Chapter 25
I’ve been Connor’s fake wife for a month now and it’s still hard to wrap my brain around it. Even though not much has changed in terms of our day-to-day friendship, it’s still completely surreal when I think about it.
Tamara is still the only person I’ve told. We’ve talked about it since, but not in any deep, sit-down way. More like quick check-ins, morning coffee chats when we can, and conversations squeezed in between everything life keeps throwing at us.
And the strange thing is, nothing really looks different from the outside.
I’m still on Tamara’s couch. Connor is still in his apartment.
I still see him all the time at work, and sometimes out with friends like nothing has changed at all.
It’s still our not-so-little secret. But underneath all of that, everything is different.
Because regardless of whether I fully believe I’m living this reality or not, I wouldn’t even be here waiting for my tilt table test if it wasn’t for him.
It’s a universal issue for women, especially young women, to get an initial diagnosis.
It takes a ridiculous amount of time. It’s one of the reasons I was dismissed for so long.
I was told it was anxiety, that it was all in my head.
Don’t even get me started on how fucked up the entire situation is.
It’s like because we’re women, we’re overreacting or something.
After wearing a Holter monitor for a week to check for electrical problems in my heart—which, by the way, I had to take off two days early due to the bumps and rash it gave me—Connor made some calls to the hospital.
Apparently, being a regular volunteer here and being a local celebrity speeds the process along quite a bit.
It pisses me off that people of status get priority, but I’m also extremely grateful for his help.
It’s been quite a mindfuck, honestly. Hating the system but essentially using my fake husband to work it.
My toes tap on the floor of the waiting room as I continue to wait for my name to be called. I’ve read everything there is to know about this test, but it doesn’t make me any less nervous.
“Avery Chamberlin,” a nurse calls my name, standing at an open door that I assume leads back to the procedure rooms.
I stand, grabbing my purse and Stanley, and make my way to where she’s waiting with a friendly smile on her face. She ushers me through the door. Before it clicks closed, I hear his voice.
“Wait!” Connor’s voice is loud and hurried.
I turn around just in time to see him running to the door through the small crack that remains. The nurse uses her foot to stop the door from closing and pushes it open slightly.
“Can I help you? Are you a patient here?”
Connor is out of breath, his chest heaving up and down. If I didn’t know any better, he sprinted up the four flights of stairs to get here instead of using the elevator.
“I’m with her.” He nods to me.
My mouth hangs open. He’s not supposed to be here.
His sister, Charlie, is in the Olympics and he had a flight to Sweden this morning.
I reminded him yesterday via text that I had my test this morning, but I never thought it would make him cancel his flight.
The nurse moves her head back and forth between us before landing on me.
“Ma’am, do you know this man?”
I open my mouth to tell her that I do, in fact, know him, but I still can’t believe he’s here.
“She’s my wife.” His tone leaves no room for argument and I hate myself for admitting it, but the way he said it was freaking hot.
My wife.
A lump forms in my throat, and I do my best to swallow it down. Nodding, I finally find the strength to formulate words.
“Yes. Connor is my husband.”
A mischievous smirk forms on his stupidly handsome face that washes away any anxiety I was feeling. I roll my eyes and turn on my heel, not bothering to wait to see if he’s following. I don’t need to. I know he is.
The nurse leads us into a room that looks very similar to an ordinary exam room you’d see at any doctor’s office, but instead of a normal exam table, there’s a table with straps situated next to a station with a couple monitors.
“Avery, if you could lie down for me here, I’ll walk you through how this is going to work. Sir, there’s a chair in the hallway for you to sit and wait while we perform the test.”
Connor’s jaw ticks, and I hold my breath.
“I’m not leaving.”
Yep. Saw that coming. All the forums online that I read said that they don’t allow anyone in the room with you during the test. I wasn’t expecting him to be here anyway, but now that he is, I find that I don’t want him to leave.
“Sir. It’s standard protocol for you to wait outside.”
Connor leans up against the wall and crosses his arms. “Is it standard protocol to dismiss women for months, even years, leaving them feeling hopeless? Because that’s what she’s been through already.
I had to pull some strings to even get her seen today, so I don’t believe this is standard at all. Like I said, I. Am. Not. Leaving.”
Is it getting hot in here?
I can’t focus on anything, I’m too busy trying to clench my thighs together.
Bossy, protective Connor is new. I know he’s an enforcer out on the ice and he was always protective of me as a teenager.
