Chapter 9
Ava
I skipped his class all week and ignored every text and call that came in. With a simple email to my other teachers, I claimed to have the flu and stayed in my room. I didn’t know how I felt, but I knew I couldn’t see him or my mind would go all gooey like it always did around him.
My anger drained hours after he dropped me off, instead leaving me hurt and confused. Hurt because it seemed like there was more to our relationship than I realized and everything felt like a lie.
Confused because as hours and days passed, I realized I was not mad. He was right; I don’t want to become an accountant or really anything to do with numbers, though that’s what I’ll be graduating with.
That still didn’t give him the right to interfere the way he did. It scares me that he could control my life like that, but what scares me more is how much I was starting not to care. When I failed his class last semester, it was my first time doing so for any class. It wrecked me.
I was nearly inconsolable for weeks, but I got over it and I moved on. I realized I didn’t have to be perfect all the time, that my world wouldn’t crash down around me because I wasn’t achieving some expectations I had set for myself.
The summer I didn’t get the internship, I hadn’t realized how much I didn’t want to do it till I got the rejection. How I didn’t want to spend my summer days locked behind a desk when I could have been spending it with my favorite person like I always do.
My phone rings and I glance over. My heart squeezes when I see who it is, as if he knew I was just thinking about him.
“Hey,” I answer softly.
“Hi, Ava girl. I switched routes this morning and I’ll be around your area later today. Do you have time for dinner?”
My mood lifts instantly and I sit up in bed. “Seriously? What time are you coming?.”
He sighs. “I should be there a little after four. I miss my girl.”
I smile, my throat aching with emotion. “I miss you too. How long can you stay in town?”
My dad laughs. “Just for the evening, but I requested some time for Christmas. I was thinking we could head to that cabin you like in Vermont.”
Jumping out of bed, I let out a small squeal. “Oh my god. Yes! I’ve been dying to go back.”
“I knew you’d be excited. I’ll see you in a few hours. Love you.”
“Love you too.” I toss my phone onto my bed and sigh. I’ve really missed my dad, and it would be a perfect distraction from the storm of my thoughts revolving around Asher Rockford.
It’s already been a day longer than I like it to be when skipping showers, so I grab my supplies and head to the bathrooms. I’m reminded of the gorgeous bathroom Asher has attached to his bedroom and I scowl, hastily going through the motions before scurrying back to my room.
After changing into clean pajamas, I sit at my desk and try to finish up some coursework while glancing at the clock every ten minutes till it’s about one hour before my dad should be here. Then I put away my half-assed work and start to get ready for our dinner date.
A knock on my door has me frozen where I stand. There’s no certainty it’s Asher, and I half-expect him to try to get in without knocking, but I can’t be sure. When there’s not another knock or even an attempt at turning my doorknob, I make my way over and open it.
I frown at the large paper bag sitting in the hallway. Carrying it inside, I set it on my desk and rip it open. My hands freeze when I see the contents. It’s like a mini-care basket, filled with food, treats, and luxury items. There’s a small card sitting on top of it and my heart sinks, knowing who it’s from.
I take it out, determined to be strong enough to read his words.
Ava,
You can be upset, but that doesn’t excuse not taking care of yourself. I haven’t seen you leave your dorm in two days, and I know the food is limited. I’ve packed enough for the next few days, as well as some things to help you relax.
Take care, Pet.
-A
I scowl, throwing the card in the trash. His scolding can be felt through the paper, and while he’s not wrong…he can go fuck himself. If I didn’t care about wasting products, I’d toss them too, but I don’t have the heart to.
Dumping the bag out on my bed, tears well up when I see it’s all my favorites. I rub my eyes with my palms before grabbing my pillow and screaming into it. He only knows my favorites because he’s a fucking stalker. Not because he cared enough to ask and learn them by talking to me.
Just when I’m feeling proud of myself for not thinking about him for a few hours he does this. I grab a pillow off my bed and press it to my face before screaming as loud as I can till I run out of breath. Then I drop the pillow and snag a chewy fruity candy from the stash, cursing his name as I enjoy it and head out to the diner where my dad and I always meet.
He squeezes me tight and the dull ache builds in my throat as I withhold my tears, hugging him back. I inhale his familiar smell, the earthy musk with a hint of mint from his chewing tobacco. His belly is a little bigger and the gray in his beard is spreading. It makes me sad to imagine my dad getting older.
“Damn good to see you, Ava girl.”
I let go, stepping back with a teasing smile. “What happened to the dad who said me going to college would make it easier on both of us?”
He clears his throat, adjusting the ball cap on his head. “He’s an idiot. It never gets easier.”
We walk into one of my favorite diners, going to the booth we always take when he visits before ordering the same meal of a cheeseburger and coke.
“How’s school going?” he asks.
I slump a bit in my seat and he notices.
My dad’s eyebrows raise. “Uh-oh. That doesn’t look good.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m passing my classes,” I reassure him. Though he doesn’t need to know I’m fucking one of my professors to pass said class. I sigh. “I just—I don’t know what I want to do anymore.”
“With what, sweetheart?”
“With anything. I thought I wanted to be a CPA, but I don’t know.”
My dad nods slowly. “It’s okay not to know. Sometimes it takes a while to figure it out, and that’s okay.”
Tears start to gather in my eyes. “Is it? Because I feel like I wasted my time and your money getting a degree I may not use.”
“Hey,” he says, reaching and grabbing my hand. “You didn’t waste any time, you came to learn and you did. I can’t tell you how many people have degrees for something completely unrelated to their field. It’s okay, sweetheart. This is what life is about, exploring what we may or may not want. I didn’t go to college, kiddo, but I think the biggest lesson they teach is about life.”
“Maybe for rich people, Dad. But my scholarship only covers one degree and…”
His face drops a bit, knowing he can’t afford to send me for more semesters if I want to go. I’ve never faulted him for our life, considering I was a product of a one-night stand and a mom who didn’t want me. I loved growing up in his truck, traveling across the states until I was old enough to start school.
He told me that the first year he tried to quit trucking and get a more local job, it wasn’t enough to help with the bills since my aunt watched me full time. So then the school year was my and my aunt’s time, and the summers were for my dad and me.
And I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. A four-year university had seemed out of reach initially, and before the scholarship, I had planned to attend a community college first. But everything worked out the way it was supposed to. I chose a path that gave me the best chance at succeeding in a high-paying job to give back to my dad and aunt.
My dad clears his throat. “Whatever you want, Ava girl. We’ll make it happen. I don’t want you to worry about anything like that.”
It breaks my heart even more, and I give him a small smile. “Thanks, Dad. I just don’t know right now. I feel like I’m lost.”
“Can I tell you a grown-up secret?”
My eyebrows raise and my grin is real this time. “A grown-up secret?”
He nods. “Yeah. That lost feeling…it never really goes away. Most of us don’t have it all figured out, especially not at twenty-two. And that’s okay. We have one life, Ava. Don’t be afraid to do whatever you want in that life. Change degrees, change jobs, move around wherever life takes you. I’ll support you through it all.”
The ache in my throat builds until my tears spill over. My dad tsks and wipes at his face.
“Ava girl.”
I wave for him to stay sitting and get a hold of myself enough to talk. “Thank you.”
“Don’t got to thank me. That’s my job as your dad, kiddo.”
Scrunching my nose at him, I smile. “I still appreciate it. Anyway, enough about me. What’d you see on the road?”
His eyes light up. “Ava girl, I swear I’ve never seen…”
My smile doesn’t drop as I listen to my dad tell me about his adventures.