Chapter 23
Zane
Everyone was exhausted, but they had developed this habit, or ritual, of sorts that at night after they had eaten their cold dinner, they sat around the campfire to chat.
The topics were always different, but usually nothing of any import.
It was simply a way to pass the time and it allowed them to feel like the world—or their lives—weren’t in danger for at least an hour.
That night, Kaz had a mischievous twinkle in her eye when she glanced across the fire at Emmeric. “So, grumps, why do you hate the color green?”
Even with only a small fire, Zane could see Emmeric’s face pale.
“How do you even know about that?” he asked. But then he groaned and dragged a hand down his face. “Seriously, Tal?”
Talon actually chuckled. “What? Zane said he was going to get rid of the green uniforms, and I said you would be happy to hear that. Come on, man, I’ve been dying to know this since we were kids.”
“Oh, gods,” Iyana gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. She looked over at Emmeric. Then she lowered her hand and giggled. Once she started, it seemed she couldn’t stop. Emmeric frowned down at her as she doubled over, her giggles turning into full-blown laughter. Tears rolled down her face.
“It’s not funny,” Emmeric said to her.
“It is, though,” she said in between peals of laughter. “You have to tell them. If you don’t, I will.” But they’d have to wait, because Iyana started giggling again. Emmeric crossed his arms and frowned.
“Damn,” Kaz said. “This really isn’t fair-this mind link thing you two have going on. I wanna know!”
“Ditto!” Talon exclaimed. “Tell us, Smalls!”
“Fine!” Emmeric yelled. “Fine.” The man was fully pouting. Even Zane cracked a smile.
Emmeric opened his mouth, closed it again.
Sighed. “When I was a kid, I had a habit of leaving my window open no matter what the weather was. I always ran hot, and I enjoyed the breeze that would come through. Anyway, one night, I woke up because it felt like I was being tickled. Sometimes my mom would wake me up like this in the mornings for school, but when I opened my eyes, it was still dark. I was confused, so I lit the candle by bed and then I—”
Iyana was trying extremely hard to be serious, but another giggle escaped from her lips. Emmeric glared at her.
“I looked down, and my bed was full of dark green toads. They were all moving and hopping over me. I screamed, and my parents came running in. But they only laughed at me while I cried and the toads crawled all over me. They finally cleared them out, then two days later they painted a giant mural of a toad on my wall as a joke. They painted over it again immediately after I started sobbing and refused to sleep in my room. I think they just didn’t want me in their bed. ”
“That’s it?” Talon asked. “That’s why you hate the color green?”
Emmeric nodded, and Talon burst into laughter, clutching at his stomach as he doubled over.
“This is why I never told you, you asshole.”
“Is this also why you always made me close the window at night?” he managed to wheeze.
When he didn’t answer, Kaz, Zane, and Iyana all joined Talon in their laughter. Emmeric sat there watching them with his arms crossed, a deep frown on his face. This was the most any of them had laughed in quite a while, and Zane relished the levity of the conversation.
When they had calmed down, Kaz wiped a tear from her eye and looked at Talon. “I know you followed our favorite grumpy pants into the military, so if it weren’t for him, what would you have done with your life?”
Talon sighed wistfully. “I had great ambitions of being a dancer in the Great Athusan Ballet. I almost made it, too. There were try-outs, and my instructor was going to put in a good word for me, but then Em enlisted and I couldn’t let him do that alone.”
Zane had no idea that Talon had once been so passionate about dancing. He didn’t think he’d ever seen the man dance once, but, then again, soldiers didn’t have many opportunities to go to balls.
“Stop lying, you jerk, and tell them the truth,” Emmeric said. “Iyana is over here thinking about eviscerating me because I stole your dream or some shit.”
“I really wish you weren’t in my head,” Iyana said.
Emmeric finally smirked at her. “Then stop thinking such interesting things.”
Iyana stuck her tongue out at him.
“So, what were you actually going to do?” Zane asked Talon.
Tal waved his hand. “Nothing exciting, just getting into the family business.”
“Which was?”
“My parents are chandlers. Honestly, this was for the best. I hated having wax in my hair all the time, and the strong scents for some of the candles would trigger an allergic reaction.”
“Sometimes he’d have to come stay at my house for a few days, otherwise his lips would swell up like he’d been stung by a wasp.”
Talon grinned. “Good times.” Godsdamn, it really was amazing to see Talon with a genuine smile on his face.
