Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter
Twenty-Two
Hoffman now shared with Rosario the dubious honor of being my prime suspect.
Maybe he’d even edged Rosario out of that spot.
After all, my neighbor might have hated Freddie with a dart-throwing passion, but Hoffman was the one caught on video near the location of the murder, and he was the one with the label that had likely been taken from the scene of the crime.
As much as I wanted to talk my findings over with Jemma and Theo, that would have to wait.
When I got home, I barely had a chance to change out of my burglar outfit and do a rush job of tidying the apartment before my parents showed up to return Livy from her weekend at Grandma and Granddad’s house in West Haven.
As soon as I opened the door in response to their knock, Livy threw herself at me, wrapping her skinny arms around my waist and pressing her face into my stomach. My heart nearly exploded.
“Hey, sweet Livysaurus!” I said brightly, running a hand down her strawberry blonde hair. “Did you have a good weekend?”
She nodded and released me, immediately bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. “We went to the nature center and saw turtles and lots of cool stuff, and then we had ice cream!”
I smiled at her excitement. Nothing made me happier than seeing her happy.
“Lucky girl,” I said, giving her another hug. “I guess that means you don’t need the chocolate ice cream I put in the freezer for tonight.”
“No, it doesn’t!” She wriggled out of my arms. “I always need ice cream!”
I laughed. “Darn. And here I thought I’d get to eat it all myself.”
She gave her head an emphatic shake. “No way!”
My mom broke in, speaking to Livy. “Honey, why don’t you take your things to your bedroom? Granddad will help you put your new books on your shelf.” She gave my dad a pointed look that sent apprehension thrumming in my chest.
“Let’s go, sweet pea,” my dad said, taking Livy’s hand and carrying her bag.
My mom shut the apartment door with a quiet thud.
“What’s wrong?” I asked with trepidation.
“Nothing’s wrong, Emersyn.” Despite her words, the tone of her voice warned me that I wouldn’t like what she was about to say next. “But your father and I have been talking.”
“About?” My mouth had gone so dry that I barely got the word out.
She adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder and lowered her voice. “I think you’ll agree that Olivia has to be the top priority for all of us.”
“She is.”
“She has such a wonderful time when she stays with us,” my mom continued, as if she hadn’t heard me.
“Of course she does. You’re great with her.”
“I’m glad you agree.”
“Because?” I prodded, even though it felt a bit like poking a poisonous snake.
“Because your father and I think it would be best for Olivia if she came to live with us full-time.”
I grabbed the corner of the kitchen counter, desperate to steady myself as the floor tilted beneath me. For a second, I wondered if we were experiencing an earthquake, but then I realized it was just my personal world that had tipped on its axis.
“But I’m her guardian.” Shock gave my voice a vague quality that sounded unfamiliar to my ears.
“Don’t you think it’s best to change that?” my mom asked, as if she were discussing something as ordinary as changing the curtains or the wall color.
“No!” The word came out forcefully even though I could barely breathe. “Ethan wanted me to look after her.”
Hurt flashed in my mom’s pale blue eyes. Then they turned flinty. “Your brother was very ill at the time.”
“He still knew his own mind.”
Livy burst out of her bedroom, my dad following behind at a slower pace.
“Daisy’s so happy to be home!” she told my mom and me, hugging her purple dinosaur stuffie. “Auntie Em, what are we having for dinner?”
I tightened my grip on the edge of the counter and forced myself to smile as naturally as I possibly could. “Spaghetti.”
“Yum!” She tugged on my dad’s hand. “Granddad, Auntie Em makes really good spaghetti.”
I blinked back the tears that threatened to well up in my eyes.
“I’ll have to get her to make it for me sometime then,” my dad said.
Somehow that made the urge to cry even stronger.
At first, I thought my dad was as oblivious to the tension in the air as Livy was, but then he glanced warily between my mom and me, and I knew he was aware of what we’d been discussing.
Under other circumstances, I would have confessed to my dad that my spaghetti sauce came from a jar, but those words shriveled up inside of me. Serving meals from a jar might count as another strike against me in my mother’s book. Just another reason why Livy should go and live with them.
“Granddad and I need to leave now,” my mother told Livy. “Do we get hugs?”
Livy threw her arms around each of them in turn, and I had to swallow another lump of emotion. Simmering beneath it, deep in my chest, was a growing anger and sense of protectiveness.
As my parents made their way out the door, Livy waved and called out, “Bye, Grandma! Bye, Granddad!”
