3
Andrea
“Her numbers are looking good. The doctor said he wants to keep you on dialysis three times a week.” The home health aid smiles as she taps on the tablet. “How’s your breathing been? Any significant changes?”
Jess answers with a shrug and a look my way. She and I barely slept last night after I returned from my visit to Erik’s office, so everything just feels a bit blurry and dull.
I told her I had a casting call for a modeling job when she questioned how I was dressed as I was leaving yesterday.
I also worked a half shift at the frame shop after I changed, and by the time I got out of there at 9:0, I was exhausted and starving, with a wad of cash in my pocket. I splurged on my way home with a double order of orange chicken from The Peking House.
So. Good.
She questioned where I got the money for such an indulgence, but I just told her I won some money on a scratch-off ticket.
It’s not a complete lie. I did win some money, and Erik is the ticket I scratched to get it.
Thank goodness she was napping when the courier brought over the package last night.
Just like he said, there was a black plastic credit card inside with my name on it, along with a grape Tootsie Pop and a note that said, ‘Can’t wait to see your mouth enjoying the candy. Be good. I will see you soon.’
As I recall the words on the note, my insides clench in gut-punching pulses. Why does his simple, sweet manner make me so incredibly horny?
I refocus on the aid, who is politely waiting for one of us to respond.
“She’s been coughing more at night,” I answer, raising my eyebrows when my aunt frowns.
“Okay, do two breathing treatments this evening instead of one. Then two more tomorrow morning. If things don’t improve, make an appointment with Dr. Snyder.” The aid closes down her tablet and pushes it into her black bag, her eyes tracing up and down Jess before she scratches her head, nodding toward the exposed flesh of her upper arm. “What happened there?”
An angry purple and black bruise has formed where Jess hit the floor yesterday, and the anger toward the men that hurt her comes back, covering me in a hot burst.
“I don’t even know.” Jess pokes at the spot inquisitively, like she’s unaware of how she got the injury. “I bruise so easily these days. I could have bumped it on a butterfly and ended up with a bruise.”
She waves her hand dismissively, as I fight back the urge to tell the truth.
But what good would that do? Would Wanda the home health aid have some superpower connections that would solve all our problems?
No. But I might.
At least, from the messages Erik sent me last night and this morning, there’s some hope. Yesterday, my hope well was running empty.
The aid packs up, leaving an envelope from her agency. I know our overdue bill is inside. We say our goodbyes, I tear open the envelope, and then toss it on the stack as Jess pulls a fleece blanket from the back of the sofa and settles it around her thin legs.
“I’m always so cold.” She shivers as my own core heats, thinking of how Erik brushed his fingers down my neck when he helped me with my coat yesterday, and rubbed my ankle like it was some sort of foreplay.
I felt that touch down into my toes. That’s new. A part of me knows it’s dangerous, but I also don’t seem to care.
He’s older. I’d say twenty years maybe, and older men have never appealed to me until I saw him walk into Cassie and Magnus’s house while I sat on the counter like a toddler, sucking on my grape Tootsie Pop.
From that second, something about him made me think of how it would feel to have a father that made you the center of his universe. Then, shame drowned me when my next thought was how it would feel to have that fatherly figure on top of me, taking what he needs and telling me what a good girl I am.
But after the kinky shameful thoughts as the night went on, I imagined he would be the kind of father that came to every parent teacher conference, gave you piggyback rides at the zoo, taught you how to parallel park so you could pass your driver’s test and took you for ice cream when you came home crying because Tiffany Myer and her mean girl clique dumped lemonade in your lap in third grade, so you had to walk around the rest of the day looking like you peed your pants.
Not that I had any experience with that last one.
Oh wait, yeah, I did.
Fucking Tiffany Myer. There’s always a Tiffany Myer, isn’t there?
Erik would have been that kind of father, I can see it in his dark eyes. Though, I know from the few questions I managed with Cassie, he’s not a father, and has never shown any interest in being one.
But, clearly, the kind of father I’m fantasizing about when it comes to him is not the conventional version at all.
Still, in the dominant way he towered over me but made me feel small and safe, there was something new born inside me. Like he could see into my heart, and since I left his office yesterday, not five seconds have gone by without me thinking about him.
