Chapter 14 #2
So he’d pretended to have a good laugh at Emma being sent off to auction, even though he was sure it had come out forced. Nathan knew exactly which auction Van meant when he said it was for one with buyers after a wilder product, and the thought of her going to any one of those men sickened him.
He had to get her out, but he had no idea how to do that.
The location for this particular auction changed each time, so he didn't know where this one would be. And it wasn't like he could go up to Deacon or William and ask for the address.
Which meant he had nothing.
Nothing.
Just this sickening ball of guilt sitting on his chest.
Now he’d packed up everything from his room that he absolutely needed and thought no one would notice him slipping away with, then headed down to the garage, grabbed one of the vehicles, and driven it to a nearby gas station, where he’d left it behind.
After taking two buses, a cab, then another three buses to make sure following his trail was as difficult as he could make it, he’d climbed into one of the vehicles he’d hidden around town in case he ever needed to make a getaway.
Sitting right alongside the ball of guilt for failing Emma was one almost as big for failing Falcon, Prey, and all the other women who would suffer because he hadn't succeeded at the job he’d been given.
Knowing he had to leave because he was unstable and had become a danger to himself, Emma, and the innocents who had fallen victim to Azure, didn't make it any easier to actually do. The only thing stopping him from having a full-on breakdown was the fact there were still three other Prey operatives undercover inside Azure. He might have no idea who they were, and he’d significantly added to their workload, but in the end, it was better for all of them that he was no longer there.
When he reached Falcon’s place, he parked in the driveway and hurried to the front door. Right now, his boss was his only chance at getting to Emma before it was too late. If Falcon was willing to help, that was.
Nathan knew he couldn’t be rational when it came to Emma. Couldn’t keep a clear head and make the decisions that needed to be made. But Falcon could. His boss wasn't emotionally compromised, and he had no idea what Falcon was prepared to do to help him get Emma back.
If it wasn't already too late.
“I’m sorry,” Nathan said when the front door swung open before he could hammer on it. The security system had picked up his arrival, and Falcon must have seen from his demeanor that things were bad.
Although they’d had plans to meet today, it wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to pick up the drugs that would help him fake Emma’s death and get her somewhere safe.
Instead, Emma was less safe now than she’d been this time the day before when she was locked inside that hellish box, and he had no plan on what to do next.
“Come in,” Falcon said, stepping back to allow him entry. “We’ll talk in my office.”
“Everything okay?” Hope asked from the kitchen as they headed past it.
“No,” Nathan replied simply.
Empathy shone from Hope’s gray-green eyes, and even Adelia, Addison, and Azaela paused in the middle of their game to offer him small smiles, as though they sensed the tension in the room and wanted to try to do their part to ease it.
“Don’t give up on her, not now, not when she needs you to have faith the most,” Hope told him, and all he could do was offer a sharp nod.
“They sent her to an auction,” he said the second the door closed behind them, and they were alone in Falcon’s office. As out of control as he felt, Nathan wasn't going to say those words while little ears could hear close by.
Saying the words out loud made him feel physically ill, and he pressed a hand to his stomach, willing it to stay calm. He didn't have time for anything that wasn't productive in finding a way to get Emma back, and throwing up wasn't one of them.
“I didn't get access to her first like I normally would because it’s not being run by Azure, so I didn't get a chance to plant a tracker on her.” Keeping the trackers in his room was risky because they could be found by someone if they decided to do a room search, something that wasn't unheard of.
“We can possibly get the location,” Falcon said.
“Not in time to get there and stop her from being sold. Not even quickly enough to find out who winds up buying her.” It sucked to acknowledge that, but there was no time to get together a plan for either him or someone else to get on the list and get in.
Which meant there was no way to either buy her himself or get the name of whoever bought her.
Besides, if he showed up there, he’d show his hand, Azure would realize he was working against them, and he’d either be shot on the spot or tortured for information on what he’d shared about their operations and as an example of what happened if you turned on the ring.
“Are you out?” Falcon asked, instead of addressing his fears about Emma’s future and his inability to do anything to stop it from happening.
“Yes.”
“Permanently?”
“Yes.” This was one of the easiest decisions he could have made.
“I won't let Emma get lost in a world that sees her as less than nothing. I’ll do whatever it takes to find out who bought her and track her down. I don’t care what it takes, and I don’t care if I don’t walk out alive at the end of it, so long as Prey has Emma’s back. ”
“We have hers and yours,” Falcon said, his voice calm, blue gaze probing.
“Even if I wanted to stay undercover, I'm not in the right headspace. All I can think about is her.” Nathan rubbed a hand over his chest where his heart felt too tight. “I know I haven’t known her long, know that she shouldn’t be any different from the others, know that even if I hadn't failed her this spectacularly, she wouldn't want anything to do with me because of how we met. I just can't explain this protectiveness I feel for her. It’s all-consuming. It’s obsessive, I can't do anything without thinking about her, wanting to see her, touch her. And now she’s gone and … it feels like there’s nothing solid left in the world. ”
“You’ve always been an obsessive guy,” Falcon said slowly.
“Always been consumed with the need to save others, even though you know that’s not always going to be possible.
You’ve dedicated almost your entire life to this savior complex of yours.
Are you going to be able to handle it if we can't save Emma?”
The desire to fly across the room and lash out physically at Falcon for even daring to put that out into the universe was strong, but somehow, Nathan managed to remain rooted to the spot. “I really want to hit you right now,” he muttered, curling his fingers into fists.
“Just preparing you for a potential reality,” Falcon said, completely unfazed by his comment.
“Prey is behind you, and I agree that you're a risk to the others to go back to Azure. In reality, your cover was broken the moment you felt something for the girl. We’ll do whatever we can to find out who bought her and where she’s been taken, but you also have to accept that we might not be able to. That she might already be lost.”
Unfortunately, a savior complex plus feelings he shouldn’t have for a woman who really could already be lost for good could only ever end one way.
With him crashing and burning.