Chapter 35
Mae
It’s been two days since I’ve seen Cooper, and I can’t stop thinking about him and the decisions I have to make. The hopeful part of me has already decided, but the logical side of me is saying, wait, think, what if?
What if I’m wrong? What if Cooper changes his mind?
If I say no to this promotion, am I putting all my eggs in a basket that was already full?
I’ve been working towards this for a long time, and spent many late nights convincing myself this is the path I’ve worked so hard for.
I told myself, one day I could have it all.
But I realize that maybe having it all isn’t worth the price I’ve paid and continue to keep paying.
And I can’t look myself in the mirror every morning and tell myself I’m any further along than I was before.
The upside to today is that I think I can do this business thing.
I met with Silver Hill Ranch today to be their exclusive supplier, from the brides and bridesmaids to the accent flowers for decoration, all the way to flower arches.
I learned how to do those yesterday after googling how-to videos for an hour and learning how other florists do it across the country via social media.
It’s not set in stone yet, but they seemed excited about the partnership.
I think I actually have a knack for arranging flowers, and the first person on my mind to tell the news wasn’t my aunt.
It was Cooper.
I didn’t call him, but I wanted to.
It’s a win I was looking for since I got here, and if all goes well, it means I could see the shop get close to turning a profit for the year.
I grab my phone and call Mom. It’s been a while and I need to hear her voice. Sometimes she doesn’t keep her phone close, and it takes her a bit to get up and get to it. It goes to voicemail, so I hang up and call again.
It rings a couple of times. “Hi sweetheart, I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“Hi Mom.”
“It’s been a while. I’m glad you’ve taken some time for yourself,” she says.
I look out the window of the shop and my chin quivers. “I miss you both. How are you? How’s Dad?”
“Oh, I’m just fine. Your father is at work, but he’s doing well.”
My chest tightens, and I rub the sharp pain. “Are you sure? No flare-ups?”
“No, actually, we’ve been doing okay. So tell me, what’s up with you? I talked to Francesca yesterday. She said you hadn’t called her, so we both assumed things were going well.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I let them fall, thankful she can’t see me. “I’m at the shop getting ready for a delivery. It’s been a lot, but I’ve made some changes that I hope will work out in the long run.”
“That’s good. How is everything else? Did you make any friends?”
I huff and brush my hand against my cheek. “Yeah, I did. A few of them actually.”
She’s quiet for a moment, then says, “I can hear the tears in your voice, Mae. What’s going on?”
“Mom, I met someone, and I don’t know what to do,” I sob.
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart. But why does that make you cry?”
What I wouldn’t give to have a hug from my mom.
“Because I’m here for less than a year and I’m way too deep, and it’s only going to break my heart, and I think his too.”
My mom sighs. “I know you’ve had a rough go of things for years now. But, sweetheart, maybe it’s time you go all in. Let things play out, then you can decide.”
“I’ve already done that and I’m…” I pause, taking a breath. “Mom, I can … I want to see a future with him. But…”
“Mae, nothing is written in stone. At least not yet. You have such a beautiful, giving heart. And if you’re in that deep with this man, then he probably see’s that too.”
“But what do I do?” I beg her.
“You give each other a chance, tesoro. You allow yourself not to think about the what - ifs, and you stop looking at the calendar, and you let yourself live. Let yourself thrive. I know you’re worried, but I promise you we’re good.
This is a great opportunity for you to go headfirst and see what happens. ”
“But what if it doesn’t work out?” I ask her.
“Then it doesn’t, and after you finish your year at the shop. You pack up and come home,” she says, as if it’s that simple.
“We can’t be so afraid of getting hurt that we prevent ourselves from experiencing life, Mae. Part of me wonders with my … illness that I’ve prevented you from that and—”
“Mom, no, I love to help you. I’m happy to do it. I—”
“Mae, I’m not your responsibility. Though I love that you help me the way you do and care for me.
I want my daughter to experience things.
To fall in love. To get back up if she gets hurt and try again.
I want my sweet little girl to have the life that she’s dreamed of.
But you won’t find it here, helping me. That’s why I want you to take this opportunity by the horns and ride it.
See what happens, and if it doesn’t work, that’s okay because I’ll be here,” she says.
“I’m falling for him,” I rasp.
“Good, now let go of the rope and let yourself love him. If that’s where you’re headed, of course.”
