Chapter 1 #2
From the moment Mateo had laid eyes on the pretty redhead, he’d been smitten.
He had no idea what it was about her that had captured his attention.
Usually, he hooked up with women who were confident in their sexuality, who were up for a little no strings attached sex, who weren't going to get emotionally attached and expect things from him that he wasn't willing, or even able, to give.
It wasn't that his little mouse wasn't pretty, she was, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life. Skin as pale and delicate as porcelain, thick, luscious dark red hair that fell in gentle waves down her back, big blue eyes that were the brightest shade he’d ever seen in a person.
She was short, a solid foot below his six-foot-three frame, and slim, and he knew that she loved going on walks, partly because when he stayed here, he was obsessed with watching her, and partly because they’d been on several walks as dates.
Dates.
What had he been thinking?
He worked on Prey Security’s Undercover Team.
His job wasn't just dangerous, it was quite literally, pretending to be someone else to gather intel to bring down one evil monster or another.
One wrong move, and he didn't just lose his life, he would likely lose it in the most horrific way he could imagine, as he was tortured for information and then killed to make an example.
Drawing a woman into his world was stupid.
Selfish.
But how could he help himself when he spotted Ally Thatcher trying to collect up her groceries when her cute Christmassy canvas shopping bag broke? When he’d strolled over to offer assistance, he’d been unprepared for the punch to his gut he felt when he met her vivid blue eyes.
It was clear she’d been shocked that he’d offered to help, staring up at him with wide eyes like a cornered little mouse.
She did that a lot, curling into herself like she was trying to remain invisible, and he didn't know if she did that because she had a traumatic past, or if she was just used to fading into the background because she was so shy.
How anyone couldn’t notice the stunning beauty he had no idea.
Now, as he glanced up at her apartment, he saw that her living room light was on. Strange, she usually went to bed early to read. Yet maybe things could have changed over the last five months.
Damn.
Had it really been five months since he last saw her, touched her, kissed her?
When he was assigned his current gig, he’d realized that despite the year he’d spent dating Ally, the very real feelings he was developing despite promising himself he was just passing away the time with her, that it wasn't anything serious, he couldn’t put her in danger.
The risks had never been higher. He was currently deep undercover as part of a human trafficking ring called Azure that specifically focused on abducting and training blue-eyed women to become sex slaves for wealthy men who lived predominantly in countries where almost everyone had brown eyes.
Being with him put Ally at risk, and that was the only reason he’d been able to walk away.
Not that it hadn't been hell to do it.
He missed her.
Really missed her.
Like he’d left a piece of himself behind. The only good part of him that existed.
Knowing that walking away meant leaving for good sucked even worse. But ghosting her the way he had would mean there was no going back. No excuse would make up for the way he’d abandoned her.
So why did he keep coming back here?
And why did he worry over the fact that she wasn't in bed yet?
Ally was a grown woman, smart, independent, and used to being alone.
Just because she was shy and quiet didn't mean that she was weak. She’d told him a little about her past, about losing her parents, then her grandparents, about being bullied in school because she was timid, the perfect target for those looking for someone to pick on.
His girl was witty, though. She could make him laugh like nobody else could.
And he’d loved the way she’d giggled when he told her he wanted to try out one of her romance books.
When he’d told her he was serious, her big eyes widened until they seemed to take up her entire face.
While Mateo couldn’t care less about the storylines, he liked reading the sexy times parts, then trying things out on his girl to see what she liked.
No one would ever describe Ally as kinky, but he had gotten her trying new things, experimenting to see what brought her pleasure and what didn't.
Now he’d never get to run his hands along her petal-soft skin again.
Never get to press his lips to her plump ones and kiss her until she melted against him and gave that content little sigh of hers.
Or to bring her right to the edge and not let her plummet over it until he decided she was ready to come.
Those breathy little moans of hers, the way tears would shimmer in her eyes, and she’d beg him with her sweet voice to let her come.
Perfection.
There was no other way to describe her.
Ally Thatcher was way too good for a man like him, and yet she’d given herself to him completely.
“I’m sorry I had to hurt you, little mouse, but it was the only way.
If I'd told you I was leaving, you would have gotten that sad look on your face. You wouldn't have asked me to stay, though, no matter how badly you wanted to, and that’s exactly what would have made me stay. I didn't want to be another person to leave you, another person to make you feel unwanted and unworthy. So I took the coward’s way out.”
Too bad he hadn't been able to come up with a plan where he got to keep his girl as easily as he’d been able to slip the name of a buyer to Nathan Solace.
It had become obvious to him that the man had fallen for one of Azure’s victims, a pretty blonde named Emma Beaumont.
When he’d realized it, it had then been clear that Nathan was one of the three other men undercover at Azure, and so he’d done what he could to look out for Nathan’s girl.
It hadn't been much, his hands were tied, but he’d let her get away with more than he normally would.
Something about their doomed romance reminded him of Ally and her books, of the sweet woman he’d left behind, the one he could never have.
But there had been hope for Nathan and Emma, so when she’d been sold before Nathan could get her out—and he had no doubt that the man and their boss Falcon Oswald had been planning something—he’d risked a lot to try to get him that name.
Which he’d been able to do, and on his last meeting with Falcon, he’d asked if they’d managed to rescue Emma.
They had, and now the two of them had a chance.
More than he’d ever have.
“No going back, you knew that the moment you walked away. Never should have touched her in the first place. She’s too good for a man like you. One who’s seen and done the things you have. Ally is light, and you're darkness personified.”
It was true, and he knew he would have to put a stop to these pointless visits to the apartment building. When he’d taken on the undercover job, he’d kept the apartment, continued to date Ally, but it hadn't taken him long to realize that he had to cut her loose to do this job.
So now he slept in his car because he couldn’t face going into his apartment, being so close to Ally and not able to have her.
He didn't want to move into one of Azure’s apartments, though, because he didn't want to give them any reason to wonder why he’d changed his mind when he’d initially turned down the offer of living in the warehouse.
Couldn’t put Ally at any further risk than he already had.
He would never forgive himself if anything happened to her.
Forcing himself to tear his gaze away from the lights still shining brightly in Ally’s apartment, he headed for the underground parking garage, passing a white van on his way in.
It reminded him of one of Azure’s vans, and he knew he’d made the right choice in walking away from Ally even if it had hurt them both.
If he hadn't, then she might not be up in her apartment, safe and sound, right now, she might be sitting naked in a concrete cell waiting to be sold to a monster.