Chapter 18 Amelia
amelia
I never should’ve admitted I was going to miss him.
It gave him way too much power.
In the days since that conversation, he’d been even more confident, funnier, sexier, better in bed.
Not that I should know that last one, but… whatever.
We were grown.
And I was, way too quickly, approaching gone in the head.
Dangerous, when we’d very distinctly decided to not define… this.
“Babe – you good?” Calvin asked, pulling my attention from a display of heirloom tomatoes at Fresh. I didn’t even need tomatoes, but I grabbed a couple anyway, trying to cover the fact that I was zoned out.
“Yeah – these are gorgeous, right?”
I held up the tomatoes, ready to put them in the cart – top tier was mine, while he was using the bottom – but my smile must’ve been a little too plastered on.
Calvin’s eyes narrowed, and then he grinned at me. “Yeah – they’re nice. Whatcha thinkin’ about?”
The fact that you’re about to return to your “real” life as a professional athlete, with a demanding schedule, competitive stress, physical demands, insane travel, cameras and mics in your face, and women throwing themselves at you.
“A pizza, maybe?” I answered, putting the tomatoes in a little basket in the cart. “A few weeks ago, I had one what was heirloom tomato, basil, mozzarella – like a caprese pizza. Or would that just be a margherita?”
“Now you know damn well that’s not what I’m asking you,” he chuckled. “Seriously – what’s on your mind?”
“Mistakes.”
His eyebrow went up. “Elaborate.”
“No thank you.”
“You can’t say some cryptic shit like that and then just not address it.”
“Watch me,” I countered with a shrug, trying to walk away.
Calvin easily caught me though, anchoring a hand on either side of me with my back to the cart.
Basically pinning me against it, triggering my heart to start racing.
Nowhere to go, nothing to do except… face it.
“You think we’re a mistake?” he asked.
“I think I was supposed to be like… healing, or something. Not having quiet domestic moments like this with you,” I answered.
“So you think we’re a mistake.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“It’s being implied.”
“Not intentionally.”
“Oh, so this is accidental sabotage, then.”
I sucked my teeth, looking away, but he quickly grabbed me under the chin, bringing my face back to his.
“I understand that you are still hurting from your last relationship, which makes this timing less than ideal. I get it, I swear. Okay?” he insisted. “If you want us to just put a pin in this, see what’s up after the season is over, whatever, we can do that. But what did we say?”
I sighed. “We said we would vibe.”
“What are you absolutely not doing right now?”
“Vibing,” I huffed, rolling my eyes. “But not for lack of trying.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“Reality,” I groaned. “All the possibilities about all the ways this could go so utterly wrong.”
“So you’re gonna beat fate and fuck it up early?”
“You can’t beat fate,” I scoffed.
“Exactly.” He leaned in, pressing his lips to my forehead.
Lingering.
It was so, so good.
I was going to implode.
“Li-Li,” he muttered, still close enough that his lips were brushing my skin. “You can’t beat fate… so you may as well vibe.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Because it is,” he countered. “Now… what else do we need for the pizza you mentioned? Oh, and didn’t you talk about getting cucumbers?”
“None from here – my mom is bringing some in a few days,” I answered. “As far as the pizza, uh… there should be some fresh mozzarella in the coolers inside.”
And just like that, I was successfully redirected.
I was – we were – vibing.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that seeing his suitcase packed, sitting by his door, and helping him clear the perishables from his fridge didn’t bring back my panicky feelings.
It was crazy to start up a thing right before one of the people was going to be out of pocket for weeks, right? I mean, sure – Blackwood was twenty minutes up the road, forty with heavy traffic, so it wasn’t like he was going to the other side of the world, but still.
He was going to be busy – getting his spot back on the team, reacclimating to athlete mode – late nights and early mornings, physical strain.
And stress.
I know this shit had to be stressful.
On the outside, it didn’t show – he was upbeat, cracking jokes, flirting, all his usual stuff.
His friend from the hardware store, Marquis came by, with a wood-fired pizza oven strapped to the back of a huge pickup.
Him, Calvin, and a another guy he’d brought along – Foster, apparently – got it down off the truck with Arthur, who’d materialized from nowhere in an Arthur’s Outdoors and More hat supervising while they set it up in the courtyard with the grills.
Because I very casually mentioned that I thought the pizzas would be better in a “real” pizza oven.
Hands propped at his sides, Calvin looked at me with a grin. “Okay – you read to make some pizza now?”
“Oh… you thought I meant… today?” I asked, keeping the confused look on my face as his smile melted away. He looked at the pizza oven, then back at me, then at his friends who were still panting from the late-summer heat and effort they’d just put into setting that thing up.
“Are you… deadass?” he asked, completely serious.
Then I smiled.
“Just fucking with you.”
I couldn’t name a better feeling than his friends – and Arthur – busting out laughing as he nodded, then started clapping.
“You got me good with that one – I legit felt a tear forming,” he laughed, pulling me into a hug with his arm around my neck.
“Ay- y’all talking about pizza, but is it not a perfect day to put something on one of these grills?” Keys asked.
“Nigga… nobody put you keeps a rack of ribs at the ready but you,” Foster chuckled. “You been looking for an opening all week haven’t you?”
Keys sighed. “Man, I got banned from the corner store, and have had to suffer through the smell without any relief. Can you blame me?”
“Uh- how exactly does one get banned from there?” I asked. “Mrs. Spencer is literally the sweetest lady on the planet. Were you in there bothering her?!”
