Chapter 20 #2
“Good, I’m glad to hear it,” she says with a soft smile.
I drink my beer, watching them interact with each other as Naomi asks Mae about flowers and if she grows them and how they get their pretty color.
“Why are you here?” Naomi asks.
The beer gets caught in my throat and I sputter, trying not to choke.
Mae smiles at Naomi. “I’m a friend of June and Gracie’s. My family doesn’t live in Paxton, so they invited me to be a part of yours.”
Naomi considers this. “Oh, okay,” she says, and looks up at me. “Can I be excused?” she asks.
Her plate is almost empty, and all the roast is gone. “Yes, princess,” I say, smoothing her hair back.
Naomi hops up from her chair and takes off for the living room.
“That was a close one,” Fletcher mutters, and everyone bursts into laughter.
I look around, realizing they all know about me and Mae.
Mae blushes a deep pink, spreading all the way down her neck and over her chest. She stares at me, and I wink.
“I take it you two had a good date then,” Tatum says.
“I’d say so,” I respond to Tatum, while looking at Mae.
She doesn’t say a word, too embarrassed or nervous. Or maybe it’s because everyone knew we were in my room making out like teenagers. I’m not surprised, nor am I bothered, but she is.
You scare me. Mae’s words roll around in my head like a small snowball that’s slowly gaining speed, getting bigger and bigger as it rolls down the hill of my mind. What did she mean by that? Did I scare her? Does me being a dad scare her?
June whispers something in Mae’s ear, and she makes big eyes at her as if to say, shut up.
I chuckle and take a drink of water to get rid of my dry mouth.
Everyone falls into their own conversation, and I keep sneaking peeks at Mae. Fletcher is talking to me, but I’m not listening, too distracted by her.
After we clean up dinner and get the leftovers boxed up to go with everyone.
I find Mae in the living room with Naomi.
A strange combination of relief and reluctant anxiety slap me.
They’re connecting, which is great, but the line is being blurred.
Naomi isn’t a toddler who will forget Mae in a day.
“This is a positive thing, Coop,” Aunt Dixie whispers in my ear.
I glance down at her, and she rubs a hand up and down my back soothingly. She always had a knack for reading me and my cousins.
“I don’t want her to get too attached, you know…” I take a deep breath. “You know how I feel about women who aren’t family being around Naomi.”
“I do, and you’ve done a great job of protecting her. But I see the way you look at Mae. I wasn’t born yesterday, honey, you have feelings for her.” Aunt Dixie says it like a statement. There is no ‘but’ because it’s true.
“Mae clearly has a connection with her, and I thoroughly doubt she’s telling Naomi that y’all were on a date. She’s playing with her, relax. If anything, it confirms or perhaps denies what you have rolling around in that head of yours.”
I shove my hands in my pockets, watching them color and talk. It confirms everything I had a feeling about, but like Mae, it scares me, too. Though I’m not sure we’re scared about the same things.
“Did you finish the paperwork?” Aunt Dixie asks.
“Yeah, I started the adoption paperwork too,” I whisper.
“Good. I think it’s time, and it will give Rebekah a chance to speak up.
I had hoped she would get it together, but I think it’s time for all of us to let it go.
” Aunt Dixie sighs and slides her hands into her pockets.
“People can change. I’ve seen it myself.
I believe Rebekah can, and maybe she already has.
But her lack of communication with you or her daughter tells us everything we need to know.
Believe people when they tell you who they are, even if they’re your family. ”
I’ve had the same thoughts, and the fact of the matter is, Naomi can’t wait around for her mother to be there for her because I think she will wait most of her life.
“I’ll take the paperwork to Jean and Walsh tomorrow. They said the process could be really long, or it could happen in a few days.”
“Let’s hope it’s a few days,” Aunt Dixie says.
My gut twinges and I don’t know why, but I have a feeling it won’t be that easy.
Mae looks up from her coloring page and meets my eyes. She frowns and tilts her head as if to ask me what’s wrong. I shake mine, and she goes back to her coloring page. Naomi hands Mae another color and points to the pattern on the page.
I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s good that Naomi is connecting with Mae.
But we have a long road ahead of us, and I need to make sure the judge doesn’t see any faults in the life I’ve built for Naomi.
Dating isn’t against any rule, but if child services or something sees it as a problem, I don’t want to be put in that position, but I’ll have no choice.
June and Gracie announce they’re leaving, which means Mae probably is too. Naomi is doing something with Aunt Dixie and not paying a lick of attention to me or Mae.
“Can I walk you out?” I ask Mae.
“Sure.”
I take her hand and pull her down the hall to the front door.
She giggles. “Cooper, I need my shoes.”
“Oh, right, sorry.”
She slides her sandals on, and I grab her hand again, leading her out the door and down the stairs.
“We’ll give you a few!” Gracie yells out the door.
I wince, hoping Naomi doesn’t perk up at that, but I rush her out the door anyway.
We walk around the side of the house where all the cars are parked and instead of taking Mae to her’s and being a gentleman helping her into the car. I push her against the side of the house and kiss her with an edge of building desperation.
She moans into my mouth, and I clutch her face, tilting her head back for more access. Tongues clash, teeth scrape, and I lean into the messy. I crave it. Breathing hard, I nip her lip and kiss her cheeks before trailing down her neck.
“Cooper,” she gasps.
