Chapter 15
15
Amelia
M ORSE FIXED HIS attention on the hallway, undoubtedly plotting his escape.
I stared at the side of his head, silently begging him to look me in the eye so I could catch a glimpse of what was really going on in that impressive brain of his. When the asshole ignored me, I forced a smile and scooped what was left of my pride off the floor. “Right. Of course. Back to work you go.”
He winced at the bite in my tone, but didn’t so much as glance in my direction.
This motherfucker.
It was an uncharitable thought to have about the man who’d risked his life to take me to the doctor, but the cocktail of disappointment and shame coursing through my veins was blending into anger. Morse was the first man I’d felt anything for in four years. His kiss had felt like jumper cables reviving the parts of my body that had been out of service since Ted’s death. For the first time in a long time, I’d felt alive again.
The kiss he called a mistake.
He cleared his throat. “I'll walk you up.”
“Don’t bother.”
I headed for the stairs, half expecting him to stop me, but he didn’t. Of course not. He clearly couldn’t risk tripping and accidentally shoving his tongue down my throat again. No, we wouldn’t want that, would we? Irritation rode me up the stairs until I reached the landing leading to our rooms and heard a shout of surprise coming from down the hall.
“The fuck…? Ahh! It’s pissing!”
Dread curdled my stomach as I pictured the likely culprit.
It couldn’t be.
Hurrying my steps, I turned down the hallway in time to watch a naked biker burst out of the men’s room door carrying a wriggling, black furball in his fully extended hands.
The man spotted me and asked, “This little pisser belong to you?”
“Uh… y-yeah. Sorry.” I fumbled over the answer because, again, the biker was nude, wearing nothing but a collection of brightly colored tattoos. Metal glinted from his… uh… equipment, but I endeavored not to look too closely.
I didn’t have to ask what had happened because that much was evident. Bailey had somehow escaped the tyranny of the loving family who kept her safe and sought refuge in the porcelain stalls of the community showers, only to be discovered by a bathing biker. Around my house, coaxing the dog out of the bathroom so people could use it without her staring at them was a common occurrence. The naked biker was a new touch.
“What the hell’s wrong with it?” the man asked.
Before I could answer, the door to our room flung open, and Thia and Morgan spilled into the hallway.
“Morgan, go back inside, we’ve got this,” I said at the same time Thia announced, “Oh my God, he’s naked!”
Despite the warning—or possibly because of it—Morgan’s head whipped around, and she took in the sight, shrugged, and walked back into the room, clearly unimpressed by his bulging muscles, violent body art, and positively intimidating scrotum piercing.
“I only got two hands,” the biker said in defense.
Now that I’d drawn closer, I recognized him as Zombie, one of the men who’d been smoking by the door the night we’d temporarily relocated to the fire station.
“Well, hand her over,” Thia said as she approached.
Instead, Zombie pulled the dog closer, shielding her from Thia. “First, you need to tell me who the fuck’s been beatin’ on this poor puppy.”
Thia and I shared a what-the-hell look.
“N-nobody,” I replied, more than a little intimidated by how he glared at us like we were responsible for Bailey’s current malfunction.
“Then why’s she so scared?” he cuddled her against his side, stroking her head.
Bailey shuddered, eyes wide, legs twitching to run. She valued snuggle time about as much as Morgan did, and flight was her default response. The little mutt was clever, nimble, and all about survival. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some weasel in her lineage.
“Our girl there was the runt of the litter,” Thia explained, hands up and palms out to prove her harmless intentions as she stepped closer.
Heavy footsteps pounded up the stairs behind me.
“Abandoned with her siblings at a shelter when they were newborn,” she continued. “Not even old enough to be weaned. Bailey was so tiny and helpless the shelter was afraid her siblings would crush her, so they separated her from the rest of the litter and kept her in a bathtub.”
I glanced behind me in time to watch Havoc lunge onto the landing and turn toward us, concern furrowing his brow. Questions glinted in his eyes, but Zombie’s expression was softening with Thia’s story, so I threw up a hand to let Havoc know we had this. At least for now. His presence was comforting, though, especially since I knew who’d likely sent him. I scanned the hallway, searching for cameras, but only spotted signs cautioning of their presence. Despite everything, Morse was still watching over me. Even though my irritation with him hadn’t faded, I appreciated him having our backs.
