Chapter 20 #2
“What are we doing here?”
The sign on the door says Closed for Private Party , but Lorraine is pushing it open and waving them in with a smile on her face, big and true and one that Bianca has rarely seen except when the bar is packed and she’s raking in the big bucks.
“SURPRISE!” the group around her shouts. The bar is decorated with gold and red streamers, her school’s colors, and a giant CONGRATULATIONS DR DIMITRIOU banner hangs along one of the far walls, an arch of balloons beside it where drinks are already poured and a stack of presents is waiting for her.
“What . . . what is this?” she stutters.
“This is the party you deserved and a bridal shower, kind of,” Lexi says, throwing her arm around her shoulder and squeezing it tight.
“I . . . I can’t, you guys, this is too much,” she says, her hand immediately twisting at the ring on her finger.
“It’s not too much,” Erik says, guiding her forward.
“No, it’s not . . .” She trails off. “It’s not that, I can’t. Not with Xavier gone . . .”
Chloe scoffs. “He actually helped us plan this. It was practically his idea.”
“What?” Bianca asks. What does that . . . what does that even mean?
“Yeah,” Frankie says, with a shrug, “he stopped by my place before he left and said that with him heading abroad and you starting your new job so soon, that we should do your bridal shower early.”
“He said that?”
“Yeah, he even did a registry for you.”
“Are you . . . are you serious?”
“Yeah, look.”
Scrolling through the list on Lexi’s phone, there’s everything she could need, up to and including a brand-new mattress, sans lumps and definitely big enough for two people.
“Oh God, this is . . . Guys, I am so sorry.”
They all stare at her, confusion playing across every face.
She sighs heavily and stares longingly at the table with Dirty Shirleys lined up, ready to drink, but no, she needs to get this out first. “I have to tell you all something.”
“You can tell us anything, B,” Lexi says.
She shoots a grateful smile at her sister and continues, trying to get it all out before the lump growing in her throat completely stops her ability to speak.
“Xavier and I . . . Our engagement, none of it was real. We lied, to all of you. We were never engaged. We never even dated. It was all fake. It was . . . after the party for my defense. None of you showed up and it was just supposed to be a stupid drunk prank and then, ugh, then you all showed up for the party for my fucking engagement instead, and Mom and Dad drove for hours to get there and it just made me so mad because none of you seemed to give a shit, until suddenly I was marrying some guy, and you were all just fine with it even though you’d never met him and so we decided to continue it through the rest of the summer.
He needed a place to stay, and I was so stupid and managed to fall in love with him, not that it fucking matters and I just . . . I just . . . I’m just so sorry.”
“B, it’s okay,” Lexi says and the others nod.
Letting out a half-choked sob, she shakes her head as the tears start to fall.
“God, please don’t, I know how awful I’ve been.
I lied to all of you; I was just so angry.
I know it’s no excuse, but I was just angrier than I’ve ever been in my whole life and it was the only way I could think of to make you guys understand. ”
“Well, I don’t know about the rest of these ungrateful assholes, but I forgive you.”
“Frankie,” she manages to scold, her throat thick with emotion, barely able to see through her tear-blurred eyes.
“No, listen, I’m pissed off you lied to us, sure, but I’m even more pissed off at us that you felt like you needed to.
We should have been there, B. You’re always there for us when we need you and we should have been there.
And that’s what Xavier told us before he left.
He told us everything and he was right.”
“You . . . you knew?”
“We knew and we forgive you,” Lexi says.
“Lex . . .”
“You’re my sister and I love you. I’m . . . not thrilled that you lied to us, but Frankie’s right. We haven’t been there for you. You’re always so strong, B. I’m your older sister and I’m supposed to be the one that’s there for you, not the other way around.”
“In case you missed it, I’m a grown woman. I don’t need . . .”
Frankie doesn’t let her finish. “Ugh, the two of you are exactly the same. ‘I don’t need anyone. I can do everything by myself.’ Don’t you get it? It’s not about needing someone.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing, Bianca,” Izzy says softly.
“We . . . know you don’t need us. You’ve always been more than capable of handling things on your own.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have us there.
We took you for granted and we didn’t celebrate how much you’ve accomplished and you were right to be angry. ”
“Personally, I’d like to get back to the part where you said you were in love with Xavier and he’s gone,” Erik cuts in.
“I gotta know, did you tell him before he left, because that man is so in love with you it literally made me nauseated. Either that or he’s the greatest actor of his generation and his talents are being wasted in academia. ”
“Um, I was living with them for a minute,” Chloe says. “He was not acting and neither was she.”
“ She is still here,” Bianca protests, “and it doesn’t matter . . . he’s gone and . . .”
“So go with him,” Izzy suggests, easily enough, like that’s all there is to it.
“I can’t just . . . He’s got a career waiting for him and I can’t . . .”
“What? You can’t write your curriculum in Greece? At least for the rest of the summer?” Lexi says.
“That’s not . . .”
“Is there something in the air in the Mediterranean that makes it impossible for you to write about the perils of misinformation?” Frankie joins in.
