Chapter 9 #2
“I’m good. Weirdly good.” She meets Zeke’s eyes, lets out a breath, and takes another sip of wine, like it might help the words come easier. “I don’t think I was ever truly in it. There was always something missing, and maybe he felt it too. Maybe that’s why his dick got lost inside someone else.”
“At least you’re not pulling that self-blame bullshit.” Jasper’s jaw tightens. “I hate when people do that.”
“Another sign it was wrong from the start, right? I mean, shouldn’t I be ugly crying into my wine or dissecting every fucking thing I did wrong?”
“We all could’ve told you the guy was an ass,” Zeke says, leaning forward. “Pretty sure we did several times. And what happened to you getting out of here?”
“I don’t know.” She runs a hand through her hair, pulling out the elastic and letting blonde waves fall around her shoulders. “I can’t answer that. But I don’t regret spending the last few years around my family.”
“You always wanted more. That’s what Zeke’s saying.”
I’m not even sure what I mean by more.
Maybe freedom or love… Maybe us.
No—not us.
Them.
That door’s sealed shut for a reason.
“Maybe the things I wanted changed somewhere along the way,” she says, almost as if she’s trying to convince herself.
She drags her hands down her face, and fuck me if I don’t catch myself staring at the way it makes her chest rise and fall.
Focus, you dick.
“This is crazy,” she mutters, fingers pressed against her temples. “I shouldn’t be telling you all this. We haven’t… There’s been so much time, so much distance, and… Jesus, we don’t even know each other anymore.”
“That’s bullshit, Addie, and you fucking know it.” Jasper leans forward, his eyes burning into hers. “You’re still you, and we still care. So let’s get drunk, pretend time doesn’t mean shit, and remind you what it feels like to be yourself with us again.”
A few hours later and too many bottles of wine in, I’m watching Addison lose her filter one glass at a time. She’s matching Jasper shot for shot, while I switched to water an hour ago. Someone needs to stay clearheaded, and right now, that someone’s me.
“You know what else?” she says, leaning forward like she’s about to tell us a secret, wine sloshing dangerously close to the edge of her glass.
“He was bad. Like… tragically bad. And I’ve never…
well, I have, but…” She waves her hand like it’s gonna help the words make sense. “You know what I mean?”
Zeke nearly spits out his drink, and Jasper loses it completely.
Addison’s grinning now, flushed in the prettiest fucking way.
“I mean, I’ve had orgasms before—great ones—but not with him.
And the worst part?” She slams back what’s left of her drink and points at us like we’re supposed to guess.
“He thought he was the shit. Like he was doing me a favor by even showing up hard.” The three of us crack up, and her laugh—that real, unfiltered sound I remember from years ago—hits me right in the chest.
“Have you ever had sex so bad it felt like you needed to exorcise it out of your body?” she asks, her eyes wide and dramatic as hell. “Like, full-on shower, bleach, holy water—scrub your fucking skin raw just to forget they ever put their disgusting hands on you?”
“Can’t say I have, beautiful.” Zeke grins, clearly enjoying this version of her.
“Never?” She gasps. “God, lucky you. I’ve had more ‘what the hell am I doing with him’ showers than orgasms. One time it was so bad I cried into my loofah.”
Jasper’s choking on a beer. Zeke’s laughing so hard he nearly tips backward in his chair.
And I’m ready to tell her to stop talking.
Stop laughing. Stop being this version of Addison—messy, beautiful, and real as hell—because I’m sitting here, watching her come alive again, and my heart's remembering what it feels like to want her.
“I think it’s time to call it a night, angel.” Jasper drains his beer, laughing at the way she’s sprawled across the couch like a queen.
“What? Why? I’m fine.” She tries to sit up straighter, nearly dropping her empty glass.
“Fine, you are. Fuck me…” Jasper’s eyes roam over her, and I recognize that look.
It’s the same one he gives me when he’s riding me hard with his hand wrapped around my throat.
God, I’d kill to watch him with her.
“But you’re also wasted, and tomorrow’s gonna hit you like a truck.”
I lean close to Zeke, keeping my voice low. “She can’t go home like this.”
“I know,” Zeke mutters back.
I catch Jasper’s eye and jerk my chin toward the guest rooms. He reads me instantly, nodding in agreement.
“Looks like you’re crashing here tonight,” I say.
“What? No,” Addison protests. “I should go home.”
“And how exactly are you getting there, princess?”
The nickname slips out before I can catch it, and the room goes silent. Jasper’s head snaps up, Zeke freezes mid-sip, and Addison… Jesus, the way she looks at me feels like a punch to the chest.
That name belongs to a different time, a different us, and we all know it.
Sure, I could drive her down the mountain. But leaving her alone, this drunk, with her mascara smudged and her words starting to slur, feels like a dick move.
“Uhmm…” She blinks like she’s trying to remember how her brain works. “Where will I sleep? Where are you sleeping?”
“There’s a guest room,” Jasper says, leaning back with that cocky fucking grin that screams trouble.
“And we sleep together. Always have, always will. We don’t do separate beds, angel.
” His smirk widens, and I know he's about to set the room on fire. “And damn near every time we end up in one… someone’s getting fucked.”
Addison’s mouth opens slightly, then shuts again.
I shoot Zeke a “what the actual fuck” look, both of us caught between laughing and shock. Honestly, I don’t even know why we’re surprised anymore. Jasper opens his mouth and filth falls out like it’s a love language.
But then I catch the way Addie’s whole body tenses.
Not from disgust. No, this is something else entirely.
