. The virus controls the infected, moving their bodies around however it pleases. Jordan has even said the virus makes her do things.
Did the virus make her touch me?
I stop walking, too lost in my own thoughts. Jordan halts and turns to me, her brows furrowed.
“Is everything okay?”
No. The virus may have made you fuck me.
“How often does the virus control you?” I wring my hands together.
Jordan crosses her arms and leans against an abandoned car, her tongue sliding over one of her canines. “Not as much as it used to.”
“Was it…present last night?” I don’t think I really want to know, but I have to.
A muscle in her jaw ticks before she grumbles, “It was.”
My blood pounds in my ears, and my vision darkens around the edges. I don’t know if I feel sick or betrayed or violated. Maybe everything at once.
“Why?” I groan, unable to even think of anything else to say.
In a flash, Jordan is in front of me, gripping the tops of my arms gently and bringing her face down to mine. The red in her eyes is the same shade as blood.
“I wanted to do it, too. I’m not controlled by it—at least, not in the way I used to be.”
“It wants me?” I squeak out, struggling to understand.
“Yes, but it is me. I don’t know how else to describe it.” She sounds agitated, but not at me—at herself. “It’s as if the virus has tapped into my subconscious desires and brings them to the forefront. What it wants is what I want.”
“So it wanted to kidnap me because…that’s what you wanted?” I squeeze my eyes shut to fight off the panic, to make this all make sense.
It takes Jordan a few moments to answer, “Yes. I had woken up in the cave with no understanding of how I got there, but I had to get away. I spent months on my own, afraid and too disgusted with the virus to want to be close to other infected. But I got lonely. So lonely that, the moment I saw you, I didn’t think; I just reacted. I decided I wanted to keep you.”
“But you said the virus controls you,” I argue, my eyes still closed.
“It does, but it’s fused to me now. It isn’t a separate person puppeteering me around.”
I open my eyes to find her still staring intently at me. “Was last night your idea?”
She swallows. “Somewhat.”
I can’t stop my snort. “That’s reassuring.”
“That’s not—” She sighs. “Yes, I wanted to touch you last night. I wanted to taste you, to finally have you.”
Despite myself, my toes curl in my boots. “And…future times will be with you…right?”
She cocks her head. “Each time will be with me, and only me.”
The weight lying on my chest lifts. I let out a small sigh, and she releases me. I nod and roll my shoulders back. “Good.”
“Does that mean you enjoyed it?” she asks, her vulnerability poking through.
My heart squeezes. “I definitely did,” I tell her.
She gives me a small smile before we start moving again, and I continue, “After the outbreak, I kinda stopped caring about that stuff. I didn’t see anyone as attractive, didn’t think about touching anyone.
Didn’t even, you know”—my cheeks flame—“go down there myself because I didn’t feel the urge. ”
“But you have with me,” she points out, a smug grin dancing on her lips. I roll my eyes, but I don’t deny it—we both know it’s true. “Well, it was enjoyable for me, as well.”
“But I didn’t—” get to touch you, I nearly blurt out before I stop, shocking myself at nearly being so bold. Jordan waits for me to spit it out, her eyebrows raised. “I didn’t, ah, return the…favor?”
My face is on fire.
Jordan’s demeanor immediately shifts, her shoulders curving inward as if in protection. “Ah. Well, that’s all right.”
She looks forward, eyes guarded. I open my mouth to ask her what I said to upset her, but she mutters something I don’t quite catch and strides ahead, leaving me as confused as before.