5. Fiona
Chapter Five
FIONA
My sister is dead. Has been for a year. A whole year that has passed in the blink of an eye.
I’ve lived three hundred and sixty-five days and nights since she left us.
Days my sister has not enjoyed, and never will again. She exists only in pictures and old voice notes that I still find myself playing on repeat whenever I miss her.
There hasn’t been a single day over the past year where I haven’t wished she was still alive, not just so I can talk to her in person, but because I wish we could have the chance to make up.
Maybe that’s selfish of me, but I’m tired of carrying around the guilt over what happened all by myself.
We were both to blame, and yet for some reason, Carly couldn’t see that. And now she never will.
I’m lying in bed, staring at the ceiling when my alarm goes off. I let it ring for a few beats before reaching over and switching it off.
“Three hundred and sixty-six,” I whisper before throwing back the covers and padding barefoot into the bathroom.
I barely slept last night, and it shows. I look like crap.
My hair is a tangled mess, and it looks like I’ve smeared purple eyeshadow beneath my eyes from how dark the circles are.
In my sleep-deprived haze, it takes me until I’m halfway through my morning shower routine to remember that I no longer have a job to go to. As of last night, I am unemployed, thanks to Lorcan Sullivan.
I huff, turning off the water. “I am so over today.”
I quickly dry off and throw my sweats back on, seeing as I don’t need to go into the office. I can’t deny it hurts that not a single one of my now ex-colleagues has reached out to ask if I’m ok. I mean, who quits their job on the fly without there being a reason?
Apparently, me.
In the hopes of turning the day around, I head into my tiny kitchen and start going through the motions of making my morning matcha.
I even scroll through my music to find an upbeat playlist to help add to the vibes but quickly turn it off at the first mention of true love and everlasting happiness.
That shit doesn’t exist.
I’m just about to type in red flags and trust issues in the search bar when an incoming call from Zoe lights up the screen.
“Glad to know you didn’t suffocate in your sleep from the bleach fumes.” I put the call on speaker and set the phone on the counter so I can finish making my matcha.
“I survived, but I have to say I slept like a baby, so maybe I’m on to something here.”
“Please don’t go getting addicted to bleach. I can’t afford rehab.”
Or rent for that matter.
Zoe laughs. “I’m not making any promises. Anyway, where are you? It’s awfully quiet in the background. Shouldn’t you be on the way to work?”
I should, but I no longer have a job, which is just one more thing I can add to the long list of things that Lorcan Sullivan has taken from me. Not that I can tell her any of that.
“I took the day off.”
And the next day, and the day after that if I don’t land this job at Sullivan Investments, but I don’t tell Zoe that either. She doesn’t need to know about the hole I’ve dug myself. This is my mess, and it’s up to me to fix it.
“Are you sure that was a good idea? Maybe work would have been a good distraction, especially today.”
“Maybe…”
“Well, I hope you’re at least planning to pamper yourself? I don’t want you cooped up alone all day long, wallowing in self-pity. Carly wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“Well, Carly isn’t here,” I retort before silently cursing myself. “Crap, sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just…tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“You can snap at me all you want. You’re entitled to it today.”
“No, I’m not. Having a dead sister doesn’t give me a free pass to be a bitch to my best friend.”
Zoe laughs. “You and I are very different people. I would be milking the dead sister card for the rest of my life.”
“Still, I’m sorry.”
“Already forgotten. Look, I’m about to get on the subway and lose signal, but promise me you won’t spend the day wallowing?”
“I won’t.”
“Fiona…”
“I won’t!”
“Do you want me to come over later? I can bring pizza and wine, and we can watch all the bad movie sequels.”
“There is no such thing as a bad movie sequel.”
“Do I need to remind you of Legally Blonde 2.”
“I love that movie.”
“Well, you have terrible taste. But I’m willing to give you a pass for today.”
I pour frothed milk into my mug. “How generous of you. But I promise you, I’m fine. You don’t need to come over and babysit me.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Well, I’m here if you need anything. Chin up, Fi. It’s just another day, ok?”
“I know.”
The call ends, and I’m once again left with my own dark and depressing thoughts.
“Fuck it.” I hit play on my phone and let some overrated pop song blast through the speaker in the hopes of absorbing some of the positivity.
I’ve barely made it to the bridge when the music cuts out from another incoming call.
I glance side long at the screen and almost drop my matcha at the sight of my brother-in-law's name.
“What the hell?”
This has to be some kind of sick joke.
I haven’t seen or spoken to Joe since the funeral, and he decides today, of all days, to break his silence?
It doesn’t make sense. Unless, of course, something has happened that trumps his need to give me the cold shoulder.
My pulse spikes as I quickly snatch up the phone and answer the call. “Are the girls ok?”
“Fiona?”