“What about you?” Tal asked Kaz. “What would you have done if you weren’t a princess?”
“Oh, that’s easy. I’d join the circus.”
“Wait, are you serious?” Iyana asked, grinning.
“Dead serious. In another life, I’d have loved to learn acrobatics.
It’s probably the cat in me, but I’ve always loved watching them flipping and flying on the hoops in the air.
It seems like such a fun and stress-free life.
What about you, Your Majesty? What would you have done if you weren’t royal? ”
Zane blinked. “I guess I never really thought about it. There really was no other option for me since I don’t have any siblings. But I’d probably be a librarian. Or a teacher.”
“You’d be a fantastic teacher,” Talon said, smiling warmly at him. Zane’s heart rate doubled.
Iyana yawned widely and announced she’d be going to bed.
The others appeared exhausted, but Zane actually felt awake and alert.
He volunteered for first watch. As everyone else bedded down, Zane leaned back against a tree and settled in for several hours of silence.
He’d honestly never minded being on watch, as it meant he could be alone with his thoughts.
It was exhausting being a prince and having Uther for a father, so he had always made it a point to revel in the quiet moments.
Taking a turn on watch also helped endear him to his soldiers, which was a feat since he mostly acted like an asshole around them.
His father had always had these expectations for Zane, and he had a role to play.
Zane realized for the first time that he no longer had to act a part.
His father was gone, he was emperor, and he could do as he pleased.
With all the commotion of everything else, he’d never had time to dwell on what it actually meant now that his father had died.
An immense weight lifted from his shoulders, and Zane felt as if he could properly breathe for the first time in almost two decades.
A couple hours into his watch, Zane was readying to wake Emmeric for his turn when Talon sat up in his bedroll with a gasp. He turned to Zane, his eyes wide and wild, then stood and bolted into the trees. Panic ripped through Zane as he stood to follow Talon, running to keep up.
He stumbled into a clearing, and Talon was nowhere to be seen. Zane scoured the ground for prints, eventually following them to the base of a large tree. Talon was sitting in a pile of snow with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head bowed.
“Talon?” Zane asked carefully, not wanting to scare him away. “Are you okay?”
Tal shook his head without looking up. His shoulders were shaking with silent sobs.
Zane’s heart broke. It had really appeared like he had been improving.
He’d been able to laugh and smile more often, and that had seemed real.
But this man in front of him was still broken, searching for his missing pieces scattered around him.
Zane sat down in the snowdrift next to Talon, suddenly unsure of what Tal needed or wanted. He desperately wanted to put his arm around him and haul him close but didn’t know if that was something Tal would want.
On the way to Nyr, he had asked Zane to stop treating him as if he was fragile. So he grabbed Talon’s face gently and picked it up out of his lap. Zane stared into blue eyes lined with tears that shone in the moonlight. He took a deep breath and placed his brow on Talon’s.
“Talon, my soul, what happened?”
“Just a nightmare,” was Tal’s whispered response.
Zane pushed Talon’s beautiful red hair off his shoulders. “What do you need from me?”
“You, Zane. I only need you.”
Talon pulled Zane closer, and then he was kissing him.
Zane fisted his hair to keep him in place, because, gods, this kiss was everything he remembered it to be.
He hadn’t realized how much he had missed Talon, even though they were always together, until this moment.
They took their time, getting lost in each other, until eventually the kiss ebbed, and they broke apart.
Zane’s chest was heaving and his heart felt full.
“I miss you, Zane.” Talon murmured the words against his lips.
“I know. I know, Tal. I’m so sorry. You were dealing with so much, I didn’t want to pile more shit on top of it, let alone ask about our basically non-existent relationship and—”
“Non-existent? Zane, I love you. Are…are we not together?”
Talon’s question threw him off. They had never had a conversation about actually being together.
They had professed their love, sure, but there hadn’t been time to figure out the logistics of their relationship.
He honestly hadn’t thought Talon would want to worry about any sort of relationship after what he had gone through.
“Do you want to be?” Zane asked hesitantly.
“Of course I do, you idiot.” Talon chuckled. “Did you not just hear me say I love you?”
Then Zane was kissing him again, conveying all of his relief and joy. Talon clung to him and moaned into Zane’s mouth. He had to break free before he tore off all of Talon’s clothes right there in the snow. All things considered, this was not the right time or place.
“I love you too, Talon.”