But this dominance? The way he leaves no room for argument?
New kink unlocked, because holy hell, that just turned me on.
The nurse doesn’t look happy, but she nods once and then points at him. “Fine. But you don’t move. You don’t say a word. You don’t get in my way or compromise this test in any way. Or else I’ll call security. I don’t care who you are. My patient is my priority. Got it?”
I like her.
Connor nods once, standing like a security guard near the door.
I can’t help the chuckle that escapes me as I lie down on the table.
The nurse goes through the procedure, telling me that I will lie down on the table for a bit before being slowly raised to the standing position. I will stay in that position for an extended amount of time, up to forty-five minutes, or until symptoms appear.
“I’ll be monitoring your heart rate and blood pressure, but make sure you tell me anything you feel, such as dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea, or anything like that.”
I nod my head, and she stands, grabbing some electrodes and a blood pressure cuff before setting that all up.
The next thing she does is secure the straps across my body.
There are three of them in total. One across my chest, one at the tops of my thighs, and another across my shins.
Once I’m all good to go, she lets me know the test is about to begin and she’ll inform me when it’s time for me to be elevated into the standing position.
It’s hard not to feel a little uneasy about everything.
I know this is exactly what I wanted but how will it feel once I have an official diagnosis?
What if I don’t get a diagnosis after all this?
The unknown is always a scary place to be, and my thoughts begin to betray me the longer the silence in the room stretches.
As if he can sense my discomfort, I hear Connor quietly clear his throat.
Just knowing he’s here quiets the noise in my head.
The sound of his feet scuffing against the floor causes me to gently lift my head, hoping to go undetected by the nurse.
She and Connor aren’t off to a great start so I don’t want to give her any other reason to kick him out of here.
I barely get my head off the table when I see him. He’s already looking at me and when we make eye contact, the ghost of a smile appears on his face. It’s enough to ease my anxiety, so I lie back on the table and wait for the nurse to signal it’s time to raise the bed.
“Okay, Avery, I’m going to go ahead and raise the table. Once you’re fully elevated to the standing position, you’ll stay like that for hopefully the entire time. Remember to tell me anything and everything you feel okay?” She gently places her hand on mine and waits for my confirmation.
“I will.” As soon as she hears my confirmation, she’s pressing a button.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the table begins to rise.
Connor is the first thing I see once I’m no longer lying flat.
He’s finally uncrossed his arms, standing with his hands in his pockets and feet crossed at the ankles.
His eyes never leave mine, even after I’m fully in the upright position.
“I’m starting the timer now,” I hear the nurse say, but I don’t look anywhere but ahead. At the man who has somehow changed my life again.
A wave of emotion threatens to sneak up, and I tell myself to get it together.
You need to stay calm. If not for the test, for your sanity.
There. That’s much better.
I’ve been in this position for a little bit now. I’m not exactly sure how long with how focused I am on the man in front of me, when I start to feel my first symptom of the test.
“It’s not too bad, but I’m starting to feel a little lightheaded.”
The nurse confirms she heard me, and the next thing I notice is Connor. One second he’s leaning against the wall, and the next he’s pushing off it so fast, his entire body snapping to attention. It’s subtle enough that the nurse doesn’t notice, but I do.
His shoulders go rigid, squared as if he’s bracing for impact.
He takes his hands out of his pockets, curling his fingers into a fist, like he’s fighting every urge to reach out for me.
I watch him lift one foot and take half a step toward me, but I shake my head subtly.
His jaw tightens and that’s when I see it in his eyes. Not panic, but sharp, unguarded worry.
It cracks something in my chest before I can stop it. God, I hate that I can still read him so easily, and I hate even more that he’s looking at me like that. He’s looking at me like he used to, like I’m the only thing in the world that matters.
I swallow and force my lips to move even though my throat feels tight. I’m okay, I mouth to him silently. And I’m not sure if I’m trying to reassure him or myself.
He nods once and leans back on the wall again, but doesn’t take his eyes off my face.
The test continues like this for a bit, and I feel my heart rate rising as the minutes pass by. My chest is heaving now, sweat gathering at my brow. I’m hoping we’re nearing the end because it’s starting to become way too much to handle.
“I don’t feel so good.” I somehow manage to get the words out, even as my vision begins to go fuzzy around the edges.
“Avery!”
His voice is the last thing I hear before the world goes black.