Chapter 47
TWO YEARS AGO
I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing here. Leaning over my center console, I stare at the gigantic, beautiful church where Avery is supposed to be getting married today. The railings that lead up the stairs are covered in an obscene amount of flowers which makes me scoff.
Avery doesn’t even like daisies.
Checking my watch, I see the ceremony is set to begin in fifteen minutes.
How do I know this information if I wasn’t invited to the wedding, you ask?
Well, Avery’s douchebag of a fiancé announced it to the world on his social media.
My sister, Charlie, sent me a screenshot, asking me if I had seen it.
Of course I didn’t see it. I stopped looking at Avery’s and Bryan’s social media a long time ago. After finding out they got engaged, Niko recommended his therapist to me. I called him that day and have been seeing him ever since.
With how much baggage I’ve been carrying since my parents left, I started off meeting with him once a week. Over time, with his help, I was able to work through a lot of the anger and resentment that was holding me back. Eventually, I brought up Avery.
Dr. Rodgers made me see that I’m still in love with the first girl I ever loved.
It wasn’t that big of a revelation, but I had refused to admit it ever since I broke her heart all those years ago.
Now, here I am, sitting outside the church where she’s supposed to walk down the aisle any minute to marry a different man.
I came here to tell her I’m still in love with her.
But for some reason, I can’t get out of the car.
My knee is bouncing and my heart is racing as I contemplate what the fuck to do.
I always told myself I let her go so she could live her dreams, and isn’t that what she’s doing?
But, fuck. It’s supposed to be me standing at the altar, not fuckface Bryan.
Reaching for my phone, I click on my therapist’s number. It rings two times before he picks up. I don’t wait for a greeting; the words rush out of me.
“I’m about to barge into the church and tell Avery I’m still in love with her.” My eyes follow a small group of people that walk into the church from a limousine. It’s all of her high school girlfriends and they’re wearing ridiculous yellow bridesmaid dresses.
“Okay, Connor. Take a couple deep breaths for me, and let’s try starting over.”
I do as he says, and this time when I go to talk, the words don’t fall out of me in a rush.
“You made me realize I’m still in love with Avery. But she’s getting married today and I’m parked outside the church right now. She needs to know how I feel.”
A moment passes before Dr. Rodgers responds.
“Does she need to know how you feel? Or are you telling her because that’s what you need to do?”
God, sometimes I hate this fucking psychoanalysis bullshit. Mostly because he asks me questions I don’t want to admit the answers to.
“I don’t know. Both?”
He doesn’t say a word and the silence stretches between us.
“Fine! I need to tell her.”
Dr. Rodgers hums. “Okay, and would telling Avery how you feel benefit her in any way? Because you just told me she’s about to walk down the aisle, Connor. It sounds to me like she already said yes to somebody else, and you’re mad at yourself because it’s not you.”
“Of course I’m fucking mad! This was our dream! And now she’s about to live it with someone else!” My voice cracks the louder I raise it. I use my thumb and forefinger to squeeze my eyes shut, trying like hell not to cry right now.
“Connor. Do you really think running in there and telling her how you feel is the right choice?”
I know the answer but I can’t say it out loud. I can’t admit that it’s too late. How could I let this happen?
I open my mouth to tell him no, when another limousine pulls up. My heart picks up speed because I know who’s in there. I can feel her.
The moment she steps out onto the sidewalk, my heart does a nosedive into my stomach.
Avery looks fucking beautiful. She’s dressed in a gorgeous satin gown that hugs her curves just right.
Her hair is pulled up but there’s a few strands that hang loose that blow in the breeze.
The only thing that looks out of place is the hideous veil that hides her flawless face and falls down behind her, dragging on the ground.
“She always told me she never wanted a veil.”
I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud until I hear Dr. Rodgers’ voice. “I know you’ll make the right decision, Connor. I’ll see you Tuesday.”
The line disconnects, and my eyes stay locked on Avery as she reaches into the limousine. She pulls out the most ridiculous looking bouquet full of daisies and it causes me to laugh, but nearly breaks my heart in the process.
Maybe she’s changed. Maybe she does like daisies. Maybe I don’t know Avery the way I thought I did.
It’s this realization that has me sitting back and watching her walk up the steps to the church. I wait until the doors are closed to exit my vehicle.
Jogging across the street, I take the steps two at a time until I’m at the doors of the church. Taking a deep breath, I pull them open.
The ceremony has already begun so I close the doors behind me as quietly as possible.
I slide into the last church pew, doing my best to go unnoticed, which isn’t too hard, considering there’s got to be over two hundred people here and I’m about a football field away from where Avery stands with Bryan.
My brain doesn’t even register what the priest is saying. Everything around me fades away and all I can see is Avery.
Her beautiful black hair. Her soft emerald eyes. Her devastating smile. And that’s when I see it. She turns her head slightly, and I see the dimple I’ve kissed a thousand times.
It’s then that I realize she’s showing that off for someone else now. Someone else is making her smile. I’ll never get the chance to kiss it again.
All of a sudden, this massive church feels way too small.
My lungs lock up so hard that I press a fist against my sternum, like that will help me right now.
Because this is it. This isn’t almost losing her.
It isn’t another unanswered text or another year spent convincing myself I’m okay without her.
She’s standing at the altar in a white dress—albeit surrounded by a fuck ton of daisies I know she hates—looking at another man the way she used to look at me. For the first time in my life, I realize it’s not always the people who leave that break your heart, but it’s the ones you push away.
I don’t remember making the decision. One minute I’m sitting frozen on a wooden church pew, the next, I’m shoving through the heavy church doors hard enough that they slam against the brick outside.
So much for going unnoticed.
The warm air hits my face and it’s suffocating. I drag in a breath that burns all the way down because Avery is inside marrying someone else, and I finally understand.
I waited too long.