Chapter 15
I’m getting ready for the game tonight and I feel like I’m absolutely crushing it at my job so far this season. The entire organization is so supportive and accommodating, especially Ted, who has been commentating with me all season.
Ted has been with the team for twenty years now and he just became a grandfather for the first time.
There’s something about him that makes me feel at ease, so it wasn’t hard to fill him in on what’s been going on with me health-wise.
Although I don’t have an official diagnosis, I wanted to let him know at least the bare minimum.
You know, in case I randomly get lightheaded and pass out at work.
The good thing about this job is that I’m sitting for the entire game.
When my symptoms first started, I was playing professionally in the PWHL.
At first I thought I was just having side effects still from a viral infection that took me out for almost a month.
But when the symptoms only worsened, I had to take a leave from the team.
That leave turned into retirement, and it hit me harder than I ever imagined.
When you have to retire from the sport you love more than anything in this world, especially when it’s not on your own terms, it takes a toll on you.
Not only was I dealing with physical effects of whatever the fuck’s going on with my body, I had to deal with the mental turmoil of saying goodbye to hockey, even though I wasn’t ready to do so.
It took me a long time to accept that I’ll never play again.
Tamara helped me through my darkest time, and with her support, I decided that I didn’t want to leave the sport completely.
I’ve always enjoyed commentating on games, even though it had only been something I’d done for fun.
But I realized I was actually pretty freaking good at it.
Luckily, my former team, the Freeze, gave me the opportunity to work for them.
I didn’t start as a play-by-play announcer, but after my first year commentating, they offered me the play-by-play job.
The rest is history.
Well, except for the fact that I’m still dealing with these medical issues and the mental toll it takes on me.
I make my way into the commentating booth that has become my second home.
Now that I can’t be down there on the ice, this has become my favorite place to be.
I feel like I’m on top of the world when I’m here, both figuratively and literally.
We are so high up in the arena that the players look extremely tiny from where I sit.
But I also feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.
Doing something I love and excelling at it.
Not many people find something they love this much after retiring from their sport, and I feel incredibly grateful that I have.
Sitting down on my chair, I start organizing the notes for today’s game and turn on all the monitors that we’ll be using.
“Damn, I thought I might actually beat you in here today.”
I turn to see Ted holding a Tupperware container and dressed in one of his ridiculous suits. Tonight’s suit is neon blue with hundreds of sharks decorating his jacket and pants. Not only is this man one of the kindest people I’ve met, but his style brings me so much joy every game day.
“Looking sharp tonight, Ted. Good thing you didn’t wear this one a few nights ago when we played the Sharks.”
A low rumble of a laugh escapes him as he takes his seat next to me. “I may be getting old, but I ain’t stupid.”
I shake my head and laugh, turning back to the papers in front of me.
“Here. It’s from the missus. She made some trail mix for you.
Apparently, if you have POTS you should increase your salt intake, which I’m sure you already know so I don’t know why I’m telling you.
But anyway. There’s a bunch of different kinds of nuts in here, popcorn, seeds. You know, trail mix stuff.”
He holds out the Tupperware container to me. My hand shakes when I go to grab it, emotion overtaking my body at the thoughtfulness of not only him, but his wife.
“You okay, Avery? You’re shaking.”
I sniff once, trying like hell to hold it together. “I’m okay. Just trying not to break down into tears in front of you.”
“Well, let’s not do that. We’ve got a game to prepare for.
” Ted spins in his chair, and I know he’s not being insensitive.
He knows me well enough already to know that I don’t like to make a big deal out of my health, even if it is a big deal.
We spend the next hour or so prepping for tonight’s matchup before the players hit the ice.
It’s been a hard-fought game between the Bobcats and Boston Bolts.
Adeline Langfield is the first female goalie in the league and she’s a brick wall.
We’ve only gotten one past her today. My adrenaline is pumping as both teams battle in the Bolts zone.
I may not be able to play anymore, but damn if I don’t love being in the game like this, calling big plays in real time.
“Koskinen dekes around Cooley, it’s just him and Langfield now. He shoots…and holy cow! Another unbelievable save by Langfield. I’m not sure how she managed to get her glove up like that after falling to the ice, but that’s another one we might see on the Top 10 highlights this evening.”
