Chapter Eight
S he thought about her uncertain future for weeks, in the quiet spaces between her classes when she was alone and late at night as she lay awake and watched the moonlight and shadows dance across her ceiling.
There was no denying the joy she experienced as she worked her way through the research for her paper. She was fascinated and horrified by the things she discovered as she dug deeper into the processes of the criminal justice system. It was large and lumbering and unequal in ways that she found incredibly frustrating. It was clear that there was a desperate need for change and for people willing to fight for those who were treated unfairly or did not have the means to escape their circumstances. It would be a difficult career and require years of investment in her education, but it would be deeply rewarding.
The work she put into her class paper was equally emotionally draining and mentally stimulating. She passed hours alone in the library soaking up all the knowledge she could and huffing in frustration as she encountered case after case of kids who deserved so much better than the fate they had been dealt. Some days she wept quietly, but she always wondered if she might be part of the change that was so clearly needed.
She came home energized and excited from her schoolwork but even her new distraction couldn’t keep her from noticing how often she now found James at her house. Nothing significant had changed in his behavior toward her, but she watched him closer now and she soon realized that Lilly and Bryce may have been picking up signs she hadn’t been experienced enough to see. He smiled at her whenever she entered a room, made excuses to stay close to her while she was there, and watched her intently whenever she left. The Wednesday before Halloween he volunteered to help set up for their annual trick-or-treat event, something that she was nearly certain he had done only because he knew she would be there.
Some of the other local churches frowned on their participation in a holiday with such pagan origins, but Mia always loved seeing the kids in their costumes. They were adorable dressed up as superheroes and bumblebees. She’d always been grateful that her father believed in accepting the idea that you couldn’t stop people from celebrating, so you might as well join in on the fun. All he asked was that they refrained from dressing as monsters and devils, and most were happy enough to show up in more wholesome costumes.
Mia had already spent over an hour attaching slips of paper with encouraging bible verses to the sticks of black and orange suckers that put temporary spider tattoos on your tongue, when Lilly showed up with several more huge bags of candy.
“We can’t forget to pick up the apples on Saturday,” she said, her smile big as she dropped the bags on the table with a thump and looked around. “The kids really enjoyed bobbing for apples last year.”
“It’s on my list of chores for that morning already,” Mia reassured, dropping the last sucker in a big orange bowl and opening the first bag of Lilly’s candy. It was chocolate, and she grabbed a piece for herself once she had emptied the contents into the next bowl. She was going to end up eating her weight in candy this week, but she had no regrets.
“Any problems so far?” Lilly asked, grabbing a candy and biting into it with a satisfied hum.
“Not really. The usual complaints from Mrs. Newberry, same as every Halloween.”
“We told her she could stay home.”
“I wish she would have,” Mia sighed. She was already tired of listening to her complain about how they were all celebrating the devil’s birthday and corrupting children in the process.
Lilly was the new co-leader of the bible group, and Mia wanted tonight to go especially well since she was eager and excited about the first task in her new role. Her father had been surprisingly supportive of the change once she explained how much work Lilly had put into the group, and he hadn’t questioned Mia’s own commitment as she feared he might, but she still wondered if she had let him down.
“I see you’ve brought company,” Lilly said, interrupting Mia’s worries and tipping her head across the room to where James stood on a small step stool with his arms stretched high to hang orange and black streamers from the ceiling.
“He offered to help carry all the decorations from the attic,” Mia said, a blush riding hot on her cheeks. “He was at our house anyway, so he said it wasn’t a problem.”
“Yeah, I’m sure he had nothing better to do tonight,” Lilly giggled. “I told you.”
“I know you did. Now, hush , before someone else hears you,” Mia looked around to make sure no one else was close enough to eavesdrop, but she knew she was smiling. “What do I do?” she whispered frantically.
“Go offer to help him hang those streamers.”
“I mean, he’s been doing it himself for ten minutes …” Mia said, glancing at him again and then away just as quickly when she found him already looking at her.
Lilly rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t actually need help, just go hold the tape and streamers and don’t forget to smile!”
Mia was afraid it would be awkward, but it was easy to hold the supplies and smile when he looked at her. His hand brushed hers every time she handed him a new piece of tape, soft and warm where it skimmed hers.
By the time the decorations were hung, and James went home, she was riding high on excitement and success. Almost everyone had already left, the rest were standing around in small groups chatting as the evening wrapped up. It didn’t take her long to spot Lilly on the other side of the room, fixing a cheap plastic tablecloth with smiling jack-o-lanterns on it over where it had fallen off their folding dessert table.
