Chapter 10 #2
She was the reason Zane had been captured and tortured by his father.
She was the reason the world was now occupied by stars bent on becoming gods.
The three of them jolted as the wagon came to a sudden stop. Iyana thought they would not be stopping for another couple of hours at least, because they were trying to get out of the snow and cold as swiftly as possible.
Emmeric’s face appeared at the door of the wagon.
“What’s wrong?” Zane asked.
But Emmeric ignored him, staring at Iyana. “Come here,” he said, his voice low.
Iyana shook her head. She was feeling too vulnerable, and Emmeric could sense every single one of her emotions. As soon as she realized that was why Em had stopped, she threw up a fire shield around her mind to block the bond.
Emmeric’s brow furrowed, and his eyes darkened. Iyana could still pick up on his emotions, even with the bond blocked, and now she’d made him angry. But a bit of light-blue sadness filtered through as well.
“Don’t do that, Mouse. Don’t shut me out,” he said.
Iyana only made her mental block burn brighter.
“Come here,” Emmeric snapped. “Please,” he added in a gentler tone.
She glanced over at Talon, who only shrugged nonchalantly. “I’d go, Smalls, before he comes in here and drags you out himself.”
“He wouldn’t do that,” Iyana said.
“I would,” Em said, his voice still dangerously low. “So please come out.” He held his hand towards her. Iyana took it tentatively and allowed him to help her out of the wagon.
Without letting go of her hand, he led her away from the wagon and out of hearing range, far enough that even Kaz’s ears wouldn’t pick up on their conversation. They halted underneath a pine tree, the boughs full of snow glittering in the sun. Emmeric tucked a strand of Iyana’s hair behind her ear.
“You have to stop blaming yourself, Mouse. None of what happened is because of you.”
“It’s my fault, though,” she said in a quiet voice. “If I hadn’t—”
“Iyana, stop.” Emmeric brought his face closer to hers. He gripped her shoulders firmly, but not painfully, like Altair used to. “It is not your fault. If we’re placing blame on somebody, place it on Altair. Or Uther. Not on yourself. Do you hear me?”
Iyana nodded, trying to convince herself that Emmeric’s words were true but not quite believing it.
“Please let me in, Mouse. Please don’t shut me out. You’re not alone.”
“I don’t know how,” she whispered. “How could I possibly trust anyone now?”
His hands remained on her shoulders and gave a little squeeze. “You know I would never hurt you, right?”
Iyana said nothing.
“Mouse? You know that, right?”
“What if you do? You can make all the promises you want, but how do I know you won’t actually hurt me if given the chance?” Iyana hated that tears began to cloud her vision again. She was so tired of crying.
Emmeric took one of her hands and placed it over his heart, holding it still.
The steady thrum of his heartbeat underneath her fingertips calmed her.
“Because you can feel me. Right here.” He tapped her hand.
“I have no way of blocking you out like you do, and I wouldn’t even if I did.
I want you to trust me, Mouse. You know me because you feel all of my emotions. ”
To punctuate his words, an overwhelming flood of comfort seemed to flow directly from his chest into her hand, then straight to her heart.
“You remember when we fought those bounty hunters?”
Iyana nodded.
“I made a vow that day in the clearing. That I would always fight for you. Always. I promised to myself to be your sword and your shield for as long as you’d have me.”
With a shuddering breath, Iyana lowered her mental shields slightly and allowed Emmeric access to her emotions. His lips tugged upward in a sad smile.
“There you are,” he whispered gently. “Come on.” Tugging her into his side, he led them back to the wagon.
Emmeric
Uncertainty still radiated from Iyana. Emmeric didn’t know how else to convince her that none of this was her fault, and that she could trust him implicitly.
That barrier was still guarding her fiercely.
Although she’d lowered it ever so slightly so that he could sense a hint of her emotions, she obviously still didn’t trust him completely.
It hurt Emmeric that she was so cagey around him after everything they’d been through together.
After everything he’d done and sacrificed for her.
However, he understood that Iyana’s heart had been not simply broken, but ripped out of her chest and stomped on in front of her.
He reached out mentally towards that wall of fire she kept around herself, and he stroked against it gently.
Emmeric could feel the heat from the flames, but they didn’t burn.
Iyana sucked in a small breath at the contact, and the block against their bond dropped instantly.
Before he could say anything, she ripped herself out of his grasp and walked swiftly back to the wagon.
He let her go, knowing this was difficult for her.
Emmeric realized he needed to let her be and give her time to herself, but he found himself unable to do so. He was trying not to push too much onto her, and to respect her boundaries, but he also knew she needed someone to help pull her free from her own thoughts.
Whenever you need me, I’ll be there, Emmeric thought, willing her to understand.
Iyana turned at the back of the wagon and stared at him as if she had heard him, then disappeared inside.