My mom directed her frosty gaze at me and said, “We’ll talk more later.”
I shut the door and tamped my feelings down to be dealt with later—maybe.
Then I smiled at my niece and said, “Let’s get that spaghetti ready.”
I held back my tears all evening and managed not to smash anything out of anger, even though the temptation arose swiftly and fiercely on more than one occasion. By the time I tucked Livy into bed, my heart and head both ached, but the threat of tears had disappeared, leaving me weary and defeated.
I crawled into my own bed and hid beneath the covers, my stomach roiling.
I couldn’t even convince myself that my mom would change her mind over time, because I knew from twenty-eight years of experience that when she set her mind on something, stopping her was like getting in the way of a speeding freight train with no brakes.
So many emotions swirled inside of me that I had trouble separating one from another.
I could recognize the fear, though, fear that Livy would be ripped from my daily life.
I’d loved that little girl so much right from the day she was born, but since I’d become her guardian and had taken care of her each day, my love for her had grown to the point that my heart often felt like it could burst right open.
I loved her so much that it physically hurt at times.
Of course, that meant I always wanted to do what was best for her, even if it pained me.
But wasn’t it best for her to be with the person my brother had wanted her to live with?
Yes, Ethan had been ill when he’d made his wishes known, but although cancer riddled his body and was slowly leeching the life out of him, his mind was still working at full capacity, and I didn’t doubt for a minute that having me be Livy’s guardian was his true wish.
But what if he could see you now? a cruel voice whispered inside my head. No job, almost broke, and an all-around hot mess. Would he still think you’re the best guardian for his daughter?
I burrowed my head deeper into my pillow, trying to silence that voice, but its words echoed in my brain, working their way into my heart, my bones, every part of my being.
The tears that my anger had held back for hours finally rushed free, spilling out onto my cheeks and soaking into my pillow. I was about to give in to full-out sobs when my bedroom door creaked open and a narrow beam of light danced around the room.
“Auntie Em?” Livy’s voice sounded tiny and frightened.
I sat up like a shot, quickly wiping away my tears as the beam of her small flashlight danced away from me. “Livy? What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“I’m scared.”
Those words nearly ripped my heart in two.
“Can I sleep here with you?” she asked, a tremor in her voice.
“Of course, baby girl.”
At those words, she clambered up onto the bed, crawling over my legs until she reached a spot where she could burrow under the blankets. She had her pink flashlight in one hand and her purple dino stuffie tucked under her other arm.
I took the flashlight from her and shut it off before setting it on the bedside table. Then I snuggled down with her, wrapping my arms around her.
“You’re safe, Livysaurus. Did you have a bad dream?”
I felt more than saw her shake her head.
“Then what’s wrong?”
She spoke in such a tiny, quiet voice that I had to strain to hear her. “I don’t want you to die, Auntie Em.”
“Oh, sweetie.” I fought off another wave of tears. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I knew I couldn’t guarantee that I’d be around for a long time—my brother hadn’t made it to age thirty-two, and Livy’s mom had died in a car accident at an even younger age—but my niece needed that promise, and I wasn’t going to hold it back from her.
“But Grandma asked if I wanted to live with her and Granddad. When I came to live with you, it was because Daddy died. So if I have to live with them, does that mean you’re going to die?”
I hugged her tighter, grief and anger and heartbreak whirling in a fierce storm inside me. How could my mom bring Livy into this? How could she place a cloud of uncertainty over this little girl’s head when what she needed most of all was stability?
I wanted to scream and cry and never let go of my niece, but instead I pressed a kiss to her temple.
“Grandma only asked you that because she loves you so much and would like to have you with her all the time. Not because I’m going to die.”
“Promise?”
My heart squeezed. “I promise.”
Livy fell silent for a moment. I thought she might be drifting off to sleep, but then she spoke again. “Auntie Em, I love Grandma and Granddad, but I really love you too.”
The ache in my chest nearly stole my breath away. “I know, sweetie. And we all love you. So much.”
“But I want to stay here with you. Will Grandma be mad?”
I kissed her head. “She won’t be mad at you, sweetie. Not one bit.”
She tightened her hold on her stuffie. “And you’re not mad?”
“Of course not. How could I be mad at my sweet little Livysaurus?” I tickled her, and she giggled, the sound soothing my soul. “Do you think you can sleep now?”
She nodded and nestled her head against my shoulder. “Just don’t leave.”
“I won’t leave,” I promised.
I shut my eyes and fought back yet another wave of tears.