CHAPTER 21
Knowing Dana was on her way to pick her up, Samara left her trailer equipped with the black wig and glasses, choosing to leave the hat off but still bring it with her.
When Dana’s car made it past the two security guards, she smiled, seeing the woman herself through the window.
Dana wasn’t smiling, though. She looked pensive and maybe a little sad, too.
Determined not to ruin this thing between them, even if it was just a friendship beyond their kiss last night, Samara focused on the fact that, even though her expression wasn’t a happy one, Dana had at least shown up.
She’d texted. She had offered to take Samara to dinner.
She was here, and that was half the battle. Samara didn’t want to lose her.
“Hey,” Dana said when Samara climbed into her car.
“Why is the air on like crazy?” she asked.
“It was hot in here, and I wanted it to get close to seventy for you.”
Samara smiled at her and replied, “It’s about sixty-eight, bordering on sixty-seven, so you’ve accomplished your goal and then some.”
“Oh, thank God. I’m freezing!”
Dana reached for the dial and turned the air down, which meant they wouldn’t have to yell over the air blasting just to talk to each other on their way to dinner.
Samara held out the hat and said, “For you.”
“Me? I don’t need to be disguised.”
“No, but it looked good on you last night.”
Dana hesitated taking the fedora from her, but she did, although she didn’t put it on. She tossed it into the back seat and turned around, focusing on the road in front of them.
“So, where to?” she asked Samara.
“Dinner,” Samara said.
“Right. I found a vegan restaurant.”
“We don’t have to go someplace vegan.”
“It’s easier for you to find food that way.”
“Yes, but you couldn’t find food there.”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“Dana?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we just go somewhere quiet or maybe private, if that’s possible? I’ll find something to eat wherever that is.”
“You said food is the thing you’re–”
“My OCD is mainly focused on food, yes, but I’m okay right now.” She gave Dana a small smile. “I actually ate a salad for an early dinner.”
“Early dinner? You said you–”
“I had an off day today because something happened to me last night that threw me, so I had a weird breakfast, lunch, and dinner situation today because of it.”
Dana turned to her a little and asked, “But if you were thrown, wouldn’t you be more inclined to stick to your routine?”
“Normally, yes, but today was unlike any other day in my life, and the thought of using food to try to get me back on track just didn’t make sense.
Having a specific type of breakfast at a certain time of day wouldn’t make up for the fact that I ran out on you last night after you kissed me.
And before you interrupt me and say that I kissed you back, I know.
” Samara took a deep breath. “Me yelling at someone for my food being too cold or not cold enough wouldn’t change that.
There was this girl I was in group therapy with last year, who could not leave her house when she was a teenager because she was always afraid that she’d left the door unlocked.
She would sit in a chair and stare at the door for hours, making sure the door was locked.
She wouldn’t go to school or the bathroom.
She wouldn’t get up to make food. She’d just wait until her parents got home because she was so terrified that she’d leave the door unlocked and someone would break into the house, steal all their stuff, or hurt someone she loved.
Staring at the door like that wouldn’t prevent a break-in, though.
If someone was going to rob them, they would find another way in.
Of course, it’s easy for me to say that because while locked doors are important, it’s not a big thing for me. ”
“Is that why you’ve left your trailer door unlocked recently?”
“That’s because I… wanted you to be able to come in whenever you wanted,” Samara replied with a soft smile. “I thought if it was unlocked, you could just walk in, and that would be nice.”
“Me specifically? Because I was on food delivery?”
“No, I didn’t do that until after you got the part, remember?”
Dana nodded and asked, “Are you even hungry?”
“Not really,” she replied. “But I can eat an appetizer or a side dish if you are.”
“I have a sandwich in the back.” Dana nodded to the back seat.
“What did you get?”
“Shrimp Po-Boy with barbecue kettle chips.”
“Do you want to stop somewhere to eat it? I don’t mind talking while you do. I might even steal a chip if they’re vegan.”