She's turned on. I can see the heat in her eyes—that soft glaze of fuck me wrapped in confusion—and part of me wants Jasper to keep pushing, to see how far this goes.
But nothing prepares me for what comes out of her mouth.
“Who… How does it work? Which one of you…?” I can't look away as Jasper grabs her chin and tilts her face to his.
“Tops?” When she nods, he slides his hand into her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. “All of us.”
“So you… all of you… together?” The words come out breathless, and it's not embarrassment holding her back from asking what she really wants to know—it's arousal, pure and simple.
“Zeke and I like to be fucked just as much as we like to do the fucking. Depends on the night and the mood.” Then he glances at me, smirking.
“But Roman’s dominant to the bone and hasn’t let either of us touch him like that.
” He looks back at her, his eyes dark. “But you know that already, don’t you?
You remember exactly how good he is when he’s got your body under his.
When he’s fucking you so deep you forget how to speak, let alone scream his name. ”
I didn’t need the reminder of being inside Addie, but here we are.
Every second of it floods back, every sound she made, every whimper when I pushed her to the edge.
The way her skin tasted like sweet summer peaches under my tongue, and those eyes that sparkled like she had galaxies trapped behind her lashes every time I whispered those three words against her throat.
“Why not?” Her wine-glazed eyes penetrate mine.
“Because being vulnerable is hard for me, and feeling out of control?” I shake my head, jaw tight. “Even harder.”
“One of these days I’m going to fucking ruin you, Captain.” Jasper grins, and Zeke just laughs.
God help me, I want it.
I want to give myself up completely.
I want to feel stretched and full and fucked out.
“That right?” I murmur, my eyes dragging back to Jasper like I’m already halfway to saying, Yes, please, fucking do it.
“Someone’s not saying no anymore,” he drawls.
“Maybe someone needs to shut the fuck up right now.” My eyes go wide, begging him to drop it before this conversation goes somewhere we can’t take back.
“Because of me?” Addison slurs, frowning like she just realized she’s the topic of conversation. “I’m sorry… I wasn’t trying to pry. Okay, maybe I was a little because…” She attempts to stand, immediately topples back down, and dissolves into a fit of drunk giggles.
“I’m getting her to bed,” I say, already moving. “I don’t trust her not to try and fuck one of you, and I definitely don’t trust Jasper with his dick anywhere near her right now.”
“Hey, I heard that!” she snipes back, still laughing.
“But I promise I’d never try to take any of you…
” Her eyes glaze over. “I’d be more than happy to just watch because you’re all…
Well, you know what you are. You have mirrors.
” Zeke snorts into his drink, and Jasper grins like he’s won a fucking prize.
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter, standing and swooping her up in one motion. She lands over my shoulder, laughing like this is all a game, when she doesn’t even realize what she’s doing to me.
I feel every curve of her body against mine, and it wrecks me. I want to put her down. I want to never let her go. I want to bury myself inside her and never come up for air, and I want to run as far away as possible so I forget how this ever felt.
I make it to the bedroom, lower her onto the bed, and she immediately melts into the pillows like they’ve been calling her name all night. The Christmas bedding—green and gold, and obnoxiously festive—feels out of place for the kind of thoughts I’m having right now.
“Are you sure you don’t mind me staying?” she mumbles, wiggling her foot at me with a lazy little smile.
I kneel down, pulling off her sock, and immediately regret every decision that led to this moment.
Her skin is soft and warm against my fingers, and I’m trying—really fucking trying—not to stare at the perfectly painted lilac polish on her toes.
It’s such a small detail, so insignificant, but it’s Addie.
She always painted her toes these soft, pastel colors.
“I don’t want it to be weird, and I definitely don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me like you always used to.”
“I’m fine, Addie,” I mutter, tugging off her other sock, and she points at her jeans.
Fuck no. My dick’s already semihard, and there’s no way I’m letting myself see what’s underneath.
“Sleep in them.”
“Roman,” she whines, her eyes still shut. “Sleeping in denim is a fucking crime, and I refuse to commit it.”
“You say the weirdest shit sometimes.”
“You used to love that about me.”
Ignore it.
“Roman?”
“Yeah?”
“Please.”
She’s drunk, I’m weak and clearly a complete fucking idiot.
My hand moves before reason can catch up, finding the button of her jeans. I pop it open, drag the zipper down slow enough to feel every click of metal, then slide the denim down her legs.
Holy shit.
Pink panties.
Soft, barely there lace that’s so thin I can see the outline of her pussy. My heart stutters. My cock throbs, and I want to bury my face between her thighs.
“I’m sorry.”
Don’t. Fucking. Ask.
“What for?”
“Hurting you,” she mumbles as I pull her legs free from her jeans and stand, draping a blanket over her.
She sinks deeper into the bed, her eyes fixed on me like she’s afraid the words won’t count if she doesn’t see me hear them.
“I know I did, and one day… I hope you’ll like me again. Not for the girl who fucked it all up. But for the woman I am now, because I’ve changed, Roman. Not completely, but enough, and I swear I would’ve done everything differently if I could go back.”
Fuck my heart and the way it shatters into a million pieces. “It’s okay, Addie. Just get some sleep.”
“No, it’s not okay,” she whispers. “I made shitty choices. But you have to know I did lo—”
“Get some sleep.” I cut her off fast because I can’t hear that right now.
She turns away without another word, burrowing into the blanket as if she’s trying to disappear.
I scrub a hand through my hair, feeling every complicated emotion crash over me at once.
For a second, I just stand there, watching her breathe, before I shove the mess of feelings down and head back to my guys.