Wanting to be close to him again.
And what did he mean about taking me up on my ‘I’ll do anything’ offer?
Or, the better question is, what did I mean when I offered?
I can still feel the sparks he ignited on my skin where he touched me. The musky, sexy scent of his cologne. The way his Adam’s apple moved just under where the sharp, shaved line of his beard started.
“I’ve been thinking,” Jess says as I stare at the blank screen of my phone, waiting for it to light up with another message from Erik. “Maybe you should go to New York. If I sold everything, I could manage a few thousand, and truth, the house is gone. I’ve made peace with it, and you shouldn’t be hanging around a broken old lady like me. Go chase your dreams.”
I snap my tongue against my teeth on a smile. “And you will live where? In a box?”
I shake my head, pushing from my place on the creaky wooden chair and heading toward the small efficiency kitchen where the coffee maker is beeping. I’m still in my fleece heart pajama bottoms and an oversized, vintage Led Zeppelin t- shirt I picked up at the thrift store last week.
I may have aspirations of walking runways wearing couture, but my heart is more in vintage and retro fashion.
Anything circa 1980s through Y2K is my jam.
Jess sighs. “I’m going to call that Buffalino man and see if I can still take the offer on the house. I know the paperwork came through, and it’s basically done, but maybe he will take pity.”
“No!” I spin. “You are not losing the house, and you are not taking their scrap change offer for it. You couldn’t buy the front door of that house for the money they offered. No, we are not done. I have a plan.”
The words are out before I can stop them, and Jess folds her hands in her lap, silence thumping between us.
I grab a coffee mug from the hooks under the cabinet, gripping the handle of the pot, pouring the steaming liquid, hoping she will not inquire into what this plan of mine entails.
“Don’t tell me you’ve gone to see those men.” She looks at the ceiling, then back at me, squinching up her face. “I forbid you to give them what they want from you. Their eyes told me what they would do if you gave them the chance. I forbid —” Her stern vitriol is interrupted by a knock on the door.
I set down my mug, my heart speeding, wiping my hands down the front of my denim shirt, my breath stalled in my throat.
I walk out of the kitchen and by my disheveled single mattress on the floor across from the couch, which reminds me of how elusive sleep was last night. As well as how little privacy I have in our tiny one-bedroom efficiency apartment.
Not to mention the basket of clothes I need to fold and the stack of bills that need to be paid, with one on top stamped in red with ‘last notice’ and ‘past due’.
Life is just a lot right now, but after seeing Erik yesterday, I tossed and turned, fighting the urge to dampen the thumping desire in between my legs, but I inevitably lost.
Especially after his last text.
Erik: You should get to bed. Tuck yourself in for me.
Make sure to hold onto the present I sent over. Do you know how hard it was to find a stuffed hedgehog in this city?
Didn’t matter, I would have turned the city upside down to make sure you had something from me next to you tonight. Sweet dreams,
Tootsie. I’ll see you soon.
His messages were sweet and his questions sincere. When he asked me what my spirit animal was, I thought it was just for fun. Of course I answered hedgehog, because I’m cute but prickly. And then, lo and behold, a courier left a package with a stuffed hedgehog inside wearing a gold necklace with a diamond-studded hedgehog pendant.
There were no overt sexual connotations, but I’ve never been more turned on in my life.
Weird.
“It’s probably just maintenance, finally showing up for the leaking faucet I called in last week.”
As I approach the door, something tells me I’m wrong about it being maintenance. Something down in my soul seems to know who’s here before I close one eye and use the other to look through the peephole.
I count to three before turning the lock, and swing the door open.
Heat blooms on my cheeks as I stare wide-eyed, unblinking, until a sheen of tears turn the sight of the tall man in an expertly-tailored gray suit misty.
“Hey there, Tootsie.” His dark eyes don’t stray from mine, and the sound of my blood rushing in my ears sounds like Niagara Falls.
“You’re one of them, aren’t you? Get out of here!” Jess calls, wobbling to her feet from the couch, tossing the blanket on the floor. “You’re not welcome here!”
“Jess, it’s okay,” I say, making a calm down sort of motion with my hand.
Erik enters without being asked, walking through with so much calm confidence it makes our tiny apartment look tinier and sadder than it was before.
