Chapter 22 #2
When Van, quite honestly, told Griffin that Asahi Watanabe had held a gun on him and threatened to kill him—of course, without mentioning that it was because he’d threatened the man first—he had been expecting it to go one of two ways.
Either Griffin reported this information to their remaining boss, who ordered his execution, or the other partner, now solely in control, was happy enough to agree that Asahi Watanabe had become unstable and thus a liability.
Thankfully, it had been the latter.
Without having to worry about walking back into an ambush while he had an injured woman with him, they were able to clean and bandage Makayla’s wounds, leave Azure to clean up at Asahi Watanabe’s mansion, however they saw fit, and left the staff bound but alive and ready for Azure to deal with.
Before heading to the airport, they’d stopped by a Prey-vetted doctor to receive medical treatment for his girl, then got on a plane to fly home.
Well, Makayla couldn’t go home, not until the whole Azure thing was settled, but he’d claimed to Griffin that he hadn't arrived in time to stop Asahi Watanabe from killing her, so Azure should believe her dead and not a threat. She’d be staying at Prey along with Nathan and Emma, and Mateo and Ally, until everything was safe and she could go back to her life.
Everything was supposed to be perfect, almost over, all they needed was to figure out a plan on how to take down the one remaining head of the ring in such a way that they got everyone else at the same time.
Only now he’d gotten the worst news possible.
Almost the worst move possible, he corrected as he reached out a hand to sweep it along Makayla’s silky chestnut locks spread out on the pillow.
Losing her would have been worse, but until this was resolved, she was never going to be safe, and she would have to spend every second of every day locked up in this building so no one could glimpse her.
“Nothing,” his boss said through the phone.
“So, it’s useless?” he asked. Everything he’d put Makayla through by taking her back to that house was for nothing.
“No, not useless,” Falcon assured him. “But until we get the code to decipher the ledger, it can't be used to end Azure.”
“Which means I won't just be going in to bring them down,” he said slowly, already knowing what he had to do. “I need to go back in. My cover is still good, I haven’t lost trust, and with Nathan and Mateo gone, then Josh injured thanks to Makayla, they’re down numbers, so they need me.
It’s the only way to try to get close to the remaining head of the organization. ”
Maybe Nathan and Mateo hadn't been able to figure out who one of the heads of the ring was, but he had, and he knew how to get to the man. But it meant going back undercover, leaving Makayla behind when she was vulnerable and needed him. It was the right thing to do and yet … he couldn’t bring himself to one hundred percent commit.
Not until he discussed it with Makayla first. If she wasn't okay with him leaving and not being able to have any contact with her, he didn't think he could do it.
“Falcon, I …”
“Need to talk it through with Makayla first. It’s fine. If you can't do it, we’ll figure out a way to make things work with what we have. Same way we did when Nathan had to leave, and then Mateo.”
“I'd be letting everyone down if I don’t go back.”
“You're being human, Van, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll be by to see you and Makayla for lunch. Maybe we can bring in Nathan and Mateo. Together we can all brainstorm the best way to do this.”
With that, Falcon was gone, leaving him holding his phone in one hand while he stared at the woman asleep beside him.
Could he leave her this soon? Between sleeping on the plane, then debriefing when they got here, showering and eating, then falling back into bed, they hadn't had much time to share just getting to know one another.
He didn't want to leave.
That hit him over the head like a ton of bricks.
His job had always been all he had. He was the ultimate lone wolf, he didn't rely on others and he didn't let others in. He played his role to perfection, because being empty inside was who he’d always seen himself as being.
Until now.
Until her.
And now he had to walk away, and he had no idea how he was going to do it. In just a matter of days, Makayla had become his light, his oxygen, his center. Leaving her felt like ripping off a part of himself he’d only just regained contact with.
Needing air, he threw back the covers and climbed out of the bed.
They were both staying in one of Prey’s apartments in the main office building in Manhattan.
Nathan and Emma were next door, and Mateo and Ally were on the other side of them.
He wanted Makayla to meet them, to have support from others who had gone through what she had, to be there for her if he had to leave.
If.
Because he couldn’t make that decision on his own.
He had to know Makayla wouldn't hate him if he finished this job. Needed reassurance when he’d never before cared what anyone thought.
In the bathroom, he splashed water on his face and examined his reflection. Was he really so desperate to be with another person that he was second-guessing himself that going back to do the job he was paid for was the right thing? It was crazy and yet—
“Van!”
The terrified call had him moving before he even processed it, drawn by an instinct he didn't even understand to soothe her, protect her, kill anything that dared to think it got to touch her.
“Here, sweetheart, I'm right here,” he soothed as he reached for her and sat on the side of the bed, dragging her into his lap.
“Sorry,” she whispered as she shuddered violently and pressed her face into his neck. “I woke up, and you weren't there. It’s silly, but I just panicked.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said as he stroked a hand down her spine, trying not to hold her too tightly in deference to the gunshot wound in her shoulder and the one along her side.
But she had all but plastered herself against him, and her trembling only increased until he tightened his grip.
“I'm right here.” It was on the tip of his tongue to assure her that he’d never leave her side again, but he stopped himself.
Not only was that not a promise he could make, but he couldn’t even guarantee he’d be here in the morning.
For a long time, they sat together, Makayla snuggled in his lap, her arms around his shoulders, her breathing slowly easing. Her body no longer shook, the warmth of her breath against his neck soothing him as he almost convulsively smoothed his hand up and down her back.
He couldn’t leave.
It was crazy to think he could.
“Did you hear from Falcon?” she finally asked, not lifting her head. “About the journal?”
Knowing they had to have this conversation, but dreading it nonetheless, he squeezed for a moment before loosening his hold. “We need to talk.”
“Something’s wrong,” she said, lifting her head to look at him with her big blue eyes, so full of warmth, of compassion, of hope. She was everything good and everything a man like him could never hope to deserve.
But she was here, and she seemed to want him, crazy as that was, and all he wanted was to keep her here forever, naked and in his arms, safe, protected, his. Which meant the words he was about to say tasted rotten in his mouth. “I have to go.”