“They separated her from her brothers and sisters?” Zombie asked, his anger draining into a sorrow so deep and dark it tugged at my heartstrings. This was a guy who clearly knew what it meant to be lonely.
“Yeah.” Thia nodded, and the concern in her eyes told me she’d picked up on it, too. “Bailey never learned how to be a puppy. They tried to integrate her when she was old enough to survive, but she was an outsider by then, and the other puppies never really accepted her. She’s a weirdo, but she’s our little weirdo. We’d never let anyone hurt her.”
He watched the dog as if waiting for her to verify the story but finally handed her over to Thia, who immediately lowered her to the floor. Still trembling, Bailey went straight to her belly in what we referred to as her don’t-touch-me pose.
“Come on, girl,” Thia said, heading for the door to one of our rooms. “Let’s get a treat.”
Seeing her exit, Bailey sprinted into the room with Thia on her heels, leaving me in the hallway with a still completely nude Zombie.
“Thank you for returning her,” I said.
He grunted in acknowledgment before moseying back into the bathroom, giving me an unhindered view of his bare ass.
“That’s something you don’t see every day,” Thia said, returning to the hallway.
“Where’s Bailey?” I asked.
“She didn’t even stick around for a treat but dashed under the bed. I think it’s best we give her a moment. I’ll try to lure her out later, but right now, girl, we need to talk.”
“You ladies okay?” Havoc asked from the hall.
I gave him a thumbs up. “Thanks for the backup.”
He nodded, turned, and headed back downstairs.
Thia grabbed my arm and whispered, “You saw the piercings, right?”
“Sure did.” Honestly, how could I miss the multiple silver hoops dangling from his sack? “Also, why the hell did you approach the scary, naked, tattooed, pierced biker? Where’s your sense of self-preservation?”
Releasing me, she slapped her hands to her hips and stared me down. “He had my child, Amelia. What was I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know. This was my first encounter with an unknown naked man, and I’ve never seen a handbook.”
“Besides, didn’t you see how soft his eyes went when I told him her story? That man looks rough, and he’s definitely been through some shit, but he’s a teddy bear.”
“Fair.” I’d made the same assessment, but she sounded way surer of herself than I felt. “Our poor little escapee.”
“Please. That mutt is a peeping tom. Maybe I can have her hit the lady’s room next time.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
She beamed me a proud smile. “Thank you. It’s my best quality.” Then, just as suddenly, her lips fell into a frown as she combed her professionally manicured fingers through the ends of my wig and helmet-flattened hair. “What happened here? This was much sexier when you left. And is that….” She squinted. “Why is your makeup all smudged?”
I opened my mouth to tell her about the motorcycle ride, but her eyebrows shot up as she came to her own conclusion.
“Morse couldn’t keep his hands off you, could he? Please tell me this is your version of a dicked down ’do.”
Did she have to be so loud? Mortified and hoping the hallway cameras didn’t record sound, I shushed her and shoved her into the next room. Nobody needed to hear this.
“Ohhh, juicy enough that we need privacy,” Thia said, rubbing her hands together like some cartoon villain.
Honestly, I didn’t even know, so I collapsed on the bed and gave her a quick rundown. “When I went downstairs, Morse stuffed me into a bulletproof vest, biker gear, and a wig, and then we rode his motorcycle to the appointment.” I detailed our waiting room conversation as well as the horror of my weigh-in and Morse’s over-the-top reaction. “He had to help me out of the layers in the examination room.” I looked away, searching for anything in the room to focus on as I braced for my friend’s reaction. “It got a little intense, and he kissed me. Then the doctor came in and?—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Thia, pacing the floor and listening as I spoke, pounced on the tidbit I’d been trying to downplay like a shark scenting blood in the water. “You need to pump the brakes and throw this conversation in reverse. Did you just say he kissed you?”
“Yes. In the doctor’s office.”
She stared at me, blinking so rapidly that I worried her false lashes would get tangled up.
I waited.
Thia groaned. “Why don’t you spill the tea like a normal person?”
“Normal.” I scoffed. “What does that word even mean?”
She threw her head back and begged the ceiling for patience. “I swear to Zeus, if you don’t share this experience with me—in 3-D, gory detail, I will throw a toddler-sized tantrum. I will huff, and I will puff, and I will blow this fire station down. I am hiding in a biker den for you. Are you aware that all the women in this club are strictly dickly?”
