Chapter 39 Nancy
THIRTY-NINE
NANCY
I’m left speechless as Celeste raises her hand and waves awkwardly at everyone in the room. Why the hell is my sister here?
When I look back at Karl, he seems to be wondering the same thing. Except he had been excited, so that’s not why he looks like that.
Standing abruptly, I walk to my sister and grab her wrist, dragging her away from the room and looking around trying to decide where to go.
The door to the left of the front door is William’s office, and I push in without thinking about personal space and do my best to not slam the door behind Celeste once she crosses the threshold.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I whirl around on her.
“Karl thought that maybe you’d like to have family here,” she stutters. “He invited me.”
Karl and Celeste have never been alone together, and I think I’d remember such an invitation.
“When?” I ask as she pulls a folded-up note out of her coat pocket.
Celeste
I know things aren’t great right now, but I wanted to let you know that you are more than welcome to join us for Christmas.
11am
3090 Fire Route A, Harcourt
Karl
“Okay, but why are you here? Isn’t this beneath you?” I know that I’m being harsh, but after how she acted and what she said, I can’t wrap my head around her standing in front of me in my in-laws’ home.
“I’ve been alone a lot. Lots of time to think in a very quiet house. There were so many times when our parents were gone, but you were home.” She looks around, everywhere but at me, and then releases a long, frustrated sigh. “I miss you, okay? And maybe I rarely admitted it, but I love y—”
“Never,” I snap.
“What?”
“You never admitted you loved me.”
She looks at me in shock. “No, I def—”
“No, Celeste. I love you was reserved for friends while joking around. They didn’t hold space in our lives with us or our parents.”
I can see her flipping through her memory, trying to find evidence that we had exchanged those words, and then the moment she realizes I’m right. Shoulders slumping as all the fight leaves her body. She looks at the door and back at me.
“So he…”
“Felt like home,” I say without thinking.
“For the first time in my life, I felt like I was home.” The anger I had been feeling begins to fade as it dawns on me.
She’s never experienced this feeling, just like I hadn’t.
And it wasn’t until Karl that I even knew what I was missing out on my entire life.
A life no doubt viewed as incredibly privileged by anyone looking in.
And it was from a monetary standpoint. We had everything we could ever want if we could touch it.
“But you said you didn’t love him,” she protests.
“And I said I was falling.”
Her eyes narrow. “You also said you weren’t leaving me, and now you’re upset I’m here.”
She’s got me there. Now it’s my turn to slump while I try to figure out how to navigate this. Exchanging something real with my sister shouldn’t feel this wrong, but it does. Like using a hoof pick to brush out a horse's tail.
“I feel protective of this life. It’s not something I’m ready to share because it’s still so new and shiny.
But I meant what I said, that I wasn’t leaving you.
If you want to be part of my life, part of this.
” I hold out my arms. “Then I’m open to that.
But you can’t bring our mother’s views into it.
You cannot look at Karl and believe he is beneath us or at the cows in the pasture and think they make this place unworthy of your presence.
I refuse to let that poisoned thinking take up residence here.
” I stop to observe Celeste as she takes in what I’m saying.
Studying her for any signs of resistance to the idea of accepting what I’m saying.
“This is my home. This is going to be where my children take their first steps and say their first words. It’s going to be where I grow old with the man I love.
” I laugh as the words leave my mouth. “God, I sound so sappy. I blame that man,” I point toward the door.
“He’s got a heart made of rose petals, chocolate, and cheese fondue. ”
“Sounds like something he should probably have looked at,” my sister drawls. “You too. It’s obviously contagious.”
“I’d rather catch his feelings than have him catch my lack of them. I wouldn’t change anything about Karl…” I stop to think. “Well, I’ll be having a chat with him about his impulsivity and when it maybe isn’t conducive to a relaxing Christmas morning.”
“I should have reached out,” Celeste says. “Can I blame Karl for making just showing up seem like a good idea? Maybe he left some of that impulsiveness on the paper, and I caught it.”
A half cough, half laugh comes out of me. It’s not exactly an attractive sound, but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard my sister make a joke that wasn’t at someone else’s expense. There’s absolutely no cruelty or malice in what she just said. Who knew she was capable of such a thing?
“Did our parents even invite you over, or did they just tell you they wouldn’t be home for Christmas?”
“Bottom of a fax,” she snorts. “Most of it was the information about the new warmblood they’d just signed the paperwork for.”