Mia hurried toward her, but her steps faltered when she overheard Mrs. Newberry whispering loudly to a group of the other women, all of them clearly unaware that she wandered so close. “She hardly participates,” the older woman sniffed disdainfully. “Her mother never had such problems. Kate Anderson was devoted to the church, and she would have been ashamed of that child if she had lived to see this. Did you see the way she was throwing herself at Mr. Prescott tonight?”
Unable to listen to another word, Mia turned and fled, tears blurring her vision as the words she had not been meant to hear amplified her own self-doubts. Mrs. Newberry was mean and a terrible gossip, but maybe she was right, maybe she would have disappointed her mother.
She sank down in her father’s chair, hiding in his office in the dark as she let the tears flow. She was crying so hard she didn’t hear the door open.
“You don’t have to be exactly like your mother for her to be proud of you.”
Mia jumped and looked up to find old Mrs. Mitchell standing on the other side of her father’s desk, watching her from behind the thick lenses of her glasses. She sniffled and rubbed her tears away with the back of her hand.
“She was perfect, and everyone loved her …”
“We all loved her, but she wasn’t perfect. You loved her so much that you couldn’t see the flaws. Nothing wrong with that, all things considered, and she loved you just as much. More importantly she knew you. She took you, chose you, when you were wild and mean, and she loved you anyway. She wouldn’t want you to be an unhappy woman that’s trying to be something you’re not. She’d want you to be the best version of yourself, because that’s what God created you to be.”
“But Mrs. Newberry—”
“I already gave that woman a piece of my mind, and it’s not the first time. She’s upset my girls too much already. Don’t you worry about what she said. Not about your mama and not about Mr. Prescott. She was the biggest flirt in this town when she was your age and she might have forgotten that little fact, but I assure you I haven’t. I’m old enough to remember plenty of things that she’d rather were forgotten.”
Mia giggled a little, almost as surprised by Mrs. Mitchell’s fierce protectiveness as she was with the idea that Mrs. Newberry had once been a flirt.
“There’s never been anyone interested in me before,” she admitted. “Maybe I was too flirtatious.”
“If you were being flirtatious, so was he. I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with talking to a nice man that wants to get to know you better.” She was quiet for a moment, pensive as she looked at Mia. Sometimes it felt like Mrs. Mitchell could see right through to the heart of a person. “I’m going to give you one more word of unsolicited advice from an old woman,” she said eventually. “James Prescott is a good man, but you need more than a good man to have a happy life. You need the right man and that’ll be the one who fits into what God calls you to do and sees after your happiness as much as he expects you to see to his own.”
Impossible dreams of law school flitted shamefully through her mind. “What if this isn’t what I’m supposed to do?” she asked, waving her arm around to indicate the small office. “Would God call me away from the church?”
“From your seat on Sunday? I don’t think so. But not everyone is meant to marry a pastor and spend their lives worrying over a congregation. Kate was happy with that life, and I know you saw how fulfilled it made her, but you are not your mama. Open your heart to God, really listen to Him, and you’ll know what He has planned for you.”
Halloween at the church went well. The adults had nearly as much fun as the children, and because it was a Saturday night, many of the parishioners stayed later than they might have done otherwise.
Mia was having so much fun that she offered to stay behind with her friends and clean up so her dad could leave early. He had to be up to get ready for the morning service and she wasn’t ready to leave.
“How are you going to get home?” he asked. “Can Lilly drive you?”
“I can bring her,” James said from behind her, and Mia turned to find him standing there with a shy smile. “It’s not a problem.”
Her father didn’t hesitate, and Mia really wondered for the first time if he might support the idea of her dating James. She mulled it over as they swept up discarded candy wrappers and wiped the tables clean of spilled juice. Bryce caught her eye with a meaningful look, and she fought to stifle a nervous giggle.
After they were done, James walked out to the parking lot and opened the door to his sensible white sedan. It smelled clean and pleasant, like air freshener and his cologne, but having him so close to her in such a small space made her heart pound and she kept her hands folded tightly in her lap during the short drive. The lights inside the house were already out when they arrived, and her father had clearly already gone to bed. He obviously trusted that James would bring her home quickly and safely.
“Thank you,” she said, breaking the tense silence in the car as she reached for the door handle.
“Mia, wait,” he said softly, wrapping one warm hand around her wrist. She stilled, her skin tingling under the soft caress of his fingers on her arm as he laid his lips gently against her own. His kiss was warm and inoffensive, but he didn't linger for long, nor did he attempt to part her lips for a more thorough exploration.
