Delirium

Chapter 4 #2

She looked up at me, her eyes shining with love.

Her lips curled up into a smile, but she didn’t say anything.

Made an ‘mhm’ noise, giggled, and went back to watching the TV.

I sat next to her, and glanced over towards the TV, my eyes landing on the mantle.

It was full of pictures. Pictures of people I was sure she didn’t even recognize.

Well, shit… she always recognized one. Her Isaiah.

Anytime she saw a picture of pops, she said his name, smiled and immediately broke down right after. She didn’t react the same to any of us.

She hadn’t always been that way though. Back before pops was murdered, Marietta had a larger-than-life personality. When he died, a big chunk of her died with him. That was years ago. You’d think she would have shook back by now. But nah. It’d been a long, tedious, strenuous journey.

“Let me see,” I said to Genesis, holding my hand out for her phone.

Genesis gave me the phone, and I pressed play on the voicemail.

“Good morning, Ms. Christ. I’m calling about the aide that was scheduled to come out to your home this week.

Unfortunately, she had an um… a family emergency.

I’m in the process of going through the rest of the staff to see if I can find a good fit.

Please give me until the end of the week to secure a new aide.

I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

I appreciate your patience and understanding… ”

I handed Genesis the phone and rested against the back of the couch, tugging on my beard, staring off at the T.V.

“I don’t know why you won’t just go with a company out here. Them bitches in Brickhaven ain’t trying to work for real. They too worried about going over that income threshold for welfare.”

“You know why I ain’t fuckin with nobody out here,” I said, glancing at her. “She’ll be straight. They gon’ get her together. In the meantime,” I paused and shrugged. “Fuck it… call me Nurse X.”

“What?” Genesis asked, with raised brows.

I just looked at her.

“Bro,” she stressed. “I can do it. I—”

“You been doin it. Take yo lil trip and shit. I got it.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “You sure?”

I nodded, pulling my phone from my pocket. “Have I ever made a decision I wasn’t sure about?”

Until Guiding Light Nursing Services could find moms a suitable home health aide, I was going to take care of her.

Before Genesis could question me any further, a call from Solomon came through.

“Yo,” I answered. “What’s the word, dumb ass?”

Genesis shook her head.

“Fuck you want, nigga? You know I was in prayer.”

I took the phone from my ear to check the time. “Shit, my bad. Ay, listen. I need you to get up with somebody for me.”

He sighed. “Bro…”

I shook my head, as if he could see me. “Nah. Completely different tip, brodie.” I paused, stretching with a yawn.

When I said the Meech shit weighed heavy on my spirit last night, I meant it.

I spent a good hour and a half in my secret place, chopping it up with Big G.

“Chick at The Woods… she need a place to hold service for her brother. Lil nigga used to run with Zeke. Get up with her. Help her with whatever she needs help with. She ain’t never been in position to handle funeral arrangements so she don’t know shit. Educate her. Show her the way.”

“Say less,” Solo said. “Shoot me her number.”

“Bet. She’s expecting your call.”

Once I texted him her number, I got off with him and left the house to head for mine.

When I walked into the crib, I went straight to the bedroom. Walked in on Jada modeling in front of that fuck ass camera, showing off the ass I paid for. As soon as she noticed me, she flinched and immediately rushed over to the phone to stop recording.

I didn’t say shit—walked right by her to my closet. I was sure her camera caught me walking into the room. I didn’t and wouldn’t address it although the whole social media personality shit was really starting to annoy the fuck out of me.

“Um, hi!” Jada said, standing outside of the closet. “What you doin?”

I glanced over at her before grabbing my Gucci duffle from the top of the closet. “Stay at ma’s for a minute—

“Seriously? All of this because I tried to get content of my daddy?” She cut in, sounding disgusted.

“Everything ain’t about you, J.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “What then? You barely been talking to me. Making me go across the bridge by myself. Now you telling me you about to stay over your momma house. Make it make sense. Cause—

“The agency can’t send anybody out her. Genny been doin enough. She got other shit to do. So, I’m handling it.”

She turned her nose up. “You know you gon’ have to bathe her. You gon’ wash yo momma’s pussy?”

I shot her a look that said shut the fuck up, telling her to chill.

Her arched eyebrows raised. “I—I didn’t mean it… mean it like that, babe. I’m just sayin. Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? If you would have gone with an agency out here like me and Genny said, she would’ve been had an aide.”

“Watch yo fuckin’ mouth,” I said before biting down on my teeth, clenching my jaw. “I’m not fuckin’ with shit out here.”

I tossed a couple of essentials into the duffle bag, white tee’s…

joggers and shit… turning my back on her.

Genny and Jada thought it would be best for me to go with an agency stationed in Wildermere.

I wasn’t with it. Fuck would I do that for when there were perfectly fine agencies in Brickhaven?

There was something about moms having a white aide that didn’t sit right with me.

Having white doctors and shit at the hospital was one thing.

Having them stationed, living in the crib was another.

I wasn’t comfortable with it. If it meant dealing with some ghetto shit every now and then, to get what I needed, then so be it.

“So how long are you going to be over there?” Jada asked.

I shrugged. “’Bout a week.”

“A week?” she pouted. “X… what am I going to do?”

“I don’t know. Talk to yo’ lil internet friends.”

“You trying to be funny,” she said.

I didn’t say anything. Grabbed the handle to the duffle, picking it up.

Turning, I went to head out of the closet, but Jada blocked my path.

With sad eyes, she stared up at me. Bottom lip slightly poked out.

