2. Jason
Iheard the change in her voice and knew the immediate second that my new physical therapist knew I was blind. She hadn’t known at first. There had been an attractive quality to her voice. She saw me and liked what she saw. I hoped that would continue, but then her tone changed and when I touched her hand from the sigh she made, it was an awkward handshake.
“Nice to meet you, Abigail. The name is Jason.”
She mumbled how it was good to see me and then asked me how I was. It was a standard question, and I rattled off that I would be better if I could see. I laughed, she didn’t, and there was an awkward silence. I didn’t know who the young woman was, but I swear she acted like she needed a minute to get over the fact that I was blind, like it was somehow a problem for her. I was a bit perturbed, but in the last couple of months, I’d learned to get over that. The way that people reacted to me and how I could tell was changing every day. Why did I feel like this time was worse? I wanted her to see me the way I used to be instead of the way I was.
I imagined how Abigail looked. I didn’t know, of course, but I had some inputs that was interesting. Firstly, she was just the right height. I could feel her next to me and I didn’t tower over her. She had a sweet flowery perfume on that I couldn’t really pin down. She also had the smell of muscle rub on her, just under the surface. I asked her if she was a vet too and she said that she was.
“Where did you serve?”
There was a moment of hesitation and then Abigail said that she had served with a unit. She gave me the number when I asked, and I learned a whole lot more about my physical therapist than she wanted to reveal. I said something offhanded to let her know I knew, but it didn’t go over that well, because her voice quavered next.
“Yes, I was the only one that survived the attack.”
“I bet sometimes you wish you didn’t, huh?”
Another pause, “Yes, sometimes I do.”
I nodded my head. “Yeah, I can see that.”
Abigail said something, like most people can’t, but I knew when I heard her unit, that she had been through a lot. Everyone had heard about the attack and the death of six of the most highly trained soldiers in the world. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, a little girl and sympathy killed them all. Abigail was the one that had made that call, which I could tell at once haunted her. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t going to be able to forget that I didn’t want to.
I didn’t know why, but knowing who she was so quickly, I felt more relaxed than I had anticipated. I hadn’t even wanted to go to physical therapy, even if I knew that I was supposed to. Now though I figured that it could be something that wasn’t so bad. I hoped that it would be, but I wasn’t sure. Abigail made me think that maybe it could be something better than I’d imagined. How much better though?
That thought made me feel the slight sting of bitterness. It wasn’t going to be fun like that. She was interested at first, even with the few scars on my face, but when she’d found out that I was blind, that had killed the attraction. I’d heard the change in her tone. What was I thinking? Here I was trying to bring us together like it was a choice, but I should have known better. The grim reality of my life was brought back into focus and like always, it was hard to see.
We got down to business and since Abigail had given me an answer to my questions, I did the same for her. I’d answered them all before, but she was different, and I tried my best to hold in my desire to tell her that I didn’t care about any of it.
“What would you like to accomplish with your visits here?”
I scoffed, unable to hold back the bitterness. When she switched it up to future talk, it was the end of the road for me. What kind of future was I going to have? Did she not see that my leg was jacked up, the whole left side really, and I was blind? What sort of future was I going to have with all of that going on? It really made no sense to even have the conversation. I didn’t have a nice answer, couldn’t even come up with one, so I just told the truth, something I’d learned wasn’t always a good thing. “Well, my doctor won’t give me the pain meds I need, until I try this out too.”
“Okay.”
I could tell she wasn’t happy with the answer. I wished that I could take it back, say something else, but what else was there to say? Maybe I just wanted her to know that at the end of the day, I didn’t want to be here. I think my point was made, so why was I annoyed that it had been? Why did I want to take it back and explain that I was happier now that it was her, someone that would understand that life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows? It was comforting to be around someone that had been in the dark, just like me, even if it was in a different way. I could sense a kindred spirit in her, and it relaxed me in a way.
“Well, if that is what we are working for, Jason, then let’s get you the pills you need. I hope that you will see that there is a lot more benefits to this, but you will feel them over time, whether you want to or not.”
I scoffed, not too enthused with how she seemed to like messing with me. I didn’t want her to see that I was so smitten with her. I didn’t know her, had never met her, but there was just something about her. The more I tried to figure out what it was about her that drove me wild, the more I realized I wasn’t supposed to know. Let her have her mystery. I was certainly in the mood for it.
She asked me how she should help me, and I told her that sound worked best. I could see some shadows and I could see where she was. The cane I held made sure that I didn’t run into anything, so when I moved toward her, she was surprised.
“Okay, good. You haven’t been blind long, so I wasn’t sure how well you would be able to navigate. You look like a pro already.”
There was excitement in her voice, and I didn’t like her acting like it was a big deal or something. I was so embarrassed by all of it. Why did it feel like she didn’t understand what I wanted at all? The therapist was treating me like a kid, not a man that desired her or as an equal.
We worked out for a while. Abigail’s smell and close proximity was hard for me to handle. It was all innocent, she was just helping me, but since my sight was gone, my other senses were compensating. That meant that she smelled amazing, and I could gobble her up right then and there. Abigail didn’t know how I felt, and I knew that I had to keep it that way. She would not appreciate my desires most likely.
I had to put a hold to the therapy. I was worked up and likely rock hard. I couldn’t check to see how it looked, but I knew how ready my body was. I didn’t want to scare her or anything, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, before she noticed that I was solid as a rock for her.
I got out of there as quickly as I could. She described where the bathroom was and asked if I needed help. I had practically shouted that I didn’t need her help, and she had hesitated but insisted that she was there if needed. I thanked her and ran away, well ran as fast as a blind man could run. I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I hadn’t felt anything for anyone in a long time since the accident. Why now? Why her?