Chapter 14 Serafina
SERAFINA
My second day of classes goes much like the first, only with three changes:
One: I buy the coffee this time and have the strange pleasure of watching Lev trip over his words to thank me.
The more time we spend together, the more it’s obvious he’s different. Not in a bad way…just different. It’s refreshing. Nice but strange. He’s almost never smooth in conversation, and everything he says or does has a purpose. He speaks so few words, opting for shorter sentences.
Two: Amara finally replies, explaining she’ll be returning the day of the party and to remind me to invite Alessio.
And three: Alessio agreed to getting together tonight. It makes my day drag.
Throughout it all, my guard loyally trails behind.
Last night, before bed, I nearly called Zeno to beg him to assign someone else to this duty and allow Lev to go home.
Lev, who’s pulling double duty because I asked for him.
He claims his agreement is for Vanessa, but he wouldn’t be here, stuck between duty and loyalty, if I never asked.
He’s trying to capture the bad guy, and here, I have him playing student.
Burden. Worse: a selfish burden.
This time, I don’t argue with the thread of doubt.
By the time evening comes, my focus shifts from Lev to Alessio, my guilt becoming tomorrow’s problem.
It’s been a while since I saw Alessio, though distance has been good for us, I think.
Even though I’m bummed he didn’t return to school, starting university without the added pressure of a relationship has been healthy.
Killing time until seven gives me a while to get ready, opting for a cute but casual, mid-thigh, black summer dress—one of my favourites because it has pockets. I fix my hair into soft waves and apply simple makeup.
Lev’s in his typical place on the couch when I leave my bedroom. His fingers rapidly fly over the keyboard, the clicking a reminder of where he could be working. Lazily, like exiting my room interrupts him, his eyes drag from the screen to me.
And they don’t move away.
A stillness settles over him. Silent, still, observant, preparing to strike. It’s a reminder that while he’s playing student, he’s actually a member of the Bratva—a trained killer.
Beyond Alessio, my experience with men is basically non-existent. Previous relationships were short-lived. Boys who made it a habit to walk with their arm around my shoulders, announcing their claim. Boys whose flirting was awkward at best.
No one—not even Alessio—has ever looked at me the way Lev is.
Heat covers my skin, my insides igniting. My hands curl, and I fight the urge to hide them in my pockets, because that’d reveal my nerves. My stomach flip-flops for no good reason, considering who I’ve dressed for. Not Lev.
As quick as he stiffened, he blinks and shakes it off before scrambling to his feet, almost tossing his laptop onto the floor. “Where the hell are you going, dressed like that?”
“Out.”
“Where?”
“Does it matter?”
“You know the answer to that.” He crosses his arms and somehow becomes bigger.
“For a drive.” I head for my purse resting on top of the mini fridge by the door, noting it’s nearly seven.
His steps trail. “With who? Where?”
“My boyfriend,” I answer the first question because I don’t have an answer to the second. “Stay. I’ll be back in a couple hours. No one’s gonna get me while I’m with him, so consider this your extended break. Get a snack or something. You barely eat. I’ll see you later.”
I’m out of the room before he can say anything else, knowing that won’t be the end. Zeno did say Lev wouldn’t stop me from living my life, and unless he’s planning on sitting in the backseat of Alessio’s car—which, hell no—there’s nothing he can do.
Quick steps take me to the elevator, passing a group of students.
With a peek to ensure he’s not behind me, I exit the building, following Alessio’s directions.
For some reason, he chose not to use the parking lot literally in front of my building, but rather parked on the road to the right side of university grounds.
When reaching the gate and stepping onto the sidewalk, my steps quicken when spotting the familiar black car with beaming headlights.
Alessio slips out of the driver’s seat and meets me halfway, lifting me in his arms with a small twirl. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
He brings my face to his and kisses me deeply, his tongue parting my lips. His hands lower to my hips, where he keeps me pinned against him. The urge to see his face outweighs this, so I lean back to gaze into his brilliantly dark eyes.
“This is nice,” I whisper. “I still wish you were back this semester.”
His gaze flick over my shoulder and over the various school buildings.
It’s with a regretful tone he replies, “I know. Me too. I was looking forward to being with you during your first year.” His head ducks lower, his breath tickling my neck.
“I wanted to show you all the best areas to get a few moments of quiet.”
I shiver, but from nerves rather than desire.
Sex is one of the limits we haven’t gotten to because I pull back every time.
Ironic, since not being raised with the same expectations Madre was means my virginity isn’t a trading tactic for the Cosa Nostra, but still, I haven’t wanted to yet.
Whenever we’re close, little red alarms go off and urge me to end it, which is something I’ve learned to not ignore.
It might feel right, but clearly, it isn’t.
“Still not gonna tell me why you’re skipping the semester?” I ask, shifting the topic away from anything physical.
He shakes his head before leading me to his car. “Wish I could. Sorry.”
Once I’m inside, he returns to his side and pulls away from the curb.
Lights decorate the dashboard of a vehicle too costly for the average student.
Even after months of dating, I still don’t know that much about Alessio.
At first, he was merely the hot, intriguing older guy who entertained me.
Now, as we’re settling, it feels like if I probe too much, the spell will shatter, and he’ll be gone.
Although sometimes, I question if that’s a terrible thing.
“Promise you won’t get too busy with school and forget about me.”
Come back, and I won’t. It’s petty, so I don’t say it. “I won’t.”
