Chapter 13
Charlotte
"This isn't going to work out, is it?" I ask Maddie while I stare at the ceiling of her room. I came here after classes and waited for her to get back. I needed to vent to someone, and I dumped everything in her lap practically the second she opened the door.
"Look... I don't know. Do you like being with Ethan?"
"A lot," I admit, because it's true. I felt really comfortable with Ethan and, wow, the guy was hot at everything he did.
"So give him a little more time to get used to it. It might have just been a spur-of-the-moment thing. He wanted to measure dicks with his friend there. Maybe it's something in the DNA of straight men," she says, and I can't resist laughing.
"I hope so."
"You just can't fall for Logan's smooth talk. That's where it could get complicated," she states, and I wave my hand no.
"I'm not falling for anyone's smooth talk. Especially not a player like Logan," I assure her, and my cousin looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
"It'd better be that way. No going looking for trouble, especially over a man, deal?" she asks, and I look at the ceiling, begging God for patience.
But also for a little bit of sense for myself.
"I'm barely managing to handle one guy I'm hooking up with, you think I'm going to want to try two?" I finally answer with my eyebrow raised in her direction. I get up from the bed and my cousin narrows her eyes for a moment, like she's saying "I'm watching you!", and I huff.
Years of friendship give us a lot of these silent conversations.
"Anyway, if it doesn't work out with Ethan, I move on to the next one. The whole goal is exactly not to get attached to anyone!" I say out loud, already leaving Maddie's room. Even at a distance, I can hear her mutter "uh-huh, sure," and I roll my eyes.
In my room, the reality of a stack of books I have to study crashes down on me. The worst of them all is the giant algorithms assignment. I was only at the start of developing my plagiarism detection system using the Rabin-Karp method. I love the topic, but that didn't mean it's easy to implement.
I let out a long sigh as I sit in the chair in front of the desk and turn on my laptop. Really, I didn't have time to get a headache over any man.
I only stop studying when it's already past dinnertime.
I shower, put on the most comfortable pajamas I own, which happen to be a really old pair of shorts and a T-shirt Maddie gave me last year, where Peeta Mellark from The Hunger Games is surrounded by a heart and above the photo it says "I love my boyfriend," and I heat up an instant ramen in the microwave of the shared kitchen we have in this building.
I sit on my bed and relax against the pillows, ready to just watch random videos until I fall asleep, when a new series of notifications goes off from Instagram.
@loganhayes85_ started following you
@loganhayes85_ liked your photo
@loganhayes85_ liked your photo
@loganhayes85_ liked your photo
@loganhayes85_ reacted with fire to your story
These and a dozen or more likes followed, going all the way back to photos from two years ago. I roll my eyes hard and click to send him a message.
Me: Stalking me, Hayes?
Logan: Good evening to you too, teacher
That makes me want to roll my eyes one more time, but I settle for letting a little puff of air out through my nose.
Me: I'm not your teacher
Logan: Which is a shame, because you're a much better sight than Mrs. Whitman ??
I huff for real this time as I read it.
Me: Oh my God, is this how you win girls over? A few likes and a cheap compliment?
Logan: Sometimes a single like on a story is all it takes, actually
I gasp at this guy's nerve.
Me: Wow, straight women really are starving out there, huh?
Logan: lol I apologize for my class. But you're with Ethan, you must be having better luck
I smile at the sentence and settle better against the pillows.
Me: Indeed
The player then sends me a gif of a football player getting hit in the face by a ball and falling backward. I can't resist and let out a short laugh.
Logan: I'll go work on my virtual seduction skills and come back, then, Landlady McCarthy
Me: If you want to kid yourself that this is a possibility, be my guest
I needle him without mercy, but I laugh for real when he sends the sticker of himself passed out.
Even though he entertains me, it's safer to keep Logan Hayes and his little flirting games far away, for the good of my sanity. I shake my head before the memories of that night at the fraternity can invade my mind.
I also leave the social network and check that it's a little past nine, which means I still have time to call and talk to my mom, so that's what I do. Miss Anne answers the video call on the third ring.
"So you remembered you have a mother?" she says without even greeting me, dramatic as always. I control the urge to roll my eyes and just laugh.
"Don't be needy, mami. And hello to you too," I give back, watching her sigh on the other end, but then her expression softens.
She's wearing the leopard-print pajamas I've known for years and that are her favorite.
Her face, with dark circles and a tired look, gives away that she must have worked too much again today.
"Hello, my love, how are you?"
"I'm good. Just a little tired from today's studying," I say, and she nods.
"Really demanding? You're not skipping resting a little too, right? You know it's not good for your health," she warns, and I even turn my head to the side to give her my judgmental look.
"You're telling me that? How many shifts did you take this week?" I ask, and she gives me her fake indignant face.
"Only one!"
"Anne Violet McCarthy..."
"Okay, three! But it was necessary!" she confesses, and it's my turn to huff. "A surgeon had a baby, so she's going to be out for a while."
"And you volunteered to cover for her the whole time, right?" I guess, because it's exactly the kind of person my mom is. The first to help, no matter the situation, even if it hurts her.
"Yes, because it didn't cost me anything, sweetie. And it's only for a short time. After that I swear I'll go back to slowing down," she assures me, and I sigh, knowing there's no point in arguing. Being a doctor, and especially a general surgeon, is my mom's calling.
She loves what she does, and I think she's incredible, but she's already fifty-five and had a heart attack last year.
That terrified me and I begged her to slow her pace.
Working at the office from nine to five and still doing a few elective surgeries would be ideal.
However, even though she promised me and even tried pretty hard at the start, Dr. Anne has been running from the calm a lot.
Every now and then she decides to cover for someone at the hospital, or work in the ER, because "they were slammed, it didn't cost anything to lend a hand.
" We've fought about this several times and I'm almost coming to terms with the fact that she's a grown woman and makes her own decisions, but it's really hard.
Tonight I don't want that headache, so I let it go.
"Okay, but see that you take care of yourself, all right?" I ask, and she nods in agreement, but then makes a face.
"When did the roles reverse? That's my line!" she accuses jokingly, and I laugh.
"People did warn me that in time I'd become my own mom's mom, but I didn't think it would be this soon, you know?" I tease, and she gasps, in a mix of feeling offended and finding it funny.
We talk for a few more minutes, with her telling me some gossip about my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and also asking if I already "had my eye on another guy," to which I rolled my eyes and said no. Moms definitely don't need to find out about no-strings sex arrangements with hot guys.
Before saying goodbye, I make her promise to really relax on her days off, and she makes me swear to call more often.
When I turn off the phone screen and stare at my own reflection, I feel a little ache of longing in my heart.
My mom is everything to me. She's my example of a strong, determined woman, who raised me alone after my dad died, seventeen years ago.
When the whole thing with Johnny blew up, all I wanted was her arms around me.
I remember calling her crying so hard that I almost made her get in the car and actually come here to pick me up.
Only Maddie managed to keep her home, promising she'd take care of me.
And I really did need several days in my cousin's arms.
But now that was a thing of the past and I didn't have the time or the desire anymore to keep thinking about a broken heart. I promised myself I'd never fall in love and go through a situation like that again.
And because I need to distract myself, I decide to rewatch an episode of my comfort show: Criminal Minds.
As Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid, my biggest crushes on the show, hunt for serial killers, I finally give in to the realm of dreams.