I take a shaky breath. “It is,” I rasp.
“Good, I can’t wait to meet him.”
I huff. “He knows Auntie and Uncle.”
“I figured. Paxton isn’t that big,” she says.
I laugh. “No, it really isn’t.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
She’s right. Maybe I need to let go of the rope.
“Yeah, Mom, I think I’m going to be alright.”
After we hang up, I finish giving my extra flowers water, count the till, and grab my stuff to go home.
I go out the back, kicking the door shut, and a crack of thunder startles me, and I drop my keys.
The sun is setting, and I can see the clouds rolling in.
We haven’t had a huge summer storm here yet, but I can smell it in the air. This is going to be a bad one.
Hurrying to my car around the corner, another crack of thunder explodes, and as if God unzipped the sky, a deluge of rain pours down, soaking me to the bone. Of course.
I get to my car soaking wet, and it’s raining so hard I can hardly see, so I sit for a minute, hoping it calms down long enough for me to get home. While I sit there, I wonder if I should call Cooper and tell him the news.
“I need to make a decision.” I tell myself. But I have to admit, I’m struggling to let go of the rope.
The rain finally lets up, and I head home. The sky is dark, and it’s only late afternoon.
As I head out of town, the rain picks up again, lightning bursts in front of me, and thunder cracks. The high winds come out of nowhere, whipping against the car. I turn the music down so I can see better, and my hands tighten over my steering wheel, trying to keep my car on the road.
I’m driving slowly, but a couple of trucks blow past me as if we’re not trying to get through a torrential downpour that I’m beginning to think could be a tornado, but I didn’t hear the sirens in town.
It’s hard to see, but I’m a couple of miles from home, so I push it a little harder, trying to get to my driveway.
Then suddenly headlights aren’t to my left.
They’re right in front of me. A cross between disbelief and panic flood through me, and survival instinct kicks in.
I veer off the side of the road even though I can’t see it, and my tire dips.
I scream feeling the whole car dip into the ditch on the side of the road, and all I can do is brace for impact.
The car crashes against the side of the ditch and stops. Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I heave for air, and gradually open my eyes. The car hit something, but not hard enough to deploy the airbags.
I'm okay, it’s okay.
The seatbelt bites into my chest, and I realize I’m leaning forward because the car is at an angle.
But the problem is, I don’t know what’s in front of me.
It could be the ditch I’ve driven past, or it could be the drop into the ravine.
Rain pelts on my car, and I take a deep breath, listening to the rhythmic sound of it to calm myself down.
My chest hurts, my heart is pounding so hard, and the seatbelt burns against me. I’m not normally a quick to panic kind of person, but I’m doing everything I can not to.
“Breathe, Mae. Think, breathe.” I keep repeating to myself.
I don’t know who to call except the Hayes.
Leaning across the seat, still belted in, I reach down to the floorboards to get my phone.
A whimper bursts from me as the belt digs and my phone is just out of reach.
I grit my teeth and push a little harder, barely grabbing it with the tips of my fingers, and I feel the car move a bit.
I scream holding the phone tightly in my hand.
“Okay, okay, you’re okay.”
I find Cooper’s number and dial it.
“Hey, stubborn,” he says, and my heart calms with the sound of his voice.
“I need your help,” I say, as calmly as I can, brushing over the fact my voice cracked and I know he heard it.
“What’s wrong? Where are you?” he asks.
“Um, my car went off the side of the road. I’m in a ditch, I think, and I’m a couple miles outside of town.”
“Okay, did you call 911?” he asks calmly.
“No …” I trail off, realizing I absolutely should have called emergency services. “I called you,” I rasp.“I’ll find you. Stay where you are, and please, don’t move too much.”
“Cooper,” I cry.
“I’m coming, baby, I’m coming,” he says and hangs up.
I try to stay still and look around me, but the rain is coming down so hard everything is distorted and dark, and my headlights aren’t working.
I can’t tell where I am, and if I try to open the door and I’m near where the ravine, I could slide to my death.
Or I could be in one of the deeper ditches and walk right out.
But I’m not willing to take that gamble.
I have to trust that Cooper will find me. Dear God, please help him find me.
Whitney Houston comes on and I snort because my shuffle clearly cannot read the room. How Will I Know plays and I’m pretty sure this is a joke. God’s sense of humor never ceases to amaze me.