“So it wasn’t even to you?”
“Nah, Kirby dropped the stuff off a couple days ago and said there was a message for me at the bottom.”
A month ago, I wouldn’t have thought much about it. There is nothing out of the ordinary about this kind of communication. It’s expected.
Now, though, it’s disturbing and painful. I’ve been exposed to the warmth and caring nature of the Hores for such a small amount of time, and it’s as if I’m grieving what I could have had, what Celeste and I could have had for our entire lives.
“Well, I guess we should go join everyone. Karl is probably losing his mind.”
“Probably, he’s got it bad for you.”
“I know, right?” I giggle, leading her to the foyer and taking her coat to hang in the closet.
There’s a stark contrast between her designer peacoat and the various far more practical winter coats that are already hanging in there. But I find myself smiling at the familiarity of it, smooshed among the Hores’.
“Elizabeth, William, and Matt, this is my sister Celeste. Celeste, this is…” I pause, realizing what I’m about to say.
Karl offers me a soft, knowing smile. “My family.” And in true Hore fashion, there are no small gestures of greeting back.
No, they’re all on their feet in seconds, embracing my sister, who laughs nervously through the entire thing.
Her face is bright red when she’s finally released.
Matt brings my sister coffee and a Danish, everyone laughing at her reaction when she finds out I had a very big hand in the creation of the pastry.
She takes a tentative bite, followed by a larger one, eyes wide as she chews. “Damn,” she marvels. “Who knew?” Her gaze slides to me, an apology as clear as day on her face.
“Who indeed?” I agree, watching as her face relaxes, a genuine smile forming as she takes another bite.
I think we’ve put the gifts on hold until Karl pulls a small box out from near the back of the tree, hidden from sight, with wrapping paper that doesn’t match the other gifts he’d wrapped days ago.
“I got you a little something, in case you came,” he says, handing the box to Celeste.
“Seriously?” She sets the Danish down and brushes her hands over her pants before reaching for the gift. “But I didn’t bring anything,” she admits, looking over at me guiltily. “I didn’t know I was coming until I woke up in an empty house this morning.”
“You being here is enough,” Karl says, sitting down next to me, hand resting immediately on my thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Celeste slides her finger along the seams of the gift, dislodging the tape so carefully she could reuse both the tape and wrapping paper if she wanted to.
Inside is a simple white box, the kind you get at any department store.
She opens it and gently flips back the tissue paper.
And then I watch in amazement as my sister does something I have never witnessed.
She tosses her head back and laughs. Not a fake, placating kind of laugh, no, an honest-to-god, full-belly laugh that pulls at the corner of my lips and drags a laugh from deep within me as well.
“This is hilarious,” she pants, taking a t-shirt from the box and holding it up.
There’s a horse standing on its back legs trying to cover itself. The words “Don’t look! I’m neigh-ked” appear in a text bubble.
Elizabeth cracks up, her laugh possibly the most infectious sound I’ve ever heard, and before long, we’re all laughing at the ridiculous pun.
Or perhaps that’s what everyone else is laughing at.
For me, it’s the pun combined with my sister’s reaction and the thought of her actually wearing the damn thing.
Shocking is how I’d describe how easily my sister melts into the fold of the Hores.
She chats easily with Matt, not a snarky comment or scowl in sight.
But I shouldn’t be surprised. This family is skilled at disarming the kind of attitude we were raised with.
At one point, I even catch her slouching.
Shoulders curled in as she listens intently to my father-in-law talk about the history of the farm.
It’s jarring to feel like I’m seeing someone I’ve lived with my entire life for the first time. Depressing, realizing that she’s been hiding as much as I had been.
At some point, she moves to sit on the floor, hand lazily petting Jack’s head where it rests on her thigh. It dawns on me then that all those times I overheard her talking to Storm were probably the most real she’d ever been, and I never stopped to really listen.
“You okay?” Karl asks when he sees me wipe tears from my eyes.
“Yeah, it’s just, well, I’m realizing some things.” I smile weakly at him.
He pulls me into him without a word, gently wrapping his arms around my shoulders, releasing a contented sigh when I drop my head onto his shoulder.
“Thank you,” I whisper against his neck.
In an un-Karl-like fashion, he doesn’t reply. He only squeezes me to him a little tighter, resting his lips on my temple while we watch a new Christmas tradition unfold in front of our eyes.