“Actually, that makes sense.”
“Yeah? Well. It sucks because none of them are into me. I need a distraction so I don’t get desperate, call Jamie, and devalue myself again. Besides, you owe this to me for bailing on my coffee cart today so I could stay here with Morgan while you went to the doctor. Spill. On a scale from did-he-slide-a-dead-fish-into-my-mouth? to wrap-me-in-leather-and-rev-my-engine-again-daddy, what are we talkin’ about here?”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “You’re a ridiculous human being.”
“As you’ve mentioned, but flattery isn’t the currency I want right now. Pour. The. Damn. Tea.”
“Spill, share, pour; this is the bossiest tea party I’ve ever attended.”
She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.
Right.
It was time to talk. Only, what could I say about the kiss that had so thoroughly wrecked me?
Heat scalded the back of my eyes, and I squeezed them closed and swallowed. “After Ted, I didn’t think I’d ever feel….”
The bed dipped as Thia sat beside me and grabbed my hand. “Oh, honey.”
I shook my head and opened my eyes. “It’s okay. As far as a rating goes, how about… quite-possibly-the-best-kiss-I’ve-ever-had-and-I-don’t-know-how-to-feel-about-it ? There’s this weird compulsion to compare what I feel for Morse to what I had with Ted, but that’s not fair to my husband, and Morse is so….” Unable to find the right word, I shrugged.
“Intense?” Thia offered.
“Yeah. Ted loved me—I know he did—but I don’t remember him ever looking at me like that. Ever kissing me with that much passion. I keep trying to remember what it was like in the beginning, back before kids and responsibilities consumed our lives. Were there butterflies? Did he ever make my heart race with anticipation? I can’t recall, and that makes me feel like shit. He was an excellent husband, father, and friend and deserves better. He had to make my stomach flutter once upon a time, right? Did I just forget? If so, what sort of horrible person am I?”
Thia studied me for a long moment—doubtless evaluating my mental health. Couldn’t say I blamed her there since I felt crazy.
Ted had been the love of my life… hadn’t he?
Was it even possible to get so lucky twice?
“Well?” I prompted. “What’s your professional opinion? How fucked up am I?” If I was going to put all my dirt out there, as she demanded, she owed me a response.
Her lips stretched into a wide grin. “Before we begin to unpack that little breakdown, I want to commend you for coming to me for advice. I’ve been waiting for this moment since I met you, so pardon me if I need a second to soak it in.”
I folded my arms and stared at her. “Really?”
“Yes, really. I’m always the fucked up one. You’re Queen Has-Her-Shit-Together. It’s super annoying. Anyway, this is my moment to wear the crown, so hush and let me share the advice my wizened old friend once gave me.” She cleared her throat. “Death is a greedy bitch, always looking for a two-for-one special. You can quit and throw away what’s left of your life, or you can brush yourself off, kick that ho in the teeth, and say not today.”
“I’m okay with wizened, but old ?”
She shrugged, unrepentant. “I take it you recognize the advice you gave me when I was puking my brains out in my bathroom, begging you to go away and let me die.”
“Yep. And man, I can be annoying. No wonder you tried to punch me in the tit.”
She nodded. “Annoyingly positive. Like a first-year gym teacher.”
Rude.
“Well, I apologize for putting the kibosh on your attempt to drown in your own sorrow and vomit, but this situation is different.”
“Not really. You may not be drinking your body weight to deal with your loss, but you sure as hell haven’t been living.” Her expression softened. “Your eyes light up when you talk about that man, and I’ve seen how he looks at you. It makes perfect sense to me why kissing him made you stupid. Your chemistry is off the charts.”
I braced for the assault of guilt that should accompany that accusation, but it didn’t come.
“Besides, you have a damn big heart, you know? There’s room in there for two, assuming Morse proves to be someone you want to stick around. But that’s something you can take your time figuring out. For now, enough guilting yourself out of happiness. Finish the story. What happened after the two of you sucked face?”
I continued, telling her about how we’d been interrupted by the doctor. It was only when I recalled my embarrassing rambling of an introduction that I recognized the enormous mistake I’d made.
Thia gasped. “You called him Ted’s old friend? After he made out with you? Damn, girl, that’s harsh.”
