8. Cormac
Chapter Eight
CORMAC
I stare at the pile of resumes in the trash can, wondering if it's too late to revoke my offer because ever since Fiona Callahan left my office, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I've starved myself of any sort of physical contact for so long that having an attractive woman sitting in front of me awoke my cock after what feels like years of neglect.
Having a kid doesn't exactly give you a lot of time to focus on personal needs, and while I've scratched the itch here and there, that was all it was. And that's all it can ever be.
I can't afford to get attached and bring someone into my life because it's not just about me and what I want. It's about Scout.
Though I've been more than happy to make that sacrifice for my son, right now, as I think about those big blue eyes and luscious curves, I'm finding it hard to think rationally.
I never wanted to hire an assistant in the first place, and now I've gone and tied myself to a woman who gave me a hard-on during the fucking interview. So, it's safe to say I am well and truly fucked.
"Am I interrupting?"
I swallow a groan at the sound of Kieran's voice.
"Ever heard of knocking?" I grumble, ignoring him and turning my attention back to my computer.
"I did, several times. It looks like you were contemplating something deep."
You have no idea.
"Two visits in one day, you spoil me. I thought the whole point of me stepping in as CEO was so that you could be at home with your wife?"
"I just want to make sure you actually chose an assistant." He crosses over to the desk and drops into a chair.
I roll my eyes as quickly as I open my inbox and click on the email from Fiona that came in a few hours ago. I turn my computer around and point at the screen.
"There's the acceptance, in writing."
Kieran leans forward and scans the email. "How do I know it's not fake?"
"You're kidding, right?"
Kieran smirks as he leans back in his chair, looking unusually relaxed.
I'm still not used to seeing this side of Kieran, the one where he's not always acting like a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment.
"I have to say, I didn't think you would do it."
"That's me, full of surprises." I click out of my email and switch off the computer.
"So, how does it feel to be the one sitting behind the desk?"
"It feels wrong."
Kieran chuckles under his breath before getting to his feet and walking over to the filing cabinet in the corner of the room.
I frown. "What are you doing?"
"Getting a drink."
I watch Kieran open the top drawer and pull out a fresh bottle of Devil's Keepand two crystal tumblers.
"You're telling me that's been in here all day?"
Kieran smirks as he sets the bottle down on the desk along with two glasses. "There used to be a full liquor cart in here, but for some reason, Ronan got rid of it when I took over from him."
I pick up the bottle and admire the label. "Can't imagine why. I haven't drunk this stuff in a while. It was always Dad's favorite."
"Pretty sure we buried him with a bottle."
"Wouldn't surprise me."
I'm suddenly hit with a tidal wave of memories as I stare at the bottle, so I quickly set it down, not wanting to get sucked into the past.
Regardless of the fact that my relationship with my father wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, it doesn't mean I wanted the asshole dead. It's something I think about often, the fact that I was on the other side of the country when it happened.
Part of me wonders if I had been there at that party, whether I could have somehow prevented it.
"So, tell me about your assistant." Kieran snaps me out of my thoughts.
I clear my throat as I tug at the collar of my shirt. "Why?"
"Call me curious. Did you choose her because she was the best for the job or because she was the last option?" He shoots me a look before snatching up the bottle of whiskey and pouring us both a glass.
"How do you know she was the last option?" I take a sip.
"I know everything. So, tell me, what is she like?"
Beautiful.
Mesmerizing.
Confident.
I shoot back the rest of my drink, hoping that the burn of the alcohol will be enough to distract my mind from thoughts of Fiona Callahan. "Well qualified."
Kieran narrows his eyes in a way that makes me think he can see right through me. "Is she hot?"
I clear my throat.
To describe Fiona as hot would be an understatement.
Sure, she's attractive. I mean, I've been thinking about her ass in that tight skirt all damn day.
But there was something else about her. Maybe it was the way she was willing to blow an interview for an incredibly well-paid position just to check in on her sick niece. That shows a level of integrity that is rare to see these days. And I find that more attractive than anything else.
I reach for the bottle and refill my glass. "I didn't notice. Anyway, it doesn't matter. You wanted me to choose someone, and I did."
Kieran leans back in his chair and crosses an ankle over a knee. "I have never met anyone who is so against help."
"I've managed just fine on my own."
"Maybe. But keeping your head above water and truly living are two different things."
"You've been watching too many daytime talk shows."
Kieran huffs a laugh. "I guess marriage really does change you."
"How is Riley?" I ask in the hope of changing the subject.
"You would know if you visited more."
"I visit."
"Only when we have meetings at the house."
I exhale as I lean back in my chair.
For the past couple of years, it's been just Scout and me, and I'm finding being constantly surrounded by family, who all seem to expect a version of me that no longer exists, completely draining.
"I figured you didn't want to be bothered."
Kieran laughs. "Riley alwayswants to be bothered. The whole big family thing is still a novelty to her. I swear I can't remember the last time I came home to just my wife."
"It'll wear off."
"Hopefully, because otherwise, I'm going to have to turn one of the guest rooms into Brennan's room, and I really don't want to have to do that. I see him enough as it is."
"But she's doing okay?"
"She's fine. Still no baby, so she's going out of her mind. It turns out my wife is not one for sitting around and doing nothing."
"That doesn't surprise me."
"I just hope she doesn't hate being pregnant so much that she won't want to go through it again."
"You haven't even had the first one, and you're already thinking about baby number two?"
Kieran's face breaks out into a rare smile that almost takes me aback.
"I can't help it. Something about seeing the woman you love carrying your child just turns you into a caveman. I mean, surely you get that?"