Jess fists her hips, setting her jaw, but I see the way the blood drains from her face. “What do you want? You want to take our food from the kitchen? Or how about the water in the toilet? That suits you.”
Erik shows no reaction and the coldness in his eyes reminds me that he’s associated with some of the most dangerous men in this city. Where there is danger, there is usually more danger.
Still, he’s wildly handsome, with his rich brown beard and the waves of hair slicked back behind his ears. The darkness of his eyes are rimmed with dark lashes and topped with a hard brow like he’s from another century, one where men were harder and unaffected by any of the softness of life.
There’s a wildness about him, but the contrast of that wildness with the perfect knot on his lavender and black striped tie and the shine on his shoes is more of a turn on than I could have imagined.
I thoughtlessly start to walk toward the mess of my bed with my clothes strewn everywhere, when I see his head turn, looking down at the stack of unpaid bills.
I rush the three steps it takes to get to the table, gathering up the papers, hoping he didn’t inspect them too closely, when his hand darts out and ratchets around my wrist.
“Give those to me,” he growls. His voice is thick with a primal power that assures me he’s the type of man that’s used to getting his way. He’s the type of man that just looks at a stack of bills, and they pay themselves.
“Let her go.” Jess starts my way, but again, I wave her off as Erik slowly swivels his head, looking toward Jess, then me.
His jaw flexes, his nose just crooked enough to give him that ruddy sexiness that seems to have embedded itself into my fantasies, because all I can think about with his hand on my wrist is him holding them above my head while he pushes inside of me.
“Jess, why don’t you go for a walk. This is between me and him.”
“I didn’t catch your name…” She tips her head toward the door for me to go, but Erik grabs the stack of papers from my hand, rolls them into a tube, flattening it, before shoving it into the inside pocket of his jacket.
“You don’t have to pay any more bills,” he says, running the tips of his fingers under my chin. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re why I’m here.”
Jess slumps back onto the couch with a shake of her head. “I told you not to do this,” she mutters, her fingers pressing into her eyes.
“Jess, it’s okay. This is Magnus’s brother, Erik. I didn’t want to tell you that the other day. Not until I figured out what to do.”
“And what did you figure out?” she says, her eyes now on Erik. “You want something from my niece in exchange for you helping me not lose my house? Is that it?” She shakes her head, “No, no, no. Andrea, that is not happening.”
“She’s made me an offer I can’t refuse. I’m just here to collect.”
I rest my hand on my belly, trying to settle the fluttering inside, ashamed that deep down I hoped this would happen. I wanted him to come, to save us, because we’ve exhausted all other options at this point. And although I’ve never been one to dream of a white knight riding in to save the day, I want what this man can offer.
Choices. Freedom.
Except, maybe that’s not what he’s offering. Maybe he’s controlling and selfish. Maybe he will take away all my choices and only give me the freedom he deems fit.
Even with that, somehow with him, it feels like what I want. To let him take control, take away the choices and the responsibilities and just make everything right again.
“You can tear down the house. Blow it back to God if you want. You’re not taking her. Not if I have any say.” Jess crosses her thin arms, her voice hard but tired. Erik answers with a sniff, turning back to me, his eyes dancing with mine for a moment before he speaks, ignoring Jess’s protests.
“Your house won’t be torn down. I’ll make sure of that.”
Jess’s eyes plead with me, but I can’t deny the thrill of bartering myself for our cause. It’s a bit tawdry and surreal, but how dangerous can he be?
For a moment, I wish I had figured out how to call Cassie. Interrogate her a little more about the Leonard men. I told myself it was because they were on some remote adventure in South America, and I didn’t want to bother her, but the truth is, I like the feeling of danger and uncertainty.
I don’t doubt that his careful and protective text messages are only one part of this powerful man. Behind them, I know what he will want, and for the first time, it’s something I want to give.
Something I managed to not give to anyone else. I’ve made some wildly bad choices when it came to boyfriends in the past, but even so, there was only so much I was willing to give, no matter how much they pushed. It was my leverage. My power over them. And now I’m using it, because I want something, yes, and at the same time, I want him to take it.