“I…. Yeah. At the time, I was so flustered I didn’t realize, but yeah. That’s exactly what I said.” Wincing, I added, “His behavior afterward makes more sense now.”
“What behavior?”
“After the appointment, I was being my normal awkward, babbling self, but he was… different. He shut down and wouldn’t look at me.” Manic laughter bubbled out of my chest. “Of course, he wouldn’t. He made all these earth-shattering claims about his attraction to me and curled my toes with the world’s most passionate kiss, and then I called him Ted’s old friend. No wonder he fled after we got back.”
Thia studied me with an expression I could only describe as fondly amused disgust. “You poor, sweet, socially inept love birds.”
“One kiss does not love birds make,” I argued. “Shouldn’t he have at least fought for me?”
She cocked her head to the side. “After what you called him?”
“If he was really interested, he would, right?” Only I’d seen the attraction in his eyes. He was interested, all right. “What if the age difference is a deal breaker?”
“You should ask rather than assume it is. I barely know the man, but he’s a workaholic. I doubt he dates much.”
Now, she was just talking nonsense. “He’s gorgeous.”
“And a bit of a geek who doesn’t seem to like people.”
She had a point.
“But he’s funny and has the body of a god.”
She nodded. “Regardless, I’m pretty sure he’s just as fucked up as you are, Angel.”
I sat up, narrowing my eyes at her as I reached for my laptop. “I did not share that nickname with you so you could start using it.”
“ That’s what you’re taking offense to?”
I shrugged. “Everything else you said is true.”
Still unsure what to do about Morse and over this conversation, I popped open my laptop and clicked on my email icon only to be bombarded by ads for every product I’d ever thought about, despite my constant attempts to unsubscribe or label them as spam. Halfway down the page, I spotted an email from my mother with Your Upcoming Trip as the subject line. My relationship with the woman who’d birthed me was complicated, to say the least. Like always, the sight of her name triggered physical responses I couldn’t control. There was no race, but my brain fired a starting pistol anyway, sending my heart into a sprint that tightened my chest. With trembling hands, I opened the message.
Amelia,
I have attempted to call you, but all my calls go straight to voicemail. Are you short on funds? I would have sent you the money for your phone bill had you asked. Let me know what you need.
Coach Rice reached out to your father to let him know you have not yet confirmed Morgan’s visit to the University of Idaho. Coach Passaro said the same is true of your College of Idaho visit. Your father made a great deal of effort and had to cash in several favors. The professors and swim coaches are quite busy and have gone above and beyond to adjust their schedules to accommodate Morgan’s last-minute request. It would be terribly rude to ignore them. What is happening? I know we have had our differences in the past, but we have all agreed to put Theodore and Morgan first. It would be a shame if our sweet girl missed out on this opportunity.
We look forward to seeing you after your Caldwell visit. We will plan dinner, and you and Morgan may stay the night before you head back to Seattle.
The email was signed from the desk of Vera Hutchensen .
“Oh, hell no,” Thia said. While I’d been going over the email, forcing myself to focus and read it when every instinct in my body wanted me to slam the laptop closed, she’d positioned herself to read over my shoulder. “That is the most passive-aggressive bullshit I’ve ever seen in my life. You need to let that woman know you’re a grown-ass adult, and she can’t talk to you like that.”
“Yeah, no. That’s not happening. If I don’t politely agree to her demands, the next message I get will be from my father. Trust me, nobody wants that.”
“Can’t you tell them about the hit on your life preventing you from going to Idaho right now?”
I eyed her. “I think you’re mistaking my parents for reasonable adults who give a shit about anyone’s plans but their own. If Dad knew I was in danger, he’d only insist that Morgan and I move in with them because nobody would dare harm anyone living under William Hutchensen’s roof.”
“Pompous asshat.”
“Now you’re catching on. I’d love to tell him to get bent, but he’s paying for Theo’s school. And will be paying for Morgan’s, as long as I can make it to these college visits so she can make her decision.”
“Do you think it’s safe to leave the bikers?”
I shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe Idaho will be safer since any contract killers will be looking for me here. I probably need to talk to Morse about it, but I have a feeling he’ll be avoiding me again.”
Planting her chin in her hands, she considered the problem. “Tell me more about this ol’ lady get-together Carly invited you to.”