Chapter 13
Downtown is bustling with couples and families enjoying the holiday lights and igloo seating outside of some restaurants.
A feeling of longing overtakes me, surprising me as I make my way down the sidewalk with my carry-out bag in hand.
I thought I was okay with being alone, but seeing how happy everyone is hits something inside of me I thought I buried long ago.
My apartment sits on the outskirts of the busy main strip of downtown, with a beautiful view of the Fox River, so although it’s cold, it’s not too far of a walk. The fresh air is a nice reprieve from being stuck inside my apartment alone all day.
I wonder if Avery is all alone tonight, too. On instinct, I look up to the sky in search of my favorite constellation. I know it will be impossible to find with all the light pollution, but I still find myself looking for it every night.
Moving my focus back to the sidewalk, I turn the corner onto my street.
My apartment complex isn’t fancy by any means.
As one of the top defenseman in the league, I make more than most, but I’ve never been a huge fan of high-end things.
Now, is my apartment still the penthouse?
Yes. I wanted a space big enough for my sister and grandparents to visit whenever they please.
And it’s nice not sharing walls with any neighbors. A man needs his privacy after all.
As I approach the entrance of my building, a car with its lights on catches my attention. The street is always packed, so the fact that it’s there isn’t what catches my eye, it’s the Everwood Academy bumper sticker and faded turquoise paint that calls me to it. I’d recognize that car anywhere.
Why is she still driving the same piece of junk she had in high school?
Anger overtakes me at the thought of her ex not buying her a new vehicle. Or, if he did, not allowing her to keep it after the divorce. I know Avery loved this car more than anything growing up, but it’s older than she is.
Slowly, I walk toward the passenger window and dip my head to see that it is indeed occupied by the woman I can’t seem to stop thinking about these days.
Avery’s hands are on her steering wheel and her forehead is resting against them, so she doesn’t notice me right away.
I’m assuming she’s visiting Katie’s new apartment.
She just moved into my building recently.
I should walk away and leave her be, which is exactly what I plan to do.
Until Avery lifts her head, and I see the tears streaking down her cheeks.
The walls around my heart begin to crack again at the same sight that caused it to happen outside the hospital a few weeks ago.
Something is wrong.
There is something Avery isn’t telling me, and my body refuses to leave from the spot next to her car. Against my better judgment, I gently knock my knuckles against the window, startling Avery.
She jumps in her seat and brings her hands to her chest. As soon as the recognition sets in, her face goes from surprised to embarrassed in the blink of an eye. Avery’s eyes cast downward and her grip on the steering wheel tightens, her knuckles going visibly white.
I bring my knuckles back up to the window again, knocking softly, trying to gain her attention.
“Are you okay, Avery? Can you let me in, please?”
She looks my way but glances beside me, avoiding eye contact. Her cheeks are flushed pink and she’s gone as still as a statue, still not saying anything.
My pleas go unanswered. So, naturally, I knock again.
“You can’t expect me to just walk away after I find you crying in your car in front of my apartment complex.”
Her eyes finally meet mine when I mention that this is where I live. Reaching over, she cranks the window down, because that’s how old this freaking car is. She still has to manually lower the damn windows.
“What do you mean this is your apartment complex? You own it or something with all that money you make now?”
I chuckle, which is the absolute dumbest thing I could choose to do at this moment.
She shakes her head and reaches again for the window, but before she can roll it up, I stop her.
“Avery, stop. I don’t own this building. I live in it.”
She throws herself back against her seat, her head following suit against the headrest and huffs, exasperated.
“Of course you live here. Where one of my only friends lives. You’re everywhere!
” Avery bangs her hands against the steering wheel.
Although she appears frustrated, I think she’s just overwhelmed by emotion.
My gut is telling me something is wrong.
The last thing I want to do is cause her more stress. But I’m fucking worried about her. This is the second time I’ve run into her with a tear-streaked face. If we’re moving forward as friends, I want to help. That’s what friends do.
She will never be just a friend.
I mentally scold the devil on my shoulder and move my hand to the car door handle.
“Can I sit with you?”
Avery tosses her hands up in the air. “Sure, why not? Might as well stop fighting the bigger forces at play here. The universe clearly wants me to stay in your orbit for some ridiculous reason I haven’t quite figured out yet.”
I ignore everything she said except for her giving me permission to join her.
Opening the door, I duck and attempt to squeeze into the passenger seat of her sedan.
My knees are nudging the dashboard and the top of my head skims the roof.
I reach down for the handle to move the seat backward when I hear Avery break out into laughter.
This isn’t a humorless or a frustrated laugh. This is real, genuine laughter.
And it’s music to my fucking ears.
My hand stills under the seat, and I turn my attention to see Avery wiping tears from her eyes. But this time they’re tears of joy. My heart squeezes in my chest. I’m not sure what I did to elicit such a reaction but I’d do it a million times again if it meant listening to her laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
She’s still laughing when she answers, her words coming out breathless in between cackles. “You.” Laugh. “Look.” Laugh, laugh. “Ginormous.” Laugh, laugh, laugh. She points at me and shakes her head. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know how badly I needed to laugh.”
Her words give me pause. The thought of her not laughing fills me with despair. How long has it been since she’s been happy?
Avery’s laughter continues for another minute, and I don’t say a word. I let her enjoy this moment because I’ll be damned if I’m the one who ruins her happiness.
You’ve already done that enough for one lifetime.
She takes a calming breath and turns in her seat, lifting one leg up in front of her.
“Okay, I’m done now. Also, the seat is jammed. You won’t be able to move it at all. Looks like you’re stuck there. You could always leave, though. Wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
The sarcasm in her voice lets me know she doesn’t mean those words even a little bit. She’s not getting rid of me that easily.