Arms crossed over her chest. Looking like the brat that she was.

The brat that I created. She hadn’t always been this way.

I created this shit. An entitled, superficial, materialistic broad.

I missed who she used to be. Back in the day, she had personality.

Was silly. Ran around the hood in clothes that came from donations and shit like that.

The money changed her. Or did it just bring who she was all along to the surface?

“How long are you going to be mad at me, X?”

With my eyes locked on hers, I said, “I’m not mad. I’m disappointed. But that’s on me.”

“Disappointed?”

“Yeah, disappointed.”

Instead of asking her to move out of my way, I grabbed her waist and moved her out of my way. She was, as expected, on my heels. Talking. Steady trying to justify the unjust.

Jada knew me. And to know me is to know how I operated.

She knew that constantly talking to me about the situation wouldn’t go the way she wanted it to.

I had patience. A ton of it for Jada because of how she was.

That bratty shit. But she was wearing thin on it.

I was about ten seconds away from snapping on her ass.

“He don’t even care. He would—

“Shut up,” I interrupted, standing at the dresser tossing underwear and socks into the duffle.

“Huh?”

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear shit else about the goofy shit you be on.”

“Exodus—”

I took a deep breath, cutting her off. With my head hanging, I turned to face her.

I didn’t like to talk much. Didn’t like to explain what I saw coming off a mafucka.

Bringing shit to the light, telling mafuckas I could see straight through them was something I’d rather not do.

But shit… Jada was begging me to cut into her ass. So I did just that.

“You lookin for justification and approval to make you feel better about yourself. Constantly repeating why you did what you did don’t have shit to do with me for real, Jada.

You feel like shit about it. You know you on bird shit.

My disapproval is just confirmation. You probably go back and forth about your morals all the time. Shit eatin you alive, low key.”

She started to twirl her curly hair around her finger. “So… do you want to break up? Cause you don’t like me as a person, clearly. And…” she paused. “I just don’t know what to say or do.”

That was Jada’s go to. Anytime I disagreed with something or she didn’t like the way I spoke to her, she pulled the whole ‘do you want to break up’ card.

She was severely afraid of us ending. Not because she loved the fuck out of me.

But because she knew if we ended it was back to Brickhaven and subpar living.

Should I feel some type of way about that?

Hell naw. What Jada and I had was transactional as fuck.

Because I was a nigga who was particular about how I shared my energy, having on demand clean, loyal pussy to call my own was important to me.

She cooked, cleaned, and kept my balls drained.

In exchanged, I funded the beautiful, carefree, lavish lifestyle she lived.

I didn’t ask her to love me—I asked her to be loyal and that she had been.

Love was feeble. I didn’t have it to extend to anybody outside of my family, so I didn’t expect it.

I wouldn’t say she didn’t love me, but I was smart enough to know she loved what I could do for her more than anything else.

I wasn’t a knight in shining armor. I wasn’t a gentleman.

I didn’t have the qualities of a nigga who truly deserved love.

I was aight with that. I owned who I was.

A nigga who needed pussy every now and then and didn’t want to sleep around for it. Fuck it.

“Exodus,” Jada mumbled, my silence clearly making her uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to worry, doll,” I paused, zipping the duffle bag. “I’m not sending you back to the Bricks.”

She started to say something, but I cut her off, asking if I could trust her to take the dogs out. I had two of them. Queen and King. Dobermann Pinscher’s that I’d had for about three years. With a sad expression on her face, she told me yeah.

About thirty minutes later, I was back at my ma’s.

Genesis was running key information down to me.

Showing me which medications needed to be administered and when.

Mainly heart medication and something for sleep.

Because ma’s condition didn’t have a diagnosis, there was nothing prescribed for that.

Medically, she was fine. Mentally too. Doctors and psychiatrists called it deep emotional turmoil and shock.

Essentially, she was suffering for a broken heart. The heart meds helped with the stress.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay? I can push my trip back,” Genesis said, just as she was about to go over the morning routine.

“Push a birthday trip back?” I asked, arms crossed over my chest. “Go ahead and tell me what I have to do, G.”

She sighed. “Well… I get her up around nine. Help her to the bathroom, undress her, and put her straight in the shower. That’s if she wasn’t feeling it the night before—

“You wash her up? That’s why you tiptoeing around shit?”

She made a face at me. “It depends. You know she has good days and she has bad days. On the good, she’s more independent.

More… lucid. Still quiet, but you know… better.

Because I never really know what type of day we’ll have, I ask her if she wants me to wash her up.

When she reaches for the rag, I know it’s a good day.

You know… lately, she’s been having more bad days than good. So…”

“I’m not trippin about washin’ no ass.”

I wasn’t. She was my ma. And while other niggas would look at the situation and go hell naw, I didn’t.

Life and circumstances put her in the position she was in.

Shit… put us in this position. Genesis had been the only one looking after moms since she went from bad to worse a couple of years ago.

She needed a break. Regardless of if she had a birthday trip or not.

“Okay bro. I’m just trying to make you aware. She’ll need her brief changed too.”

I ran my hand over the top of my waves. “Just show me everything I need to do.”

Mentally, I was fully prepared to take care of her.

Changing diapers, bathing her… that kind of shit didn’t phase me.

Didn’t move me at all. She was my OG. The queen.

First lady. I would go to the end of the earth for her.

I had never bathed an ass that wasn’t mine.

Had never changed a diaper neither. I was willing to learn though.

My focus was doing a good job. Fuck the uncomfortable shit.