Chapter 1
“Avery.”
The beer bottle I dropped is shattered on the ground in front of me and I can feel the liquid covering my feet and sandals.
Niko, my captain and best friend on the team, has his hand on my shoulder and by the way his lips are moving, I think he’s trying to talk to me but I don’t hear a single word he’s saying.
The ringing in my ears is deafening and all of the air is sucked from my lungs.
She’s here. In Green Bay. At my team’s barbecue. And she’s looking at me like she’s seen a ghost.
Because that’s what I am, isn’t it?
Neither of us say a word as we continue to stare at each other, unmoving.
Luckily, my assistant coach, Ellie, breaks the awkward silence that has fallen upon every single person here.
Clapping, she announces, “All right, everyone. The food is ready. Why don’t we make our way over there, away from all of this”—she gestures her arms out between Avery and me—“and let these two have a minute.”
My teammates and their families follow Ellie to where the food is set up near the bar area of Niko’s backyard. Niko stays put and eyes me skeptically.
“I’m good.”
I immediately turn my attention back to Avery, and now that my breathing has slowed and the ringing in my ears has subsided, I can finally appreciate the woman standing in front of me. She’s just as beautiful as the last time I saw her. Even without the white dress, she shines.
Dressed in an emerald outfit, which I believe is called a romper, her green eyes pop and sear into mine as I try to memorize every inch of her face. Her hair is the shortest I’ve ever seen it, cut into a bob, and she looks sophisticated as hell.
The birthmark I’ve kissed a thousand times sits above her painted lips, that are just as plump and beautiful as ever. Moving my eyes upward, there’s no dimple to be found on her left cheek and as my gaze moves up her gorgeous face, I see why. Narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow stare back at me.
I don’t blame her for the scowl on her face. She hasn’t seen me in years since I abruptly cut contact with her and everyone we knew. Well, everyone besides my best friend Luke.
After I broke her heart in high school, we remained civil for years because we shared a friend group. That all changed when she got engaged to him.
It was too hard. I couldn’t pretend to be okay with it. I ignored every text and call I got from our mutual friends. I just couldn’t do it.
But she’s here now.
And she’s pissed.
I’m about to break the awkward silence when my gaze lands on the shadows beneath her eyes.
Soft, violet crescents are painted just under them, the kind that come from sleepless nights and fatigue.
Avery blinks at me, and it’s then that I notice the heaviness in her stare, like her eyelids are carrying more weight than they should.
But when I look at her fully—I mean, really finally look at her—I see that her eyes still hold a brightness.
She’s still stubbornly alive and beautiful.
The tiredness hasn’t dulled them, they still burn bright with light.
Although exhausted, her strength is still evident in her stare, and that somehow makes her more breathtaking than ever.
What is haunting this beautiful woman? Why does she look so tired?
I hadn’t noticed, but my head is tilted as I’m trying to figure out what’s plaguing the only woman I’ve ever loved. Moving my gaze down her body, I notice her arms and waist are slimmer than they were the last time I saw her. Worry consumes me as I contemplate how to ask if she’s okay.
“Is there something you need, Connor?”
My eyes snap up to hers.
Those are the same words she said to me the first day I met her. Does she remember that day? Does she dream about it as much as I do?
“What are you doing here, Avery?”
There’s no bite to my words, but I can’t hide my confusion.
As if my body just registered who’s standing in front of me, I find myself closing the distance between us slowly. All the time in the world couldn’t erase the effect she has on me. I’ve always craved to be near her, and my body recognizes hers as it pulls me toward her orbit.
I stop when I’m mere inches from her. Too close for comfort, but I can’t find it in me to back away.
Avery’s chest heaves up and down. And now that I’m this close, I see how pale her skin is. Minus a slight flush to her cheeks, it looks like Avery hasn’t been outside in weeks. Am I the reason she’s flushed, or is it the June heat here in Wisconsin?
