Chapter 35
Iyana
Emmeric was still asleep, and Iyana propped herself up on an elbow to gaze down on his sleeping face.
His features were relaxed for the first time in a while—lately he’d had a little wrinkle perpetually between his brows from worry.
Iyana had gotten used to sleeping next to him in the night—he was the only thing that staved off the nightmares—but not in his shirt, and not with him fully naked.
Her entire body heated at the thought of the things they had done the night before.
Emmeric’s hands on her, his head between her thighs, tasting him…
it had been incredible. If she thought connecting through the bond to share magic was euphoric, it was nothing compared to the things he had made her feel with his body.
Iyana had been angry when he tried to pull away from her without letting her touch him, but in the light of the morning, she realized it was a completely different situation than it was with Altair.
Altair had always withheld himself as a ‘punishment,’ and when she did manage to touch him, he turned it around quickly so that he was the one touching her instead.
And, at the time, she had enjoyed the attention and the pleasure he had wrung from her body.
But now Iyana could see it for what it was—control.
She believed he did truly love her, but she also believed Altair didn’t know how to love.
Emmeric, though, had only been concerned for her well-being. He had wanted her to actually want this, and he was fully willing to do anything she desired. Once Iyana told him she was sure, he listened. He allowed her freedom to do as she wished and didn’t intervene. It was refreshing.
He was always guarding her, keeping her body and her soul safe.
Always lifting her up when she was down and helping her when she began to panic.
Emmeric had been the one positive person always there for her, who truly saw her for who she was.
Even when she threw her barriers up to drive him away, he still saw her. Still cared for her. He always had.
The thought sent a pleasantly unpleasant sensation through her stomach, and the realization hit her with the force of a monsoon.
Iyana had never hated Emmeric, not even when she was trying to.
She had tried so hard to turn him into her enemy by pushing him away or not trusting him, but he’d never held any of that against her.
Never blamed her for anything. Never told her ‘I told you so,’ even when Iyana demanded him to say it to her.
No—he only held her close and whispered comforting words that Iyana wasn’t sure she was worthy of.
She didn’t deserve Emmeric. But he still wanted her after everything Iyana had put him through.
Brushing his hair off his forehead, Iyana took several seconds to admire him, and then his strikingly blue eyes that grounded Iyana even in her darkest hour fluttered open.
“Iyana?” Emmeric asked, groggy and still half asleep.
“I figured it out,” she murmured, trailing her fingers down his face, neck, and chest before placing her palm flat over his heart.
That little line appeared between his brows as he frowned at her. Iyana smiled—she had a sudden desire to kiss that line until all his worries were eased.
“Figured what out?” Emmeric was still struggling to wake up.
“It’s you.”
“Me? What’s me? Mouse, you’re not making any sense.”
Instead of answering, Iyana leaned over him and pressed her lips to his. Her hair fell around them in a curtain. Emmeric slid his hand behind her head to hold her in place. The kiss stayed gentle, and when Iyana pulled away, she could tell Emmeric was now fully awake.
Hovering over his face, she let her hand trail down his chest, and a smug satisfaction filled her when his pupils dilated.
“It’s always been you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to see it.”
Iyana sat so that she was straddling his lap, and she had never been more aware that she wasn’t wearing underwear. Emmeric had hardened underneath her and she ground herself against his length, making them both groan. His hands landed on her waist, and he held her still; he was shaking.
“Iyana, I—”
“I want you, Em,” she whispered. “Please.”
Those blue eyes bore into her soul. “We’re talking about this after.”
Iyana nodded. She was beyond words at this point.
Beyond wanting anything other than Emmeric inside her.
He lifted her enough so that she could align him with her entrance, and then she lowered herself agonizingly slowly.
They stared intently at each other as he peeled off her shirt, barely breathing.
Leaning forward, Iyana finally kissed that line between his brows.
Emmeric’s face was slack, like he couldn’t believe this was actually happening.
Iyana felt so much love flowing from him it was overwhelming.
She kissed him again, deeper than before, but still slow and languid.
Iyana rocked her hips, and they both gasped, but neither of them seemed inclined to speed up the pace.
This felt right. Raw. How it always should have been.