“He didn’t ask me to come,” which is kind of a lie, because he did ask, but that was before . . . everything. “And besides, it’s not just that. Long distance isn’t my thing. I’ve tried it before and that was only three thousand miles.”
“The distance isn’t what killed that one and you know it,” Lexi insists. “With the right person it won’t matter.”
Her sister isn’t wrong, at least about that part.
“Regardless, I do have to be in California most of the time. It’s not all work from home. I need to be on campus, teaching in person. I can’t just . . .”
Frankie cuts her off again. “But you can. You can just choose this, choose him and choose yourself. You two want to be together, so be together. Everything else is just bullshit.”
“We can be mad at you from afar,” Chloe insists. “It’s fine. By the time you come home, we’ll be completely over it and wrapped up in our own crap again.”
“I can’t just show up,” she says, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.
“You absolutely can,” Lexi says.
“Are you still wearing the ring?” Izzy asks, raising an eyebrow.
Sighing in defeat, she stares at the sparkling diamond in its elegant setting on her fourth finger. “He told me to keep it. Said it belonged to me.”
“Are you kidding me?!” Erik nearly screeches. “I’m booking you on a flight right now.”
“He didn’t leave it because . . .”
Erik’s not having any of it. “No, nope, stop whatever bullshit you’re about to say to rationalize that. You no longer get to pretend, Bianca. Listen to us. No man who isn’t completely and utterly in love with someone leaves his mother’s ring with her. It is not possible.”
“You’re supposed to be the smart one here,” Lexi says, laughing a little.
“Stop it. This isn’t about smart. This is about feelings. Those two things have nothing to do with each other. He doesn’t feel that way about me. If he did, he would have said something, he wouldn’t have left without saying anything.”
“You didn’t say anything and you let him leave,” Frankie tells her the hard truth.
“That’s not . . .”
Her best friend just shakes her head. “It’s exactly the same thing and I’m booking you on a flight to Athens right now.”
“Thank God, because I do not have that kind of money,” Erik mutters.
“Frankie!”
“What? It’s fine.”
“It’s too much. You’re already doing so much.” Her best friend is already basically gifting her half a house and now this?
“I don’t care. I want to do this. Just take the ticket and go tell him.”
“What if he . . . what if he doesn’t want me?” She finally voices her real fear, that if she puts it out there, she’ll find herself back home with her heart in pieces, broken even worse than it is now.
“Impossible,” Chloe says, “but even if that’s true, isn’t it better than spending the rest of your life wondering what if? At least you’ll know.”
“At least I’ll know,” she echoes. “Okay. Okay, I’ll go.”
Frankie booked her first class. It was the least she could do, she said, and so Bianca has sixteen hours, including an hour sitting in the lounge at JFK while she changes planes, to think about exactly what she wants to say.
And to rethink it over and over again. To decide and then scrap it, come up with something new, rehearse it over and over again, until finally, blessedly, somewhere over the Atlantic, she falls asleep.
She’s never been to Greece by herself. The last time she was here was for Lexi and Chris’s wedding, but that was different, busy, family everywhere, the hotel, the church, the hall, barely any time to breathe, let alone really be there.
It could be different this time. She could explore, immerse herself in Athens after checking herself into the hotel Frankie texted to her while she was on the plane; she could hit all the tourist spots, but then maybe blend in and live like a local for a little while, the best way to experience anywhere.
She could just not look for him.
Athens is a big city. Not as big as LA, but definitely big enough to stay a while and never risk running into him.
She was so sure back at Lorraine’s, so positive that this is what she wanted to do, that she wanted to tell him everything, but now that she’s here?
God, why is this so hard?
. . .
. . .
. . .
Because she’s scared.
Obviously.
What if he takes one look at her and gently, but firmly, sends her away?
What if less than a week was enough time to convince him that he absolutely made the right choice, to leave her behind and not look back?
Because he hasn’t.
Looked back.
No texts, no calls.
Nothing.
Not that she expected him to.
And now she’s here, but nothing’s changed.
Maybe that’s the problem.
Maybe she’s been looking at it all wrong this whole time.
Their circumstances haven’t changed, but does that matter?
What they choose to do from here on out . . . that’s what matters.
She’s through customs and in a cab on the way to her hotel when a plan finally settles into her mind.
It’s risky. Really risky, but what does she have to lose at this point?
The hotel is really nice, which makes sense since Frankie booked it too.
She’s going to pay her back for all of this.
That money her parents gave her is just sitting in her accounts and if she’s going to accept the help with the house, this is too much.
There’s a view of the Parthenon in the distance, on the Acropolis rising high above the city.
She sends a text to her group chat still named B’s Bridal Bitches and lets them know she’s there and safe, and the responses come in immediately that she needs to go out right now and find him.
And then, another message, right after, from Miranda.
It’s a location.
—Athens 105 58
And then another.
—Tell him I told him so.
She clicks on it and it’s . . . only a four-minute walk and on the map it’s . . . what she’s looking at just outside her window.
He’s there now, somewhere in the distance.
Okay, it’s time.
Now or never.