Chapter 12 Mae
Mae
I stir the soup as a knock echoes through the house.
Walking through the dining room to the front door, I peek through the window and find June standing there with a bottle of wine in her hand.
Flipping the lock, I open the door. “Hey.”
June smiles. “Hey girly, I don’t think I’ve met a single person in this town who locks their door.”
I shrug, leading her into the kitchen. “Force of habit, I guess.”
“Fair enough. Where’s your corkscrew? Let's get this baby open,” she says.
I’m still learning where everything is in the kitchen, so it takes me a second to find it. When I do, I hand over the corkscrew and check the soup.
“What did ya’ make?” June asks, looking over my shoulder.
“It’s called pasta e fagoli, an old Italian family recipe, one of my favorites.”
“Smells awesome. Wine glasses?”
I open a few more cabinets and find them at the top of the shelf. Being so short, I hoist myself onto the counter to pull them down.
June fills each one more than halfway and hands me a glass. I take a long pull and sigh.
“So I’m not one for small talk. Spill. But also, please remember Cooper is family, so please, I beg of you. Keep the details minimal.”
I giggle and drink some more wine. “This is good,” I mumble inhaling it.
“One of my favorites. I also noticed you are very good at avoiding questions,” June says.
I look up from my glass, and she has a knowing look on her face.
“First of all, there are no details to give you because I hardly know Cooper. It’s not like anything happened. We just … flirted,” I tell her.
June pulls out one of the barstools at the island and doesn’t respond, clearly waiting for me to continue.
I’m not good at this. Rather, I don’t really like talking to others about my emotions. It’s caused issues in the past, and I’ve learned some tough lessons because of it.
“I know we aren’t best friends, yet, but you can trust me,” June says gently.
“You see right through people, don’t you?”
She shrugs and takes a swig of wine. “It’s a gift.”
“I uh … I’m not very good at talking about myself. I don’t really know what you want me to say.”
“Okay, so why don’t you start with how you’re doing out here in Paxton all by yourself?” she asks.
I check the soup one more time. It needs maybe another ten minutes to cook down.
“Honestly, I needed the break. But it’s kind of lonely out here.”
June fidgets with her fingers. “You would think being surrounded by family all the time and the ranch hands and animals, I’d never feel lonely. But I do. I get it.”
I nod, focusing on the glass stem. “I know Francesca asked you to take over the shop, but you don’t seem like a small-town girl. Why did you agree to it?”
“Go straight for the throat, why don’t ya?” I mumble.
June’s silence and open gaze are my answer.
I puff out a breath and start from the beginning because as much as it surprises me, I like June, and I do feel like I can trust her. What we say here won’t go anywhere else.
“I guess the best way to put it is, I needed a change, even though I was kind of forced into it. My mom is sick, so I help her and my dad a lot. I’m an accountant, so I’m able to work from home.
But Auntie called me one day and said she needed help with her books.
My boss doesn’t care where I am in the country as long as I turn things in on time.
So I told her I could come and get things figured out for her, then well, you know that part, she said she’s retiring and wanted me to take over. So here I am.”
“Do you even like flowers?” June asks.
I smile and look at a bouquet I brought home. Someone should enjoy them. “I actually love them. When I was a kid, my mom and dad would bring us here, and my aunt would let me build my own bouquet. She would teach me about each flower and its meaning or use. I had a blast.”
“But you went into accounting?” June asks.
I take another drink, flipping the burner off.
“I also love numbers. I know, it’s a weird combination, but it’s true.
My mom always thought it was a little strange how someone could be so analytical and yet so creative.
I suppose both sides of my brain have their own place in my life, and this time I have to use both. ”
“Is the business doing well?” she asks.
I pause as unease slithers through me.
“Look, you don’t have to tell me your income for the year. Hopefully, you’re doing well.”
I shrug and look out the window at the fading sun. “It could be better… like, a lot better. I need new streams of income, to be honest.”
June grimaces. “That’s tough.”
“My aunt said I have to do it for a year, then I can decide what I want to do with the shop.”
June gathers her hair and starts braiding it. “No pressure,” she mumbles.
I grab two bowls and ladle soup into them.
“None at all…” I sigh and hand her the bowl.
Grabbing the butter and crackers, I set them between us and sit next to her at the island.
