Chapter 32
Zane
Emmeric and Iyana filled the rest of them in the next morning about the news that Altair had killed Iyana’s grandmother. Zane understood the haunted look on her face. It had rocked him to his core when he’d learned that his own father had killed his mother.
But Iyana was riding with Emmeric again and the awkward tension between them had dissipated, so at least something good had come from the drama of the night before. Zane did feel bad about the scorched curtains, though. He wished he had enough coin to pay the innkeepers for the damage.
It was obvious that Emmeric and Iyana were using their silent communication more often.
They would stare at each other silently, but their expressions changed as if they were having an actual conversation.
On more than one occasion, Iyana would blush and turn away quickly.
It was amusing, but also annoying because it would take multiple attempts to gain their attention.
Talon at one point seemed like he was ready to slap Em in the face just to get him to answer a question.
Tal seemed like he was regressing slightly after they’d freed his parents.
Before that, he had been smiling more often, his eyes sparkling as they did before, but now he’d crawled back into that cave and was hiding from everyone just like before.
Zane couldn’t do anything except be there for him.
But it broke his heart to see him this way again.
Even Kaz was uncharacteristically silent. Zane asked her if she was okay.
“I miss Yrza,” she said.
“The city or the goddess?” Talon asked with a smirk.
The shifter playfully slapped his thigh from where she sat in front of him on the horse. “The goddess, obviously. I love my home, but it’s not my entire world.”
“And a woman you spoke to for less than an hour is?” Zane asked.
Kaz frowned at him. “One, she’s a goddess, not a woman. And two, yes. Did you see the way she kissed me?” She fanned her face. “Godsdamn, it was a good kiss.”
“Are we ever going to discuss you being the reincarnation of Gana?” asked Tal.
She shrugged. “What’s there to discuss? I still feel like me, and I don’t have any memories from before. So, really, it changes nothing.”
And they left it at that. Kaz obviously didn’t think it was an important revelation, so they dropped the subject.
It took only a day from the inn to reach the Sea of Stars.
They would be taking the ferry across instead of braving the Aula Pass—a fact that Iyana had mentioned she was extremely grateful for after encountering wolves there last time.
The ferry had already left for the day, so they found a run-down inn at the edge of the small town and bunked down for the night.
The food offered was so unappealing that Zane and Talon opted to eat dried meat and fruit in their room instead.
They had finished eating and were simply sitting in silence.
Zane was about to propose climbing into bed and going to sleep when Talon spoke.
“Zane,” he began. Something about his tone made Zane’s heart beat faster, but he tried to keep an even expression.
“My soul?”
Talon heaved a deep sigh and picked at a loose thread on the bedspread. “I want to tell you about when I was in the Everlands.”
Zane’s breath stalled in his chest. “Okay,” he said slowly. “What do you need from me? Do you want me to only listen or offer comfort?”
Tal’s blue eyes were swimming with tears; they pierced Zane to his soul.
“Can you hold me while I do this? I think it’ll help ground me, and I don’t know if I can look at you while I tell it.”
“Of course,” Zane said immediately. He didn’t take it personally that Talon couldn’t look at him during the telling.
It was bound to be a deeply personal and emotional tale, and any ‘wrong’ expression that crossed Zane’s face could shut him down in an instant.
Zane was no stranger to difficult conversations and not wanting to be emotionally vulnerable to people.
Uther had tried his hardest to beat the emotions and empathy out of his son but, luckily, he did not succeed.
Zane once again thanked his mother for instilling a strong moral compass, even in the eight short years he’d had with her.
They climbed into the narrow bed, and Zane reeled Talon close, tucking him into his side. Tal’s head rested on his chest, and he surely could hear just how quickly Zane’s heart was beating, but he didn’t care. He was finally going to hear what had happened and how he could help.
After another deep breath, Talon began. “I woke up on the banks of a river…”
Then he proceeded to shatter Zane’s heart as he told him of all the people he’d killed and how he had kept count.
How tired he’d been when he finally died.
The boy he had killed before he understood how young he actually was, and that he’d financially supported the family for years to atone.
How when Iyana had found him, he was ready to wade into that river and cross into Altea’s waiting embrace.