I’ve worked my whole life. From babysitting when I was thirteen, to shoveling snow, to working at the ice cream shop when I turned sixteen. I’ve waited tables and washed dishes. My mom was always running from one potential rich man to the next, promising our life would be different if only she could land her own white whale.
She’s still fishing, and I’m still working.
But I think with this man, I’m the bait, and this is the whale that’s about to swallow me whole.
Erik’s hand finds the back of my neck, pulling me forward in a possessive squeeze.
“You said you would do anything.” His lips and warm breath brush against my ear.
“And what does anything mean to you?” I ask with a shiver, wanting to know the answer but scared it’s not what I have to give.
“I’ll take care of you in a way that no one has before. I don’t need to know your past to know that will be the truth. I can see it in your eyes. You’ve been carrying too much of a burden for too long. Something as wonderful and perfect as you deserves to be worshiped. Given the world. A life most people would kill for. But it will be more. I will show you what that means. It’s not something I’ll explain here.” His eyes shift for a split second to Jess, then back to me, and I hate to admit it myself, but I’m all in.
His voice is heavy, but like his text messages, there’s a paternal, protective nature to his words, and his eyes are not those of a man that wants to harm me. They are more like a man that’s seen the sun and yet can’t bring himself to look away.
“You aren’t taking her anywhere,” Jess says with a weak defiance. “You can’t take a human in exchange for doing what’s right. You should be ashamed of yourself!”
Erik only shrugs on a dismissive frown. “And yet, I’m not,” he says, with a smile that sends my world spinning. “I’ll take care of her in a way you cannot, Ms. Collins. I am not shaming you, but no one in her life has put her first. That will be my life from now on. She will be with me, not just as a pawn in a man’s game of power and profit. I’ll make her the center of my world. She will have everything and want for nothing. She will overflow with happiness, and if she doesn’t, I will fix it.”
Warmth gathers in my core, rolling on itself, gathering more heat with every word. But Jess doesn’t look convinced.
“Where will you go? When will I see her again?”
“She will go wherever I go. I don’t believe I will ever let her out of my sight, and if I do, it will only be for a brief time and with all the forces I can align to make sure she is safe while we are apart. But, what she cares about, I will care about, and that will include you. And your house.”
“Can she come to see me whenever she wants? I’m sorry, but I need her. I need her help. I hate that I do, but I don’t have anyone else.” Jess’s voice breaks, her broken pride at having to admit she can’t function on her own scattering all over the floor in pieces.
“I’ll take care of you,” I answer, my eye imploring this stranger next to me that I’ve silently given myself to, to understand my obligation to the woman who showed me the most love and attention of anyone in my life.
Before now.
“She will be with me forever.” My eyes widen as he offers only another shrug. “I already know I will never let her go. I knew the second I saw her she was going to be my wife. I’ve never considered marriage before, not for a second, but now? It’s the single most important focus of my life.”
My skin prickles, fear and arousal twisting and battling inside me, heat sliding up my neck and down my back.
“Andrea is coming with me, but I’ve already arranged for new housing for you.” He nods to Jess as a siren screaming by on the street outside punctuates the moment. “And whatever help you need, it will all be taken care of. She just needs to come with me and stay with me. Then your house will also be relocated. I will pay to have it lifted from its foundation, moved to a beautiful new site, fully renovated and adjusted for you to live safely. That will take time, but until then, you will be tended to at a temporary residence. I assure you,” He pauses, looking around the small space, his eyes falling to the mattress on the floor as anger flashes across his face, “it will be world’s away from what you have here.”
“Andrea…” Jess folds her hands together like she’s praying, her eyes pinned on mine. “You do not need to do this.”
“I want to.” The words burst from my lips without a thought. “I trust him. And you need to trust me.”
She mounts some more protests, but in the end, while I’m dressing to leave, Erik leaves her with her own black credit card and a stack of cash, with a list of phone numbers and names of people that will be calling or coming around to facilitate the transition into her new housing.
There’s hugs and tears, then I’m in the back of a blacked-out limousine, and the dark reality that a man I barely know is taking me.
I’ve offered myself in trade.
I’ve become collateral.
A possession.
But, somewhere inside, in a place I’m still denying exists, I feel something.
I think it’s love.