4. Jason
As soon as I got through the door, the smell of a very strong perfume knocked me back out of it. I had to take a moment to orient myself and whether I could see much or not, my eyes started to water. It was just so strong, and I knew that it wasn’t Abigail. She wore it light and delicate. I hadn’t even been able to smell her, until she was right next to me. I knew then that I was going to do whatever I could to get that close again. I wouldn’t be able to smell anything though, not with the strong scent drowning her out.
It was clear that the small woman with the sickly-sweet voice was wearing the perfume. She kept talking about how it was good to see me again. She was flirting, but I wasn’t here for that. Even if I was, it wouldn’t be to flirt with her. I could tell just by the way she talked and the amount of perfume that she put on, that we weren’t compatible. Now that I wasn’t all about a woman’s looks, it was other criteria that I had now, and Dana was not it.
“Are you sure that I can’t walk you in?”
“No, thank you so much for your help though,” I said politely as I extricated myself from the woman. I hadn’t heard Abigail yet and when I did, I felt relief. She called to me from down the hallway that I’d gone down before.
“It’s the same room as last time.” Abigail tapped on the door. “I will be right with you, okay?”
From the sound I was able to find it pretty quickly. She said she was going to be right back, so I wasn’t nervous for anything. It was all so casual, and I wished that other places would see that it didn’t have to be that different than it is.
The woman with the perfume that introduced herself as Dana left and I was grateful that after I was in the room, I could smell other things. I really worried that I would mess up somehow with Abigail. I was told on many occasions that I could be an asshole, and it was worse since I’d gotten back apparently. I didn’t want to push her away, not when I’d just found her and I for once, could just be attracted to a voice, a smell, and a demeanor.
When she came back in, I turned toward the door and asked her how her day had been. “How do you know it’s me?” Abigail wanted to know. I told her that she had a distinct smell, and she made a disparaging sound. Apparently, that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “You also have an air about you.”
She asked me what that meant. “You know, you come into the room in a rush, stirring the air around and it changes the room.”
“You can tell because I stir up the air?” she asked, astonished.
“That and the perfume you wear. It is very nice. Your coworker’s is a lot stronger.”
“Well, she has asked about you. I guess I should say something.”
I waited for her to say more. Why would she bring up the other woman? I thought that we were the ones that had something between us. I didn’t want to hear about another woman. I wanted to talk to her, hear about her. I wanted her to be the one that asked me questions.
“What does your friend want to know?”
There was hesitation and again I wished that I could read her face. I wanted to know what was going on, what emotions she was hiding. I knew that it was going to be good to find both of those things out.
“Well, she wants to know if you are single for starters.”
That caught me off guard and I coughed, embarrassed. Abigail apologized and said that she was being unprofessional. She was, but damn if I was going to try and stop it. I wanted her to tell me what else her friend wanted to know. I hoped that it was her that wanted to know these things, though I could tell that Dana was trying to flirt with me.
“I am. Is there anything else she wants to know?”
Abigail made a noncommittal sound. “You know, if you are dating anyone, want to date, what’s your type, you know, all of it really.”
It was a strange start to my appointment, but I told her a few things, like I wasn’t dating, hadn’t in months, and didn’t know if I was ready. I said I might be for the right one. “As far as my type, I don’t really have one.”
Abigail scoffed, “Of course you do.”
“Actually, I don’t. I might have liked blondes that were blessed, but it doesn’t mean the same if I can’t see anymore. That has changed, so now I don’t know what my criteria is, but I don’t think it has much to do with physical attributes. Personality matters more than ever to a blind man.”
She was quiet for a time and didn’t comment one way or another before we started in on the therapy. She pushed me hard and when it was all over, she asked me if I wanted to know anything about Dana. “Don’t you want to know what she looks like?”
I told her that I didn’t. “Like I said, it is more about personality.”
“Dana is great. She is one of my best friends.”
“I’m not interested in Dana. I have my hopes on someone else.” I couldn’t believe that I said that, and I couldn’t believe that she didn’t answer me. Usually, I could pull a chick if I wanted her. I wanted Abigail, but she wasn’t reacting the same way. She wanted me, I could sense it. What was holding her back?
Leaving the physical therapy office,I called out to the car that pulled up, asking if it was my Uber. The guy hollered back that he was, and I got in. I didn’t know where I wanted to go, but going home wasn’t what I needed. I needed to get out and talk to a friend of mine. I’d been avoiding Kyle, but now I had to know some things. I guess I wanted to know how I was supposed to move on, after everything that happened. For the first time in a long time, I actually wanted to get better. I wanted to have a future, even if it wasn’t one that I had fathomed before.
Getting out was a pain in the ass, and I almost called it twice before I even got to the bar. I was not paying attention and I almost fell. There were a lot of people out and I was brushed up against several times, which now threw me off far more than I wanted it to. I couldn’t handle the throng of people, but then I was there. I heard Kyle hollering to me from the other side of the room, and I made my way to the table. I sat down heavily and sighed. What was I thinking coming out?
“Hey, man, you look like shit.”
I scoffed and felt the drink he was bringing to my six o’clock. John had another friend that was blind, and he was the only one that made my life easier, without making me feel like I couldn’t do anything for myself. He was the one that I needed to be around, even if it was a pain in the ass to come out and see him. He could have come over, I could have asked, but I think we both thought it best that I practice getting out into the real world.
“Thanks. You always know what to say to cheer me up.”
“I am trying to figure out what is going on for you to be out right now. I have a feeling it’s some chick that has you looking this way.”
I didn’t know what he was getting at, so I asked him, and he just chuckled. “It was just a guess. A very good guess apparently.”
I sighed loudly, blowing out air because I knew I was about to give it all to him. I wanted someone else’s opinion, and I trusted what John had to say. I couldn’t say that about most people, as I wanted to know what he thought I should do. I was leaning toward asking Abigail out, but was I wrong? Should I wait a while longer? I didn’t want to.