“I’d like to spend more time with you,” He cupped her cheek with his hand. “You’re exactly the kind of woman I’d like to build a life and a family with.”
It wasn’t unexpected with all the time he’d spent hanging around lately. She’d always known he was the kind of man that believed dating was for the purpose of testing compatibility for marriage, but something inside her shifted as her budding interest dimmed. She wanted a husband and a family, but his words left her cold. “What kind of woman is that exactly?”
“The kind that puts their faith in God, where it should be. You’re kind and generous and I’ve never known you to be rebellious or disrespectful. You’re a good, modest Christian woman, exactly the kind that any man would be proud to have for a wife.”
It was a very practical assessment and it left her feeling cold, even though his hand was still warm on her cheek. She couldn’t fault him for it, not really, not when they had all been encouraged to seek those qualities in a spouse, but …
“Can I see you again?” he asked. “Alone?”
“Alone?” She thought it over quickly, knowing how seriously he would take it if she agreed to start seeing him privately.
“I can talk to your dad tomorrow, ask him for his blessing.”
“That would be great.” She wasn’t sure where her doubts were coming from, but she wasn’t going to throw away the attention of a man who seemed to be strongly considering the possibility of fulfilling her dreams of a husband and family when she couldn’t even put a name to her hesitation. “I’m sure Dad won’t mind at all. He trusts you.”
"Good, I'm really glad," he said. He kissed her again, a quick press of lips, and watched until she was safely inside the house before he started to leave.
She closed the door and slumped against it, thoughts racing.
He seemed sincere in his intentions, but was he interested in her as a person? Or was he looking for someone that checked off the boxes of what he believed would make a good wife? His kiss had been soft and sweet, but had he felt anything at all? Had she?
She sighed as she sat down at the dining room table and began to flick through the day’s stack of mail until she found a letter from Gabriel. Here she was, feeling sorry for herself, when she had certainly still had a better day than he’d experienced. She’d wanted to send him some candy for the holiday, but they weren’t allowed to send food to the prisoners. She knew because she had looked up the rules.
Mia,
I’m not surprised that you’re considering changing your major. You were never excited about teaching, and you’ve been excited about law since you started that paper you’re working on. Your teacher obviously has faith in you, and I am sorry that your friends can’t see how smart and capable you are. You’re going to kick ass at anything you do.
She giggled, shaking her head. Her father would probably be upset about his language and her ready acceptance of it, and she really ought to be trying to discourage him and set a good example, but it was so uniquely Gabriel. She didn’t want him to change it.
I’m the last person who can give you advice, but I think you should follow your heart. You shouldn’t be tied down by what someone else wants for you, not when you have a whole life of freedom ahead of you. Chase all of your dreams, and to hell with anyone who doesn’t like it.
She quickly scanned the rest of the letter, shaking her head when he promised to try and have a good Halloween because she knew he had not, and then let the paper fall back onto the table. He had such faith in her, and it felt so good to have someone on her side even if he didn’t know everything. She’d already explained her concerns about her father’s disappointment and her mother’s legacy, but she hadn’t told him anything at all about one of the biggest reasons behind her hesitation.
She’d told him about everything else in her life, but not James. She wasn’t sure why she’d kept that a secret since she’d finally noticed James’ attention, but every time she’d tried to bring it up the words had refused to come, like she couldn’t find the right way to tell him. She was sure that something so simple wouldn’t change their friendship, and she wasn’t ashamed of her interest in James, but she felt uneasy at the idea of those parts of her life connecting.
She never actually mentioned Gabriel around James either, she realized with a frown, and her friends had thankfully stopped asking about him when they realized that she couldn’t be swayed from her decision to keep in touch with him. Gabriel would probably have been happy for her if she’d found a way to mention James, but she doubted very much that James would feel the same way about Gabriel.
Over the past few months Gabriel had become something of a sanctuary for the rebellious parts of her desires, the parts that didn’t fit into the neat boxes of everyone else’s expectations. He encouraged her in everything she wanted to do because he didn’t care about anyone else or what the world wanted. He only cared about her and what made her happy. He knew all of her flaws and ugly parts, the parts she kept hidden away from everyone else, and he still wanted to be friends with her.
Somehow, she thought that if she asked Gabriel what he liked about her, his answer would be very different from what James had told her in the car.
She picked up the letter and looked at it again.
Follow your own heart.
Everyone else had told her to heed God's guidance, and God had directed her to Gabriel. If he thought that she should follow her heart, then maybe that was exactly what God wanted her to hear.