“Amber and Skye, are they all right? What’s wrong? Has something happened?—”
“Everything is fine. I just need some information from you.”
Of course, he’s not calling to apologize.
“Information? What kind of information?”
“Some health information on Carly.”
I groan. “I’m such an idiot.”
“What was that?”
“We haven’t spoken in a year, and you call me to ask about my sister's medical records? Are you kidding me?”
“Can you help or not?”
“Unbelievable! Why would I help you, Joe? As if it wasn’t bad enough losing my sister, you decided to keep my nieces from me too. You know they are the only family I have left.”
“Fiona—”
“I’m not done.”
“Well, I didn’t call just to get lectured by you.”
“Then hang up.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, Fiona. Not today.”
My teeth grind together as I fight the urge to explode.
What was he expecting? That I would burst into song out of sheer happiness that he called?
“Then tell me what’s going on because, believe me, I have plenty of anger left in the tank and no one to aim it at but you.”
Joe exhales on his end of the phone. Whatever he’s about to admit to, it must be bad if he’s putting his pride aside and calling me after all this time.
“Amber is in the hospital.”
And the blows just keep coming.
I grip the edge of the counter as I try to remember how to breathe. “Oh God. What’s wrong with her?”
“They think she might have a genetic heart condition.”
“A heart condition? Oh, my God, how bad is it?”
“My family history is clear, which is why I called you.”
“Joe. Is Amber ok?”
“She’s fine.”
“She’s clearly not fine if she’s in the hospital! Which hospital is she at? I’ll head there right now.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I knew it was a mistake calling you.”
“You can’t keep the girls from me.”
“They’re my children, Fiona. And I need to do what’s best for them.”
“What’s best for them? I’m their aunt!” I’m yelling now, but I don’t care.
“I have to go.”
“Wait, Joe?—”
The phone goes dead, and the upbeat pop music starts instantly blaring once again, which only adds to my rage.
“Fuck!” I fight the urge to launch my phone through a window.
This can’t be happening. My perfect, sweet little six-year-old niece is in the hospital.
I don’t know anything about heart conditions, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t get much more serious than that.
Does she need a transplant?
I hear those are pretty hard to come by, but maybe they put kids at the top of the list?
Is that how it works?
Oh, god, this can’t be happening. I can’t lose Amber too. She’s just a child. Surely, she hasn’t had a chance to rack up any bad karma yet.
I try redialing Joe’s number, but I’m instantly connected to his voicemail. “You’re a coward, Joe!”
It doesn’t take long for the anger to morph into fear, and once again, I find myself on the floor, wondering how everything went wrong so fast.
Amber must be terrified, and knowing that she doesn’t have her mother to comfort her makes my heart break.
I should be with her right now, not stuck at home. I need to know what is going on, or, at the very least, which hospital she’s at. But if Joe won’t call me back, I’m all out of options.
Unless…
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” I open up my contacts and scroll down to the bottom of the list.
I have to know what’s going on with Amber because not knowing might actually kill me. Besides, I’m already in a hole, so what if I make it a little deeper?
“I hope you’re calling for interview tips,” Lorcan drawls.
“I have a condition.” I try my best to keep my voice steady.
I am in no position to be bargaining with Lorcan Sullivan, but right now he is my only hope of finding out what is going on with Amber.
People like him have the power and money to bribe hospital staff for information, and considering the fact that Joe doesn’t think I have a right to know what is going on with my niece, I have no choice but to ask Lorcan for help.
“A condition?”
“Yes.”
“That’s funny. I didn’t think you were in a position to bargain. But call me curious. What is so important that has you calling me for help?”
“I need information.”
“I see…”
“So, if you want me to help spy on Cormac, I’m going to need you to get that information for me.”
“Is that so?”
I screw my eyes shut as I swallow down every curse word I can think of. I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but I guess it’s too late to go back now. My hand has been played. “Yes.”
“And if I say no?”
“Then the deal is off,” I state, though my voice shakes with fear.
“So, we have a deal now? Because I was so sure you spying on Cormac was a way for you to repay your debt to me. I must have gotten myself confused.”
“I’ll make it worth your while.”
“I should hope so, considering it’s your own life on the line.”
I’m practically begging for death at this point, but I don’t care.
My niece could have a fatal heart condition, and I’m not there to even hold her hand.
I know that Carly would never forgive me if I were to stop fighting for her girls, and if it costs me my life, then so be it. Without Amber and Skye, I have nothing left anyway.
“My niece is sick, and I don’t even know which hospital she’s at.” I sound pathetic and desperate, but that’s exactly what I am.
I doubt my words will tug on Lorcan’s heart strings because I don’t think he has any, but it’s worth a shot.
When he doesn’t answer, I swallow the last of my pride and utter the word I never thought I would say to Lorcan Sullivan.
“Please.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
I choke on a sob as the line goes dead.
What the hell did I just do?