Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
CYRUS
It hurts like fuck watching Tally walk out my room, refusing to hear me out.
I understand why she doesn’t want to listen but it still hurts. Instead of following my instinct and following her out, I collapse on the bed, giving her the space she clearly needs after coming all over me.
I should have stopped her before she did that, spoke to her whilst I had her tucked into my arms.
But as usual, I fucked it all up.
When the darkness threatens to take over my vision, I squeeze my eyes shut. Fisting the duvet tight, in hopes of keeping tears from falling.
My heart runs wild in my chest, threatening to break free and chase down Tally all on its own.
I sit here until my fingers go numb from clenching the duvet so hard, out running the demons of my own making.
When I finally get my breathing back in check and peel open my eyelids, the empty room stares back at me.
Fuck this. I won’t go and find her; if she wants space, that's fine. I can understand space.
But I can’t stay in here.
Changing my clothes and putting on my usual air of indifference, I head out. Just before I exit, I grab my cutlass, buckling the strap around my waist. After last night, I don’t plan on going anywhere without it.
It isn’t until I’m walking the halls, that I realise, I have no idea where I plan on heading.
Until Nadine walks out of her room, cooing over her daughter that's strapped to her chest. When she sees me, she grins. “Morning, Cyrus. You want breakfast?”
I plan on saying no– let her enjoy her morning with her baby, when I’m capable of feeding myself, stew in my own shit for a little longer– but my stomach rumbles to life. She doesn’t let me answer after that, instead ushering me down the hall towards the galley.
“I’m heading to the kitchen anyway, I can whip you up something.” She says, storming ahead with one hand braced on her baby's back. Two dark little eyes peer up at me from her chest, babbles pouring out of her mouth. As far as babies go, Nadine and Bobby’s daughter is pretty adorable.
Clearing my throat, I try to be polite. “How’s the baby?”
Nadine half smirks before looking down at her daughter and completely melting.
“Sammy’s teething, so lots of crying. We’ve run out of the herbal remedies Bobby made,” she breaks into baby talk, rubbing her nose along her daughters.
“That’s why we’re heading to the kitchen, isn’t it?
To make you some more, so you’re not grumpy and in pain anymore. ”
Sammy reaches for her mothers cheeks as she giggles, drooling down herself and Nadine.
We reach the galley and instantly Nadine is in work mode. Firing up a stove, laying down a pot and a pan and making two different things at once.
Nadine talks on and on about Sammy as she does. The silence not having a chance to develop, not now that she’s on the one subject that she won’t shut up about. It’s a nice distraction for a few minutes.
As Nadine finishes bottling up her teething remedies and starts sliding eggs onto a plate for me, Mabel walks in.
She’s smiley and bright as she says hello, instantly cooing over the baby. She brushes off Nadine's concerns about food, heading to the pantry and returning with the Captain’s cheese and crackers stash.
She winks at me and Nadine, eye twitching awkwardly as she laughs. “Don’t tell Amara.”
Nadine slides my plate in front of me and talks animatedly with Mabel for a minute.
I exclude myself from the conversation, instead listening to them talk lovingly about their partners. Wishing I could join in and talk about Tally. But she’s not mine. No matter how much I’d like for her to be. Because I fucked it all up before we could get to that stage.
When Sammy starts fussing, her teeth clearly hurting her as she wails, Nadine excuses herself. Leaving just Mabel and me, and a whole lot of empty silence.
Mabel clears her throat, preparing me for what I know will be an invasive question. “How’s– er, how’s it going with Tally?”
I sigh, everything from this morning rushing back in.
Waking up with her in my arms, cosy and safe.
How Tally used me to get off, how goddamn hot it was– if she had touched me, I’d have lasted all of two seconds before coming.
But instead she refused to talk. I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t want to talk to me either, but it still stings.
“She won’t talk to me.”
I explain Tally’s reluctance with not wanting to talk to me, how writing a letter wouldn’t work. Because I need to be brave and do it face to face, Tally deserves that. She deserves so much more than me.
Even when Mabel expresses how everyone deserves a second chance to prove themselves, I feel the doubt in my gut. I want Tally more than anything, but it doesn’t mean I should have her. It’s her decision, no matter how much I love her.
I stammer as I say the words out loud for the first time. “I can’t write the words ‘I love you’ before I’ve said them out loud.”
The silence is interrupted by a small gasp, light and feminine, and full of absolute surprise.
My head snaps to the entry way, knowing who will be standing there but hoping it’s just one of the crew, who will tease me relentlessly until I give them extra chores.
Luck isn’t on my side, as deep pools of caramel swim amongst tears.
“Tally.”
My throat is raw as her name scrapes out of me. Both shock and relief flood my bones. Is this how I wanted to tell her? Hell no. Am I glad that it’s out there anyway? Hell yeah.
Clearing my throat, I go to explain myself. “Tally, this probably isn’t the time to do this, but it’s why I wanted to talk to–”
The sound of deep yelling, loud and insistent, enough to make me pause.
My brows scrunch as I try to listen, all three of us watching the wall with brows furrowed.
They aren’t voices I recognise, so it’s no one from the ship shouting.
I can’t make out what they are saying, but it’s angry.
And the sheer volume says it's more than one person.
“What the…” My voice trails off once a loud bangs erupt outside.
Mabel freezes, eyes going wide. “Isn’t that… Isn’t that gun shots?”
The second the sound registers, I’m up out of my seat. “Both of you, stay here.” Then I’m racing outside, cutlass already drawn. Moving down the hallways at a speed I shouldn’t be able to achieve.
Footsteps ring out behind me. Bastards, I should have known neither of them would have listened to that command. With a quick glance over my shoulder, I confirm that both Mabel and Tally are running behind me. With kitchen knives.
I can’t help the slight smirk when I look forward once more. Mabel’s gotten braver since she’s been here– after the last battle, she’s ready to throw herself into the deep end once more. And Tally is blood thirsty.
The look on her face– one of rage, and calculated coldness– shouldn’t be such a turn on.
We hit the plank that leads to the dock, and it's the start of carnage.