“Nahhh!” Keys defended. “That was my daddy’s lil’ sweetheart… until he fucked it up and she said she don’t want nothing to do with the Coopers.”
“Damn. Banned your whole bloodline?” Calvin asked, and Keys nodded. “That’s tough.”
“Agreed,” Keys said. “So… im’a go grab these ribs and some charcoal then.” He motioned for Foster to join him back in the truck as we laughed.
And… from there, it kinda… turned into a going-away party.
“You remember that night we met?” Calvin asked me, hours later, sitting at one of the benches in the courtyard while people talked, played, and ate around us. Some were neighbors, some were friends we’d called, some were people I’d never seen before in my life, which… was fine too, honestly.
We were vibing.
“How could I forget – the first time you ever trolled me,” I laughed, leaning into his shoulder.
“You were mean as hell, in my defense.”
“I was heartbroken, in my defense,” I countered, eyebrow raised.
“Shit… me too,” he said, making my eyebrows go even higher.
“Elaborate.”
“Do you know what Summer League is?” he asked, and I immediately frowned.
“Do I seem like I would?”
Calvin chuckled. “No, actually. So, it’s basically like… I’m sure you have some kind of orientation for Proxy, right? Like a trial run to make sure new people fit in whatever lane they're trying to get into, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So that’s kinda what Summer League is – making sure the rookies and other relatively new players can handle the heat, give them a chance to get play time they usually wouldn’t, all that.”
I nodded. “Okay, I follow. What about it though?”
“It’s kinda… fuck it, it’s some sensitive shit, I know.
But, this one guy, not even on my team, mind you – he’s on fire.
Putting up impressive numbers, great personality, nigga is handsome, everything,” he laughed.
“Which usually, who gives a fuck, right? But I’m watching highlights, enjoying it even though it’s bittersweet, and one of the damn announcers says, “Crossover who?” which, that’s a basketball term, so it could’ve just been like…
coincidence. But… nah. He goes on theis long tirade about how this other nigga is my replacement in the league, blah, blah, blah. ”
“Aww, did that hurt your feelings?” I asked, grabbing his hand.
“As a matter of fact, yes,” he chuckled. “Like a motherfucker.”
Ugh.
Hearing that needled at me, making me mad at a complete stranger. “Okay fuck him,” I said, frowning. “Clearly, he didn’t know what he was talking about, because you’re on the team, reporting to training camp tomorrow, people clearly love you. What is his name?”
“Cool it, Li-Li,” he said, squeezing my hand. “It’s okay.”
“Well yeah, but I still don’t like it.”
Shit, I didn’t either. Keys and Foster were over here when it happened, and they immediately clocked the shift in my mood. Ordered some drinks – through Proxy, actually – invited some people… turned it into a get-together. Which had cheered me up until your mean ass came along.”
I gasped, pushing him away. “That’s not funny!”
“I’m not joking!” he insisted. “That shit blew me.”
“So you decided to troll?”
He shrugged. “Just a little.”
“A little? I wanted to murder you!”
“But you didn’t, and look at how things have turned out.”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “Are you implying that sleeping with you is my reward for not wringing your neck?”
“Hey… you said it, not me,” he declared, sitting back with a cocky grin that made me roll my eyes.
Before I could formulate an actual reply though, Keys and Foster walked up, needling Calvin into hitting the court with them and some kids from the neighborhood who’d recognized him.
“Don’t tear your Achilles!” I yelled after him, grinning as he responded with a wide eyed, now why the fuck would you say that?!
I could troll too.
Eventually, the impromptu party thinned out, with the last of the guests helping with the cleanup. Which… man, was a bit of a double-edged sword, because it took away the distraction of busyness, forcing me to sit with my frustratingly complicated feelings.
Alone.
I snuck back to my apartment while Arthur and Calvin were fussing about the pizza oven, which needed to be completely cool before it could be moved. I took a shower, then dressed for bed, hitting my group chat with Kae and Claire in between.
I absolutely needed them to be real with me.
“Babe… you need to be real with yourself. – Kae”
“Yeahhhhh… that’s your man, sis. – Claire.”
I tossed the phone down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
As soon as I closed my eyes, a knock sounded at the door.
I was up immediately, already knowing who I was going to find on the other side.
“I really thought we were better than this, Li-Li,” Calvin said, breezing past me to come inside. “I can’t believe you left me outside to argue with Arthur.”
“My bad,” I laughed. “I was trying to avoid an awkward moment.”
“Of saying goodnight?”
“Of saying goodbye,” I corrected. “Aren’t you headed to Blackwood super early in the morning? We won’t see each other again before you leave.”
“So you opted to just… not?”
“I never said it was a good plan.”
Calvin shook his head, chuckling as he grabbed me around the waist to pull me close. “Stop being a—”
“Do not call me a weirdo,” I warned, laughing when he pressed his lips to mine.
“You’re doing your best impression of one though, how can I not?”
“I’m not trying to be weird, I’m trying to do what too many people avoid – process my feelings, instead of ignoring them, if that’s okay.”
His eyebrows went up. “you know what… fair point. Niggas do be going with the flow right into some bullshit.”
“Exactly,” I agreed. “And not even on any… you’re paying for the last man’s mistakes kinda stuff, just… being careful. So if I get a little quiet, or withdraw, it’s not because I’m not vibing. I’m just assessing.”
“And what am I doing while you’re assessing?” he asked.
“Giving me a little patience, and grace, and knowing that I will never leave you in limbo about where I stand. You’ll never have to wonder.”
He nodded. “And I… can offer the same. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Good,” he said. “Now… bring your ass on and give me a proper send off.”