Chapter 14 #2
“It was supposed to be tomorrow, but I caught an early flight . . .” Her roommate trails off, eyeing them back and forth, Amelia curled comfortably into Xavier’s chest, Bianca still trying to catch her breath. “So the two of you, this is . . . actually a thing?”
“What?” Bianca asks. “Yeah, I mean . . . of course it is . . . why would you . . .”
“Well, it definitely wasn’t before I left,” Julie says, narrowing her eyes, even as they focus on the ring on Bianca’s left hand. “In fact, I hadn’t seen you around in months.”
Xavier’s mouth just drops open and he looks to Bianca, who has no idea what to say, so instead she just . . . comes clean.
“We’re faking it.”
Julie’s suspicious expression morphs into actual shock. “What . . . I was just . . . I was just giving you shit . . . Are you . . . are you fucking serious? Bianca?”
Letting out a heavy sigh, she nods and her roommate finally drops her bags, her mouth hanging open.
“The night we got . . . engaged,” Bianca says, lifting her hand up and motioning at the ring, “it was the night of my party and literally none of my friends showed up. Even Lexi blew it off and my parents didn’t want to make the drive . . .”
“B, you know I would have been there . . .”
“I know,” she reassures Julie. “ You were the only one with a decent excuse, which, by the way, I need to hear every detail about the tour so far, but . . .”
“Later . . . you gotta give me more than what you just did.”
“I’ll, uh . . . just let you two talk,” Xavier says, taking a step toward the bedroom he was using before Chloe bunked in, but then he must realize that room actually belongs to Julie because he stops and turns back to them.
Bianca rolls her eyes and nods at him, which he takes the way she meant it, that he can chill in her room – their room? – for a while.
Once the door is shut behind him, Julie doesn’t hold back. “What the fuck, Bianca? You’re faking an engagement while . . . actually hooking up? Because that was a very real hookup I just walked in on.”
“I know, I know,” she admits. “Things are . . . I don’t know, out of control. We were faking, nothing happened before we agreed on that, but he’s just been here, and one thing led to another and it keeps happening.”
“Keeps happening? This wasn’t the first time?”
Cringing, she admits it. “Third time.”
“B!”
“I know, I know.”
“I thought you said you weren’t into him. He was always around before and then he just . . . wasn’t and I figured you guys had a fight or maybe one of you made a move, but maybe it didn’t go well and I didn’t want to pry, but . . .”
“But . . .”
“I always thought he was into you.”
“He’s not.”
“Didn’t look that way just now.”
“I mean, not like that. It’s . . . just physical. Things have been really tense and we both just finished our defenses and it’s all just been . . . a lot.”
It feels like bullshit, even to her, and Julie doesn’t seem to buy it either.
“So, it’s what? A stress release? After five years?”
“I guess so?”
“You haven’t talked about it?”
“We . . . did.”
“And?”
“And we decided it wasn’t going to happen again.”
“And that lasted?”
“A day?”
“Bianca!”
“I know, I know, okay? I know .”
“You know what?”
“I know it’s insane.”
“I mean, it’s insane that you’re pretending to be engaged. The hooking up, that seems pretty reasonable to me.”
“Julie!”
“What? He’s hot and, like, terrifyingly your type. You’re gorgeous and he seems to really appreciate it, if the massive bulge in his jeans was anything to go by when I walked in here. Hooking up seems like a very good idea for you both.”
“But . . .”
“Ah, of course there’s a but.”
“He’s leaving.”
“Better and better. No messy feelings getting in the . . . Oh.”
Bianca sends a panicked glance over to her bedroom door. “Not that there are feelings, I’m just saying that . . . it would be a bad idea to develop them, and hooking up makes it . . . harder.”
“That’s what she said.”
“Really?”
“Sorry, but it wouldn’t have to be like last time,” Julie says, breezing right past her denial of feelings like any good roommate would. “People do make long distance work.”
Bianca’s phone starts buzzing, saving her from having to respond to Julie, saving her from trying to come up with an excuse. That she knows it wouldn’t be like her last attempt, because what she felt back then is absolutely nothing to what she’s feeling now.