I’m silently praying to myself that I’m the cause. Because maybe, if I still have that effect on her, she doesn’t hate me as much as I think she does.
Avery goes to speak but something cuts her off. She squeezes her eyes shut and holds a finger up to me. Without warning, she stumbles backward, and on instinct, I reach out to steady her.
Just like that first day at the rink, my hand grips her upper arm. But this time, I’m holding on a little tighter, concern coursing through my body.
“Avery, are you okay? Let’s sit.”
I don’t wait for an answer and move her to one of the picnic tables on the patio.
Gently, I help her sit on the bench, but I keep my arm nestled on her lower back, just in case she needs my support again.
“I’m fine. Just a little dizzy is all.”
As if her words conjured her up, our team’s health and wellness coach, Sadie, steps up to the table.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I saw Avery lose her balance over there and thought she might need some water.”
I grab the bottle, mutter a quick “thanks” and nod at her.
“If you need to cool off in the house, feel free to go inside. It’s freaking hot out here. The study is empty and quiet if you need it.”
Sometimes I forget that Sadie and Niko are officially together now.
She went from live-in nanny to live-in girlfriend recently, and I have to admit, I’ve never seen Niko so happy.
After a terrible divorce, he closed himself off to almost everyone.
That is, until Sadie came along. They’re good together.
The realization that my best friend has finally found his person brings me back to the present where my person is actually here, in Green Bay. And I’m afraid there’s something physically wrong with her, but I have no business asking her about it. I had that right once, but I don’t anymore.
Avery finally looks up at Sadie. I can’t see her face and I can barely make out her words, so I lean forward trying to hear.
“Thank you, but I’m okay. Just need to sit for a minute. Thanks for the water but I need to grab my drink. I think I need some electrolytes.”
Concern tugs at Sadie’s brow as Avery goes to stand from the table.
I press my hand firmly into her lower back. “You stay here. I can get it. Just tell me where it’s at.”
“I left it with my purse over there near the fireplace.” Avery points to a small table where a large cup is sitting beside a black, leather purse.
Swinging my legs over the bench of the picnic table, I stand to retrieve her things. But before I do, I lean down and whisper in her ear. “Don’t move, Aves.”
I don’t stick around to see what the use of the old nickname I used for her in high school does to her because, quite frankly, I’m a coward.
The name rolled off my tongue so easily, it was already out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying.
I probably shouldn’t have called her that, but there’s no taking it back now.
As quickly as I can, I rush to grab her things. Upon closer inspection, I see that her black tumbler has constellations etched all over it. A slow smile stretches across my face for the first time since I laid eyes on her today.
“Connor!” Sadie’s panicked voice breaks through my thoughts before I can go down memory lane. I jog over to the picnic table, worry consuming me.
Avery sits with her elbows resting on the table, her head in her hands, appearing to be doing some diaphragmatic breathing.
I watch as she inhales a deep breath, holds it for a few seconds, and then releases a long exhale.
Not wanting to interrupt her when she’s clearly trying to regulate herself, I slowly and quietly climb back onto the picnic table beside her.
Looking up at Sadie, concern is still written on every inch of her face, but she doesn’t say a word. She mouths, You okay? and I nod in response. Sadie removes herself from the situation, and I patiently wait until Avery is done with her breathing exercise.
A million thoughts are running through my head but I keep coming back to the same one.
Something is wrong with my Avery.
But she’s not mine anymore. And she would kill me if she knew I called her that, even if only in my mind.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Avery lifts her head from her hands and looks over at me.
She flashes me a quick, apologetic smile, then glances away to avoid making eye contact with me.
It’s rare to see Avery looking embarrassed and I know it’s probably killing her to look that way, especially in front of me.
I slide her cup over to her and clear my throat, hoping to gain her attention.
“Here’s your drink. Can I get you anything else?”
Her head turns back toward me, and I watch as her eyes land on her tumbler. She reaches for it, gripping the handle with her left hand, and my heart nearly stops dead in my chest.
She’s not wearing a wedding ring.