Chapter 9
NINE
NANCY
I don’t have a clue what I’m watching or how this is judged, but I do know that Karl looks good out there.
He’s in the same outfit as everyone else: white pants and a white button-up shirt, which seems impractical when dealing with a farm animal, but I’m not complaining.
The outfit shows off a body that has been sculpted over years of farm work.
His hair, which had been falling over his forehead, is swept back, probably held in place with copious amounts of gel.
Matt is a few cows away, but I barely spare him a glance. Karl has all my attention.
I watch his hands grip the lead rope and the long whip he’s holding but hasn’t used. I flex my fingers, still feeling his hands around my wrists, keeping me from messing up his clean, pressed shirt.
I’m gonna mess up that shirt so bad later.
He glances quickly at me, and I give a little wave.
The tip of his mouth is almost invisible, but I see it as he turns his attention back to Daisy’s head.
The crowd is silent as we watch the cows and their handlers go in a slow circle.
I’m so used to watching jumpers that it’s unnatural to sit this still in this place.
No gasps or people cheering after a clear round.
The silence is probably why I can still hear Celeste.
Her voice rings in my memory, loudly implying that I’ll be disowned for spending time with Karl instead of my family.
I’ve always been the obedient one. The oldest. The rule follower.
The one terrified of disappointing anyone.
And then it hits me: I’m sitting here imagining what comes after this one event with this guy I don’t know.
I’m about to throw away a home and job for what?
A couple nights of make-outs with a hot guy? It’s insane. I’ve officially lost it.
There’s no one else in my row, and little by little I slide down until I can slip off the bleachers and escape without being seen.
There’s a tug in my gut, the same one I got the morning of my fall.
The one I got when, for a split second, I thought that maybe something was up with my horse, Fred. But like that day, I ignore it.
“I told you she’s not coming.” I hear Celeste state as I walk down the aisle housing our barn for the duration of the horse show and slow my pace.
“Why not?” My mom’s groom, Kara, asks.
“She met some guy in the livestock barn of all places. I always knew she’d end up on that side of the fair.”
“Have you seen him?”
“He’s tall with brown hair and was dressed like he was taking a cow to the prom. That’s about all I can tell you.”
I hear them laugh, the cruel edge to it stopping me in my tracks. What the hell am I doing? I’ve received more warmth from Karl in the last twenty-four hours than I have from my own family over the last twenty-three years. Or at least from my mother and sister.
“Nancy,” my mother’s voice slices through the air from behind me.
I turn to find her striding down the aisle.
Her crisp white shirt tucked into pristine breeches, the ones sent to her by some designer.
Tall, impossibly shiny, black leather boots clack on the floor as she erases the space.
“Where have you been? And what are you wearing?” I want to wither under her gaze.
Pull myself inward until I disappear to escape it.
“I…I was helping a friend,” I stammer.
“What friend?” she asks, eyes narrowing in suspicion.
“Just a friend.”
Another tug comes from within.
“A friend in the cow barn?” Her eyebrow arches so high she looks like she’s auditioning to be a Disney villain.
My responding “yeah” is met with a disapproving head tilt. “Yes,” I correct.
A cold smirk pulls at her mouth, and I swear the temperature drops.
She’s taking this audition to the next level.
I’m used to being on this end of my mother’s ire.
Doing everything that is expected of me has not allowed me to escape a temper that is famous throughout the show jumping world.
It’s amazing what talent and money allow someone to get away with.
“Do you plan on seeing this friend again?” she hisses.
No is on the tip of my tongue. It would be so easy to say, but it also feels like a lie, and I’ve never lied to my parents.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“There you are.” I hear my father say, his cheerfulness in direct conflict with my mother’s icy stare. “We’ve been looking for you.”
“She was in the cow barns with a friend,” my mother sneers, making the word “friend” sound like a slur.
My father isn’t the snob my mother and sister are, and I see a spark of honest-to-God interest on his face. “What kind of friend?”
“Does that matter, Robert?” she scoffs. “We won’t be nurturing it.”
“Not like you’d know how to,” I mutter without thinking. When I look up, her hard eyes are on me. Her whole demeanor has served her well in her career. No one messes with her, but as a mother, it’s far from ideal.
“Just because things haven’t worked out the way you wanted them to, Nancy, that doesn’t give you the right to blame me. If you’d been more dedicated to your training, things wouldn’t have gone the way they did.”
“I’m not sure that’s fair, Claire,” my father says, recoiling before the words are even out of his mouth.
My own father is afraid of my mother’s wrath.
She’s the one that ensures we have the luxuries we do.
She’s the one who funds his love of sports cars and fine wine. She’s his soulmate and meal ticket.
She turns slowly toward him, and I can’t bear the thought of witnessing the way she’s about to embarrass him for sticking up for me.
“No, she’s right,” I say, stepping closer. “I was distracted, thinking about other stupid things.” That’s the first lie. I wasn’t distracted. I was never distracted when I rode. I loved being on horseback so much. But I hated the pressure I was under the minute I settled into the saddle.
Her attention snaps back to me, and I think about how messed up this relationship is.
I was more myself with Karl after a few hours than I was with my family.
I didn’t even realize how bad it was until yesterday.
I’m so tired of walking on eggshells around these people.
These people… I’m thinking of them as these people, and they are my family. That is so messed up.
“Nancy, are you listening to me?” My mother’s voice cuts into my spiraling thoughts.
I focus on her and shake my head. “No, I’m not.”
The look on her face is priceless. I wish I had a photograph of it so I could relive it again and again.
“So, I’m just gonna…” I step between my parents and start walking back the way I came, not bothering to tell them where I’m off to.
“Nancy! Nancy!” I hear my mother’s footsteps coming rapidly behind me.
Her hand grips my elbow, halting my forward motion.
There’s no one right near us, but I know she’s freaking out that someone may see us fighting.
See through her carefully constructed illusion of perfection.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going? ” she asks through gritted teeth.
“To the cow barn,” I deadpan, ripping my arm out of her grasp to continue on my way. I can hear my parents' tense whispers fade as I march away, feeling confident in this spontaneous decision.