I say nothing because it's easier than explaining that the woman I love is dead and that it has left behind a wound so great that I spend every day feeling like I'm slowly drowning.
"I should get home." I get to my feet.
Kieran looks like he's about to ask something but then thinks better of it. He gets to his feet and follows silently behind me as I head out of the office toward the elevators.
He presses the button for the lobby. "Take it easy on your new assistant. It's not her fault that I made you hire her."
"I'll treat her the same as I treat everyone else."
Kieran groans. "That's what I'm worried about. You're not exactly the poster child for being easy to communicate with."
"Should have thought about that before you put me in charge." I smirk as the doors slide open, and we step on.
"Just promise me you won't make her quit on her first day."
"You really want me to lie to you right now? Besides, all you said was that I had to hire an assistant, not that I had to keep one."
I say goodbye to Kieran outside the building and decide to walk home to my apartment, or rather Kieran'sold apartment.
When he and Riley decided to get a house closer to Ronan and Ciara, he offered me his penthouse, and I would have been stupid to turn it down.
I have been hesitant to put down roots in the city, considering that my son isn't even living in the same time zone as me. I know at some point that will change, and Kieran's place is already kitted out with a top-of-the-range security system.
I finally arrive home long after the sun has gone down and tuck into some leftover takeout at the kitchen island while I continue answering emails on my phone.
I didn't realize how much admin I would be doing, but maybe that's the whole point of hiring Fiona—to take care of all the busy work and leave me with the stuff that matters.
And now I'm thinking about Fiona again...
I've barely spent half an hour with this woman, and she's been on my mind ever since she left my office.
I don't know how the hell I'm going to be able to work with her all day, every day. But it's too late to change it now.
She's signed the contract and is due to start tomorrow. So, either I find a way to make her quit, or I learn how to work with a permanent erection.
On the dot of ten p.m., my phone starts ringing, and I smile as Scout's picture lights up the screen.
I set down my fork. "How's my favorite little guy?"
"Ray's making me go to bed," Scout grumbles.
"That's because it's your bedtime."
"But why? I'm not even tired."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes."
"Does not wanting to go to sleep have anything to do with wanting to watch more TV?"
Scout is quiet on the end of the phone, and I laugh.
"I thought so."
"I wish you were here to tuck me in," Scout mumbles.
This kid really knows how to tug at my heartstrings.
"Me too, buddy."
"Then why aren't you here?"
"Because I have work to do, you know that."
"But why can't you work from our house?"
I run a hand over my face as I try to ignore the gut-wrenching ache in my chest.
For a while, Scout was really understanding about why I couldn't always be with him in LA. But lately, every phone call has turned into a battle, which leaves me feeling like the worst parent in the world.
But that's not his fault. He's only a kid. He doesn't understand what it means to be a Sullivan.
And part of me wishes that he never will.
"I just can't, Scout. You know this."
"But—"
"No buts. It's time for you to go to bed. Otherwise, no pancakes for breakfast. You know the rules."
"I don't like pancakes."
"Oh, yeah? I guess there will just be more for Ray to eat, and you can have oatmeal instead."
"Ew! No! I hate oatmeal."
"Then you better hope there are enough pancakes for you."
"Fine, I'm going to bed. I love you, Daddy!" Scout practically yells down the phone.
"I love you too, Scout."
The phone goes dead, and I don't know how long I sit there, staring at the smiling photo of my son as I fight the urge to book the next red-eye flight to LAX.
I'm still contemplating it when my phone starts to ring again with another call from Scout, and I roll my eyes.
"Scout, you really have to go to bed?—"
"Cormac, it's me," Ray grunts. "We need to talk."
I straighten in my seat.
"About what? Is it Scout? Is he still refusing to sleep?"
"That's only the tip of the iceberg."
"Fuck. How bad is it?"
"It's bad. He's not coping well with you being gone, and he's becoming difficult for me to manage."
This is what I've been afraid of. I close my eyes.
"You know I will always be here to help in any way I can, but...let's face it. I'm not getting any younger, and I worry about being able to protect your kid should something happen."
"Has something happened? Is that where this is coming from?" I demand, flooded by that familiar rush of panic that has me losing the ability to think straight.
"No, no. Nothing like that."
I exhale a breath.
"It's just something I've been thinking about lately. Scout is a great kid, and it feels wrong that you're not here to see that."
"Believe me, I'm not on some sort of luxury vacation over here. I would do anything to be with Scout."
"Then I think it's time you start doing it."
Ray has done everything he can to help me out over the years, and I'll forever be grateful for that. But he's also right. He's not getting any younger.
I've been thinking a lot about bringing Scout over to New York over the past few weeks, and hearing about Scout acting out makes me want to do it sooner rather than later before his behavioral issues get too difficult to manage.
"I'm going to sort things out on my end so that Scout can come and live here in New York."
"I think that will be for the best."
"Have I ever told you how much I appreciate your help?"
Ray scoffs. "All the damn time. It's annoying, really. But I can't take all the credit."
"You should. You've been with Scout more than I have recently."
"Like you said, you would be here if you could. And one day, Scout will understand why it had to be this way."
"I hope so."
"I think Nadia would be proud of how you're raising Scout."
My throat tightens at the mention of her name, even after all these years.
It's because of her family that I'm having to go to such lengths to keep Scout safe. If Nadia's family were to find out about Scout's existence, they would think nothing of taking out whoever was blocking their path, and it's not fair for me to put that risk on Ray.
It's up to me to keep Scout safe, and I will do that, no matter the cost.