“You’d have to read the bag to know for sure,” Dana said with a half-smile. “And yeah, we can find a bench someplace.”
Samara nodded because that sounded perfect.
Dana put the car in drive, and Samara tried to focus on her breathing.
She had been off all day today, and normally, she controlled her food when she felt that way, but trying to fix her feelings about hurting Dana by eating a veggie burrito seemed illogical.
She recalled her many hours of therapy about how that was true for most things.
Making sure there were six croutons on a salad instead of seven wouldn’t help her process how she felt about kissing a woman for the first time, or there being a possibility of someone recognizing her at the bar and putting her bisexuality all over the internet before Samara was ready to share it.
When the car stopped in the middle of a two-lane street, Samara wondered if Dana was about to leave her in a part of the city that wasn’t lit with streetlights. Dana hit her turn signal, though, looked through the back of the car, and pulled the car into a parking spot.
“I never learned to parallel park,” Samara shared. “It wasn’t on my driver’s test, but I also don’t drive myself very often anyway.”
“Not all of us have SUVs taking us places,” Dana teased as she straightened out the car. “And in New Orleans, parallel parking is a requirement unless you want to park ten miles away from wherever you’re going.”
“Where are we going?”
“Oh, we still have to walk about a mile,” Dana replied, putting the car in park. “I’m kidding,” she added, chuckling, when she saw Samara’s face. “It’s only a half mile.”
“Only?”
“You can make it,” Dana replied. “And if you’re done walking when we’re ready to come back, I’ll get us an Uber to drive us to my car.”
“Ha ha,” she said sarcastically.
They climbed out, and Samara noticed that Dana didn’t grab her sandwich.
“Your food,” she noted.
“It’s fine back there for a while. I’m not all that hungry anyway. I bought it more to have something for later, and I wasn’t ready to go home yet.”
“Why not?” Samara asked as they started walking on the sidewalk.
“I don’t know. I guess I’d just be alone there. I went to get coffee with Lainey, and everyone kind of showed up and wanted to go get a drink, but I didn’t want that, either. I wanted to talk to my sister and not have half of her friends get in the way.”
“Her friends?”
“I guess they’re sort of mine, too, but I don’t hang out with them all that often now that Lainey’s engaged.
And believe me, I am happy about that. Paige is the best, and I love them together.
I can’t wait for them to finally get hitched.
But when they started dating, I knew Paige was the one for her, and that meant that my life was about to change forever.
My big sister found her person, and the nights we used to have, where it was just the two of us, were pretty much gone.
She dated Maisie first, and I thought maybe they’d grow apart when Paige entered the picture, but Lainey and Maisie only got closer when they figured out that they were supposed to be friends.
It felt like I lost my best friend. Lainey never had any trouble making friends, but it hasn’t always been the easiest thing in the world for me, so I couldn’t just go out and find a new person to hang out with.
When I was dating someone, I never felt what Lainey and Paige seem to feel for each other, so, in the back of my mind, I guess I always knew those relationships would end, even if I thought I was in love.
Now, they’re buying a house together, they’ll plan the wedding, and then, there will be kids.
And I can’t wait to be an aunt, but everyone’s moving on. Hell, even my parents are moving on.”
“What do you mean?” Samara asked.
“They want to move,” Dana explained. “They’ve been talking about it for years.
My dad is retired now, and my mom is a nurse, so she can get a job pretty much anywhere.
They’ve mentioned a few places for their retirement, but they started talking about this small town in Alabama.
They drove through it last year and really liked it, I guess.
There’s a small hospital there, a lake for my dad to fish on, and they could afford land there.
My dad also likes woodworking and sells stuff sometimes, so he could even have a little shop there.
I saw them a few weeks ago, and they were looking at listings. ”
“For land?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t want them to leave, do you?”
Dana shook her head.
“And your sister is moving on with her life at the same time…”
“Yeah,” Dana repeated.
“All of your excuses would be gone, huh?” Samara said, hoping she wasn’t crossing a line.
“My what?” Dana asked.