My heart pounds and a smile stretches across my face at the save Adeline just made. How fucking cool to be the first female play-by-play commentator, reacting to highlight-worthy saves from the first female goalie in the league. It doesn’t get much better than this.
“I agree, Avery. She is playing out of her mind today.”
The third period ends in a 1–1 tie, and the Bobcats end up losing in a shootout.
“Not the way we wanted to end the game tonight but Langfield stood on her head during that shootout, stopping all three Bobcats shooters. Stay tuned for the postgame coverage. We’ll be back after a short break.”
We finish up the postgame segment, and I start packing up my things when I see my phone light up on the table. There’s a text from Sadie. I grab my phone then swipe on my screen to read her message.
Sadie
Some of us are going to the local sports bar for a postgame meal and drink. Come with us? Please!
My thumb hovers over the screen. I want to tell her no because I’m absolutely exhausted from the game tonight. I’ve stayed hydrated and snacked on the trail mix Ted brought, but I’m still so damn tired. Although, I’m not dizzy, and food might be a good idea after a long night of work.
I can come for a little bit. Meet you there?
Sadie
Yes! We’re here now. See you soon!
As I approach the building, I can feel the music thumping from outside and the smell of yeast in the air hits my nose.
My body sags with exhaustion but I push through, wanting to spend time with my friends after a long, fulfilling day of work.
I brace myself as I open the doors. The sports bar is buzzing with energy, and I spot my friends standing along the far side of the room.
Katie, Sloane, and Sadie are all huddled together, a few of the guys on the team mingling behind them.
As soon as I approach them, Sadie breaks away from the group to give me a hug.
It’s not unlike her to fling herself at me for a hug, but when she squeezes me tight, I feel unsteady on my feet. Thankfully, she releases me just as the spots begin to appear in my vision, and I take a sip of my drink to try to get rid of this uneasy feeling.
“I’m so glad you made it! I wasn’t expecting it to be so packed. We grabbed this table but there’s no place to sit yet.”
Damn it. Standing for long periods can be pretty difficult for me. But I was just sitting for hours at the game so I should be okay for a while. I hope.
I survey the teammates standing by us and notice that Connor and Niko are both missing. Sadie must register what I’m doing because she leans in so I can hear her better.
“Niko and Connor had to meet with the coaches for a bit. They’ll be here soon.”
I’ve come to learn that wherever Niko goes, Connor is usually not far behind.
It’s nice to see that he’s found new friends and made a life for himself here in Green Bay.
But I can’t deny that it still stings a little to know he left me and all our friends behind.
I know he said he was going through some stuff, but it still confuses me.
Maybe it shouldn’t surprise me since he ended our relationship when he left for college like it wasn’t a big deal.
As if we hadn’t promised each other forever.
Say what you want about high school love, but ours was different. Or at least I thought it was.
We’ve been standing around for nearly thirty minutes, everyone chatting and having a good time, when Sadie sprints away from us and launches herself into Niko’s arms. A pang of something hits me in the chest, and it’s only amplified when I see Connor standing behind them.
There’s a scowl on his face at the PDA happening in front of him, but it does nothing to tamp down how sexy he looks.
His hair is slightly damp still from his post game shower and he’s wearing a classy gray suit, his white shirt unbuttoned at the top.
My eyes never leave him as the three of them make their way to where we’re all standing.
When they’re only a few feet away, I notice lines of ink peeking out from the opening in Connor’s shirt. A tattoo? It’s been nearly a decade since I’ve seen his bare chest and the idea of him having tattoos now makes something happen low in my belly.
No. Stop that. You do not care.
When they finally approach our group, my eyes shoot up from his chest to see that he’s watching me like I am him.
“Hi,” he says in a sultry tone that might cause any woman to drop to their knees.
Come to think of it, I am feeling a bit lightheaded. Is it because of his presence or due to my body betraying me? My body starts overheating and I feel my legs beginning to turn weak.
I don’t have time to steady myself, because as I go to look for a stool, the ground falls out from underneath me.