I pull back. “You okay?” I ask.
She nods.
“Good. But tell me why I scare you,” I say, probably a little too quickly and too demanding, but I know our time is short because Gracie and June won’t give us long.
Mae pins her lips together, and I can see her visibly retreat from me. I smile and kiss her again before leaning in, brushing my lips against her ear. “I should start calling you stubborn,” I whisper.
She shivers in my arms, and I stoop down, searching for her eyes.
“I’m not ready to tell you that,” she says.
“Why?” I ask her.
She bites her lower lip, and I grab a curl, winding it around my finger, needing something to do with my hands instead of playing grab ass.
I meet her dark eyes again, holding them. “I’m not them, Mae.”
She puffs out a breath as if she dropped a heavy weight. “I know you’re not. So that’s why I’m trying not to get my hopes up.”
“Why not?”
The corner of her mouth tips up. “For one, I’m here for a year.
I know you know that. But two, your daughter.
I respect your position as a father far more than my …
wants. And the last thing Naomi needs is to feel like she’s been replaced or cast aside.
I know what that feels like, and I won’t let it happen to that little girl. ”
“But I already told you that won’t be a problem. We won’t be around her, not like this.”
She doesn’t say anything, and I don’t know if that’s an answer in and of itself or if she doesn’t want to say what she’s actually thinking.
“Is it because I’m a dad?” I ask her, my voice cracking. “Is that what you’re scared of?”
She shakes her head and palms my cheek.
“Are we going too fast?” I ask her.
“I’m not sure,” she murmurs.
“Is it because you feel like there’s a timeline on us?”
Mae lifts a shoulder and drops her eyes.
So I gather her face in my hands so all she’s forced to look at me.
“I don’t know what the future holds. Yes, all of this is a little complicated, but I am begging you to give us a chance.
I’m not guaranteeing anything or trying to sell you lies.
But you can drop that wall with me. Whatever happens, you are safe with me. ”
Mae blinks rapidly, and I hear the front door open.
“I need to go,” she rasps.
I drop my hands and walk her to her car, opening the door for her.
She gets in and starts to close it, but I catch the edge and lean in. “Please, just think about it. We can figure this out. I know we’re both holding back, but if you can decipher your feelings, then I think we can move forward.”
“What about your feelings?” she asks.
I smile and shake my head. “There is a little part of me that wants to hand you everything, but that’s not fair to Naomi or you. So I’ll say this: I already know how I feel, but I need you to catch up.”
She stares at me, and in the setting sun I know she sees more and understands what I’m not saying. There is a lot to tell her, but I’m not ready to reveal what I keep down deep. All I know is that I like her, and I selfishly want to see where this goes.
“Night Coop.”
I chuckle and kiss her cheek. “I like it when you call me that.”
She lifts a brow, and I close the door, watching her back out and drive away.
***
When we get home, Naomi gets in the shower and gets herself ready for bed. We’re practicing doing all of that on her own, and it doesn’t always work, but tonight she handled it all on her own.
Naomi climbs into bed and snuggles into my side as I open the next Magic Treehouse book we’re on to. My mom got her the entire series, and we’ve been making our way through them.
“Uncle Coop?”
“Yes, sweetheart?” I set the bookmark to the side, my finger holding the page.
“I know you’re my uncle, but I call Grandma Dixie, Grandma, and I know she’s really your aunt. So can I call you Dad?” she asks me.
I stare into her beautiful green eyes and have to blink to keep myself from bursting into tears. I’d do anything for this child. It doesn’t matter if I’m not really her father. She is my blood, and in my heart I’ve wanted to be her father since Rebekah placed her in my arms and drove away.
I cough, trying to relieve the tension in my throat and pull her closer to my side. “Naomi, I would be honored to be called your father.”
“Is that a yes?” she asks me.
I chuckle and lean down, pressing my lips on her small forehead. “That’s a yes, princess.”
“Cool.” She grins, and then it drops. “But what about my mommy?”
I sigh trying to come up with the most gentle but unsugarcoated words, and I fall short every time. “I don’t know, Naomi. I wish I did.”
Naomi nods, accepting the information.
“If my mommy doesn’t want me, can I get a new one?” she asks. It’s a totally innocent question loaded with heavy answers that no seven-year-old needs to think about. The answer is yes, but will a seven-year-old understand that love is not about blood?
Rebekah may be her mother, but if she doesn’t care about Naomi, then does who her mother is matter?
I struggle with the answer myself.
How the hell do I answer this?
“Rebekah will always be your mom, Naomi. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t other people who can love you like a mom too.
Like your grandmas, they both love you so much.
And your Auntie June, and Gracie, and Tatum, and Uncle Fletcher and Ledger, and me.
We love you so much, you’re going to burst from it. ”
Her eyes widen.
I chuckle and hug her again. “It’s a blessing to burst from so much love.”
“Are you bursting from love?” she asks me. Again, a totally logical question. It’s times like these when I wish I had a woman's sensibilities to help me because I feel like I’m digging myself a hole here.
“Yes, princess, I’m bursting with love, mainly because of you.”
“Because I love you?” she asks.
“Yes, because you love me.”
Naomi smiles and settles back into me while I read our book. I say the words, but I don’t comprehend them because all I can think about is Naomi calling me dad. It feels like I've won something. It makes everything worth it.