“Your excuses for not giving acting a real shot.”
“I’m working with you on a movie right now, Samara.”
“That you didn’t even audition for right away, despite knowing the writer and it being filmed in your hometown,” Samara pointed out. “You only auditioned after Vanessa had to pull out and after I suggested it.”
“Do we have to talk about this now? I feel like we have more to talk about than this.”
“We do. I was merely suggesting that at some point, you won’t have anything you can use as a reason for not moving. You said you wanted to move to LA; that it was part of your plan.”
“It was, yeah.”
“So, Lainey and Paige will get their house, get married, and have their kids. Your parents will move to a different state. You can always come visit. The flight isn’t that long.
Besides, everyone will be busy with their lives, so it’s not like you’ll see them every day anyway. What will you do then?”
“I’m already thirty years old. If it was going to happen for me, it would’ve happened already.”
“And how would it have happened, Dana? You haven’t even really tried.”
“I went to school for this. People in the industry were there. They saw me perform. No one came calling, offering me jobs.”
“Would you have accepted them if they had?” Samara asked. “I know you had to come back here because your mom got sick, but you barely took this job, and it was essentially handed to you, Dana. It’s scary, what we do. It’s not for everyone.”
“You think I can’t hack it?” Dana asked, stopping in her tracks. “Is that what you mean?”
“No,” she replied, stopping, too. “I know you can. You don’t have to convince me. You have to convince yourself.”
“I’m a work in progress,” Dana said and started walking again. “Can we talk about that thing where I kissed you and you ran away? Not as complicated.”
Samara laughed and caught up with her.
“You think that’s less complicated?”
“Yeah. I kissed you. You didn’t want it. Now, we’re just going to maybe try to be friends and work together until you leave.”
“You’ve got it all figured out, huh?”
“Hey, do you want a beignet?”
“What?” Samara asked, trying to keep up with the subject change.
“A beignet. Want to get one?”
“You’re asking me if I want bread with sugar all over it when we’re supposed to be talking about that kiss?”
“We can talk about it while we eat. Come on.”
“Dana,” Samara said and waited for Dana to stop walking.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t eat beignets.”
“It’s just bread and sugar. Yes, sugar, but you look amazing and don’t need to worry about a little sugar. Trust me.”
“Eggs,” she noted. “I’m sure there are eggs.”
“Oh,” Dana replied. “Right. Well, want to watch me eat a beignet? Three to an order. I’ll eat my order and probably yours, too. You can have coffee.”
“You’re talking about Café Du Monde, aren’t you?”
Dana nodded.
“That place is always packed, if I remember right.”
“You have your wig and glasses.”
“No security tonight, though. And if I need to get out of there fast, there’s no waiting car.”
Dana turned around, walked back to her, and said, “I’ll keep you safe, Samara. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Samara wondered how true that statement was, really, because, from her perspective, the one person who had the potential to hurt her right now was Dana, and there she was, offering to protect her from others.
Yes, Samara understood her meaning, but she was more scared of Dana than she was of anything at the moment, including eating fried dough covered in powdered sugar, which was a legitimate fear of hers because it didn’t fit into her regularly scheduled food program.
“Fine,” she said. “But I’m not eating one.”
“I know,” Dana replied. “I wouldn’t have asked you to. I just forgot about the eggs.”
Samara nodded and said, “I will have a coffee, though. Can I ask them to make sure it’s extra hot?”
Dana laughed and said, “You can try, but you won’t win that battle. It comes out of a giant machine, and their line is so long, you’d just piss them off enough to spit in it, probably.”
“What? Gross.”
“I’m kidding,” Dana said. “Well, maybe. I don’t know. Maybe they would.”
“Never mind, then. I’ll just sit there while you eat.”
“We can get you coffee from a nearby place. There’s a candy shop with an espresso machine in the Square. They’re open late, and they’ll burn your coffee for you.”
“It’s not burned. It’s perfect,” she argued.
“Agree to disagree,” Dana replied as they walked on.