17. Abigail
Iwanted to stay with Jason. I wouldn’t admit it or do anything else to make it happen, but I wanted to stay. I would have stayed in bed with him the rest of the day if it was an option. It was for me. I was lucky to have a mid-week day off, but Jason was ready to go. He wouldn’t say much about his doctor’s appointment. I knew that it wasn’t any of my business, but it felt like it was. I had claimed him in a way that determined I was supposed to help him be well. I didn’t think he was ready for that yet though, so I kept all of my questions to myself. He would tell me when he wanted to tell me.
Since I had today off, that meant that Dana had it off as well. I got a call a few minutes after leaving Jason’s place. I was only a block or two from home and when I saw the number, I almost didn’t answer. I didn’t want to talk to her while I was driving. She would know that I wasn’t home and that I’d stayed the night somewhere. She would find out that it was Jason that I was with, and she would never let me live it down.
“Good morning,” I started, trying to sound as casual as possible. I didn’t even turn my signal on to turn, just so that Dana wouldn’t know that I was in a car.
“Where are you?”
I was pulling up onto my road and it was Dana’s car in my driveway. I didn’t know how long she had been here, but she had a look on her face, phone in the crook of her shoulder and a couple of cups of coffee in her hands. Her load was full, and I felt bad that I was the one that had left her like that.
“I am right here.” I took the coffee from her hand, and she pointed to the one that was mine. It was perfect, of course. I asked her what she was doing here, and she wanted to know again where I had been.
“Early morning drive?”
Dana shook her head and let me know that I wasn’t going to get off with such a poor excuse as a drive. She knew that I had no reason to drive, maybe run. I was out of it, the night had been long and interesting. I was trying my best to prepare for the questions that happened next, but there was nothing that I could do to prepare me for Dana’s special style of bluntness. “It was Jason, wasn’t it? You guys are having sleepovers now?”
I agreed that it was Jason. I wasn’t going to pretend like Dana didn’t know exactly what was going on. She wasn’t dumb and she had known me for a long time. She knew that I really liked him, and there was no other reason for me to be out and about at this time in the morning, not in my car.
“I knew it.”
I nodded, unlocking the door and letting us both in. She was going to gloat for a few minutes, and I was just going to go with it. She didn’t need to see how bothered I was by Jason, how I thought that I was already head over heels in love with him.
“Yeah, you were right.” I wasn’t feeling bad about it at all. I didn’t mind being wrong, if Jason was who I got on the other side of it. If he was the prize, I couldn’t help but think that he was worth it.
Dana asked me what I was doing today, and I shrugged. “I don’t know. What are you doing?”
She said that we were going shopping and since I had a new beau, I should get something pretty and sexy to see him in next. I was planning to see him tonight and damn it, I really would like to surprise him.
“He won’t even see it,” I complained after a moment.
“He will feel it when he takes it off of you. I think that Jason would find a way to appreciate something.”
I knew that she was right. He was far more in tuned to everything that was going on than you would think because of his blindness. I didn’t know what to think of what came next with us. I had to hope that something would come of us. I didn’t know what kind of future we could have together, but I quickly decided that I would rather have him in any way, than to not have him at all. It was a revelation that was quite alarming this early into a relationship.
I tried to get the conversation on something else, but she wasn’t budging. So, I gave her a bit more than she could handle. Jason was an excellent lover, so talking about that was not only easy, but it was also a better idea than talking about feelings. Sex and orgasms were not as private and personal as the rest of it was.
“Seriously now, does he have any friends?”
I laughed at Dana’s joke, but I recognized that it wasn’t really said to be funny. She meant it and I told her that I would look into it. “No, you won’t. You will forget all about me, and hell, I won’t blame you for it.”
I told her that I would never forget her, but she just shook her head. “After what you just told me about Jason, I can’t believe you are not with him right now.”
I looked down. She had no idea how badly I wanted to be there this instance. It was better to keep that part to myself.
I was gettingready to go see Jason. We had planned that morning to meet up in the afternoon, so when it got later, I started to get ready. I was antsy because I knew what was likely going to happen. I wanted it to happen, of course. I wanted him to make me feel the way he had before. No matter how much I wanted him though, I still had this part of me that paused. He had a lot to handle, and I knew that once I was in his arms, I was basically giving up control of everything. He would have control of my body for sure, but also my mind as well. It was a total give in to him and that was really hard to work with. I knew that there was something going on between us, but damn if I knew what. While I told myself to just enjoy it, my woman brain wanted names and boxes to put us in.
My phone beeped and since I was in the middle of blow drying my hair, I ignored the sound. I put my makeup on meticulously, even if he couldn’t see me. I did everything so that I would be perfect. I knew that I would feel like I was on a whole other level and that was what I needed. It was hard to keep my excitement in. I knew that no matter what, I was going to get to see Jason, so everything else would be worth it. Seeing Jason, he made my day, and I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.
I picked up my phone that was still beeping on occasion to tell me I had a message. I frowned when I saw that it was from Jason. He wouldn’t be calling me, unless there was some kind of bad news that I needed to know about. It wasn’t a good feeling and when I opened up the message and it said that he wasn’t feeling good and that he was calling it off, I knew why. It wasn’t that I thought he was lying, but I thought he was doing something that was off. I tried to call him, but he wouldn’t answer his phone.
Since I was already dressed and couldn’t imagine not seeing him, I decided that I wasn’t going to listen to any of it. I needed to see Jason and there was nothing that was going to stop me. Instead of trying to be all sexy though, I wanted to show the caring side of myself. I got him some soup and drinks so he would feel better. I got everything that I thought he would want or need. I was in a weird spot with how to handle it, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me too much. I was focused and Jason was a great guy. He would see that I was doing all of this for him. I hoped that he wouldn’t be mad that I was disregarding his message. I just wanted to help, and my love language was service…