“I know what it’s like to get so wrapped up in the amount of work you’re about to be assigned.”
I lay my hand over his loosely resting on the console. “Trust me. I’m not planning on studying my brain away every day.” Only half of it. “We’ll get lots of chances, your schedule depending.”
He twists his hand around so he’s holding it instead and lifts them to kiss my knuckles. “I’ll always make time for you. You believe that, don’t you?”
When his mood is like this, it’s difficult to remember this is the same guy who gets angry when I don’t do something he wants. I tell myself it’s because he’s tired, busy, moody, but now, I wonder if it’s one of many reasons I won’t completely open up to him.
He can be possessive, which is fine…sometimes. Depends why and how he goes about it. So, what happens when I give myself to him, and he gets worse?
“Yes.” I manage to push out the lie, staring out the windshield as Alessio turns the car down an unrecognizable road. “Where are we going?”
“Somewhere we can be alone.”
This somewhere happens to be another thirty-minute drive, until a body of water comes into view.
He turns, taking a skinnier and rockier road to the top of a hill overlooking a small town.
While this seems like a romantic date, my spine prickles being so far away from Rome, campus, and Lev.
A nagging picks at my brain, wanting to urge him to turn around and take me back.
I’m not entirely sure I would have agreed to the drive if aware we were going this far.
He's your boyfriend. Stop being dramatic, I chide myself, ignoring my tenseness as Alessio parks the car by the hill’s edge.
“Lake Albano,” Alessio comments as he pushes open his door. “I love it here. Especially on nights like this.” He helps me from my side, his arm tight around my hip as he leads me to the edge of the cliff, overlooking the town and the lake glistening with the growing nighttime. “Pretty, isn’t it?”
“Bellissima.”
He tucks me into his side, dropping his head into the curve of my neck, where he presses soft kisses. His palm shifts from my hip to my ass, heading to the edge of my dress. “I never told you how amazing you look.”
“You didn’t.” It comes out a bit breathy. I twist into him, enjoying when his other arm bands around my waist. By the time he reaches the corner of my mouth, his hand dips below my dress, petting my thighs.
This feels good, so why can’t I let this go further? Maybe it’s me and not him.
His lips brush against mine, once, twice, teasing before I push mine harder against his. It’s the permission he was seeking, and he grips my hair, tipping my head back. He walks into me, until eventually, I’m up against a tree.
His hand skirts up my dress to the edge of my panties. He dips beneath the material, rubbing his finger along my slit. I’m not very wet, but the more he touches, the more my mind lets go and gets there. Not enough, but a start—enough to make him groan.
“God, you’re so fuckin’ hot, Serafina.”
His finger dips inside me. It burns, and my muscles lock. I’m not wet enough for this. Mentally, I instruct my body to relax before he gets angry.
Wouldn’t be the first time.
He pushes in deeper, making me whimper—not in pleasure. My hands come up to his shoulders to push him away, because this isn’t enjoyable, but he takes my noise as encouragement.
“You’re wet.”
This isn’t wet. This is discomfort.
I shove his shoulders, trying to angle my hips away. The tree digs into me, but it gets me away from him, so it’s worth the discomfort. “N-no, Alessio. Stop. Please. This hurts.”
When I assume—hope—my choice will be respected, he rips away from me with a curse. “Goddammit, Serafina! Why the fuck are you being like this? You’re a tease!”
Shame burns my face, and I wrap my arms tight around myself as I sidestep him, needing space. Whenever denying him in the past, he used to act fine, accepting of my need for more time. The past few instances, he’s masked his tolerance less and less but still hasn’t gone past mild irritation.
Nothing like this.
More than a million red flags lift. Hell, a few signals, high-rises, and basically anything tall go up in their place.
“I-I’m just not ready.”
He curses again and reaches for me, but I duck out of the way. Whether or not it’s my body or mind’s fault for not easing up, his reaction is his fault—so fuck him for making me feel guilty, like something’s wrong with me.
“You’re never fuckin’ ready. Sera, my balls are so damn blue. You’re making an embarrassment out of me. After all these months, my girlfriend still won’t fuck me. If not you, it’ll be another woman soon. Someone who isn’t scared to grow the fuck up.”
It’s like he slapped me. His threat is as painful as his finger was. I’ve made so many acceptances for him, so many excuses that this is simply how he is, but my patience wears thinner and thinner every time. Now, I question why I never had enough self-respect to say what I’m about to.
“We’re done.”
I spin on my heel and stalk away, wondering how the hell I’ll be getting home. Alessio’s car isn’t an option I’m comfortable with, and the walk back to Rome will take hours.
Lev? He doesn’t have a vehicle, and finding one probably won’t be an easy undertaking.
He’ll be running around figuring it out when I should have stayed home.
Hunting me way out here isn’t fair. More so, him making the trip because I was a fool blinded by a pretty face is a selfish thing to ask of him.
“Where the hell are you going?” Alessio calls when I bypass his car.
“Home!” I stomp for the tree line. At this point, I’ll start by getting away from him and then walk to the town below. Once around other people, I’ll call a taxi or Lev or anything that isn’t Alessio.
“Get the fuck back here, Serafina! Don’t be a child.”
“Go die, culo.” Ass.
The fact he doesn’t chase after me as I broach the forest says everything.
Do not cry. Do not cry. Do not—
A hand wraps my wrist at the same time I’m spun around, and another one slaps over my mouth, muffling my scream as I’m yanked against a hard form.