If she had listened to him earlier, then they might never have been in this mess in the first place.
Hey, Emmeric said in her mind. He sat up, still buried inside her, and gently brushed her hair off of her face.
“Don’t think of those things right now,” he said, cradling her face with such amazing gentleness. He pressed his forehead against hers. “It’s just you and me, Mouse. None of that matters.”
“Okay,” Iyana whispered.
She trailed her lips along the scruff of his jaw and down his neck. Emmeric clutched her close to him. At this angle, it was difficult to move much, but they were taking their time, anyway. Iyana was in no rush. She wanted to feel all of him. She wanted to stay in this moment forever.
Emmeric’s hands trailed along her skin, making her hot and tingly. They finally settled on her ass, and he helped her grind against him, creating a blissful friction that had her gasping in his ear.
“Iyana,” he said, his voice strained. “Please let me worship you.”
She nipped the skin at his neck in answer, but he slapped her ass again. First one side, then the other.
“Naughty thing.” Emmeric chuckled. I’ll take that as a yes.
Ever so gently, he laid her onto her back on the bed, then leaned down and sucked a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the raised bud.
Iyana arched her back off the bed and her fingernails grazed across the skin of Emmeric’s back.
Phaedros take her, the things this man knew how to do.
She opened her mouth to tell him to move, but no words came out. Emmeric smirked around her nipple, obviously hearing her anyway. He took Iyana’s hands in one of his own and raised them above her head, pinning her there.
Iyana froze.
Emmeric and the lavish bedroom disappeared and suddenly she was back on Azazel’s cold metal table, her hands and feet bound, stretching her body to its absolute limits. And her world was pain, pain, pain.
Iyana.
Shadows surrounded her, squeezing her lungs.
Mouse.
She was underwater, opening her mouth to scream, allowing water to pour in and she was drowning.
Iyana!
Bright blue broke through the haze of water and shadows, and Azazel’s chambers fell away. Iyana was back in the bedroom, Emmeric hovering over her with her face in his hands. His eyes were wide, searching her face.
“I’m sorry,” she said, a tear slipping free and running down her face into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, Iyana, no,” Emmeric murmured, gathering her into his arms. He hauled her onto his lap and held her close as sobs racked her body. “Shit, I’m sorry, Mouse. I saw. I—” His voice broke. “I didn’t think about it. I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.”
Emmeric continued to whisper soothing words while she cried into his chest. Eventually, she calmed, and the sobs stopped.
“I’m so sorry, Mouse,” he whispered again into her hair. Iyana looked up to see tears swimming in his eyes, and she hated that her trauma had this effect on others.
“It’s not your fault, Emmeric. I want—” She paused, considering her next words and making sure it was actually what she wanted. Needed. “I want you to do it again.”
“I—what?”
“I don’t want that to be my reaction. It can’t be for practical purposes—what if someone restrains my hands during battle—and I know I’m safe with you. What better way to replace that past pain than with pleasure?”
“Iyana…” Emmeric rubbed the back of his head. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea.”
“Please?” Iyana pleaded with him silently.
Honestly, she wasn’t sure this was the best idea, either.
But the thought slightly excited her, even as it terrified her.
She trusted Emmeric. She knew he would never hurt her.
Not on purpose, at least. And she hadn’t been lying when she told him it was impractical for her to panic when her hands were restrained.
She’d need every weapon in her arsenal possible during their upcoming fight against the stars, and she wouldn’t allow their enemy any advantage if she could help it.
Her Kanaliza sighed, and Iyana knew she’d won.
“Fine,” he said. “But think of a safe word.”
“Safe word?”
“A word that you can say at any time to let me know that you need to stop.”
“And it can be any word?”
“Yes.” Emmeric paused. “Well, it should be something you wouldn’t normally say. That way, it’s clear and obvious when you need to stop.”
Iyana frowned as she thought about it. “Plantains.”
Emmeric huffed a laugh. “Why plantains?”
“Because I don’t like them.”
A full grin split Emmeric’s face. “Plantains it is, then. Lie down, Mouse.” He nodded towards the bed.
Swallowing roughly, she did as she was told.
“Arms above your head.”