“Why did you say yes then?”
“Because I couldn’t say no,” I tell her.
“Ah, she’s a people pleaser,” June says.
I shrug and look down at my food. She’s not wrong. “She’s my family. You have to help family.”
June nods and takes a bite. “This is delicious.”
“Thanks.”
“And yes, you have to help family, whatever it takes. But you still didn’t answer my earlier question: what do you need a break from? Your parents?” June asks.
I take a bite, contemplating how I want to answer her.
“I’m thirty-one years old. I thought I would be in a very different place in life by now. I’m not. I do all the things single women are supposed to do, and yet I’m always the one passed up when I’m out with my prettier friends. At first, I thought it was how I looked, but then that felt silly.
“So I realized maybe the life I’ve always wanted isn’t meant for me.
Which is its own pill to swallow, but it’s almost too big to swallow because I’ve always been someone that hopes for the best. But from all the effort I’ve made, dates I’ve been on, rejections I’ve endured, maybe I need to let it all go.
“To put it simply, I’m over it. I’m done trying so hard for people who are using me to get to my friend because that’s who he’s really interested in.
I’m beyond trying to put myself out there only to be ignored or friend-zoned.
I’m tired of the pep talk I give myself before I go out on a …
well a desperate date, with a man I’m not even remotely attracted to — and I’m talking more than looks — even personality, purely because I would want someone else to give me that chance.
I give him the benefit of the doubt, but end up disappointed.
“I can feel my internal clock ticking, and to each their own, but I want the house full of kids. I want the husband. I want what my parents have, what my aunt and uncle have. But I’m tired of looking forward to a future I may never have and not living life because I’m trying to make myself more attractive, or work on my issues because let’s face it, in today’s world we all have them.
I have a great family. I don’t have a tragic backstory like many.
But here I am, living in this big house by myself, running a failing flower shop, trying to figure out how I’m going to start living my life as a spinster, though I think I’d qualify as a thornback at this point, but I—”
June coughs. “I’m sorry, did you just say thornback?” she asks.
I huff. “In the old days, women unmarried past the age of, I think, twenty-seven, it’s debated, were considered spinsters, and then women over the age of thirty were called thornbacks.”
“Hm, well, I guess I’m a thornback then,” she mumbles.
I shrug and down the rest of my wine.
“Whoa, girl,” June says.
I set my glass on the butcher-block countertop and sigh, appetite gone.
“It’s why I decided to give dating a break while I’m here. I originally thought it would be a few weeks. But now it’s a year, not that it makes a difference.”
“That’s a lot,” June says quietly.
I don’t respond. There’s nothing to say. I poured my heart out and I’ve run it through in my head eighty thousand times. Nothing is going to change.
“Is the whole Cooper flirting with you thing messing with your head? Is it because he’s interested in you?”
I shrug. “That could be what’s throwing me off, and I’m not sure what to do with it.”
June hums. “You know, when I was first learning to ride a horse. I fell off and broke my arm. It was my brother Fletcher’s fault.
Our parents said not to do it without them there.
We did. Anyway, the point is, it should have scared me, but honestly, it made me dig in more.
Out here you will fall down, you will get hurt, you will have to do hard things because it’s the right thing.
The point is, you have to keep getting up.
“I’m not the one to talk. I should take my own advice, but you never know if you don’t try.
And girl, understand me when I say I’m not telling you to do anything with Cooper.
That’s your decision. I can vouch for him because he’s actually an amazing man, all of my brothers are, but don’t tell them I told you that because I will deny it because their heads will get bigger than Jupiter.
But this is not Colorado. I’m not the friends you have there, and by the way, they sound like they suck.
Maybe you should try again, not because you’re desperate but because you’re in Paxton now.
Things are different here: the people, all of it. Maybe it’s worth another shot?”
“So you’re telling me I should lift my dating hiatus? I mean, it’s not like anyone has asked me out.”
She takes a couple of bites and reaches for some crackers. “You can make that decision on your own. As I said, I can vouch for Cooper, but Mae, I like you, I want us to continue to be friends, but if you hurt him, all bets are off.”
My eyes widen, and she smiles. “I’m very protective like that.”
“Is it because of Naomi?” I ask her.
“Cooper is careful with her. So I’m sure you can respect that.”
“I can.”