But he had heard all their voices. He’d heard Zane crying out for him, telling him he had promised to never leave him.
Altea had warned them of a cost to coming back, but it hadn’t mattered.
Zane had needed him.
“I couldn’t leave you here,” Tal continued. “I heard the raw hurt in your voice and at that point, the choice was easy. I would choose you every time, Zane.”
“Oh, my beautiful soul.”
They were both crying. Zane’s tears splashed on Talon’s hair as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
“I’m so sorry, Tal. I’m so sorry that you suffered so much under my care.
If I had known—” Zane’s voice hitched. He couldn’t finish the sentence because, truthfully, back then, he wouldn’t have done anything differently.
He had felt he had no other choice but to follow his father’s directions without question.
It was the only way he had been able to survive and escape Uther’s wrath.
“No, Zane, no.” Talon peeled his face off of Zane’s shirt and took his face in his hands. “I don’t blame you for anything. I know that, if anything, you suffered more than any of us did.”
“Still, I—”
“No, Zane. You wonderful, selfless idiot, listen to me.” Warm thumbs brushed the drops away from Zane’s face. “We all have scars. We all have regrets. I carry mine here”—he tapped his temple—“whereas most of yours decorate your back. It’s in the past, and now we move forward.”
Zane hated the reminder of his mutilated back and thanked the gods that it was somewhere he didn’t have to see every day. In fact, he could mostly forget they were there unless someone saw them. And he’d made sure nobody saw them—until Talon, of course.
“Let me pay the cost,” Zane whispered. It was the least he could do after all Talon had sacrificed for them.
Shaking his head, the fierceness that was just in Talon’s gaze dimmed. “Don’t you see? I’m the only one who can pay it. It’s my burden to bear. I figured it out a while ago.”
“What is it?” Fear suffused Zane. He almost didn’t want to hear the answer.
“It’s living having known a sliver of peace. It’s existing in this cruel, cold world instead of staying in the warmth and love of the Everlands. Living is so, so hard sometimes, Zane. Altea doesn’t need to add another cost when this one is already so high.”
Talon lay his head back onto Zane’s chest.
“Sometimes it feels insurmountable,” Talon whispered.
Not knowing how to respond, Zane threaded his fingers through Tal’s hair and wrapped his arm tight around his waist, pulling him even closer. They lay like that, silently weeping for the things they had both lost, until sleep overtook them.
Their conversation seemed to be a cathartic release for Talon—the next morning he appeared lighter. His eyes were brighter, his hair shinier, and his lips quicker to smile.
It took half a day to cross the Sea of Stars by ferry, and the change in climate when they stepped off the boat was drastic. Zane had never done this trip during the heart of winter, so going from snowbanks to a desert was jarring.
The emperor of Athusa briefly lamented the fact that his part of the continent was the only one that ever dealt with a real change of weather.
Kaz had also perked up once they hit Istorian soil.
She’d never been to Istora before and was excited to see the sights.
Which, turned out, was a lot of red rocks and green cacti.
On and on into the horizon, where heat waves distorted the sky.
It didn’t take long for Zane to remember why he didn’t like to visit the desert unless it was absolutely necessary.
He was drenched in sweat within minutes.
Iyana, though, was nothing short of giddy. The several days it took to ride to Istoria only made her more excited until she was practically vibrating in the saddle. Emmeric appeared both amused and uncomfortable at the same time, and Zane and Talon shared many laughs at his expense.
“I’ve never been to the capital before!” Iyana said, bouncing in her seat. Emmeric grunted behind her, then clamped an arm around her waist to keep her still.
“From what I remember, it’s beautiful,” said Zane.
The Aztia turned to him with wide eyes. “You’ve been?”
“Once as a child, with my mother.”
That had been a fantastic trip. Zane had been six years old and his father hadn’t joined them.
It was the most time he’d been allowed alone with his mother, and it was the freest he could ever remember feeling.
They had stayed for a couple of weeks, meeting with the queen and prince consort as well as touring the Istorian capital.
Gods, it had been so great to see his mother smile and speak with complete freedom, without fear of repercussions.
He remembered there weren’t many children to play with back then, and the queen was likely in her eighties now; Zane wondered who would be next in line for the throne.