Her phone is on the counter behind her. It must have fallen out of her back pocket when Xavier lifted her.
It’s Miranda.
Who would absolutely not be calling this late under any circumstances unless it was some kind of emergency.
“Hey,” she says, answering. “What’s up?”
“Bianca, are you sitting down?” Her advisor’s voice comes through the phone loud and clear.
“Um, no, but . . . is everything okay? You’re not like . . . taking back my defense result, are you?” she asks, suddenly panicked that that’s a thing that could happen.
“That’s not a thing,” Miranda reassures her with a withering stare that she doesn’t need to be in the same room as her to know she’s wearing.
“I don’t know, it could be a thing that just got invented.”
“Bianca.”
“Yes?”
“I just got a call from the University of California library system.”
“Okay?” she asks. That’s not unusual. Miranda is one of the top librarians in the state and she’s consulted by the UC Libraries Advisory Structure a lot.
“It was from a friend of mine, one who sat on your interview committee.”
“You had a friend on my interview committee?”
“Bianca, if you don’t stop being this deliberately dense right now, I might actually take back your doctorate.”
“You just said that wasn’t a thing . . .” She trails off, her chest suddenly tight and warm because she knows what’s coming next, she knows what Miranda is about to say and it’s everything she’s worked for her entire adult life and she doesn’t know if she can handle hearing it.
“Bianca. You got the job.”
“Are you . . . are you kidding me right now?”
“Is this something I’d kid about?”
“No, absolutely not, but I . . . are you sure?”
“I’m positive. Congratulations, Dr Dimitriou – when the new academic year begins, you’ll be an employee of the University of California library system! A three-year contract. You did it.”
Holy shit.
Oh God.
This is . . . this is too much.
She barely hears Miranda’s congratulations, and somehow manages to thank her and end the call before her knees start to wobble and she has to lean against the kitchen counter in complete shock.
“B?” Julie asks, taking the phone from her and placing it safely on the kitchen table. “Is everything okay?”
“I got the job,” Bianca whispers. “The UC library job, I got it.”
The shout of joy that Julie lets out has Xavier running in from the bedroom, Amelia hot on his heels, but when Bianca catches sight of him over Julie’s shoulder in the hug she’s been yanked into, his expression softens from panic to something else . . .
“Um, everything okay?”
Julie pulls back, scooping up Amelia who was rubbing against her ankles, and Bianca grins at him. “I got the job.”
He’s across the room in just a couple of strides, pulling her into another hug.
Being in his arms again, even after just a few minutes away, is so perfect.
Too perfect, but she doesn’t pull away. She deserves this.
She inhales deeply, pulling in the scent of his soap and the hint of cologne still left at the end of the day, feels the soft cotton of his t-shirt against her cheek and revels in the firm planes of his chest and thighs as he holds her to him.
Safe. Wanted. Loved.
It’s all still there, just like the other night, and even in this moment, when all of her dreams are literally coming true, there’s something overpowering about it.
“I had no doubt.”
“I did,” she says, not quite ready to let him go yet, but knowing she has to.
“Well, that was stupid,” he says, finally stepping away, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, clearly unsure what to do with them.
“Damn, you two are actually very cute,” Julie says, a mischievous glint in her blue eyes. “So am I the only one who knows this isn’t real?”
“Miranda knows.”
“That figures.”
“What do you mean?”
“Miranda’s been the person you’ve gone to for advice for the last five years, why would it be any different with this?” Bianca doesn’t know what to say to that, but thankfully, Julie moves on. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
“In the afternoon, I’ve got Isobel’s gender reveal party.”
“Ugh, you’re kidding me?”
“No, she’s been planning it for, well, for years.”
“Years?”
“She’s been trying to get pregnant for like . . . four years now and it finally happened, and I was kind of rude to her the last time we saw each other, so I definitely have to go.”
“Okay, but after that?”
“Nothing.”
