35. Tomorrow
35
Tomorrow
I slid into the driver’s seat, my fingers shaking as I switched the radio station from Christmas carols to classic rock for my boyfriend. I didn’t want Harvey to be mad at me. But I didn’t see a way to make our sleepover happen without sacrificing work and sleep. “Hey. So, I’m going to drive you to your car in the employee lot,” I said.
Harvey tilted his head. “Are you coming home with me?”
My lungs tightened as if a string of tinsel was pulled too hard around them. I flashed Harvey an apologetic smile. “Not this time.”
He furrowed his brow. “Wait, really?”
I looked over my shoulder to reverse out of the space. “I have work in the morning.”
“That wasn’t an issue before you spoke to your mother.” He crossed his arms and slunk down in the seat, his knees cramped against the dashboard. “What, does she hate me? I came to your house. I wore a sweater, baked cookies, brought you flowers–”
“It was very sweet.” I rubbed his leg for reassurance.
He shook his head, his eyes downcast and stormy. “She still thinks I’m a creep?”
“No." If anything, she thought I was stubborn and naive. "It’s nothing personal, trust me. I know your parents are ‘mild’ by comparison, but my family is very involved, always trying to push towards ‘better things.’ For me, that means school and a job with a salary.”
“And a wholesome guy without piercings?” He glowered. “One who never made you cry, I’m guessing?”
I tried not to roll my eyes. “Harvey, they know what you mean to me. They’re not going to hate you or try to break us up unless you actively try to hurt me.” I flexed my fingers around the steering wheel. I wished Zack had never said anything to him about my mini breakdown. After all, Harvey had every right to reject me, same as I did to cry about it. And we were together now. We were happy. It wasn’t like he mistreated me.
Harvey’s voice wavered as he picked at his lip ring. “Why’d you call her, Shelby?”
I shrugged, my heart heavy with sludge. “It felt like the right thing to do. I like to be open, when I can be.” At least if I told her what was going on, she wouldn’t be up half the night worrying. Or tracking us down.
“But you knew she wouldn’t want you coming home with me. Were you trying to find a way out of it?”
“No, of course not.” I would’ve told him if I didn’t want to go to his place.
He ran his fingers across his mouth and looked out the window.
Why was he stressing out?
I frowned. “Today is about work. Celebrating yours and preparing for the wind-down of mine. Besides, all my things are back home. I'll pack a bag for my car and sleep over another time."
"Won't you still need to call your mom?" He scowled.
I hoped not. "My family might not understand our choices, but they’ll make concessions as long as we’re happy–and you make me happy." Usually. Although right now, my insides were all squiggly.
He nodded, rolling his lip ring between his teeth.
We drove past empty lanes, spotlight lamps glaring over the lot.
I parked next to his car, the shadow of our first ‘fight’ that occurred here looming over us. Tension bubbled up my throat with a broken laugh. “Why are you so quiet?”
Harvey used his elbows to push himself up in the seat. “You said you feel…complicated things.”
“Yes?” Didn’t everybody?
His nostrils flared and he pushed back against the headrest to look at the ceiling of my car as if he could crack the shell into some great universal philosophy beyond. “You obviously care about your family, and you care about me. But you had to know they wouldn’t be thrilled about a guy with tattoos and piercings. Plus, you’re coaching me to be your Daddy.”
“Okay?” I frowned. Was he psychoanalyzing me again?
He pushed back his cap. “So, am I supposed to replace your family?”
“What? No. You’re over analyzing this phone call. I didn’t want my mom to worry.”
“I guess you’re right, but your family saw you as pulling away from them to be with me for the winter festival. Then, you had to call your mom for permission to spend time with me. It kinda feels like this tug-of-war where you need to ‘choose’ one, but appease the other later. Our relationship is weirdly tied up in your independence–like a wedge.”
I let out an incredulous laugh. “What are you talking about? I tried to protect you, today. And yes, I do try to find common ground with the fam. There’s give and take in every relationship.”
His fingertips ghosted the top of my thigh. “I know, but I’m not sure you’ve actually created healthy boundaries with them.”
“It’s not all going to change in a few weeks. I have created boundaries with them.” A few, at least.
“Are they trampling them? Are you not enforcing?” He shook his head. “I’m worried we’re going to spend the rest of our lives fighting or dealing with tension from them. Sleepovers, holidays, random babysitting, and forced dinners? That’s not me." He touched my leg before I could spiral in a full-blown panic. "I’ll try. I’ll go to some things if it’s important to you. I don’t want to be a troublemaker. I just want to be with you.”
“Wait, we…" My brain short-circuited. “Did you say the rest of our lives?”
He flushed and squeezed my knee. “I mean, maybe.”
I blinked, dizzied by the idea of decorating a tree together, promise rings glinting like the star we were placing at the top. “Everyone’s talking as if we’re getting married," I said. It hit differently when it was Harvey.
He leaned over the center console. “Wh-what was that?”
“Ah, nothing.” I theatrically fluffed my hair out of my hood. “Listen, Harvey, I started my rebellious phase a long time ago, so this isn’t a fling or a wedge for me. My family tried to get rid of the last guy that made me happy, but I found a way around that.”
Harvey tensed. “What do you mean?”
“Mr. Waddles hangs out here with me. We have all the privacy we need.” I kissed Harvey’s cheek.
He laughed and gestured over his shoulder. “Are you going to hide me in your back seat?”
“No, but we can do other stuff in there.” I wagged my brows.
“Perv.” He smirked and leaned in for another kiss. The embrace grounded me with dopamine, the bells on my boots tinkling as I inched closer. But the console dug into my thigh. Why was it so hard to kiss comfortably in the front seat?
I eased away and rubbed his arm. “This may be hard to hear, but some of my family are actually cheering for you. None louder than me.”
His gaze fell heavy on my lips before flicking to my eyes. “I know.”
I sighed and reclined in the seat. “Why do we always have big talks in the parking lot? And this might be one of our last. Maybe we should cover more. I mean, I could worry you’re going to leave me once you start training. New place, new people, I won’t be at the mall on breaks anymore, you don’t like my family…”
“Shelby.” He gently massaged my neck like he was kneading knots out of dough. “I don’t want to leave you. Tonight, tomorrow, or next week. I’m sorry I was projecting.”
Tension eased in waves and my eyes fluttered shut for a second. I didn’t want this to end. “It’s Christmas. I don’t want to worry. I want to keep celebrating.”
“Will your mom let you?” Harvey teased, though I could sense the sting of truth underneath.
I sat up, my stomach more tightly knotted than a wreath. “I know my family is extra. So am I, in some ways. Mom and I are butting heads, but I think it has more to do with my future in general than you and me.”
He brushed my hair behind my ear. “You should probably get some space from her.”
“I can’t exactly move out on an elf’s salary.” Even that was soon to be nothing. I fiddled with my hood, rubbing the fur on my cheeks. “Plus, we’ve only been dating a few weeks, which means you probably don’t want me around as a roomie.”
He studied me intently, a line between his brows. “Do you want to live with me?”
Oh, what a question. If Santa himself had asked me, I wasn’t sure I could answer honestly. “Eventually. But I want you to be my Daddy, not my sugar daddy.”
Harvey burst out laughing. “Thank you, Shelby. I think it’d be good for you to live on your own for a bit before…eventually.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I had to find a new job, first.
Harvey wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “What should I bring for your housewarming?”
“Hugs and kisses.”
“And cookies?”
“Ha. You really do know me.” I gave him a kiss, smiling too much to linger in it.
He opened the car door, waiting in the warmth here. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow,” I agreed, with a silent cheer to our 'Eventually.'