Turning my upper body, I loop an arm around the chair, resting it on the back passenger door and lean back as much as I can.
I’m uncomfortable as hell, but it’s not enough to make me leave.
Avery snickers quietly to herself until I’m done squirming.
The joy she felt just a minute ago quickly disappears from her face.
In its place is the sadness and exhaustion I saw when I first approached her car. She quickly averts her gaze from mine.
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this, Aves.”
My arm moves on its own accord. I reach out and gently wipe a stray tear from her cheek with my thumb. Avery leans into my touch for half a second before she realizes what she’s doing. She jerks her head away from my hand.
I want to grab the back of her neck and pull her into me. I want to hold her and not let go until she tells me what’s going on. It’s driving me fucking crazy not knowing how to help her. But the worst part is knowing she doesn’t want my help.
“Does this have something to do with those tests you need?”
She still won’t look at me, but I watch as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. I don’t expect her to answer my question, so when she nods I perk up a little bit.
“Yes. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been hit by a bus out of nowhere. I thought I was okay to drive but I wasn’t yet.”
The urge to fix everything for her, to get her the answers she needs and deserves, is so strong. But I know she won’t let me. She’s already said it once. So, instead, I sit silently and listen.
“I’m usually okay after ten or fifteen minutes. I was just taking a break so I could drive home.”
There are so many things I want to ask her. How long has this been going on? Why were you crying? Where is home? But, I keep my mouth shut because she’s clearly not done venting yet.
“And I was only crying because I’m exhausted. I am so fucking tired of feeling this way. I don’t even know my own body anymore. I can’t even trust it to get me home after a fun night with my friends. I don’t want to fucking live like this anymore.” Her voice cracks at the end, and it’s my undoing.
I shift closer, carefully drawing her toward me across the space between the seats. My hand slides up, cradling the side of her head as I guide her in, fingers threading gently through her midnight hair like I’m trying to anchor her there without forcing anything.
The moment she gives in, it’s like something in her collapses. She comes forward all at once, breaking against my chest.
Immediately, my other arm wraps firmly around her back, holding her in place as she folds into me over the center console. There’s no hesitation in me now, just instinct. Just the need to be here for her, to keep her from falling apart any further than she already has.
Her forehead presses into my chest as she cries, breath hitching against my shirt, breaking my fucking heart with every soft sniffle. I bow my head until my lips are resting against the crown of her head, staying there without words, just holding her through it as she shakes in my arms.
My hand stays in her hair, slow grounding strokes, while my other arm holds her steady against me. Like if I let go, even a little, she might disappear again.
And I’m not ready for that.
Finally, she pushes off me. Her face is red and blotchy from crying so hard but she still looks so fucking beautiful.
“I ruined your shirt.”
I look down and see makeup and a tear-soaked wet spot the size of a softball. The last thing I want her to feel is guilty for ruining some stupid T-shirt.
“I have more.” She nods but doesn’t say anything else. “Feeling better?”
I know she just sobbed into me for god knows how long, but I also remember how much better she always felt after a good cry when we were teenagers. Sometimes she’d watch heartbreaking movies on purpose just so she could let it all out.
“I am, actually. I always feel better after a good cry.”
“I remember.”
Two words. That’s all it takes for her shield to come back up. I watch her school her expression and slip her mask back on.
“It’s late. I should probably get going.”
She’s looking anywhere but at me again. As badly as I want to stay and make her come inside with me, just so I know she’s really okay, I nod.
“Are you sure you’re okay to drive yourself?”
Avery’s eyes soften for a split second before she nods. “I’m sure.”
Turning, I open the car door and swing my legs out. It takes me a moment to find my bearings after being smooshed in there, but I finally stand. Instead of closing the door behind me, I turn and duck down to look at Avery one last time.
“Can you at least let me know when you get home okay?”
I know she blocked my number. I remember quite vividly the day I figured that out.
It was her birthday. I never missed wishing her a happy one, but when I sent the text, it turned green instead of blue.
After it went unanswered for two days, I tried texting her again.
When that one sent but turned green again, I reached out asking one of our friends if she got a new phone or changed her number.
They told me nothing had changed and I figured it out shortly after that.
She hasn’t said anything so I push slightly. “It’s the same number as before.”
Finally, she nods. Not wanting to push my luck any further, I gently close the door without another word. I stand on the sidewalk and watch as she pulls out onto the street. I don’t move a muscle until her taillights are out of sight.
I’m lying in the pitch black of my bedroom, staring at my phone next to me on the bed. It’s been almost a half hour since I watched Avery pull away. Maybe she lied to get me to close the door and isn’t going to reach out.
Frustrated, I set my phone on the nightstand and stand to go get ready for bed. I’m mid-step when I hear my phone vibrate. I grab it so fast, I nearly drop it on the floor.
Avery
Home safe.
Thank god.
Thank you.
I’m ready for that to be the end of the conversation when I see the bubble pop up indicating that she’s typing. My pulse quickens as I wait for her message to come through.
Avery
Thanks for sitting with me and letting me cry it out.
Anytime.
Avery
Hopefully that’s the last time you have to see me like that lol.
A grin stretches across my face. I think we’re finally moving forward. I could sit here texting with her all night, but I don’t want to ruin a good thing when it’s just getting started.
Well, if it happens again and you need someone, you know where to find me now. Good night, Aves.
Avery
Night, Connor.
Seeing Avery like that again tonight nearly broke me, but ending the night with a text from her has me feeling more content than I’ve felt in a long time.
For the first time in probably years, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.