“Whatever, even if you had plans, I was gonna make you cancel them. You’re coming to my show. Full VIP. I’ve already taken care of everything and Mari can’t wait to meet you.”
“Mari . . . Mari Martin?”
“Damn right.”
“Holy shit.”
“I expect both of you there.”
Bianca glances over at Xavier, who shrugs.
“Wait, you’re not some kind of music snob who hates Mari on principle or something, are you?” Julie asks. “You kind of look the type.”
Xavier laughs. “No, I’m not a music snob. Mari’s music is great and it’ll be cool to see her live. I’m in.”
“Awesome. And now I’m gonna go crash because I’ve been dreaming about my own bed for weeks now.”
Without another word, she disappears behind the door to her bedroom, dragging her bags with her. The door shuts and the sound of the luggage crashing to the floor follows, before a tense silence.
“Sorry, I . . .” Bianca starts to apologize. “I didn’t realize that being my faux fiancé was going to come with so many . . . commitments?”
Xavier just laughs. “You really forget sometimes that I’ve known you for five years, don’t you?”
“What?”
“There hasn’t been a time since I’ve known you that this isn’t what your life looks like from the outside. You have always been running from one thing to another for your friends. I knew what I was signing up for when I suggested it.”
“Okay, but there’s gotta be something you want to do that all of this is interfering with.”
“Nah . . . I didn’t really have any plans,” he says. “I just wanted to sort of chill out for a minute, you know? Before things got crazy again. And now I get to go to see Mari Martin live to celebrate your new job.”
She huffs impatiently. “Nothing? Not one thing?”
He rolls his eyes playfully. “You never let things go. Okay, there’s one thing I always wanted to do, but . . .”
“No, what is it? Tell me, please. I’ll try to make it happen.”
“I’ve always wanted to learn to surf. When I decided on USC, I thought maybe I’d do it while I was in school, but there was never any time, and you don’t realize how far the beach is even though you’re in LA before you live here and I just never got around to it.”
“This is amazing.”
“Why? I don’t strike you as the surfing type?”
“Do I?”
“Do you what?”
“Strike you as the surfing type?”
“Uh, not really. I mean, you’re clearly in great shape,” he says, clicking his tongue as his eyes travel up and down for a moment, making her wish that looking would lead to touching again.
It doesn’t. “But . . . shit, are you like some kind of championship surfer and you’ve been hiding it this whole time? ”
“Championship? No. I haven’t been in forever, but I do know how. We could go to the beach one day and I could teach you?”
“Sweet. It’ll be nice to actually see the Pacific.”
“Wait. You’ve lived in LA for five years and you’ve never been to the beach?”
“I’ve never been a ‘sit in the sand for hours’ kind of guy.”
“You’re an archaeologist.”
“That’s . . . not the same thing.”
“Sure.”
“It’s not.”
“Okay.”
“Stop pretending to agree with me.”
“Alright.”
“Bianca.”
“Yes?”
“You’re such a . . .”
“Think very hard about how you want to finish that sentence.”
“Mmm,” he hums and then moves in, jutting out his lower lip and opening his eyes as wide and pitifully as possible. “What about now?”
“Jesus, it’s incredible anyone ever tells you no.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised.”
And suddenly the air between them crackles and when did they get this close again, so close she can feel his ragged breath against the top of her hair, ruffling the shorter curls near her temples.
He reaches up, brushing one of them behind her ear, trailing his fingertips over her cheek to run along her jawline.
“We shouldn’t,” she manages to whisper raggedly and instantly he pulls away, a step back, his hand falling to his side.
Her chest aches, but then he smiles ruefully and rubs at the back of his neck. “See? Easier than you think.” He backs away even further and she feels like she has to say something or she’ll lose it.
“Xavier, it’s not that I don’t . . . it’s not that I don’t want to . . .”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, boss. I’m gonna go for a run, clear my head a little bit, mentally prepare for that gender reveal. Gotta earn my surfing lessons.”
So she lets him go, knowing that she did the right thing, but hating it more with every step he takes away from her.